Conflicting Danger
by Bunnylass
Summary: Suze Simon witnessed something that sent her life into chaos. Stuck in a safe-house with a dangerous Specialist De Silva and the deadly threat dawning closer each day; its not long before they start to question where the real threat is coming from...Fini!
1. Conflicting Danger

_**Disclaimer:**_ The Mediator belongs to Meg Cabot.

_**Rating:**_ M – adult scenes, cussin' and violence.

_**Summary:**_ Multiple POV's. Stuck in witness protection with a bodyguard she can't stand; the perspective of where the real danger lies soon starts to blur for Suze. Causing time to run out and both threats of Jesse and her potential killer to dawn closer each day...

_**A/N:**_ This is the result of a personal challenge to myself. But after going over it more than enough times, I've just decided to stick it up. It's been sitting in my documents for months, and now I'm biting the bullet and going for it. So thank you so much for checking it out. I'd love it if you review and make me as proud of this fic, than I already am **:) Peace!**

Big thank you to _**LossOfSurroundings**_. . . she know why** :)**

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_**Conflicting Danger**_

Running along the beach, I could feel and see my breath rushing out before me with little warm bursts of air. The cold chill of the morning was clinging to my damp hair. Sweat trickled down the back of my neck and temples, seeming like ice quickly melting from my warm and flushed face. My heart was keeping a steady rhythm, even with the pace I was at. The soft sand beneath my sneakered feet tried to offer resistance, but I was too determined not to break my stride. Little grains were getting dislodged and shot up behind me in the process. Shifting underneath my heavy weight as I ran with all I had. Like the very demons of myself were on my trail, licking and pinching at my heels. Coming one step closer each time I nearly let myself falter.

The drone and beat of the rock music I liked to listen to while I run was beating in my ears. Continuing to help keep my breathing and pace under control. I couldn't hear the crashing of the waves beside me as I ran parallel to them. I get more of a workout and run here, than anywhere else. With the music as a distraction from my flyaway thoughts. My morning ritual of running along the beach when I wasn't on assignment is a familiar and missed routine in the past few months. I ran my life by routine for so long, it was hard to dislodge the age old haunt. But letting myself become complacent and quiet, wasn't an option to me anymore. I need action and a rush.

The beach is empty as I run a marathon sprint along the sand. The sweat mainly brought on by the added layer of clothing I was wearing. Otherwise, I hardly lose a breath. I've run longer distances with weight carried twice my own before. This was nothing but a standing tradition I was reluctant to break free from. The sun had barely started rising over the horizon, but the day started a while ago for me. As soon as I open my eyes, there's no going back into an endless murky nightmares. I run until the sun has risen above the edge of the water. A beacon in the sky and a light in my life, I never take for granted.

Eventually I pulled my sprint to a dull jog. Pulling over and running along the soft sand until I reached my own house. A place with a private beach and plenty of solitude. If I wanted company I could easily drive into town. Take in the local sights and fair. Have a drink in the bar full of people who have known each other for decades. Where I always try not to stand out as much as I do. Not wishing for company to join me in my quiet. On the occasions I wouldn't be working on assignment; I would have the odd game of Poker with the local sheriff. Joined by some acquaintances I've met over the years since I moved to my corner of the world. On good terms with the local law, based on our similar back-grounds and history.

Sometimes I'd feel a little braver and branch out to go to the local bar and try my hand at a couple of rounds of pool. Going up against the next person offering me an unbeatable challenge. I can feel the burning eyes of patrons curious of me. Some leave me alone, while others get confident enough to really question me. I know they're all wondering of my quiet behaviour and solitude in such a small town. I don't speak to them anymore than I really need to though. Politely brushing off a female's attention and tries to get me to notice them. Some more persistent than others.

But I never take an interest in them. Turning away from their heavily made up eyes and under-dressed clothes. I don't have the life, or the luxury of being in a committed relationship. And the idea of a casual acquaintance or one night stand hasn't been my style for quite some time. I had more of a reputation when I was younger and serving in the Marines. But relationships get broken and burnt with the line of work I specialise in. I wouldn't do that to them, or to myself.

But I'm well aware of what some of the locals say about me. Cold, reclusive and brash, Jesse De Silva. I'd personally call myself lucky, private and un-tameable.

I come to a stop at the back door of my house. My feet planted apart while I lean down to rest my hands on my knees. Taking in a deep lungful of air. Smelling the crisp dawn and promise of a new day. The gulls flying above the land, searching for a hungry treat. I can taste the grittiness and spray on my lips, no doubt clinging to my hair and skin. My breath is still coming out in little puffs of air but I don't pay it any mind. I'm too caught in trying to banish the bitterness my thoughts had brought to me. Of the past I had left behind, but see everyday around me. Annoyed that I'd let my thoughts wander even for a second. Reminding me why I hated being on sabbatical.

Through with my memories I pulled myself up straight. Stomping the sand off the bottom of my shoes and pulling them off to wait on the decking. Rapidly cooling down, I finish my stretches on my already overused muscles. Flexing and rotating to stop the cramp likely to set in if I don't. My stiff shoulder from an old wound already aches from the chill of the air. And I rotate it just to feel the pain again. It doesn't take me long to finish and I finally pull my earphones out of my ears. Letting the sound of the waves wash over me as the background of my music still rumbles through the air. I know I shouldn't listen to it so loud. Hearing is one of my senses I rely on the most for my field of work. It comes with a natural instinct to danger. But it hasn't stopped me yet.

Pushing open my wooden and rickety back door, the panes of glass rattling slightly, I step into my minimalistic and basic kitchen. Leaving the door wide open to allow the breeze from the ocean to circulate through my home. I'm well aware on just how unsafe my house is. It's open and vulnerable to anyone with any courage and foolishness to try and invade it. There's no alarm system. No trip wires or silent warnings. The doors are never locked, with nothing to keep my house or the few belongings I have strewn around it safe from an intruder. I've never thought of investing in anything like that. I have enough training and skill to protect it myself just fine. And no-one would be brave enough to around here.

Sheriff Comber has often said it needs a woman's touch. But he knows as well as I do, that isn't going to happen. I had my chance once before and I let her slip me by. I wasn't going to make the same mistake again.

Shaking my head of my thoughts, absently trying to rid myself of my black mood seeming to come over me, I made my way over to the fridge. Grabbing the first bottle of water I saw. Just as I was unscrewing the bottle lid, I heard the door to a car closing loudly from the front of my house. I don't stop in my task, nor do I go to the front windows to see who it is. Instead I stay surveying the contents of my fridge and contemplating making myself an omelet when the brisk but powerful knock comes to my door. For a minute I thought about letting them stand there, receiving no answer. But the thought that came before that one, reminds me that the visitor must know something of me to come knocking at such an early time.

And while I was supposed to be on sabbatical.

Biting back my sigh and curse before I let them out, I schooled my expression and took an amble walk down to my front door. Unlocking and swinging it open just as the man on my porch is raising his fist to knock again. His shaggy blond hair falling into one of his eyes while he pulls himself ramrod straight up before me. Dressed in a designer suit, I picture him with a pair of long shorts, propped next to a surf board. He'd look more comfortable, I muse. His blue eyes glint back at me in slight irritation. But I don't move from my position blocking the way into my house.

"'About time you answered the door," Lance Andrew's bit out, glaring at me. "I haven't got all day and it hasn't even begun yet, for crying out loud." I let his gruff tone go over my head. On a normal day he wouldn't look so uptight and pensive. Which means just like the suit suggests, that he was here on business terms. But instead of standing back and allowing him in, I stand with my arms crossed over my chest and glare back.

"I'm supposed to be on sabbatical," I retort, ignoring his snipe. "Orders from the powers-that-be themselves. So what makes you think I'm particularly happy to find you here myself, Lieutenant?"

"Don't call me that," He instantly replied. His voice dropping several octaves. He was Lieutenant Lance Andrew's before I met him. Serving the US Air Force before he was medically discharged and hung out to dry. At least until the agency I work for myself picked him up. Putting him and his brilliant tech skills to good use once again. Offering the chance of the thrill of the job, without the strict rules and regulations I too found myself hating with time.

But he's never liked being referred to by his old rank, since. It raises his hackles just as much as my own would have done.

Now we both work for the private agency - Reidman Security and Recovery. And Lance has found something more appetising and productive to do with his time. Getting pulled out of his thunk he'd found himself in, a little under two years ago. Staying on board with us and working alongside the F.B.I. and others when asked. Doing what's done best. Being the second hand ready to deliver and who are prepared to take the risks, others are too afraid for. The thrill of the chase and the rush of the danger in every mission and assignment we've been recruited to. Getting the chance to travel all over the world with the benefit of working beside the same people you trust with your life.

Just like I was supposed to be doing, before I was put on reluctant and ordered leave for a while. A break that had only been in place for two weeks so far. But I couldn't help the rush of adventure to course through my blood at his sudden appearance. I didn't want to be home, twiddling my thumbs and letting old memories creep back. It wasn't my style or what I would call relaxing. I wanted to be out there, covering my friends' six and doing what I was born to do.

"You going to let me in, or what?" He asked impatiently, but his posture gave nothing of his irritation away. "We're on the clock here, we don't have long," Waiting a few seconds, I continued to stand there. Before I stood back and let him walk past me and into my home. I let my eyes sweep up and down the road before I closed the door. Taking in everything I needed within seconds. "Nice place you got here." Lance commented as he walked down to the kitchen. His own eyes taking in the spartan and uncomfortable home.

"What's the job?" I questioned, moving past him and into the room. Taking up my opened bottle of water again, suppressing the wince at the pull on my shoulder. "And what's the urgency?"

"We got a case Boss needs you on," He said, getting down to business quicker than I would have thought him able. He may have been thrown from his career, but he didn't let them dampen his spirits or his personality any. Only seeing him so tense was making prickles of unease crawl my own spine. "You're the best we got for this case. Everyone else is either on a mission or not good enough for Boss. We got the call late last night from Agent Ballack," He paused, watching my face for any change of expression. I didn't give him one. "He has a witness needing to be kept in one of our most secure safe house's and pronto. The information she's got is too important for anything to happen to her."

I sensed a 'but' in his tone.

"Why don't you just put her in Witness Protection?" I asked eventually.

"Because she won't go," He said, sounding irritated. "She's adamant she's not having a new identity or anything. She's refusing to co-operate, no matter how long it might take for her to be able to go back to a normal life again."

"What and who is she being kept from exactly?" I asked, tired of going around the houses and not getting straight to the point.

"She witnessed her roommate get shot in front of her. She saw the killer and he knows it. Somehow she managed to get away from him and his goons, but not before they gave chase and came close to catching her. Point is it's someone the F.B.I has been after for a while. And they need her kept as safe as possible, until he's caught and put to trial. They lose her, they lose the guy."

"Who's the guy?" I asked. He obviously wasn't going to tell me without some prodding. I watched curiously as he swallowed and cringed slightly. It must have been someone notorious in order for Lance to become so uncomfortable.

"Steven Carson," He muttered eventually. I let the name sink in and all the information that came with him. Drug's lord and money launderer. He was pretty much running the underworld when it came to drugs. His 'empire' as he liked to call it, was notorious and hard to find secure evidence on. Each time the F.B.I thought they had him, he managed to counteract it and they were right back to where they started again. He was obviously getting sloppy if he managed to let the victim get away.

But it didn't mean he wasn't still dangerous. He had more power than anyone was comfortable admitting. He wasn't just a notorious drug's lord. He was also the main suspect, for countless murders across California and many other states previous. He didn't always carry them out himself. Most of the time he got some other fool to do it. But every now and again, he would step up and take it into his own hands. But again, it wasn't easy pinpointing it on him. Due to the witnesses' usually disappearing with no trace left behind. No matter how safe they might have been.

But this new case seemed to be the supreme exception.

I took in everything Lance told me, before nodding in understanding. This wasn't the first baby-sitting job the agency had put me on. As uneventful as it might sound, the danger is just as equally high as any other mission I might be sent on. As secret and need-to-know as these safe houses were, there was always someone willing to pay good money to someone who would leak the right information. And the only thing standing between the killer and potential victim; was me. And anything was better than having nothing to do.

"When do we leave?" I asked, ready to get started as soon as possible. Hoping my eagerness wasn't that easy to see. No matter how much I tried to rein it in. My black mood was lifting slightly with the anticipation of a new case. Lance glanced down and checked his watch, frowning at the time already lost.

"As soon as you get your butt moving," He replied. "Like I said, we're on the clock. Agent Ballack's getting his panties in a twist at the delay as it is. But Boss wouldn't have anyone else on the team but you. Said you're the only one with the patience and willpower." I was starting to make my way towards my room, when his words stopped me short. I turned back to him in question. Picking up on his humoured tone. "She's a spitfire this one, Jesse. You might want to watch yourself." He smirked.

I grinned in return, turning my back to him and continuing to my room. Calling over my shoulder before I disappeared. "I think I can handle her," I heard Lance laugh in answer. I knew I should have probably been irritated my 'vacation' had been interrupted, however much I didn't want to take it. But I wasn't. Something told me this case was going to be different from others.

And I grinned in anticipation.

xXx

"Miss Simon?"

I ignored the nasal voice of the officer or agent who was addressing me. He made my name sound so grotesque. Like_ I_ was the one who had done something wrong. Like _I_ had been the one who fired the gun and killed my friend. And taking any sense of normalcy and life I had right up until that moment with it. Taking my fate and shoving it into the hands of these clowns surrounding me. Watching them juggle and mix it around with each cycle. What did he know anyway? He wasn't the one sitting in an unfamiliar room, full of complete strangers, waiting for them to decide what they were going to do with me next.

"Miss Simon," The annoying man said again. I could feel my hands clenching into fists around my legs pulled up to my chest, with my head buried in my knees. Listening to all their rushed and excited voices around me. Some rising over others. Some whispering quietly. I knew they weren't directly talking about me. But the paranoia that had been starting to trickle in since I put myself in their 'capable' hands was still eating at me. "Are you okay? Can I get you anything? Is there anything we can do to make you more comfortable?"

'_Yeah, turn back time and stop all this from happening,'_ I acidly thought. But I held my tongue somehow. The urge to sink my clenched fist into his face, just to relieve some pent-up grief and frustration was so strong, it was almost like I was looking at myself from an outsiders view.

"No," Was all I answered with instead. My tone must have sounded more threatening then I realized, because it wasn't even seconds before the man swiftly left me to wallow in my self-pity and burning hate.

I didn't like it here. I didn't like not knowing what was going on. What they were planning on doing with me. I made my objections to go into witness protection quite clear; over my dead rotting corpse. There were lots of reasons I refused. But I wasn't going to tell them. So the only other option they had left was to put me into protective custody. I knew they only offered me the witness protection because it was one less problem for them to have to deal with. Out of sight, out of mind. I wasn't stupid, I got it.

But if they thought I was going to give in and cave; then more fool them. I wasn't giving in for no-one. So they had to use a little more of their resources to keep me safe and alive; that wasn't my problem. Charge it to the tab of the guy who pulled the trigger and started all this mess. I was just an innocent by-stander, much like my friend had been. Only I was luckier and got off with my life.

I bit back the sob that rose in my throat at that thought. I'd been trying to so hard not to break down. Not to show weakness to these brash and unemotional people surrounding me now. They didn't care about me. They only wanted to catch the killer and class it as another case solved. I didn't have the luxury of doing that right now. And until this whole thing was passed - or at least until I was somewhere safe - only then would I allow myself to break down. For Thea, for her family and for the life that was taken so cruelly. And lastly, for myself. I was going to have to go it alone. Just like I've always done. No friends around me to help keep me up. No family on the end of the phone. Not that I would have called them even if I could.

Just myself and a room full of people, prepared to put their life on the line to protect my own.

I didn't know what was worse; seeing my roommate and friend get shot and having to live with the knowledge there wasn't anything I did to help her. Or knowing there were countless people around me right now, prepared to die in a moment's notice too. It was a depressing thought and one I put to the back of my mind instantly. If I started thinking things like that then I really would need to see a psychologist when this was all over. It wasn't in my nature to see the bad in everything. But due to unforeseeable circumstances within the last thirty-six hours, I could already feel the shift.

I didn't hold back the weary sigh this time. My head still buried in my knees. I was too afraid to lift my head and watch what everyone was doing. I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb, but completely invisible at the same time. And the sudden realization of what was happening around me threatened to come tumbling down on me like a house of cards. There wasn't anything I could do anyway. I would just be in their way. But it was just so frustrating constantly not knowing.

I registered a knock at the door to the room that was swiftly followed by someone calling over the crowded place. I didn't bother looking up at the knock and I didn't bother to look and see who the new people coming into the room were. They'd probably just be another couple of suits anyway. Here to join the fray and constant hub that seemed to be hanging in the air around me. I heard deep voices murmuring together. Some-how coming through to me even with all the other noises. I was too weary to put too much thought into their presence. I hadn't slept since the night before this all started. As much as my body craved sleep, my mind wouldn't shut off. And as soon as I let that guard down, the images and sounds would come back to me again.

I didn't want to relive it. Not yet.

I felt someone step before me, standing and waiting for me to acknowledge them. "Miss Simon, your security detail is here," I squeezed my eyes shut a little tighter. Imagining all sorts of different people I could have been introduced to if I picked my head up. I noticed that the noise level in the room seemed to have dropped around us. That the frantic atmosphere seemed more empty and hollow than before. I didn't know whether to be relieved or terrified.

"Miss Simon," He said again. His tone strained and slightly weary. I shouldn't have given the guy so much hassle. So far he's been the only one who has been remotely concerned or worried about me. The only one who showed any kind of compassion or sympathy towards me. Or was it empathy? Either way, my behaviour towards him now only added to the guilt I was already piling on myself.

Taking a deep breath I opened my eyes and slowly raised my head off my knees. Looking straight into the light brown eyes of Special Agent Will Thompson. His eyes held the smile his face was lacking. It went a little ways to soothing my frazzled nerves and calming me slightly. He was a handsome man. His brown hair was short and styled. And he was definitely what I would call a pretty boy. Not really my type, but I could appreciate a good looking man when I saw one. He'd make someone a good husband, if he wasn't already.

"Yeah," I said in answer. My voice sounded dry and raw. Like I'd been screaming at the top of my lungs.

"The security details that will be with you at the safe house are here." Agent Thompson replied. "As soon as you're ready you'll be making a strategic exit and taken there. Until it's deemed you're out of danger. Okay?"

"But you won't tell me where," I countered. It wasn't a question. It had been made evidently clear I wasn't going to be told anything more than they thought necessary. Which still wasn't much to go on. I just had to do my job. Which was being a good little girl and do what the big bad men in suits told me to do. I probably should have told them I never do as I'm told.

"No," He said, shaking his head. "We can't do that. It's for your own safety, Miss Simon. I assure you, the men who will be with you are the best at what they do. I wouldn't ask for any other. You can trust me and you can trust them. We'll get this case solved as quickly as possible. It won't be like this forever."

"Well," I said, enforcing my voice with as much strength as possible. "I don't exactly have a lot of faith _or_ trust in myself right now, Agent Thompson. So putting my confidence in their abilities isn't something I'm going to be doing anytime soon." I was aware of my sarcastic and biting tone, but I couldn't seem to be able to stop myself before it was out. I watched as Agent Thompson pursed his lips and frowned at my words. The only thing stopping me from throwing my hands in the air in defeat was that I could see he wasn't frustrated with me. He was frustrated at the circumstances that made me so bitter and mean.

I sighed feeling worse than before. "So who is it I'm going to be sharing a house with for the foreseeable future?" I asked, trying to lighten the tense and awkward air that seemed to be a constant lately. It worked, because Will cracked a smile that again, soothed me a little. He gestured for a couple of men who were standing in my peripheral vision, to come over. Suits I had ignored up until that moment.

"This is Lance Andrews," Agent Thompson said, introducing me to a tall man with shaggy blond hair and twinkling blue eyes. He had broad shoulders but looked slimmer, more athletic than most of the agents I'd met over the last few hours. He had laughter lines around his mouth, telling of a relaxed and easy-going personality. "He's the expert on anything technical. He'll be the one surveying all the security equipment built in and around the safe house. He'll also be the back-up for the leader of the team," He paused, gesturing to the man standing next to Lance. "Specialist Jesse De Silva."

I let my eyes rake over the man standing at Lance's side. Where I thought Lance was tall, Specialist De Silva seemed to tower over him. It could have been from where I was sitting, or because of the menacing way he filled out the black suit he was wearing. He had thick broad shoulders and a wide chest that tapered down to a lean waist. His arms looked powerful and strong as he held them at his side, just like his long legs. The tan of his skin stuck out against the crisp white of his shirt. Opened loosely at his throat. Telling of his heritage.

My eyes travelled up to his hair. Noticing how dark and thick it looked. An evident wave running through it. I saw a sliced scar slit through one of his eyebrows, instantly making me curious to how he got it. His facial features made him look like he was chiseled from stone. A strong square jaw and defined cheekbones. A straight nose that led me down to his thin, lilting lips. Turned up minutely at the corners.

His knowing smile at my perusal made my open stare instantly shoot to his eyes. I didn't blush at being caught. Just like I didn't take my hard stare away from his. An electric charge of energy zapped between us, making me shiver. But it was like looking into obsidian stones. Black, cool and unemotional. His expression gave nothing away of what he was thinking. But for his small grin that'd dropped as soon as the electric passed between us. His eyes held a storm I didn't want to be caught in. He looked deadly and dangerous as he handsomely stood before me. The perfect stereotype, for the classic stuck up bodyguard image. I almost rolled my eyes as how predictable it was.

And I disliked him instantly.

"It's nice to meet you, Miss Simon," Lance cut through to me. Making me break my intense staring competition with Specialist De Silva. I looked back to his twinkling baby blues and tried to pull up some semblance of a smile. Failing pretty dramatically.

"You can call me, Suze," I said in reply. If I had to hear someone call me Miss Simon one more time, I really was going to go mad. I wasn't a kindergarten teacher. Which was how it sounded. "Or Susannah if you really have too. But I'd prefer Suze, if it's all the same." He nodded and I turned to look at Jesse. A little more prepared for what might happen this time. Waiting for something from him.

"Susannah," He curtly replied with a brisk nod to me. His voice held the slight hint of a Spanish accent I didn't pick up on properly, until he turned to talk to someone else. Answering my silent question of his tanned complexion. But that was it. He didn't say anything more than that. He looked away from me to talk to Will. Pretty much disregarding me as even there. I clenched my teeth to stop myself cursing. If that was the way he was going to play it, so be it. But Lance smiled almost apologetically for him. "Where's Ballack?" The team leader said.

"Back at HQ," Will replied, taking him and Lance away a little ways. Talking in hushed tones together. Too quiet for me to be able to hear. But Jesse turned and looked at me at one point. Staring at me just as hard as I was staring at him. He seemed to hold my gaze forever. I refused to cave and wither under his black stare. But eventually he turned back to Lance and Will. Gliding back into the conversation effortlessly.

As the men talked around me and discussing the next step, I dropped my head back to my knees. One thought going through my mind as the searing image of my new baby-sitter flashed across my eyes. '_It's_ _going to be a long stay together_.'

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**A/N 2: **The next update should be soon! Thanks for reading **:) **Cookies for all, to celebrate me _**finally**_ posting it** :D**


	2. A Rocky Start

_**A Rocky Start**_

As I felt the car bump over the gravelled road leading up to the safe house we were driving too, I let my eyes scrape over the landscape either side of me. Having it based near the Rockies in British Colombia was the perfect area. It had been a long trip, but it would be worth it to get to the most secure place we have.

I took in every detail I possible could as we swept past. The large log house we would be staying in was picturesque. One of our largest safe-houses that blended into the landscape around it, as much as possible. There'd been need for a few alterations and inclusions to be done when it was first brought. But nothing that stood out, or took from the surrounding land. But as I watched, I couldn't help but admire the beauty as I caught a deer running off deeper into the trees. Escaping from the sound of the SUV travelling the path.

I'd only used this particular safe house once before. Using it as a head of main operations for a mission I had been conducting in the area. It was perfect for what we needed then and it would be for what we needed now, too. I knew the groundskeeper, who stayed there to keep it ready in case it was needed quickly, was an old friend to the owner and my boss. A retired veteran and a good friend to me too. With Lance and I on the case, it was sure to be safe. But with the trained eye and keen intelligence that Martyn held, it was even better.

This wasn't a simple murder that Miss Simon had witnessed. The victims killer didn't take lightly to being pushed aside as someone un-important or to be taken lightly. He seemed to thrive on the knowledge that he was hard to catch and struck fear into anyone who happened to cross his path.

Susannah Simon included.

I raised my eyes to the rear view mirror to look at her. Taking in Susannah's tense and disconnected form as she stared out at the surrounding landscape. Huddled in her overly large jumper, she'd pulled over her legs and hands. It had been a long journey here. The plane ride was tense and quiet. And the travelling to get to this location required us using all the back roads and covering most of the ride by the cover of night. And in all that time, she hadn't slept once. Hadn't closed her eyes for longer than a few minutes. The one time Susannah had been close, she'd jerked awake. Her eyes wide with fright and terror. The memory of her ordeal flashing across her guarded emerald eyes. Lance 'had turned to her concerned, but she'd just brushed it off and seemed to sink deeper into her seat. Pulling the sleeves of her jumped around her more.

Even now, I could see the toll that her lack of sleep was taking on her. Dark circles traced beneath her half lidded eyes. A constant frown marring her clear and pale complexion. Deep lines around her pursed and tight mouth. Her jaw clenched and held. Her smooth brown hair was pulled back into a tight, fierce hold. It did nothing to hinder her natural beauty though. Something I noticed straight away.

I hadn't seen her eat anymore than a few bites of a sandwich on the plane. Discarding the rest. Other than that, she was quiet unless spoken too. And hadn't looked at me anymore than was needed, since I had first been introduced to her.

I'd read over her case file on the way up to meeting her. Skimming through all the information it held. Twenty-eight, never been married. No children of her own and no family living where she does now. Her closest relatives being her parents who are currently living in Carmel-By-The-Sea. No partner at the current time and had lived in her apartment for three years. Never once suspecting her friend had been involved in anything secretive or troubling.

She worked as a receptionist by day and attended night school in the evenings. Taking a Sociology course. Her track record with the police had a few marks on it from when she was a teenager. Apparently branching out and rebelling a little. Otherwise, there was nothing to raise suspicions that she'd been involved with her friends trouble too.

Only, reading her file had done nothing to prepare me for when I met her.

I can still feel the heat of her gaze as she ran her eyes over me. She'd given Lance a sweeping look, but seemed to hone in and check me over more thoroughly. I couldn't help the small grin pulling at the corners of my lips when she'd traced my shoulders and chest. Her eyes sweeping up and down me. Running over my hair, my face and tracing my lips.

But it had been when her eyes had clashed with my own that I really felt it. The heated current that seemed to pass between us instantly. I saw her shiver in her huddled form. Managing to suppress my own at the warmth to shoot down my spine and crawl up my neck and through me. Unfortunately I felt on edge and highly alert after that. Constantly looking around me for hidden dangers.

That was in part, the very reason for my biting tone when I'd first addressed her. Making me turn away from Susannah as quickly as possible. My normally stoic and calm demeanour faltering. I'd needed a distraction and so had turned to Agent Thompson. Asking where the moron Ballack was.

It was his case and his charge. But as per usual, he had skipped on the responsibility and handed it down to his subordinates to take care of. It was people like him that got good men and woman killed in our line of work. It was him that had claimed she was a special case. But yet he couldn't put his own dislike for me and some of my team aside, to come and reassure Miss Simon himself.

Thankfully the short distraction was all I'd needed to get myself back on track and composed again. I wasn't even sure what had made me lose it. Whether it was her bold gaze locked on my own. With the shock that had run through me when her hard stare clashed with mine. Or the grief and fear I saw in her eyes, just being held at bay. But by the time I'd turned back, I was more prepared for whatever else was sure to come to me in regards to Susannah.

I wasn't stupid. I knew she disliked me on sight. I hadn't exactly tried to paint an ideal picture of myself the first few minutes I'd met her. Or any other time there-after. But I wasn't here to be her friend either. I was here to protect and keep her alive. Once Carson was caught, then we could go our separate ways and she could forget about me. Until then, I was just the security detail.

Not that it stopped me from wondering if her dislike may have stemmed from something that was already there. Maybe she'd had run-in's with people like me before. Maybe it was the treatment she'd received since she'd been held in protective custody. But her distaste was instant and palapable from her. Allowing me to put those thoughts from the shock that ran through me, down to her apparant hate at my mere presence.

Blinking away the thought, I was startled to see Susannah looking right back at me in the mirror. Her green eyes narrowed and thoughtful as she held my own. No hate, disgust or irritation in them. Just looking and searching. I guarded my emotions instantly. Not letting her see more than she should. It was a defensive relflex I hardly became aware I was doing anymore. But just as suddenly as I caught her curious searching, it was gone. And along with it, her gaze on my own.

A little more prepared this time, I just let the excess tingle clinging to my alert and senistised skin slither off me. I'd been up against some of the most deadly and evil people in the world and still faced them down without flinching. I wasn't about to let Susannah Simon shaken me up now.

xXx

It took us another three quarters of an hour to drive up to the house. By this time the sun had reached to just above the trees. This was where I would want to be in my downtime. Out here in the open. Alone but for the wildlife and wildnerness living in the forest and woodland around me. Being able to go hiking in the mountains when-ever I wanted.

Not stuck by the water with the sounds of angry gulls overhead and the crashing waves on the beach. Close to civilisation and not where I felt comfortable since the first day I set foot through the door. Stuck in a house that was as impersonal to me as it was to a stranger walking through my own door. I was born around nature and that's where I felt most as home. As beautiful as the ocean is, it isn't where I want to be.

And I refused to think it was because of the loneliness that riddled the walls when I was there.

The long journey had taken its toll on my stiff shoulde. It'd been more than a year and a half since the mission that went wrong very quickly. Since I'd been shot and healed. But the injury still left me with a constant twinge and suffering if I didn't stretch and move it reguarly. The pain was phantom and long since passed. But the anger that remains with it, isn't so easy to banish.

Stopping myself from going down that particular path, I whipped open my door and jumped out just as the SUV was coming to a rolling stop on the gravel. Whipping out my holstered gun beneath my tan brown jacket I leaned in the open doorway and caught Lance's eye. "Stay here. I'm going to check out the surrounding area and make sure it's all secure," Turning to look at Susannah, I pinned her with a hard commanding stare. "Don't leave this car, okay?" I waited for her to give me a reluctant nod before I pulled out and quietly closed the door.

With my gun firmly in hand, I made my way to the house. Creeping along the edges as my eyes scanned everything around me. Taking in all the sounds of the underbrush and the trees. Disregarding the snapping twigs beneath my own feet and brushing off the shuffling of dry leaves coming from the forest. Knowing and recognizing the sounds of the small animals searching for food. My feet trod carefully and silently. My eyes taking in everything with only a glance. All around the outside of the large house I crept. Unfazed by the time I was using only putting Susannah's safety first. I knew Lance could take care of her if anything happened.

Once I'd circled the outside of the large house, weaving between the tree line and the home's edge. I searched for hidden trip wires and surveillance that wasn't our own. Looking for fresh human tracks out into the forest, where I knew Marty wouldn't of ventured. Not stopping until I felt I had covered as much ground as possible. My survival instinct ready and highly alert. Not relaxing or daring to let down my guard until I was completely sure.

I signalled to Lance I was entering the house and slipped through the front door, leaving it open slightly. Going through the house meticulously as I searched each and every room, just to be sure. Covering the places used the most. Like the spacious living room with it's open fire-place. The study hidden beneath the stairs. The gym and adjoining in-door pool, Reidman had had built in. He'd taken out some of the lesser places of the home and transformed them into more useful parts. Much to everyone's relief. I did a brief scan of the bedrooms and bathrooms. Noticing all of Lance's equipment was set up and ready for him in the surveillance room.

The outside of the home may have looked rustic and old, but the inside was as modern and up-to-date as any new home. To the point of it seeming cold and barren. But it was necessary for the use of the home. And I absently wondered what Susannah would make of it all.

Once I was finished sweeping the house, I holstered my gun and headed back out to the car holding Lance and Susannah. Walking back up to the passenger door I opened it and looking to Lance. "It's all secure. Nothing seems disturbed or out of place. Look's like Marty did a good job of getting started with hooking everything up for you," I commented briskly. "We're good to go."

"Great," Lance smiled, taking the key from the ignition and climbing out.

I went to Susannah's door behind my own. Pulling it open and extending a hand for her. "Ready, Susannah?" She took one look at my hand and back up to my face. Her own expression wary and still.

"Do I have a choice, Mr. De Silva?" She scowled, not moving to take my hand or get down from the car.

"No not really." I smiled tightly. Rolling her eyes, Susannah started to climb down from her seat. Not bothering to take my hand in offering and landing on her feet before me. Brushing up against my chest as she quickly moved past. Biting back my retort, I slammed her door closed and moved to the back of the truck. Keeping my eye on her as she took in the landscape, while I got one of her bags out of the bed of the truck.

I took the time to let my eyes scan over her appearance quickly. She wasn't short. Maybe around five foot five. The large baggy jumper she wore hung off her slender frame. Pulled taut across her tense back as she wrapped her arms around herself. Her torn and worn jeans fit to her shapely legs perfectly. Soon realizing what I was doing, I shook my head at my perusal I had no right to pass over her as I moved to Susannah's side. "I don't want you out in the open for too long," I said, taking hold of her elbow and guiding her towards the house. Ignoring her angry protests.

"You said it was secure," She growled, yanking her arm out of my hold. "And I don't need you pulling me along. I can walk just fine myself."

"It is secure," I said, ignoring her. "But you can never be too sure." I got a muttered, 'whatever' as she stalked up to the house before me. Climbing the porch steps with angry stomps. Lance just stood there, grinning at her defiance to me. "Shut up." I grumbled as I walked past. Ignoring his own chuckles from behind me.

When I walked into the house behind Susannah, I found her standing in the middle of the entrance hall. Her arms hanging by her sides as her eyes swept over the wide staircase and bright open rooms around her. I was slightly amused to see her surprised and speechless attitude to the home. She was obviously fooled by the illusion the exterior gave off. But I didn't let my humor show.

"It's so big," She wonderingly said, looking all around her. Her voice quiet and awed. I felt Lance come in behind us and turned to give him her bag I still held.

"Lance will show you around," I said, not responding to her quietly spoken statement. "I've got a phone-call to make." I moved around her and started down the wide hall. Heading for the hidden study beneath the stairs. The doors integrated into the wood panneling covering the staircase.

"Not one for conversation, are you?" She sarcastically bit out, her eyes burning into my back. "I can see how much fun this stay is going to be. Welcome to your home for the next forseeable future, Suze! Why thank you, Mr. De Silva."

Stopping I took a silent breath and turned to look at her. "It's Jesse," I replied calmly. "And don't get too comfortable. Hopefully you won't have to be here any longer than you or I, want you to be." And I turned back towards the study. Disappearing behind the door and leaving a dumbfounded and speechless Susannah watching after me.

I cursed when I was safe. Shaking my head at the knowledge that she was getting to me already.

xXx

I could hear Jesse's words bouncing after him, leaving me standing there and totally without thought. Where had that come from! For the whole time I was in that hotel room with him, waiting for them to decide what was going to happen next, he'd barely acknowledged my presence there. The long trip up here was even more stifling. Lance tried to make conversation with me now and again. Trying to drag Jesse into it too. But neither of us were co-operating and he gave up in the end. I felt kind of bad for him. He seemed like a nice enough guy, just trying to keep the peace between us both. We obviously butted heads more than I would've expected.

After that spark between us, I tried avoiding his eyes as much as possible. But when I felt him looking at me in the car, I couldn't resist taking a peek. And I was surprised by the depth I saw there. It was a few seconds before he noticed I was staring right back. But by then, whatever it was I'd seen was gone in an instant. So I turned away and carried on with my staring out the car window. Watching the trees whizz by as we drove past.

I'd been trying not to fall asleep. After the close call before, I was even more determined to keep the exhaustion back. I'd be damned if I was going to let Jesse see how shook up and distraught I really was. He was just as un-emotional as the rest of the suits I'd been around the last few days. The quicker this was all going to be over, the better. I hated being kept under lock and key. Even if it was for my own protection. I knew I wouldn't grieve Thea properly, until the man was caught and my life started again.

But hearing Jesse state it that way, left me with mixed emotions and thoughts about him.

When we'd stopped at this large log house, it was all I did not to gasp in awe. It was huge and so amazing when it was set with the mountains in the background. It looked rundown and old. Only adding to the rustic and wild look about it. Rugged and un-tameable. Kind of like Specialist Jesse De Silva. I'd even seen a few wild animals running off into the shadows as we drove past. I was surrounded by nature. Which normally, would have had me running in the other direction. But being here in this haven that was supposed to be one of the most secure and safest places for me to be; I suddenly wanted to cry with relief.

I was terrified. I knew I was. There was someone out there, hungry for my blood. And I couldn't do anything but put myself into the hands of a dangerous looking man, stuck in the middle of nowhere. I had no doubt Jesse and Lance were good at what they do. Watching Jesse creep and stalk around the area to make sure it was safe proved he's got enough training and sense to keep me alive. It was riddled in the way he held his gun. The way his steps would softly land, barely moving the earth beneath him. How he'd take in everything with one quick glance.

He was built for power and it absolutely terrified me.

Lance was the softer and more gentler of the two. His cheery personality I'd caught glimpses of on the way up here, wasn't appropiate at the time, but I appreciated the effort all the same. And as insignificant next to Jesse as he looked; something told me, you would want him on your side if anything happened.

But so much had happened in such a short amount of time, it was leaving me snappy and disorientated. And the main person who was going to be getting the brunt of that backlash, was Jesse. I didn't feel too bad about it, considering it didn't look like he ever felt anything anyway. His straight laced and uptight, onto buisness attitude only proved that to me.

Not that it's stopped me from shivering at the memory of his large hand holding my arm. I could feel his strength in the way he was guiding me towards the house when I'd gotten out of the car and was stretching a little. I'd been hoping to take in some fresh air and let my sleeping limbs wake up a bit. But he'd taken that chance away too.

And then there was the shock that went surging through me when his hand made contact that jolted me. When it was coupled with the close call by the car, when I accidentally brushed against his chest; I was unprepared and taken off guard again. So I did what I normally do when I'm off balance. I pulled myself out of his grip and snapped. Leaving him behind as I stomped my way into the house.

Only to be floored by what I came across. I thought the outside looked old. But the inside looked brand new and modern. Not even my own apartment looked that new. But it came with drawbacks. Like how uninviting and cold it seemed. The rooms were bare, but for the essential furniture. There wasn't any personal stuff lying around other than a few poorly placed tries of coziness. No magazine on the coffee table. No photos on the walls. Just a cold harsh reality hitting me full on.

Which brought me right back to the present. Still standing and looking to the space Jesse had just been occupying. "He isn't normally so . . ."

"Rude," I finished for Lance, as he sidled up to me with one of my bags in his hand. He chuckled at my choice, shaking his head.

"Er," He said, looking kind of sheepish as I turned to him. "Something like that. I don't know what's got under his skin." But the small side-glance he shot me, told me he knew _exactly _what's gotten into him. I knew I was the one who'd got there, slithering my way in. After all, I was just a burden to him being here.

"Yeah well," I started. "I suppose he's used to woman doing whatever he says; but I'm not one of them." Lance looked to me with a small sad smile, taking in my statement ruefully.

"He really is the best we have, Suze," He gently argued. "If anyone will keep you safe and away from harm, it's Jesse. Other than having the best reflexes and aim I've ever seen; he also has an innate intuition for danger. You couldn't be more safe then right here with him." I listened to the awe and respect that was in Lances tone when he talked about him. Stirring something inside me.

He may be able to protect me from the bad guys, but could he protect me from himself and his cold attitude?

"Thinking about it," Lance absently commented, looking like he was talking to himself more than he was me. "It could be his shoulder acting up again. That would tell for his suddenly grouchy mood." I didn't comment that he was skipping over that it was because of me. But latched on to his wayward comment instead.

"What's wrong with his shoulder?" I asked curiously, as Lance shut the still open front door after giving it a quick sweep outside. He whipped back around to me at my question, suddenly realizing he'd been speaking out loud to himself.

"Oh," He fidgeted, shooting a glance down where Jesse had disappeared through a hidden door. "He, um, got injured about eighteen months ago. He had to undergo physiotherapy for a while. The doctors thought he wouldn't be able to go back to field work because of some of the nerve damage. But he came through. Unfortunately it still plays up every now and again. Not that he ever says it does."

"How'd he get something that bad?" I asked, going straight to the point. Lance was quiet, a shadow passing across his face and making him look darker, more pensive. I was almost sorry I asked the obviously sensitive question. But I was still curious and there was no way I was going to ask Jesse. Not without probably being told where to go. If Lance told me, then my curiosity would be sated and I could carry on looking at Jesse like he's as much an inconvineience to me, as I am to him.

Sighing, Lance leaned in a little closer and spoke in a hushed voice. "He got shot," He quietly said. "By one of our supposed own."

I felt myself go pale looking at the disgusted and hateful look in Lance's blue eyes. Swallowing I looked away from him, trying to get a hold of myself. Now I really _was _sorry I asked. But so grateful I hadn't gone straight to the Jesse and asked. If Lance looked livid now, what would Jesse's reaction have been like? I didn't know what was worse; knowing he had a bullet lodged in his shoulder. Or that it was by someone he trusted and had worked alongside.

It just goes to show you really don't know the people you share your life with. No matter how much you think you do.

Just like Thea. I'd thought I knew her pretty well. We'd been friends for years. We shared an apartment, after all. She was always so full of life and fun to be around. She could be a little reckless and inconsiderate sometimes. And she had her secrets like everyone does. I just never imagined them to be something so bad. She had poor taste in men. But I couldn't gripe about that, I was just as bad. But otherwise, I didn't think there was anything I didn't know about her.

But apparently I was wrong.

I quickly raised my hand to my mouth, suddenly feeling very sick. I hadn't really eaten anything in the last few days, so I knew I wouldn't be bringing anything up. But the sudden thought of all the things she could have been doing in our apartment when I wasn't there. Of a habit I didn't know she had. It all seemed too sudden. Too _wrong_.

I felt a hand lay on shoulder with Lance's voice reverberating in my ear. "Suze," He asked. "Are you okay? Do you want some water?" I latched onto his sincere concern, using that to ground me and get myself back in control again. Just when I thought I was beginning to accept it a little, some other little tidbit of information or word would set me off again. This wasn't how I wanted to live the rest of my life.

"Yeah," I croaked, my voice dry. "I'm okay, don't worry. It's just exhaustion creeping up on me, that's all. Nothing to worry about I'll be fine." I tried to muster up a small smile, unsuccessfully. And Lance wasn't falling for it.

"It was what I said, wasn't it?" He asked chagrined. "Aww, geez, I'm sorry Suze! I should have thought before I opened my big mouth. I didn't mean to upset you." Finally getting my breathing back and sure I wasn't going to throw up, I looked back to Lance and rested a reassuring hand on his arm. Giving him some small comfort in return.

"It's okay, Lance," I reassured him. "I was the one who asked you. I knew it was something bad, but I still asked. I'm okay now, anyway. Let's just forget about it." My eyes held the please, I didn't say. I didn't want Jesse knowing I knew. Or for him to find out what'd just happened either. Call it pride, or him knowing I had weaknesses. But I just knew I didn't want him finding out.

Thankfully Lance seemed to read it and just nodded his head, taking his hand from my shoulder. I quietly sighed with relief, ready to move on and really forget about it. Along with the suddenly sickening thoughts that came with it.

"How about that tour?" I asked, smiling to break the tension slightly. "And I hope you've got a map for me. Something tells me I might end up getting lost." He chuckled at me, sweeping his arm out in a wide arch.

"Well then," He beamed. "Let me be the one to say what Jesse didn't; Welcome to your new humble abode." I smiled tightly in return to his theatrics. Neither saying what we were thinking. About the real reason I was here. And that it wasn't really a welcome I could appreciate. But I didn't say anything. Only thanking him and letting him lead me around the huge house. I couldn't imagine ever coming here if this hadn't of happened.

Or of met my dangerously handsome bodyguard.

Shaking off the irritating but true thought, I listened with half an ear as Lance took me around. I felt a huge sense of homesickness come over me. For my old life back in Carmel. Where mom and Andy still live. I hadn't been back there in six months and I called them rarely. I kept in contact with my old principal, Father Dom more than I did my own parents. He'd taken me under his wing. Becoming like a mentor to me. And the only person I would really listen to as I was growing up. I owed him a lot.

But it'd been a while since I'd called last. And I wondered if my mom worried about me at all. As much as I tried to tell myself she propbably didn't, because of all the drama and trouble I've constantly put her through; I always know she will.

And then there was my friends. The ones I had just suddenly disappeared and left without a trace or a word. What would they be thinking? Would Thea's killer be going after them? Or even more sickening, would he go straight to my family in Carmel and try to hurt them to get to me?

"Lance," I choked, cutting him off from his detailed and joking description of the gym we'd just stepped into. He must've heard the panic in my voice, because his expression instantly turned serious and concerned. "What about my family? What if they go after them to get to me? What if they come to suddenly visit me and I'm not there and they can't reach me - "

"Whoa," He said, cutting me off and taking me by the shoulders. My breathing hitching as I tried to fight the panic. "It's okay, Suze. Calm down. We have all that covered. The agency I work for don't take any chances in cases like this. They have people keeping an eye on your parents and their house around the clock. They're perfectly safe. We're not taking any risks, okay?"

As soon as he finished, I wanted to weep in relief. They were all right. Whoever this agency was that Jesse and Lance worked for, they obviously didn't pull any punches and took every step they could. I was a little embarrassed I'd got myself so worked up and smiled sheepishly. Nodding that I understood. "Thank you." Was all I could think to say.

"You're welcome," He smiled, brushing off my sudden panic. "Do you want to carry on, or should we finish this later?" I shook my head in refusal, wanting to keep on and get it out the way. Then I could go and take a nice long shower and sleep until this was all over. I told him to carry on and we made our way from the gym, taking me to the indoor heated swimming pool.

I liked to think I hid my surprise at the gym and the pool pretty well. But judging from Lance's smirk, I hadn't. But it just wasn't what I was expecting to find. I shouldn't have been surprised. The place was huge. I would've been surprised if they _didn't_ have all this. It couldn't have just been a safe house. They must use it for other things too. But I was too awed to ask. And a lot like the first parts of the house I saw when I was only in the entranceway, the place lacked the homeliness you would've expected with such a large place.

At least there was a gym I could use to vent my frustration with Jesse in. I didn't think I could use the pool. The woman liason officer who'd gone back to my apartment had been the one to pack as much of my belongings as possible. I wasn't even entirely sure what I had with me, other than the worn jeans and big baggy jumper I was wearing.

Hopefully something for comfort and I could hide myself in. I wasn't really concerned about how I looked when I ran from the apartment block with a couple of thugs hot on my heels. I just knew I needed to get somewhere safe and quick. But I was too tired and too shaken to really give a damn about what my wardrobe now consisted of.

When Lance led me down the wide staircase, I noticed the rest of my bags and others that I assumed were Jesse and Lance's, were sitting in the entrance hall. I thought Jesse was the one to go and get them while I was on the tour. Which meant he was out of hiding again. I willed myself to relax and be ready to head into round three with him if that was what I was facing.

I followed Lance down to the kitchen where the smells of coffee were practically making me float on air to the aromatic smell. It'd been days since I'd had proper coffee streaming through my system. None of that black sludge the F.B.I tried to pass off. It must've been well into the morning to the outside world. But for me time had stopped days ago. Which only made the hot black liquid cal me more.

I came to a stuttering stop as I walked into the kitchen, not finding the person I assumed to be there. Instead of a tall dark, devilishly handsome Jesse standing in front of me; I was met by a slightly shorter, scraggly man with a grey ponytail and warm brown eyes. A rodeo hat firmly perched on his head. He looked up as we came in, smiling a huge grin at us. His face riddled with deep set wrinkles, that crinkled more around his eyes at his enthusiastic welcome. I could see keen intelligence and youth in his eyes as they shined back at me.

The sudden image of Father Dominic popped into my head, making me smile back before I even realized I was doing it.

"Marty!" Lance cried, walking forward to clasp the old man's outstretched hand in his own. "It's good to see you. How've you been?"

"I'm doin' good, son," He drawled in return. His deep baritone seemed like the kind of voice that drew attention, without realizing you were giving it. It was also coated with the good humor I saw in his eyes. "This must be the little lady?" He asked, turning towards me. He stuck out his hand as he came towards me, a slight limp in his step. "Hello, Ma'am," He winked, removing his hat to nod his head at me. I smiled at his oozing old charm. "I'm the house and grounds keeper, Martyn," I took his hand, feeling his strong but gentle grip in my hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Suze," I replied. "It's nice to meet you too, Martyn," He stepped back and put his rodeo hat back on. He was dressed in a red and white checkered shirt, with faded jeans. Old grubby trainers completed his casual look. "I didn't realize there was going to be someone else here, other than Lance, Jesse and myself." I commented, turning to give Lance a meaningful look.

_'Did you forget something?_'

He chuckled, ignoring the glance I shot a sheepish Lance. "Thought they'd tell you when you got 'ere, aye?" He smiled. "Sounds 'bout right. Now," He clapped his hands together. "Who wants coffee?"

"I'd love one," I said instantly, coming into the kitchen a bit further. "Thank you." Lance agreed and I made my way over to the island separating the two sides and the sink.

Martyn looked behind me and towards the doorway I'd just come through. Suddenly making me feel the tingles of energy racing down my spine. Complete awareness of Jesse with us. I could feel his eyes scanning the large kitchen. The air seeming to thicken and hang just as suddenly. I stood a little straighter, waiting for him to say something.

"It's good to see you again, old friend," Jesse said warmly as he made his way over to Martyn. Unfortunately standing closer to me than I was comfortable with. I fought not to fidget or move away from him. I knew he'd notice no matter how subtle I could of tried to be.

"You're lookin' good, Jesse," Martyn smiled, clapping him on his shoulder and shaking his hand vigorously. He probably meant to hide it, but I saw the slight cringe on his face when Martyn had clapped his shoulder. The one with the old injury I assumed. But it was gone just as quickly. I tried not to shake my head at the bravado they all seemed to need to keep up. It must've been exhausting to keep up the act all the time. "I hear you were on ordered sabbatical?"

He chuckled slightly, dropping Martyn's hand. I couldn't help but be surprised by the affect the sound had on me. I didn't think I'd ever see him laugh, or even crack a full smile while I was going to be staying here. Even though the laugh was almost bitter and annoyed, it still sent a thrill through me. A bad reaction to have, to someone I really didn't like.

"Yes," He stated. "As much as I tried to fight it." Lance snorted on the other side of the kitchen where he was sitting at a table, an open laptop and various other pieces of tech equipment around him. Jesse ignored him, turning to look at me instead. I faced his stare head-on. A part of me regretting it instantly. "What do you think of the house?" He asked solemnly. I was a little taken aback at his question. Surprised he'd try and talk to me at all.

I wondered if it was something to do with what I said before.

"It's big," I started. "Lacks the homely touch to it, but I didn't really expect anything else. But I don't have a problem being here if that's what you're asking." I saw Martyn smile out the corner of my eye as I stared Jesse down. He reached out and placed a cup of coffee in front of me. The strong aroma was a blessing and left me a little distracted.

Or was it Jesse's dark impenetrable gaze? I wasn't even sure.

"That isn't what I was asking," Jesse returned. "But I'll take it anyway. I'm sure Lance pointed out some of the security around the house to you," At my answering nod, he carried on. "Good," Then he turned to Martyn, pretty effectively cutting me off. Which served to piss me off more. Just for a second there, I thought he was actually genuinely enquiring about me. "I did a parameter check when we - "

"Is that it?" I asked, cutting him off from what he was saying to Martyn. I turned to face him, hands planted on my hips as I waited for him to acknowledge me.

Instead, he just looked away from Martyn and stared at something far off over the old groundskeeper's shoulder. "Is what it, Susannah?"

"Is that what it's going to be like the whole time we're here?" I scowled, getting up onto my soapbox. "You only speaking to me when it's really necessary. Avoiding me the rest of the time and pretending I'm not really here. You know, cutting me off from whatever's going on?" I clenched my jaw and spoke through gritted teeth.

"I'm not some brainless drone, _Jesse_. I would like to know you do, instead of getting brushed aside," Before he could say anything, I picked up my cup of coffee and made to leave them all to their little discussion. "No matter how much you wish you didn't have to be here baby-sitting me, get used to it."

And with as much dignity as I could possible pull up that quickly, my hands tingling and curled around my mug, I started to stalk out of the kitchen. My heart racing in my chest as Jesse's irritated and surprised voice drifting after me. "Where are you going?" I thought about ignoring him, but I can never leave without trying to have the last word.

"Away from _you_," I shot back hotly.

As I was walking down the hall and trying to keep my angry and frustrated tears at bay, I heard Martyns voice ring out from the kitchen. "Well you two obviously got off on the wrong foot." I faintly heard Jesse grumble something in response, but I couldn't make out what.

Martyn didn't know just how right he was.


	3. Failure's Not An Option

_**A/N: **_Thanks for reading, y'all! I hope this continues to spark your interest! **:)**

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_**Failure's Not an Option**_

She's fucking missing. Susannah Simon, the woman who saw me shoot her damn friend - with my own favourite gun no less - is fucking missing. What seems wrong with that statement? What _doesn't _seem wrong with that damn statement? And it's not the shooting the friend part, I ponder. I had the stupid little bitch in my clutches and I let her get away. Why, or should I say, how, did my supposedly loyal members manage to fail so spectacularly. Because that's exactly what they did. They failed _me_. I did the donkey work of killing the insolent girl before. A job I should have left up to my incompetent men.

But I didn't. I thought, in an odd sense of clarity and rare bout of compassion, I would give her one last chance. Let her have a quick opportunity to try and right her wrong. Only she thought she was on her own territory and not my own, so she had run off at the mouth and signed her own death warrant instantly. Bad for her. I was going to consider she make it up to me in other ways. But well, there we're plenty more where she came from.

Now if only I could get the little bitch who has been evading my grasp ever since. I slam my fist down on the solid oak desk I'm sitting behind. A cigar held in my other hand. Taking a deep lungful of the aromatic fumes, I will myself to relax slightly. I could easily whip out my gun and shoot one of the lesser members of my so _loyal_subjects, just to make me feel better. And to prove a point to the other lousy crooks, who are doing nothing for the money I pay them. I don't like being undermined. I don't like being taken for a fool. And most of all, I don't like it when it looks like I'm going to lose. Because I _never_ lose.

And this time is no exception to that rule.

I've been pondering this for the past few days. I already have people working on where they've sent her. You know the right people and sooner or later, someone will trip up. But she's taking too long to come through for me. And in this case, I was relying on her giving me the information I want. Another thing I hate. I don't rely on no-one. People come to me, not the other way around. And that stupid little tramp is spoiling my business. Not to mention tightening the fucking noose hanging around my neck. I can't skip country, they'll catch me. So what am I doing, twiddling my fucking thumbs, while that little bitch, is living and breathing out there somewhere. I take another deep drag of my cigar, hoping that'll clear my mind a little more.

I know what I need and I know who I need to do it. That isn't the problem. The real problem, is that time is getting on and the longer I leave it, the better chance that fucking little eavesdropper is going to get to spill her little tale to the wrong people and I'll get slammed for the rest of my life. That isn't a very appealing option. Not a very appealing option at all.

"Stuart," I call, not taking my eyes away from the far off distance out of the tinted windows filling one of my many offices. It only takes one word and my right hand man is by my side. At least he's someone I can trust. "You know what needs to be done," I state. "And I want it done quickly. No fucking around. I don't care what has to be done, I just want it finished," I swing my grey eyes back to his, noticing he doesn't flinch at the malicious look in my eye. Good man. "And you know who I'll hold accountable if it fails again. Call him."

I get a sharp nod of understanding at my words. Stuart's a good man. But if he fucks this one up, I'll kill him myself. He may be a good man, but he's not expendable. There are plenty of other people who would kill to be in my good graces. He spins on his designer shoed heel. Marching out of the room and pulling his cell phone out of his pocket on the way.

I know who he's going to call. The one person I know who's going to get the job done and no doubt get satisfaction at doing it. He sees it as an art form. A hobby even. I call it clinically insane. But then again, I hear that's what people call me. I've always seen it as somewhat of a compliment to of been called as such. But this guy; no this guy only works for one man. Him-self. I have to respect him for that. Not taking any bullshit from anyone. But all the same, as insane as he is; if he doesn't get the job done to my satisfaction he'll be next on my personal hunting list.

I don't want to waste time, getting some other ass-hole in to do a job I know he'll do quickly and quietly. Even if he is hard to track down, I'll find him. And if I happen to be locked up before that happens, there are plenty of people who would happily carry out my demands for me.

I turn to look at a man sitting ramrod straight in one of my guests' chairs. His face is pale and there's sweat trickling down the side of his face. A nervous little sparrow, he is. I don't hide the malicious smirk I have perfected, even from a young age. The smirk that made my own mother flinch with the evil and intent behind that one grin. It holds dozens of promises, undone by dozens of deaths.

This should be fun.

"What's your name?" I ask him conversationally. He swallows reflexively, running his sweating hands across the leg of his pants. Just to scare him a little more, I open my top drawer and pull out one of my favourite guns. Laying it before me with a satisfying thud. The polished gold metal and the intricate design on the handle is a thing of beauty. And one of a twin. The other was the one I used to shoot that ignorant girl with. I can't quite recall her name.

He spots the gun and his eyes widen to new limits behind his round glasses, before they shoot back up to me. "Err . . . it's - err," He stutters. It does nothing to help my patience and I hate people who stutter when they're talking. Just goes to show they haven't got the balls to carry out a conversation with the big boys. I wonder if he'd talk a little quicker if I held the gun at him. It's an amusing thought and I almost laugh with the image. "It's Malcolm, sir."

One point to Malcolm for calling me sir. I would have been pissed if he didn't. "Well Malcolm," I sneer, pushing the gun around on the desk until the muzzle is facing him. "I have a job proposition for you. But you really don't have any choice whether you take it or not. If you don't do as I ask, I'll shoot you. If you do, do as I ask - and make me happy - then I might just think about letting you live." I smile at him. Again he swallows. "Do you accept?" I asked just to be polite.

He nods ferociously in his seat. I'm sure he doesn't need me to spell out what I would do to him and his family if he doesn't make me happy. It's clearly spoken in my every word and reputation. Picking up the gun, I let it lay limp in my palm with my index finger through the trigger loop, stopping it from falling. We don't want it landing on the desk and accidentally going off now do we? That would mean I would need another hacker and I really don't have the patience for that.

"I can't hear you, Malcolm," I said, my hand slowly curling around the handle a little tighter.

"Yes, sir," He quickly rushed out. Laying the gun back down on the desk with the resounding thump making Malcolm jump again, I lean back in my chair. Lazily studying the boy who could only be called a nerd before me. His neatly combed hair is mussed and untidy. His buttoned shirt with a very tight tie makes it look like he's choking. And his ugly brown tweed trousers have damp patches where he's wiped his sweaty hands.

"Here's what I want," I said, getting down to business, tired of fooling around. "I have a, what shall we call her, _client_, in hiding from me. Being kept somewhere supposedly safe and I want her returned," I shrug. "She seems to have just dropped off the face of the earth. So your job Malcolm is to locate where she is. I know she's in F.B.I custody under their hold, but I want to know_where_."

Taking a deep breath, I calm my breathing again. "Now I really don't care what you have to do to get the information, and I really don't care if it's too hard. I want it, _soon_. This is too important to me. Otherwise, I might just have to hunt down the pretty little brunette you've been seeing for the past six months. Carol's her name isn't it?" He goes even paler if that's possible and nods at me reluctantly. "Now, I'm really not a patient man, Malcolm and I expect results. So don't keep me waiting," And just to wind him up and make myself feel better, I pick up the gun again and point it in his direction. Mocking a shooting. "It's nothing personal, it's just business." Giving him a wink, I lay the gun back down.

"Yes, sir," He quickly stammers. I doubt he even took any of that in, but it's his own life that hangs in the balance if not. I pushed a file across the desk to him, holding all the information he needs and send him away on dismissal with the flick of my hand. He quickly rises and leaves the room. Escorted by one of the brutes I have on my payroll.

I turn away from the other men in the room. All dressed to impress, with the most expensive and designer suits money can buy. I don't like my men looking scruffy. I want them polished and groomed. And doing everything I say. And if they don't, well that's their problem. Like I told Malcolm, I'm not a patient man by any means. I run a business, not a fucking charity.

Now well and truly wound up, I stand up from my comfortable leather chair. Walking over to the floor length mirror on my wooden walls. I like this office. And seeing as I'm on the run and this is a safe house of sorts for myself; it's not half bad. At least for now anyway. Until I get bored with the scenery and want a change. This in that case is up to the people I hire to do what's needed. There aren't many people I trust in this world. But the ones I do, I make sure have everything they need and are close at hand whenever I do.

I scrutinize my appearance in the mirror. If Malcolm doesn't get what I want and that little bitch doesn't get killed, then I might have to look into the idea of getting my appearance changed. New hair colour, stick in some contacts. Even plastic surgery if I really have to. This only makes me hate the little bitch more. I'm a damn good looking man. My crisp tailored suit fits to me like a second skin. Showing off the power held in my strength. I'm no aging old timer. Being in my forties, I'm in good shape. And my nicely styled hair makes me look younger still. My grey eyes hold more than I show. I don't want to change my appearance. I can get any woman I want. I _have_any woman I want.

But right now, I want Susannah Simon. And the sooner she's dead, the sooner I can go back to my empire. I have important clients waiting for me. And the longer I'm on the low, the more I lose money. Not fucking good.

I catch one of my men rolling their eyes at me in the corner of the mirror as I straighten my tie and inspect my hair. Wrong move. And before any of them know what's happening, I whip out my holstered gun in my jacket and shoot him point blank in the head. Killing him instantly. No-one moves, except for when the initial bang of the gun went off. But now they sit there, sweating and avoiding my eyes.

"Get rid of him," I spat viciously, turning back to my reflection. "And the next time I see one of you being disrespectful, you're next." Two guys instantly bent down to pick the dead body up and drag him out of the room. Someone pulling out a handkerchief and cleaning away the blood that was sprayed over them. Not to mention the walls behind him. I hear one of them go to the door and ask for a clean-up crew and let them get on with it.

Just as they're finishing up, Stuart comes waltzing back into the room, standing beside me and waiting for me to acknowledge him. Giving him a quick nod, I listen to what he has to say. "It's done, sir," He starts, heavy expectation in his voice. "He said he'll be ready whenever we need him. All we need to do is give him the location and game over."

I can feel that familiar evil smirk coming to my face at his words. My mood lightening further. "Good. Let's hope he can finish this at last. I don't know about you, but I'm starting to get tired of running. It doesn't suit me." I ignore Start after that. Just staring into the mirror and imagining the blank look of horror that would be in the little bitch's eyes, as the bullet zips through her.

Oh yes. Susannah Simon's days are numbered indeed. And no amount of security and force protecting her, is going to stop the one assassin I know who could get through anyone. If he gets a case, he doesn't stop until his target is met. And I grin at the thought of this one problem soon to be solved.

xXx

I took a deep breath of the fresh air into my lungs. Closing my eyes as the crisp air cooled me down. It was so peaceful here. Relaxed and remote. When we'd first pulled up in the car, just taking one look around the place made me think this could be a nightmare. Surrounded by so much quiet that I'd go stir crazy eventually. Even without my 'body-guard' to start it off. But the landscape was too beautiful and sculptured to think of it like that now. The only thing that really _was_ going to send me crazy was Jesse. And he was already making roads in doing that. Which was the main reason I was outside. Getting away from him.

I didn't think I'd ever appreciate a view like the one in front of me. Being too much of a city girl, coming to a place like this seemed like a nightmare. But it wasn't. It was the opposite. To a certain extent, it reminded me of Carmel. The natural beauty around the area I took for granted. The peaceful-ness. The solitude. It all just honed in the fact I've been nothing but trouble and lousy to my family and friends I left behind when I decided to get as far away as I possibly could. Now, all I wanted was to go back there. To my family who not knowing any better, would accept me with open arms. Not what I deserve, after all I put them through.

Why did I have to be faced with my life being threatened, in order for mortality to kick me in the ass? Stuff like that happens in the movies. Now I was doing nothing but playing it out for real. Stuck living with an old man, who liked nothing more than to cook for the rest of us. A guy who had more gadgets and gizmos then I've ever seen. And a bodyguard, who barely looks at me, let alone speaks to me unless he has to.

Yeah, we really were like some big happy dysfunctional Brady Bunch family, all brought together by some mean and twisted turn of fate.

I moved to sit on the rickety porch steps. They creaked beneath my weight and I knew it wasn't because I was packing a few extra pounds. The place was just old like that. I guessed they didn't fix things like old porch steps because it helped detect intruders or something. I still couldn't get over the rustic feel on the outside and the modern up to-date interior of the inside. I mean a pool and a gym? I wasn't expecting that. But I guess if these places are supposed to help with the agents and guys who do dangerous jobs, little luxuries like that come in useful. Lance told me they use it as a base of operations for certain missions.

Not that he told me where we were. I could see the large looming mountains that told me nothing. I could have taken a few guesses. But seeing as we took a short flight and a drive, I could have been way off. They were careful to keep most of the travelling in the cover of night. And by then, I was too tired and wired to try and peek a glance anywhere. With any luck, I wouldn't be here for long anyway.

I heard the screen door knock close behind me and bowed my head as I heard someone shuffle towards me. I knew it wasn't Jesse. His steps were much louder and more commanding than these. And Lance didn't have a slight falter in his step. So it only came down to one man. Martyn. The resident grounds keeper, cook, mother hen and adorably nice man, with a kind and witty heart.

"You've been out here a while, lass," He commented, as he came down the steps to sit beside me. Not sitting too close and giving me some space. He looked out at the surrounding nature with keen and comfortable eyes. "Jesse's gettin' ansty." I looked to him, seeing his lips tilt at the corners slightly. Whether that was because it was me who was getting him like it, or because he was always just so highly strung; I wasn't sure. But I was grateful for his blunt comment.

I sniffed and turned back to look at the tree line. "There's a surprise," Martyn laughed heartily at my own retort. The rich sound adding to the gentle lullaby's from the world around the house. "If he's so concerned, why didn't he come out here himself?" I asked once he sobered up.

"He's too frightened of you, lass," I shot another glance at him. This time, it was my turn to grin. The thought giving me a slight power trip, before I instantly came down. Highly doubting that was his problem. An inferiority complex, I could believe. But I wasn't so easily swayed by the idea of it being fear of me. "Not that he'd ever admit it though," He rushed on, catching my glance.

"I'd put it down to needing more time socialising with people, if you ask me," I said, scuffing the ground with my boot. "Maybe if he ventured out some, instead of seeming the recluse he probably is, he wouldn't be such an ass to live or get on with." I knew it was my own distaste with the man Jesse portrayed that spurned the bitterness to my voice. But I couldn't stop myself once I got going.

Martyn was silent for a while after I ranted. His curious stare burning holes into the side of my head. Enough to make me fidget and move a little on the step, making it creak again. Starting to get uncomfortable beneath his hard and openly curious stare. I went back over my statement and tried to find where I went wrong. Until it occurred to me, Jesse and Martyn seemed like good friends. And I had just openly slammed Jesse in front of him. I tried to tell myself I had nothing to feel guilty about. I was entitled to my opinion.

But it was there all the same.

"Part of the reason Jesse's so private and closed-off," Martyn began quietly. "Goes back to his days in the Marines. He was recruited into Special Ops, and he saw some of the ways and lengths people will go to, to get what they want. It made him look at the world and human nature a different way. Not in a good way either," He frowned disapprovingly.

"He steps back and avoids emotional situations and difficult people for a reason. Special Ops did to him, what it's done to most other men and woman who served their country. And he's lost a great deal in doing so."

I felt my face flush at his slightly chastising tone. But I didn't turn away from him. "So you're saying I should cut him some slack?" I asked. My tone clipped even though I tried not to let my irritation shine. It was the old stubborn trait that only seemed to be getting worse with age.

He shook his head and gave me a rueful smile. "No, I'm not," He said matter-of-factly, making me sit back and look at him. "I'm just merely saying a little of why he is the way he is. What you take from it, is up to you, lass," He sighed and patted my shoulder, bringing the discussion to a close.

"Jesse's a good man, Suze. I know he can be difficult sometimes, but don't hold that against him. He just needs a little warming up to is all." And then he got up to walk back inside. His limp seeming more prominent after sitting down in the awkward position with me.

But not before I called out one last question. "Who was it he lost?" I asked, turning to look at him. Assuming it was a person that he lost. Watching Martyn pause and tense with his back to me. He slowly turned. A pained and guilty emotion flashing across his eyes. He coughed slightly to clear his throat and spoke so quietly, I barely heard him.

"Someone he loved. His fiancée actually. She couldn't handle his lifestyle or his changes. And . . . she left him," He smiled sadly at me, my own expression pulled into a frown as I took it in. "Don't stay out here too long, lass. Or you might not be so lucky next time, and you'll have to deal with Lance's overly bright nature." I returned his sincere smile and was left alone again. Mulling over our conversation in my mind.

I didn't know whether to appreciate Martyn's input or brush it aside. But I couldn't shake off the new information about Jesse. Maybe it did make him the way he was now. God knows my own past has shaped who I am. But I just don't think I'm ready to admit defeat just yet. Not when it comes to Specialist Jesse De Silva.

_**Anonymous Reviews:**_

_**alicia - **_Hi! Thank you so much for dropping a review **:D** I'm glad you're enjoying this story! The first couple of chapters might've seemed a little slow. But it'll be moving along soon enough, and then . . . I am so looking forward to the reaction! Hehe. Thanks again! Take care, **x**


	4. Sensing Tension

_**Sensing Tension**_

I sat at the desk in the study, hidden beneath the stairs. The dark room pressing down around me and adding to the already bad mood that seemed to be hanging around me the last couple of days. Longer still if I was completely honest. But Susannah's constant ignorance and only speaking to me if she really needed to; was starting to wear thin. I admit I'm not always the most conversational of people. But I was finding it even harder when going up against her stubbornness. I was called back to do this mission because I was supposed to be the best we have. With the will and patience to stay here with Susannah indefinitely.

But even I could only take so much.

I knew in large part, it was my own fault too. I wasn't exactly making the effort to really talk with her. I was avoiding her as much as possible. But when I was around her, I found myself losing all trace of logical thought. Not the best thing to happen when I was supposed to be protecting her and keeping her alive. How could I do that, when with just a few careful words, she made me feel inferior and belittled. And it was made all the worse, that I was so highly aware of her when she was in the room with us. We weren't making the living conditions any good for Lance or Marty either. But Susannah had to meet me half way here. I couldn't do this alone.

I just hoped she could put some of her distaste for me aside. At least for a while.

I snapped myself back to the present, chiding myself at letting my thoughts wander off to Susannah again. Just like they had so often done in the past couple of weeks. She was obviously disgusted with me. But it still didn't stop a small part of me wanting to try and change that. To prove I'm not the Neanderthal she thinks I am. Or makes me feel.

I concentrated on the dial tone from the phone at my ear. Willing myself to loosen my grip and focus on the problem at hand. Then a voice on the other end of the line greeted me. Making me feel the smallest bit better than I had in a while. "Reidman?" My boss stated.

Edward Reidman, the founder of Reidman Security and Recovery and the man who had so graciously taken me in. Accepted me when I had left the military behind, to find myself with no family and a fiancée that had left me with nothing but a note. Holding stupid meaningless words that held no weight. He had disregarded my bitter anger at anyone and anything and pulled me back to myself. Offered me the chance at not only a new career, with better understanding and less rules. But he offered me a family in the agency he had founded. I owed him a lot. And it was because of this reason, that I was determined to stick it out here. Because he asked for me himself.

"Boss, it's me," I said, greeting him warmly. "Just checking in."

"Ah," He replied happily. The monotone of his voice when he first answered swept away and replaced with genuine enthusiasm to speak to me. "Jesse! How are things up there?" He asked. Although, I'm sure Marty or Lance had filled him in on the awkward and slightly hostile nature Susannah and myself had found ourselves in for the whole time we'd been here. "She's not giving you too much trouble I hope?"

"No, sir," I sarcastically replied. "Just has demands to know anything and everything, and only speaks to me if she really needs to. And even then she has a sharp tongue on her," Ed chuckled in response, making me smile and relax back in my chair a little. "Lance tried warning me she was a spitfire, but I brushed it off. I wish I'd prepared myself a little better now." I continued.

"She reminds me of when I first met my Rose," He said fondly. Rose Reidman was a good woman. She'd been married to Ed long before he'd set up his agency. And although he is well into his fifties, he still had a lot of hands on work with the firm. Rose was nothing but supportive to the agency and had been the surrogate mother, I needed and appreciated when I was first recruited.

"She had a wicked tongue and a glint in her eye. Hated me on sight, she did. Until my charm finally wore her down that is," He chuckled. "That's what you have to do, Jesse. Appeal to her better side. You'll win her over. You always were a winner with the ladies."

"Not this one, Ed," I said solemnly. "I think it's better if I just stay out of her way as much as possible. No matter how infuriating it's becoming."

"Hmm, maybe," Ed said, although he didn't sound like he believed himself. "But it's still early days, son. Give her a bit of time and she'll lose that fire a little." I smiled ruefully at his comment. Realizing he couldn't see it, I spoke up instead.

"Maybe," I repeated back to him, holding back the sigh. I didn't know what I was expecting Ed to say to me. But the crashing remembrance, that she was having a more difficult time with the circumstances of why she was here, than I was; made me feel the guilt at my own frustration. I just hope I could keep that in mind the next time I have to go up against Susannah.

"Anyway, what I was really calling for is about Ballack," I said, my tone shifting to business as I sat up in my chair. "I haven't heard anything from him. I'm not expecting a breakthrough on the case yet, but I know Susannah's going to start asking questions soon. And to stop the headache sure to come with not having the answers for her; I would rather be prepared, Boss."

I heard him grumbling over the phone, a sigh of his own travelling down the wire to me. "Special Agent Ballack is doing what he does best, and avoiding the inevitable," He said, his distaste for the man just as keen as my own. "But it's typical of him to leave some one hanging. I'll tell you what I'll do, I'll ring through and see if I can get in contact with Will Thompson and I'll get back to you. Hopefully you won't have to wait too long," He said. "But if anyone's slowing the system down, it's that pompous Ballack."

I chuckled this time knowing Ed would do all he could to get the information that was needed. "Thanks Ed," I warmly replied. "I appreciate it."

"No problem, Jesse," I could hear a smile in his voice. "And you watch out for that spitfire, got it?"

"Yes, sir," I responded crisply, hearing his hearty laugh at my joke and stab of seriousness, before we disconnected the call.

I sat there for a few moments, trying to think of what I was going to tell Susannah. She'd insisted she be told everything that was happening. And although there was some I could tell her, there wasn't all. I'd seen glimpses of the grief shimmering in her eyes and held just beneath the surface the past few times I've had the courage to look. But I could also see a brewing storm that no doubt was going to somehow end up being directed at me.

Getting back to focus, I got up out of the desk chair and made my way out of the study. Intent on heading into the kitchen, where I knew Marty was cooking lunch. The smell of the soup simmering hit me as soon as I stepped out onto the hall. Making my stomach growl in response. Not realizing how hungry I was, because I was too intent on going over all the security surveillance. Hunting through it meticulously in case I missed something.

The people Steven Carson hired to do his dirty work weren't amateurs. They could sneak past all our surveillance and security if they really tried to. It didn't leave me with the warmest feeling, and probably accounted for my own avoidance when it came to Susannah. Seeing the haunting terror in her eyes when she thought no-one was looking, only served to make my determination to keep her safe at all costs, that much fiercer. I joined the army to protect people from the evils of the world. Now, doing the job of watching and making sure Susannah was okay, came into that category.

No matter how much she seemed to think I disliked being here.

I followed the aromatic smell of oxtail soup well into the kitchen. Seeing Marty dressed in his usual button down chequered shirt and worn jeans, standing over by the stove, stirring the large pot. He seemed intent of making sure we all ate at least two full meals a day, and hadn't let up on us, no matter how much we protested. Although Susannah seemed to have him wrapped around her little finger and managed to escape most of the meals he had prepared this past week.

"Smells good," I said, drawing attention to myself from an engrossed in his computer, Lance. "Anything I can do to help?"

"Yeah," Marty replied without turning to look at me. His tone was light, but his words were anything but. "You could go and get that little lady from upstairs and bring her down to have a proper meal. And maybe cut the tense atmosphere that always seems to han' around you both, while you're at it." I heard Lance snicker from his place at the table, not even raising his head. I shot him a glare, which only made him smile wider.

"There isn't a te - " I tried.

"Yes there is," Marty cut me off, turning to look at me and pinning me with his intelligent brown eyes. "And you know it. So do us all a favour, but especially you both, and resolve it like the adults you're supposed to be, hmm?"

I stood there for a few seconds, trying to pull up some kind of thought to support a comeback and a good reason for not going. But I was coming up short. "I'm not going to win this argument, am I?" I knew I wasn't before I got my answer.

"Nope." Lance piped up for me. I knew how grating it was becoming to them both, having to tiptoe around us. It was grating to myself, too. But I still didn't relish going and speaking to Susannah alone.

"Fine," I sniped, turning on my heel and throwing one last childish retort over my shoulder before I left. "But it isn't just me, you know. She's just as bad." I didn't stick around to find out what they had to say to that. But I began to wonder when I regressed to a petulant teenager. Was it after the first clash with Susannah, or the twelfth? For some reason, Susannah seemed to bring out the worst in me. And the feeling was apparently mutual.

Determined, I climbed the stairs and took a deep breath as I came to a stop outside of Susannah's bedroom door. I rapped my knuckles against the solid wood twice, before I backed down. Silently I stood there, waiting for her reply that eventually, filtered through to me quietly.

"Come in,"

Pulling myself up straight and squaring my shoulders, I took the plunge and reached for the door. '_Here goes nothing_,' I thought.

xXx

"Do you think they'll sort it out?" Lance asked me. Genuine curiosity echoed in his behaviour and voice.

"No," I said, in return. "I don't. But it's a start at least. They're just two hard headed for their own good. There's no communication between them, other than the prickly hostility when they're both in the same room together. They have to get over it sooner or later'." Lance gave me a thoughtful glance, holding back whatever it was he was going to say and turned back to his computer again.

I went back to the stove, stirring the soup that was just simmering on a low boil. As much as I didn't want to get involved, I knew I was going to have to eventually. The stifling air around them both was getting to become a distraction. And it had only been a couple of weeks living together. The sniping remarks and comments had me constantly holding back my annoyed sighs. The temptation to give them a time-out was always on the tip of my tongue. And as amusing as Lance had first found it, I knew even he was getting annoyed by it too.

There was no reason for them to be like that. No explanation for their sudden butting of heads. They didn't sit together when eating. They _barely_ spoke two words unless it was necessary. And rarer still, they didn't even make eye contact. But I wasn't daft. I knew what kind of reaction them just being in the same room together was doing to them both. Jesse would clench and uncurl his fists repeatedly. Suze in turn took to keeping her arms crossed so she wouldn't be tempted to let him know how much Jesse bothered her.

It was one of the most ridiculous and fruitless endeavours to try and hide their attraction to one another, I had ever seen. Suze knocked Jesse off guard and not just once, but constantly. As much as he was trying to keep himself contained, I knew she was upsetting his careful balance of keeping himself aloof and defensive. Suze was ploughing through his meagre hold, as if it wasn't there.

And Susannah. Well she hid her attraction to Jesse behind hate. When in truth, it wasn't disgust for him, more than it was for the man putting her in this situation. It just so happens to be that Jesse is the only one not showing any kind of reaction or emotion around the place. And Suze obviously doesn't like being brushed aside so easily. Or getting stonewalled. And so, she takes it out on the only person she doesn't get along with here.

Jesse.

I can't help but wonder how long this ridiculous dance around each other is going to take. Susannah's case could be open for months. There was no way of knowing. And if this is how they were going to continue with one another, I'm going to crack before they do. The option of locking them in a room together and telling them to sort it out, was very tempting.

From what I've seen of Suze when she lets her guard down and Jesse's not around; she seems like a nice enough girl. Underneath that tough exterior. But she's had her world tipped upside down and turned inside out. Going through something as traumatic as she has, I couldn't blame her for her lack of trust in everyone new around her. But she has a kind heart and an easy sense of humor. She doesn't talk about herself too much, and often changes the subject if it becomes too personal. I can understand her need for privacy and so I let her be.

But Jesse is a different story.

I've known him as long as Ed has. We've crossed paths many times since he joined Reidman's agency. After he changed from the young and brave Jarhead, ready to take on the world. But being plunged into Special Ops and later on into Black Ops, he lost some of that essence and self along the way. He changed. Became a little rougher around the edges. Lost some of his faith and enthusiasm for what it was he was fighting for. He got plunged into that ugly void; so many soldiers seem to find themselves in now.

Until Ed found him. It was joining Ed's agency that has saved him. Pulled him back from the brink before he could destroy himself. Re-in forced some of those long buried values in him. The same values that had pushed him into joining the military. He threw himself back into the deep-end and let us watch him kick his way back to the top. Jesse has talent and experience. He has an innate intuition that has saved many lives. And Ed saw his talent and put him back to good use. Placing him in the light, rather than the shadow.

But not before he'd already lost too much.

When his fiancée left him, he plunged back into his training and his work. He put the heartbreak aside and channelled it, instead of wallowing in it. Pushing himself harder and faster than before. He erected walls and guards around himself, not prepared to let himself get hurt again. And other than the couple of relationship's he had fleetingly invested in, he got nothing from them. He was too burnt and battle scarred. Barely thirty-three and he's given up on believing he would love again. Or the possibility of a family.

I'd heard from Ed about his accident days after it happened. How he'd been on an Operation with someone he'd deemed a friend. A brother-in-arms, who'd turned the gun and shattered any sense of trust Jesse had.

The doctor's thought that he would end up having to fly a desk, instead of being out there in the field. But that only served to make him prove them wrong. And prove to the bad guys, that he didn't go down that easily. And certainly not without a fight.

But that hard exterior only grew more solid and impenetrable over time.

It's the worst kind of betrayal for a soldier. Knowing that they'd turn on you so quickly. That they'd do it in such an unprofessional and dis-honourable way; was a blow to someone's faith in the system, you are fighting to defend and keep honour _in_.

Being a retired veteran myself, I still have some fight left in me. I went through the same dilemma's Jesse had once done. Not in such a short amount of time, but just as lethal all the same. And it took a good few years and a good few knocks to my head, to make me realize the dangerous road I had been travelling down. At the life I was destroying and the life I could have had. I wasn't strong enough to channel my fury and chipped pride.

Until I looked at someone who had it worse than I did. I saw how I could have become, if I hadn't of changed and made the difference to myself. I didn't want to become that broken down husk, sticking my finger up to the world. It wasn't me. And somewhere along the way, I had lost track of who I really was. I became trapped in my own nightmare, with no sign of an escape.

Jesse and I are not so different. But he was the one, who had the courage to stand up first and not let them beat him down. He was the one who put it back to good use and carried on. But what he lacks is the bravery to open his heart to something potentially wonderful. Jesse is one of the most respectable men, anyone could hope to meet.

It's just a shame Suze is too busy fighting her own ghosts to see that.

"When's it gonna be ready, Chief?" Lance asked coming up behind me. "Some of us are wasting away here." I chuckled at his childish nature. The kind of personality that was much needed around here. With too much seriousness and suspense hanging over everyone. It was a refreshing change from my trip down memory lane and the prickly behaviour of Jesse and Suze.

"If you set the table, then all we have to do is wait for Suze and Jesse to come down," I said, handing him a basket full of fresh crusty, buttered rolls. Lance plunged his hand in, aiming for one. Until I slapped him upside the head, that is. "Knock it off." I chided.

"Ow!" He complained, rubbing the back of his head. "Geez, heavy handed much." He laughed when I went for him again, ducking out of my way and going to do the task I gave him.

Yes, we definitely needed the light heartedness around here.

xXx

I didn't know what kind of welcome I was going to get as I stepped through Susannah's bedroom door. I let my expert eyes took in the lay of the room. The double bed, pressed up against the wall that was facing the side of the house. Two bedside cabinets with lamps were placed on either side. A chest of drawers and wardrobe facing adjacent to these. The door leading into the en-suite bathroom looking out over the bed.

It wasn't much, but we'd given Susannah the most welcome and comfortable room there was. As meagre as it is, there wasn't anything we could do about it. And just like I had said to Susannah on her first day here; I didn't want her getting too comfortable. With any luck, we could all go back to what we do best within weeks.

My eyes landed on the still form of Susannah standing by the double doors, leading off onto a small balcony. She had her arms crossed over her bare arms, her back rigid and straight with her long hair flowing down her back. It had taken a couple of days, but she'd soon lost the big baggy jumpers she'd been sporting at first. Now she wore a thin cashmere jumper that clung to her in all the right places. Topped with a pair of jeans, that shaped to her just as well as the jumper.

She was lithe and slim in her attire. Giving the impression of only being a wisp of a woman. When in fact, I knew she was able to work out just as fierce in the gym, as any other woman I worked with. Her dark hair fell in soft waves as it streamed down to just below her shoulders. It looked glossy and as soft as silk in the sunlight beaming through her windows. I was becoming familiar with the twinge in my fingers to want to run my hand through it. And I was becoming better prepared with pushing it aside.

She didn't turn to look at me as I stepped into her room and her personal haven. But I left the door open so I didn't make her more uncomfortable with my presence, then she blatantly already was. After nearly two full minutes of neither saying anything, I finally spoke up. Looking for any recognition she'd heard me.

"Susannah?" My voice came out gruffer than I intended and I cleared it slightly. Noticing the lack of tension that would normally, slowly creep its way into her form when I speak to her. "Susannah?"

I heard her heave a sigh this time, but still she didn't turn to look at me. Grimacing slightly, I walked further into the room. Standing just to the side and behind her as she distractedly looked out the window and to the surrounding beauty. I was hesitant to lay my hand on her shoulder, so I spoke up one more time, hoping for a response.

"Susannah," She turned her head to look at me then. Her eyes vacant and unguarded as they so usually were. She was looking, but she wasn't seeing me. I could see their redness from the obvious crying she had been doing, and fought the urge to turn tail and run from the room. I wasn't comfortable trying to soothe someone who was evidently upset. It had been so long since I had been remotely affected by a woman. Even Kerri hadn't affected me so strongly when I had first met her.

But I didn't want to think what that meant for Susannah and myself.

Instead of running I took a hesitant step forward and cautiously laid a hand on her shoulder. My hand shaking slightly as I reached across the distance, terrified of the connection sure to come to me when my hand made contact with her. Gently, I let it land on her shoulder and draw her back to the present. And consequently, back to her gaze clashing with my own.

I instantly dropped my hand when her eyes snapped to me. Her gaze was surprised and confused. Her stare swept over me, from the top of my head, to the bottoms of my boots. Finally landing on my eyes again. I ignored the heat of her stare that sent a hot rush through me. Making my body and nerves tingle with energy. I shook my hands out, trying to get rid of the excess residue, clinging to me. I thought I saw flash of something in her eyes. But it was gone so quickly, I couldn't have been sure. We were both taken off guard and off balance.

To create some more distance between us, I took another step back. Meeting and raising my chin to Susannah's questioning and slightly irritated eyes. "What are you doing here?" She asked. Her voice was husky and made me clench my fists at the response my betraying libido had to it.

"I came to see if you were going to come downstairs for lunch," I said, clearing my voice again at the suddenly dry, hoarse tone. "Marty's made soup for us." Susannah turned her head away from me, tightening her arms around herself a little more.

"I'm not hungry," She quietly said.

"You haven't eaten properly in a while, Susannah," I started, not backing down. Much to my better judgement. I never did listen to my instinct when it came to myself. And I have the scar on my shoulder and across my ribs to prove it. As if I needed the constant reminder. "You need to keep your energy up," I continued. "There's no point in making yourself ill, unnecessarily."

"Well that's my business isn't it?" She bit back, just like I expected her to. "It doesn't have anything to do with you, what I do and don't eat." She expected me to stand-down and let it go then. But no-one ever said I made the best decisions. And right now, going up against Susannah, was a bad choice.

"Well that's where you're wrong," I stated, seeing her head whip around to stare at me in the look I had become highly familiar with the last couple of weeks. An expression mixed with disbelief, anger and annoyance. "My job isn't only to protect you, but it's to make sure you're being cared for and your well-being. And if you not eating is going to make you ill, then that falls under that description," I stated, cutting her off before she could argue. "No matter how much you might try to fight that it doesn't."

"Is this your way of trying to say sorry for being so hard to live with the last couple of weeks?" Susannah asked, sounding like she didn't quite believe what she was saying, either way. "Or your cock-eyed way of trying to say, '_Let's be friends_,'" As much as I tried not to, I couldn't help my own surge of irritation that she was shooting down just that. My try to at least get a long for the sake of Marty and Lance. And then my pride kicked-in and made me deny what I was just offering. Regretting my words instantly.

"I'm here to protect and keep you alive, Susannah," I said emotionlessly. "Not to be your '_friend_'." I watched as the impact of my words stung her one by one. Making her already guarded eyes, harden and smoulder.

For what seemed like the longest time, we stayed locked in that power of will. My mind tried supplying me with many ways of trying take back my words, but my mouth seemed glued shut. We really did bring out the worst in each other. Never before had I met someone who got under my skin as much as Susannah did. Maybe I was mistaking that attraction I could feel growing, for the same irritation Susannah seemed to be holding over me.

Eventually, Susannah scowled and turned away from me. Not back to the window, but towards the door. Her words trailing behind her and hitting me just as hard as my own had her. "Let's go then," She spat. "I wouldn't want to make this job anymore of a burden for you, than it's already been." And she disappeared out of her door.

I waited a few seconds before I made towards the same exit. The knowledge of how much more difficult I had probably just made everything, was eating away at me. I had potentially just made everything worse for everyone. But it was too late to go back now. The cracks had already split. All I could do, was try and salvage what disasters I'd already set into motion. And hope that Susannah might accept my meagre and stilted apology, for what it was.

I walked into the kitchen seconds after Susannah, and sat down next to Lance at the table, with Marty on my other side. Unfortunately making me sit opposite Susannah. She didn't say anything as I sat and all Lance and Marty did, was stare between the two of us. An action Susannah and I both tried to ignore, focusing on our meal instead. They tried to bring up the start of a conversation, but I wasn't in the talkative mood. I was too busy brooding and contemplating how I was going to apologize to Susannah. Trying to think of a way, that didn't make it sound belittling. Or as personal as it was.

However, I knew I wasn't the only one who needed to do some grovelling around here.

But I kept my head down and tried to blend in to the background as much as possible. Other than catching the odd glare of disapproving look from Marty, I didn't bother to try and join in. But the longer we sat there and the thickening silence stretched on, the longer I could see Susannah silently simmering. Her anger coming closer as the moments dragged on. I knew I was going to become witness to it soon. But part of me was hoping it would be taken out on the boxing bag, rather than me.

One could hope anyway.

I didn't have to dwell on the thought for long, when an alarm went off on Lance's laptop. Making everyone freeze in mid-motion, seconds before we all jumped into action. Dropping my spoon to the bowl with a clink, I abruptly stood up. My chair scraping back on the tiled floor as I made my way over to Lance. Who'd jumped up from the table more ungracefully than I had. Looking over his shoulder as he pulled up a digital map of the surrounding area and the alarm that had been triggered. The camera's surveillance, not showing anything in that area, due to the blind spot.

"What's going on?" Susannah's trill voice resounded from behind me. Her try at injecting some bravery into her tone, failed. But I would have been able to hear the un-wavering fear, no matter how much she tried to control it. "Jesse?"

Not taking my eyes from the screen, I answered her. "It was just an alarm being triggered," I said, not as reassuring as I would have liked. I didn't like the sudden coincidence of this. If it'd of been an animal, it would havef gone off long ago. The alarms are sensitive, but not likely to be tripped by the wildlife. It was too suspicious to just pass off as nothing.

But I settled on this to reassure Susannah. "It's probably just an animal, Susannah. Nothing to be concerned about."

I scanned the map one last time. Making sure I knew the area I was going up against and the surrounding directions. Picking up the ear piece sitting next to the radio on the table, I slipped it on to my ear. Testing it as I picked up the radio to clip onto my belt loop. "I want you to keep the other alarms on full alert. Bring up the other camera angles and tell me if you see anything suspicious," I said, leaning into Lance. "And I mean _anything_."

"Yes, sir," He rattled off quickly. Typing away on his laptop and doing multiple tasks at once. I made my way over to a kitchen drawer holding my gun, typing in a code to unlock it and standing back as it slid open. I felt Susannah sidle up to me as I was reaching in to pull out my 9mm and ammunition.

"I thought you said it was nothing to be worried about," She said, looking up at me with a calm and professional expression. But it did nothing to hinder the panic in her voice, or the anxious fear in her eyes.

"I need to go and check it out, just to be safe," Looking to Marty I shot him a loaded glance. He interpreted it instantly, coming up to wrap an arm around Susannah's shoulders and intending to lead her to the surveillance room. "Stay on the radio," I told Lance, as I walked over to the porch door, with everything I needed. On the outside I was calm, cool and collected. On the inside, I was humming with anticipation.

Opening the door, I shot a reluctant Susannah some semblance of a reassuring smile. Enthusing as much confidence and trust into that one look, as I could. Then slipping though the opening, I disappeared into the shadows surrounding the outside of the house. My gun pointed out and way from me.

Ready for anything.

_**Anonymous Reviews:**_

_**alicia -**_ Hey again! You're welcome for the reply back **:)** I try to reply to everyone of my reviews, if even it takes me a couple of days to get to it. You take the time to review after reading, so it's all I can do to take some of my own to reply! Lol, you did make me chuckle though. All I'm saying is you'll have to wait and see to find out who the assasin is **:D** But I can safely say, Stuart isn't an F.B.I agent. He's just an unfortunate pawn, poor guy. Aww, it's great to hear you're enjoying my stories so much! Especially '_Moments In Time_'! It's an absolute pleasure to be able to keep going with that! The response has been amazing** :D** I can't see an end for it anytime soon, hehe. Thanks so much for reviewing! I hope you continue to enjoy it **:) **Take care! **x**

_**Kaycee -**_Hi! Thank you for taking the time to leave a review! I'm glad you're enjoying this story **:D** I really enjoyed writing it. Especially the later chapters** ;)** I set a personal challenge for myself with this story. And it's been a little difficult in some parts. But in over-all, I'm really proud of it. Now we've got passed the first couple to set it, it's all fun and grins from here **:D**! I hope you enjoy this one! Thanks again, take care! **x**


	5. Pandora's Box

_**Pandora's Box**_

I watched Jesse slither out the cracked wooden door, softly closing the screen behind him. Finally letting Martyn pull me off to somewhere in the house. Not that I wanted to go anywhere. I didn't want to be taken away from whatever might be happening. I wanted to know Jesse was going to be okay, that the reason for that trigger or whatever it was wasn't going to hurt him. I had no idea why I was suddenly worried about Jesse; but I was. I put it down to the fact that if anything happens to him, then the person would be on their way here for me. Selfish as the excuse was it was also terrifying. I knew Martyn would protect me as best he could. And that Lance had all the up to date gizmo's and gadgets that would've had David freaking out for.

But I was still worried about Jesse.

Relenting, I trailed behind Martyn down the hall. He didn't seem overly concerned with the possible security breach. Treating it like he was going about a regular drill scenario or something. But he was probably being composed to keep me calm, I thought. Trying not to project too much concern onto me. After just over two weeks of being here, I was starting to settle in and relax slightly. Hoping I might actually be safe here, like everyone keeps telling me. And then Jesse has to go and play _Rambo_, leaving me feeling alone and absolutely terrified. When it could actually be nothing after all.

I'm so angry with myself, for letting the disgusting bastard who put me here bring me down to nothing but a gibbering mess. I'm stronger than that. I know I am. But God help me, I just can't get rid of that image in my mind. I can't go to sleep without the nightmare playing again and again. Getting worse each night by imagining different ways of it happening. Watching my family die, with nothing to do but scream. Having to witness every one of my friends, plead and beg me not to tell the feds anything. Flashes of me running down that endless alley and narrowly escaping them a little less each time. Before in the end, I'm too late and I get caught. The sound of the gun firing is the last thing I hear over my screams as I bolt awake from my sleep. Covered in sweat and panting.

The latest ones have started showing Jesse. Always on the outskirts and never reaching me in time. Never saving me. I'm reaching out for him. Crying and begging for him to help me, but he doesn't. And the remnants of the thoughts that run through my mind are always there when I first wake up. _You said you could protect me! You said you wouldn't let anything happen to me! _Again and again that's all I think when I see Jesse there. His gun outstretched, but not firing on the man ready to kill me.

And it's making me feel the betrayal and terror from my dreams when I look at him. Starting to make me doubt and question him. If he's not as good as they all say he is. I know it's stupid and they're just nightmares. But it doesn't ease my mind. I know someones luck has to run out eventually. Why not this be the time for Jesse's? Even while I know part of my problem is lack of proper sleep. Insomnia can make the sanest person crazy. But it's not doing anything to help my case with Jesse. It's only adding fuel of my intolerance with his arrogance and annoying attitude.

His heated words in my room haven't done anything to help his cause any. He's here to keep me alive, not to be my friend. That's nice. Really charming of him to throw that in my face.

Before I can stop myself, I start pacing the floor of the surveillance room Martyn brought me too. Glancing around the room, I took in a little more than I did the first time I came here. One wall lined with monitors and screens. Different images from multiple angles and rooms. A black leather couch that sticks out like the eye-sore it is in the rustic, log-cabin affect. But then again, they used this place for a base of command. I shouldn't have been surprised it would be more bachelor-esque. But other than a few scant pieces of odd furniture, it was as uncomfortable as the rest.

I turned away from the monitors and upped the pacing. Too anxious with wanting to know what's going on to pay attention to them. "It's probably nothin' to worry about, lass," Martyn said again. I hadn't been listening to his earlier reassurances. I was too busy over thinking everything again. A bad habit, that's only gotten worse since I've been here. "It was probably just an animal trippin' it. Jesse can look after himself."

"So you keep telling me," I muttered, still pacing the soft carpeted floor.

"That's because it's the truth," He seriously said, before his tone turned lighter again. "Besides, Lance and I are still here. I may be old, but I still got some fight left in these old bones," He grinned, smacking his arms. I couldn't help but smiling back. He really is a nice man. On first glance he looks like the kind who'd be a recluse and likely to shy away from people. When that was more Jesse than Martyn. He was just the fatherly figure to us all. Stepping back and letting Jesse take the reins when it was something important.

"Thanks Martyn," I smiled affectionately. Stopping in the middle of the room and taking a deep calming breath. Not that it helped my wired and agitated state. Although Martyn's sincerity and calm was helping a bit. "I appreciate it. You sure know how to make a gal feel safe." I teased.

"I aim to please." He grinned back, relaxing back in his computer seat. He looked like he was going to continue, when he was cut off by the sound of voices heading down the hallway towards us. Jesse's deep baritone swam through me calming my nerves and making me visible relax at hearing it. I let out the pent-up sigh, hearing him safe. But it wasn't because I was worried about Jesse, I remind myself.

It was definitely not because I was worried about the arrogant security commander.

Before I could stop myself, I ran over to the door and swung it open. Stepping out to meet Jesse and Lance as they came towards me. "What happened?" I asked quickly, interrupting their conversation. I got a glare from Jesse for it, but I just let it go over my head. Unfazed or too nervous; I wasn't sure. Lance just smiled in reassurance and moved around me and into the room. Martyn soon came over and propped himself up against the door-frame to listen. "Was there someone out there?" I continued in a rush.

"No," Jesse answered tonelessly looking down at me. "There wasn't anyone out there. The ground looked untouched and the undergrowth was barely disturbed. Not by a human anyway." Then he made his own way around me to step into the room after Lance.

"That's it?" I asked, still standing in the hall looking after him. He crossed the room and punched in a code on a locked cabinet. Not breaking his stride as he took something out from it. "You're not going to answer or tell me what happens next? What the plan is."

"There's nothing to answer," He said, not even looking at me. I found that to be the most annoying thing of all. When you're trying to talk to someone and they don't even have the courtesy to turn and speak to you properly. "I told you everything I know."

And that's when my frustration and anger with him really started to rise to the surface. How he could just brush aside my involvement so easily, was pushing me to boiling point. Like what I thought, or what I felt, really didn't matter in the grand scheme of things around here. Just someone getting in his way. Because I didn't need reassuring or clarifying that I was still out of direct danger and I could relax and carry on with what I wasn't doing. Of course not.

I clenched my jaw shut on the curse I was desperate to say when he evaded me. My fists curled tight at my sides as I tried to control my breathing. Yoga had taught me a few breathing exercises. But never, had it taught me how to deal with hard headed, soul-less men. This was exactly what I thought of Jesse De Silva right then. I don't know how long I stood in the hall there, silently fuming. Seconds or minutes, I didn't care. But when Jesse stepped out of the room and I turned to look up at him, I could easily imagine my fist flying out to hit him.

I stood directly before him. Invading his personal space to look up into his brooding black eyes. A sneer written across my face as I searched for something in his eyes. Something I was pretty sure I wasn't going to find, no matter how hard I tried. He scowled right back. Apparently impatient to be dealing with my fury right then.

Eventually he broke the very thick and tense silence we were stuck in. "What?" He asked emotionless.

"I was just wondering," I replied conversationally. "Do you have a soul? Or are you always this cold to the people under your protection?" Before he could say anything, I pulled up my dignity and pride and spun on my heel to start back down the hallway and away from him.

But he had other plans and didn't let me get away. Looking back on it, if I saw through my confident bravado for a second, it wouldn't have got that far.

Before I knew it, he had a firm grip on my arm as he spun me back around to face him. My sudden cry of indignation died on my lips as I looked up into the very windows of the thing I was just seconds before, looking for. He was like an open book. Horror at what I said. Frustration at my lack of co-operation and a deep set fury that rocked me to the core and made all my own drop away. I didn't know who he was more furious at; me or himself. But it was flashing back and pulling me in.

And I sucked in a breath at the depth I saw there.

"Before you turn around and criticize me for being cold and detached, Susannah," Jesse grounded out through gritted teeth. His tone sent cold shivers down my spine. The idea of fleeing deserting my mind. I couldn't have moved if I tried. I was too swept away in his eyes. In the heat burning my arm where his large hand was wrapped around it. Not too tight, but not loose enough to let me go either. I was drowning, and I didn't know if I was going to get thrown a lifeline.

"You might want to think about the person who put you in this situation in the first place. I've gone against and fought with some of the most evil people to have graced the world you live in. People like the man I'm trying to protect you from . . . and worse," He broke off, his grip relaxing slightly as he pulled himself upright and lost the scowl, replacing it with a sad understanding.

"So forgive me for not always being the most animated person. Put it down to the complete hatred I have for the bad guys, who kill innocence people and endanger more. And who make me have to protect you, when all I really want to do, is be out there catching him. So you can get back your trust in people, and . . . in me."

Then he abruptly released me to walk away. Leaving me behind to watch his retreating back again. My cheeks flushed crimson at the embarrassing display Jesse and I'd just put on before Lance and Martyn. But I knew without looking that they were acting as if they hadn't heard anything. I was completely taken off guard and so absorbed in my own anger with him, that I wasn't expecting his passionate plea to make me see.

My arm felt cool to the touch everywhere, but where his hand had just been. I didn't know what to be more shocked and startled from; what he said to me, with the truth and guilt that came with it. Or the deep sadness I saw in his eyes as he drew me in without much effort from him, or resistance from me.

The sadness of someone carrying the world alone.

Suddenly disgusted with myself, I turned back in the direction I was just heading in. Going to wallow in my guilt and new realization. I knew what I needed to do. I needed to apologize to Jesse. I know it was an underhanded and completely wrong thing for me to have said. But it was just days of exhaustion, terror and anger all building to the surface. Not to mention the confusion surrounding my feelings with him. He made me furious one minute, then had me eating out of the palm of his hand the next.

But I knew I hadn't just put my foot in it. I'd just well and truly tipped my whole damn expensive shoe collection there. Now I just hope I had enough courage and pride to apologize. Or that Jesse had the same, to accept it.

xXx

I dropped my head as I watched Jesse march off down the hall away from Suze. I didn't say anything and I didn't dare look up to see her reaction. I already knew what it was going to be like. But more importantly, I understood what Jesse was trying to get across to her. I've also seen more than I ever wished or wanted to see in my short life time. Too much death and suffering. The likes of which, aren't just in the war-torn countries. Some quite often here. In my own backyard.

Not that everyone acknowledges that of course.

I'd felt my own anger rapidly building to the surface when Suze accused Jesse of that. Because she couldn't have been further from the truth. Jesse is one person, who I know would do anything to protect. Who'd save someone in a heartbeat. Even at the sake of his own life. And if anything, it torn him up that he couldn't always be the hero. Or God forbid if he felt he failed someone in some way. He just knew how to hide it better than most. His cold persona towards Suze - although slightly unusual for him - was also a way for him to remain detached from her and the case.

Two things he was failing brilliantly at.

I heard Suze's light footsteps carry her off down the hall. Doing the right thing by giving each other space. I don't know what happened earlier, when we sent Jesse up to get Suze; but the lunch we all had to share was so awkward and tense, I was on constant alert. Suze had come down first, looking like she'd just sucked a lemon. And Jesse had an aura that told any bright spark not to ask and to stay away. I kept exchanging knowing looks with Marty across the table, but neither of us said anything to them.

But, when the alarms had gone off for one of the grids in the east, everything seemed to change between them. Very quickly. Jesse went straight into Military mode. Calm and ready for anything. Retrieving his gun and radio and getting ready to go and investigate. Suze instantly started to panic, hovering and questioning what was happening.

But it was their behaviour that was the most startling. Seemingly unconscious of what she was doing, Suze had gravitated towards Jesse. Sticking close to him and causing him to be the softest in his approach with her then, than the whole time we've been here.

The look of reassurance he sent her as he disappeared out the door wasn't lost to Marty or me. I don't think he even seemed to be aware he'd done it. But in those short seconds, it was as if we didn't exist. When we finally did come back to them, I had to quickly duck my head to hold back my grin. Jesse didn't seem to notice thankfully. But as soon as this is all over, I'm definitely going to rag on him about it.

The thought that maybe I should be a little concerned Jesse wasn't concentrating on the job, had entered my mind as the friction between them both got worse. It was almost funny how they didn't see the attraction and sexual tension between them, kick up the more they had these confrontations. But I knew he wouldn't ever let his emotions rule his head. If anything, Jesse's more likely to be more vigilant and wary of the dangers.

But I fully understood what he said in retort to her. I knew he would rather be out there, catching Steven Carson. But right now, the danger was more real here than anywhere else. And he knows that.

"Well, that was awkward," I commented to Marty, watching him curiously as he observed Suze walking down the hall. A thoughtful expression on his aged and lined face. "It was so cold; I thought it was gonna to start snowing or something."

He turned back into the room and went to take a seat on the couch. Sitting down softly as he relaxed into the comfortable leather. "Yeah, it sure was," He replied, sighing wearily. "They're almost worse than teenagers, those two. I hope whatever just happened, it's cleared the air at last. Whatever Jesse said earlier sure didn't."

"Tell me about it," I said with a wry smile. "I was expecting it to be better. Or at least get a little easier when they're around each other. But if anything, it was even worse," I turned away from my laptop and faced him properly. "You know, any other woman and Jesse has them eating out of the palm of his hand without even trying. But Suze . . . she just knocks him again and again. I don't know whether to find it funny, or annoying."

"Yeah," He commented. "Well I'm not expectin' an improvement over night. But the quicker those two realize what they're doin', the better the livin' conditions will be for all of us. Who knows how long we're goin' be stuck here for. If they go right back into givin' each other the silent treatment, I'm goin' to lock them in a room until they hash out whatever it is that's goin' on between them."

"Or rip each others clothes off," I chuckled. Marty snorted and agreed with me. I just didn't know whether that was a good or a bad thing either, as an old cliché came to my mind. "It's a thin line between love and hate."

"And with them two, it's only getting thinner," Marty finished. I knew Jesse wasn't open to falling in love again. And Suze didn't strike me as the type to fall easy, either. But I couldn't imagine either of them having much to say in the matter.

xXx

I made a coffee and disappeared to my room after my guilt induced confrontation with Jesse. I felt really bad about what I said. Even though he's pretty much been an ass to me the entire time; it still wasn't fair for me to question him. And I just couldn't get the image of his impassioned eyes as he tried to make me understand, out of my mind. Making the guilt intensify and make me feel even more rotten than I already did.

I always opened my mouth before engaging my brain. Father D had been trying to help me with it when I was younger. But it's just another thing that's only gotten worse with age.

I've just never met anyone that has made me want to scream with frustration, but be filled with something I hadn't felt in such a long time, before. If really at all. But the way he sets my senses and nerves on fire, is scary as hell. Not to mention leaving me excited to see what happens next. Which isn't a good thing. No matter how much I might feel like it is at the time.

I knew it was going to come to a head eventually. I was expecting it actually. I just never imagined it to happen so spitefully. His quiet and low voice had touched something deep inside me. I would have preferred a screaming match with him. You know, both ranting and trying to shout over the other. But his soft tone that was like a lovers caress, just left me speechless and unmovable. I didn't know what to say to that. If anything.

Now I have to make things right. Now I have to apologize and hope he's man enough to listen and take it too. I didn't want to go back to the silent treatment. That was becoming equally frustrating and annoying. But I didn't want there to be this huge thing hanging over our heads. Part of me is still upset and infuriated with what he said earlier in the day. But it didn't make up for what I said to him. I took it one step too far and let my anger cloud my judgment.

Jesse's just a contradiction of sorts. One minute he said he's not here to be my friend. But on another breath, he only wants me to trust him. I don't know what to think or which way to turn. I was as thoroughly confused by Jesse, as I was when it came to critical theory and the ways of the universe. I'm so out of my depth when I'm usually the one in control.

But with Jesse, I'm not. I couldn't be further from the truth.

I left it a good hour and a half before I left my room and went on the search for Jesse. I didn't exactly go hunting for him. I just let my feet drag as I popped my head around the study and the living room door. Sighing, I headed towards the kitchen. Almost terrified I was going to find him there waiting for me. Like he'd know what I was there for, not making it easy for me. But when I walked into the large open room, he wasn't there. Only Lance and Martyn were, going over their paperwork together.

"I don't suppose you know where Jesse is?" I asked timidly. Halting the urge to bite my nails in nerves. "I need to talk to him." Martyn turned to look at me. Smiling with an understanding I didn't want to acknowledge was there. I had the odd feeling he knew more than I did. And it only served to unnerve me more.

"He's in the gym," He replied. "Beatin' the hell out of the boxing bag, last time I popped my head in. He's been in there a while." I cringed hearing that. I definitely must've upset him. Lance muttered something to him, but Martyn gave him a swift kick under the table that shut him up. I didn't really care what he said I just wanted to get it over with.

I didn't know what I was more terrified of. Having him ignore and dismiss my try at an apology. Or go off on a rant about all the service he's done for this country and so on, and the help he was only trying to give me. I never asked for help unless I needed to. But this was one time when I didn't have _any_ choice and it was knocking my equilibrium.

"Thanks, guys," I gave them a quick smile, trying to inject as much enthusiasm and confidence as I could. But I knew it must have been painful to see, let alone feel. Before I could change my mind, I marched out of the room. Heading for the gym before I chickened out. As I got closer I couldn't hear the sounds of someone beating a sand bag. But I could hear the whirring of the treadmill going full force.

Taking a deep breath and licking my lips, I turned and walked into the gym. Coming to an abrupt halt as soon as my eyes set on the _fine_ male, currently running him-self worn on the treadmill. I felt my mouth go dry and my jaw slacken as I watched. All traces of what it was I was going to say left me. All my eyes could lock onto, was the olive shimmering skin of Jesse's muscled back and shoulders as he ran on. Swallowing at the flexing and rippling as his arms pumped at his sides. Showing the power and strength he was built with. His soaked white tank shirt, clung to him like a second skin. Only accentuating that tan and the lean figure he had, that much more.

His long legs ran at an impressionable speed beneath him. The heated image of them entangled with my own, as I let my hands roam every inch of his well toned and defined body; made the breath rush out of my lungs instantly. I curled my hands into the fists at my sides. The tough denim of my pants gripped tight between my fingers, as the fantasy threatened to become more vivid the more I watched. I dropped my eyes away from him before I did something I knew I would regret. Almost taken by surprise at the sudden coiling need rushing and pooling in my stomach.

_'It's a normal reaction for a woman to have, in the presence of a man built for power,'_ I told myself. _'That's all.'_

It took me a couple of head shakes and a firm hold of my will and control, to get that image out of my head. Even as entranced, I watched the trickle of sweat that fell down the back of his tanned neck, disappearing between his shoulder blades. Where my hands and lips wanted to trace and follow. The damp curls at the base of his neck made my fingers ache. I quickly tucked my hands to myself and took a deep breath. I knew I wasn't helping myself, ignoring the voice in the back of my mind demanding I go get some air. It was all I could _not _to walk out of the room.

The sound of the treadmill slowing made me snap my eyes away from where they really shouldn't have been. Seeing that as my only chance to right the wrong, I quickly made my way over to him. Keeping my eyes averted from where they didn't need to go again. Not if I wanted to ignore my hatred for him, in light for something more fun.

Standing to the side and not behind him, went along way to helping me get my head back. I knew he noticed me as I stood there. Carefully not looking at me as the music from his ear phones thankfully filled the quiet. But as he slowly came to a stop, his cool down finished and the machine halting the whirring noise that was filling the room; I suddenly felt very exposed and open standing right there waiting for him.

'_Suck it up, Simon_!' I could almost hear Gina's voice snapping in my ear. The idea of her knowing what inner-turmoil I was going through with Jesse right then nearly had me laughing. I could imagine what she'd say or do. And I used that to boost my confidence and remind me I'm not some wimp when it comes to men. Especially one's like Jesse.

Lifting my head high and determined to see this through, I met his stare as he took his ear phones out and stuffed them in his pocket. Simultaneously grabbing the towel and reaching up to wipe away the sweat on the back of his neck, I felt my knees sway slightly, when I took one glance at his bulging arm as he lifted it. Definitely a man built for power. As if sensing my betraying thoughts and confusion, Jesse finally turned to look at me. Throwing his towel over his shoulder as he leaned up against the quiet tread-mill.

He stood staring and waiting for me to make the first move. But I was starting to lose my cool again. Going up to a guy in a club or something and all out flirting with him I could do. Admitting I was wrong and apologising was something that didn't come as easily as the first.

Finally taking the plunge, I broke away from the quiet. "Hey," Was my lame attempt at starting. Although after seeing that impressive show, I was surprised it didn't come out as little more than a squeak. "You got a minute?" I asked, quite happy to bail out if he was too busy to listen.

"Sure." I'm sure he could see the disappointment in my eyes, so I quickly dropped them and made to observe my plain white sock clad feet. Counting to ten, I finally bit the bullet and went straight in.

"Look, Jesse," I said, pulling my eyes back up, knowing he deserved to have me look him in the eye when I spoke. After all, it was the one thing I was bitching about earlier. "I'm sorry about what I said to you. I didn't mean it and I know it was out of order. I should never have accused you of it and I know it doesn't undo what's already been done. I was just so frustrated and scared, and you just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. It's no excuse, I know. But I am truly sorry," Taking another breath, I lowered my voice. "You're nothing like the man who put me here. And I'm so sorry I put you in that same category."

I sighed, annoyed I wasn't saying or getting across what I really wanted to say. But I just couldn't stop either. "You just," I broke off, shaking my head and crossing my arms over myself. "throw me so off-balance. I don't know what it is about you that does it to me," But I was starting too. "I've never met anyone who can so easily do that. And to be honest, it makes me uncomfortable. And I know I've been hard to live with the last couple of weeks. So while I'm at it, I'm sorry about that too."

When I brought my eyes back to his again, I saw he hadn't broken sight of me once. But now he stood up straight to his own height, towering over me in what could only be called an imposing and frightening stance. But all I felt was safe and secure. Not to mention the biggest urge to run my hands down his sweat covered arms. To feel the power tightly reigned in there.

"Its okay, Susannah," He smiled at me. I swallowed and felt my knees knock again, just seeing that on him. If his scowl was dangerous, then his smile was pure poison and deadly to my fragile sanity and health. I was starting to think I would have been safer out of hiding, than I was right then.

"Apology accepted," He continued, looking a little nervous himself. "And I'm sorry I've been difficult myself. I could have been more welcoming and a little warmer to you. But I haven't. And I'm also sorry for what I said to you earlier. I didn't mean it what I said. That wasn't called for and I apologize if it hurt you in anyway." He lifted his hand to the back of his neck. Rubbing at it nervously. I guess we're more alike than we realized, or cared to admit.

I smiled and almost laughed at his fumbled apology, shrugging nonchalantly. I wasn't going to tell him, but his apology actually really meant a lot. It wasn't what I was expecting, but it was appreciated all the same. This time, when I caught his eye, time seemed to come to a standstill around us. And for the first time, I felt that mutual respect shining through us both. A silent message passed on from one to the other of a new understanding and peace. This time, the zap of energy I felt was a welcome feeling. And one I was frightened to admit, I enjoyed.

I licked my lips in a nervous anticipation for something. I just wasn't sure _what_ until Jesse's gaze followed the wet trail my tongue left behind on my lips. His eyes growing darker as he watched. Dripping into black orbs that held flashes of fire, I wasn't sure I wanted to see put out when it was aimed at me like that. Or the answering desire that flared brighter in me at getting that look from him.

And that's when I was brought back from the moment with a thump of my heart starting again, and the pounding headache of my blood rushing in my ears.

What the hell was I doing? I was at a safe house, because I had witnessed my flatmate get murdered right before my eyes. And I was flirting and fantasising about my security leader? I silently screamed at myself. How could I be so insensitive?! Even though I knew I wasn't doing or thinking anything wrong. I'm a red blooded woman after all. It was a natural reaction to have to someone who hitting the right chords in me. But I was still disgusted I could even start losing sight of the earlier thought.

Harder still, was that I would use Thea's death as a scapegoat and a smokescreen for the real reason I was angry my thoughts had wandered to territory off limits. A reason, I refused to explore or go into detail when I was standing before Jesse. Still confused and caught, and very trapped in his stare.

Frowning and effectively killing the possibly enticing but no-mans-land moment, I took a step back to give us some space and breathing room. I was breathing heavily, like I'd just been doing the one thing, I suddenly so desperately wanted to do. Kissing Jesse. Like his eyes had played out what my mind was supplying to me. The dizzily sudden need to escape was ringing in my ears the longer I stood there. Fight or Flight. And right now, I needed to run.

"I'll let you get back to your workout," I quickly mumbled. Stepping back further and all but racing for the door. "Err, thanks for listening, Jesse,"

I heard his startled response just as I was leaving. "Anytime, _querida_," I ignored the warm rush that flowed through me at hearing him say that. His gentle, softly spoken voice all but coming close to being my un-doing. I had no idea what it meant, but the Spanish left me feeling like my veins were burning. I willed my legs to carry me away from the sudden temptation that's been there all along. Suddenly breaking through my denial and sucker punching me.

Cold shower, cold shower! I repeated over and over making my legs move faster. Pushing his voice away. It didn't mean anything. It _couldn't _mean anything. Because I still don't like him. I still think he's arrogant and annoying and leaves me feeling frustrated beyond hell. Only now, it's in a completely different way. And it wasn't going back inside that locked box that just got burst wide open. Growling, I let the last thought race through my head.

Damn if I didn't want him!

* * *

** MediatorLovr - **Thanks for the cute review :D It made me laugh! x


	6. Raised Suspicions

A big thank you to **_Hot n' Exotic _**for going through this for me. This is more of a filler chapter. The next will be up very soon **:) **

* * *

_**Raised Suspicions**_

I watched Susannah make a hasty retreat out of the gym, leaving me confused and startled by her sudden reaction. But scarier still, confused and dumbfounded by my own. I don't want to know what just happened. Or what could have happened if she hadn't have stopped the moment. But I was as caught up in the rising atmosphere and passion as she evidently was. Maybe it was the change and shift in our 'relationship'. Both apologizing and sifting through why we were always setting each other off. Now finally putting aside some of the agitated tension between us.

I lifted a hand and ran it through my hair. A nervous gesture I've been trying not to show in front of her. I didn't want her to know how much she affected me. How out of my comfort zone I felt myself. I looked around the spacious gym I'd been in for the past couple of hours. Trying to work off some of the anger I felt at myself and Susannah. Her words had hurt me a lot more than I would have expected. Whether it was because Susannah was the one to say it. Or because of what it was she said.

But the route of the anger was directed at myself. Because of my retaliation to her. I'd let my guard down enough for her to see through into me. And now I felt as though I had nothing left to keep to myself. As though those black tainted emotions and thoughts had somehow been breached. Making me feel like I'd given too much away. It wasn't something I was comfortable knowing. And it wasn't something I wanted Susannah or anyone else to even witness.

I couldn't deny I was taken aback by her apology. I hadn't expected her to say what she did. Let alone actively seek me out to say it. The sincerity of what she said wasn't lost on me. And I noticed she seemed just as shocked and surprised by her need to explain to me her behavior, as I was. Reminding me that I was having similar problems when around Susannah. Like I was nothing but a fumbling idiot to her.

But I knew as soon as she looked up at me and I saw the intention and determination in her eyes of what she was going to do; that I too needed to apologize and right the wrong of what I said to her earlier on in the day. As difficult as I found it, I wasn't prepared to let her have as much trouble trying to correct the way we've been behaving; without stepping in and having my own say.

Now, after clearing one cold icy tension between us; we were trapped in another more blistering and feverish one. The memory seared through my blood. Making my body jump and waken to something it hadn't felt in too long. The heat of her open stare falling deep into my own. The way she swallowed and licked her lips in such a temptingly oblivious way. My eyes traced down the long column of her throat. Imagining the scorch and fire of her skin beneath my cool breath. But then to see her full red lips and her mouth parted with her breathing as rapid as my own. We only went down-hill from there.

And Susannah seemed just as stuck as I was.

But then something had kicked in within her. Causing the flash of anger with herself to dampen the moment. Cutting the connection as she dropped my gaze and stepped away. Then the way she shook her head; like she was trying to shake loose the passion starting to flare and spike around us. Disbelief with herself, clearly riddled in the way she spoke and sought out for the door. Leaving the regret and rapidly cooling desire that'd been fuelling me, to leave me feeling adrift and shaken.

But it was the concern I accepted and let through when I saw the underlying terror masked by her anger, that nearly made me step up and ask her what was wrong. Willing to comfort her in some way. To takeaway that unknown fear and soothe her in any-way I could. Even to have brought her into my arms and calmed her that way. I always was better using actions to make up for my lack of words.

But the crunch was when I called her, Querida. Letting it flow without even becoming aware I'd said it, until I saw the impact it had on her.

I couldn't withstand the groan I released out loud at that one. Not realizing I'd said it wasn't a good sign. It was a good indication of something I didn't want to think about. I rarely called my ex-fiancée it. It never occurred to me. And I should have known then, that I wasn't as deeply in love with Kerri as I could have been. It'd hurt me deeply when she left me. But I did love her. And for reasons unknown to me, I rarely uttered that small sentiment to, or about her. And feeling it just slip out when spoken to Susannah, had felt so natural and right.

Now all I wanted to do was stick my head under a cold shower and rid myself of it. Adamant I wasn't going to say it to her again.

The obvious attraction I had to Susannah, that I had been ignoring and refusing to see, was only getting stronger. I was finding it easier to brush aside the shock when we would accidentally brush past each other. Or the glances and electric tension so often found. Assuming it would burn off and wither the more I refused to see. But this attraction with Susannah is more potent and powerful, than any I have ever felt. I knew nothing could ever happen between us. Susannah's reaction only re-in forced that fact.

It was too dangerous to the case and to myself.

Unfortunately it didn't get rid of the memory from when she first stepped into the room. I was aware of her instantly. The feel of eyes trained on me made me alert. But the shiver of her eyes tracking my every movement was distracting. I could sense and feel the heat of her stare. I felt the air shift around me with a new presence in the room. The prickle of awareness on the back of my neck, that's saved my life multiple times in my career. And I was grateful for it now. I didn't want Susannah to startle me, anymore than she already does.

Pulling the towel away from my neck, I rolled my stiff shoulder. Trying to ease the ache that had been gradually getting worse. The stupidity of using the boxing bag was reckless and foolish. But I knew if I hadn't, I didn't know what would have happened when Susannah arrived to speak to me. It's a thought I didn't need to dwell on.

Picking up my water bottle, I heard someone making their way down the hall towards the gym. I tipped my bottle of water over my head, trying to bring my senses back to the moment quicker than they were. Unwilling to admit I was having trouble. I refused to panic and wonder just how dangerous Susannah Simon really is. But by the time Lance stopped at the doorway and popped his head around, I felt cooler and more able.

"Jesse," he called. "Boss is on the phone for you. You want me to tell him you'll call him back or you good to talk now?" I heaved a sigh. Hearing that just firmly placed me right back into that place I called, hell. It made everything rush back to me again. Of where I was and why we were here. The confrontations and misunderstandings with Susannah were clouding my reality. I had a job to do first and for most.

And today, that could have been compromised in more ways than one.

"No, I'm coming now," I replied, running a hand through my wet hair with a new resolve taking a hold of me. I made my way over to Lance and walked out the door. Being followed close behind my long strides. I could feel him looking at me curiously. "What?" I didn't turn to address him as I spoke.

"Nothing," he said, although his tone held a different opinion. There was definitely something he was waiting to ask me. "Have a good workout?" he asked. "Manage to get rid some of that pent up energy?"

I scowled as I carried on walking. Not needing him to remind me of the previous problems Susannah and I had been placing not only on ourselves, but on Lance and Marty too. "Yes, I feel much better." I subconsciously upped my pace to a little quicker. Lance's own quickened walk echoed and bounced off the wooden floor.

"Did Suze find you?" he asked. I stopped in my tracks at his subtle but glaringly obvious inquiry, and turned to look at him. Narrowing my eyes at his not so innocent expression. But his face was an emotionless mask. Giving away nothing and telling of nothing. Sometimes I detested how well we could be trained in schooling our emotions. But he knew Susannah had and he asked anyway. I bit down on my irritation at his personal question that really didn't mean anything. It was just, when it came to Susannah, everything made me look closer than it should.

"Yes, she did," I replied, turning away again and carrying on down the hall. "And before you ask, yes we have talked. But that's all you need to know." I made it to the open study door and paused to see Marty on the phone to my boss. I felt my suspicions with them both rise a little. Wondering how much, if any, they had told him. He knew whatever the emotions and tension around here were, that I wouldn't ever do anything to jeopardize the mission. But I knew his own curiosity would be heightened whether I asked for it or not.

I made my way into the room, patting Marty on the shoulder to get him off the phone and out of my chair. Hoping to cut their line of conversation as short as possible. He smirked up at me before he finally said his good-byes and handed the receiver to me. I sat down in the chair he had just vacated and held it to my ear. Shooting glances between Lance and Marty, both lingering before me.

"Boss," I said in greeting, sounding more wary than I should have done.

"Jesse!" He gave me another warm reply. Thankfully getting straight to business. "Sorry I'm only just getting back to you, I've been trying to hunt down Ballack. He's avoiding me and Thompson can't get hold of him either. So I don't have anything new to give to you, unfortunately. You got a report for me?" he asked, his tone descending from light to frustrated in seconds. Ed's normally a man of much patience. But Ballack's enough to piss anyone off, and he'd obviously used up his time with Ed, poorly.

"Yes sir," I crisply answered, happy to be able to lose myself in protocol for a short time. "Just after thirteen hundred this afternoon, one of the alarms went off for one of the grids on the outer parameters. Located in the east, closer to the forest than the house. I got Lance straight on to the surveillance and left Miss Simon in the capable hands of Marty, while I went and investigated the designated area . . ."

xXx

_I crept along the side of the house and across the wooden porch. Blending in with the midday sun's shadows as much as possible. My silent footsteps sneaked along the aging and creaking wood, until I finally crept onto the grass. Sticking to the dull edges and corners thrown all around by the house's shape and silhouette. I was conscious of the radio at my ear, Lance only on the other end if anything happened. With a sweeping glance, taking in the entire habitat surrounding the house, I slinked into the forest. Resting up against the large and extremely thick tree. Well protected should there have been anything lurking behind me. With my gun raised and pointed out among the woodland, I moved around._

_I tried to avoid the dry twigs where I could. The rustle of the fall leaves was bad enough, but I didn't want to remove the evidence or possibility of a trail that may or may not have been left behind. I knew animals came up to the house at night. It was never something I worried about. But the bad feeling I had in the pit of my stomach since the alarms had first gone off, were only increasing._

_"How's it looking, Jesse," Lance asked, his voice coming through loud and clear in my ear. I gave a silent nod to one of the obscured camera's hiding out among the trees. Aimed in all different directions. It's this very kind of security that has made the house the most ideal for protecting witnesses. "Good."_

_My keen eyes and senses took in everything at once. The sound of birds high above in the branches. Some singing and adding to the natural sounds of the land guarding the house. The far off cries of a small critter quickly running through the forest. The sun that shone down through the trees blanked out every now and again, by a flock of birds flying over head and the swaying of the tree tops. I saw something move in my peripheral vision, in the far off distance. But I knew it was only an animal by the fumbled movements._

_I looked out for any traps someone could have set in the covered forest floor. I knew it was the perfect and most ideal place to hide something small but dangerous. The rich orange and red colours that blended in all around me, made looking out for certain things, difficult. But I didn't pass anything off. I mentally noted down everything and anything around me. Training my eyes on the underbrush determinedly._

_"I can't make out any evidence of human tracks," I spoke into the radio. Pausing as I quietly crept closer to the place of alarm. I didn't expect to find anyone there, but I still wasn't sure of what could have been left. It was unusual but not uncommon for the animals to disturb a sensitive piece of equipment. But I couldn't pass off that it might have been something else entirely. "It doesn't look disturbed. Barely touched even," I pondered._

_"Senses didn't pick up on any kind of activity around the area," Lance informed me. "But the further into the forest you get, the more some of the equipment doesn't work. The foliage and trees are so thick, sunlight can barely get through. And most of this stuff works on solar energy to keep it powered." I knew the more sophisticated security was needed in and closer around the house. Monitoring connections, phone-lines and approaching populace. And the house had been modified to be practically built like a fortress. The more outer security detail was just as needed, but unfortunately not as ideal._

_I let my grip of my gun relax minutely, picking up on the smells thickening the air the further in I walked. The breezes that spoke of pure fresh breeze filled my lungs and revitalised me. I reached the designated place and moved past it to a few trees north of its position. Scoping out the area and trying to define if anything looked out of the ordinary or wrong. Lance would have known what to look out for when it came to the sensor alarm. But there was no option of him coming out here to do what I was doing. If anything happened with our security equipment, he was the best man for the job._

_"Any heat signatures?" I asked Lance. Narrowing my eyes as I caught sight of the slightly disrupted leaves around where I was crouching. A couple of broken twigs had been swept away. But again, nothing that should have answered the unease prickling at the base of my neck. Just nothing to indicate why the alarm was suddenly and inexplicable triggered when it was. And why now?_

_"Not picking up on anything, Jesse," Lance said, his voice sounding as frustrated as I felt. "But it still doesn't seem right." I agreed. It was a little coincidental for this to be something of nothing. I knew Carson couldn't do this alone. He was always sending someone to do his dirty work for him, with the odd exception. It kept the F.B.I from pinning anything on him._

_But he's hired the best assassins he can find to carry out his hits. And this was a kill he was desperate to have accomplished. Susannah was the one person between his life of freedom or imprisonment. Meaning it certainly wouldn't be some amateur he sent._

_"Where's Susannah?" I asked. Raising my eyes to the far off distance. As if I would've been able to see said possible sniper lurking in the hills and ledges leading up to the mountains. If was someone out there, he could have been tracking my every movement and had me down in an instant. The thought of my own death didn't terrify me. It was the possibility of not being good enough that did._

_I was an open target. But I did nothing to back down. I let my eyes scour the mountains as if I was looking directly into the eyes of the person, waiting to enact his next hit. I knew I was going to have to be a little tougher and stricter on Susannah. No going outside to sit on the porch anymore. No more standing by her large open balcony and just begging for trouble. She wasn't going to like it, but it was necessary._

_I may not have found anything right then, but it didn't mean there wasn't a monster lurking in the trees._

_"She's with the old man," Lance said, pulling me out of my determined stare into nature's background. "He took her off to the surveillance room. She was reluctant but she went." I heard amusement in his tone and pictured the refusal she could have put up for him. Not to mention the fear I saw in her eyes as I was creeping out of the door. Feeling a new rush of determination, I sent a threatening glare to the mountains. I couldn't let anything happen to her._

_I want the chance to be able to build her trust in people again. I had no idea why, but that was important to me. That she have back as much as this drama has taken from her._

_"Okay," I replied. Shooting one last glare to the hidden possibilities. Turning away, I retraced my steps back to the house. "I'm on my way back. Sit tight until I get there. Keep watching and monitoring everything. I want it all on high alert for the next couple of days, just to be safe." I got a confirmation from Lance and made my way back through the forest. Gun out and ready, just to be sure. I wasn't expecting anything or anyone to jump out at me. But my intuition has been known to fail me before._

_I have the scars as evidence to prove that._

_I gave the perimeter around the house one quick check over, before I slipped through the back door again. Having checked for anything stuck beneath the car, I didn't stop until I felt completely happy with what I didn't find. Walking into the kitchen, I slid the door closed and locked it behind me. Pulling the blinds so it blocked out any view of the outside. Sighing, I took off my radio and tossed it onto the table with Lance. He carried on watching the surveillance._

_I replaced my gun back in the locked drawer. Punching in the code with more force than was necessary. But I couldn't help but feel like I was one step behind and the other was ahead. I didn't like it. I leaned forward on the counter-top, palms out flat as I tried to control and curb my frustration. "Could it have been a loose wire or something?" I asked, trying to come up with a possibility. He raised his head and looked me straight in the eye. Giving me no hesitation or lies._

_"No."_

_"Dammit," I cursed, slamming my fist down on the counter. I ran my hand through my hair, trying to decide the next move. "I need to contact Reidman," I said, standing up and walking out of the kitchen. Heading down the hall towards the surveillance room. "I want someone dispatched to the nearest town. See if anyone suspicious was lurking around. Or looked as if they were heading into the mountains."_

_"Good idea," Lance replied, following my pace down the hall and heading straight for Susannah who came shooting out of the room as she heard us approaching. Her face anxious as she looked at me . . ._

xXx

I finished my tale and heard nothing but silence on the other end of the phone. Effectively giving my report to Ed, Marty and Lance at the same time. There wasn't anything else I needed to tell Susannah. Other than she was bound to the house until I saw fit for it to be safe for her to go outside. Day or night. You only needed a pair of night wear goggles and the best sniper gun you could get. It wouldn't take much. At least inside the house, she was behind the best enforced glass you could get.

"I'll have McHenry and Cowley dispatched straight away," Ed finally said, his voice sounded deep and calculating. He wasn't happy either. "I'll have them stick around in town as long as possible. They're there as back-up if you need them then."

"Thank you, sir," I replied, gathering the picture of the two men in my mind. McHenry, an ex marine, much like me. He knew how to play by the rules and the need for subtlety. I served with him a couple of times on Special Operations. Cowley I didn't know as much on. He started straight into the agency. Getting as much training and skills in as many fields as possible. But he has my respect for going against the rules and saving a life on one of his missions. Even when it was risky and the chances of winning were slim.

"I'm going to order Susannah under house arrest," I continued, seeing Lance cringe and Marty raise him bushy eyebrows, surprised. "At least until I feel it's safe for her to go outside," I continued, talking to the two men before me, rather than Ed. "She's not going to like it, but I don't see any other choice."

"I agree," he confirmed. "You're the one in command there, Jesse. Do whatever you think deems necessary to keep that little lady safe. She'll bite and grumble about it, but it's the right thing to do." I relaxed minutely. Glad for Ed's support and confidence in my abilities.

"Thank you, sir," I repeated, my voiced laced with warmth for the older, fatherly figure man. "I'll be in contact if I know anything else." We said out good-byes and hung up. Making the silence stretch on between the three of us.

"You're right," Marty said. "She isn't going to like it." I nodded, accepting his opinion. I already knew there was going to be a potential argument to come up about it. But I'd have to deal with it when it comes.

"I'm not going to tell her now," I said. "It can wait for the time being. But if I'm not around and she's planning on heading outside, you can repeat my order. If she doesn't like it, she can come and talk to me about it. Okay?" I asked them both. Although I wasn't strict when it came to stretching my authority with them both, I put my foot down when it was needed.

I got two nods of confirmation in return as Lance and Marty got up to leave the study. Once they were gone I dropped my head into my hands. We'd just mended one fence; I wonder how many more were going to get splintered with this new order against her. I knew I was putting it off. But right then, I was too tired and too worn to have to deal with yet another confrontation for the third time today. I just wanted to grab something to eat, hit the showers and write up the report of today's incident.

I'd deal with the sure wrath of Susannah Simon tomorrow.

xXx

I placed the receiver down and sat back in my chair. Making my fingers into the steeple position as I rested my elbows on the arm rests. Jesse was right, something didn't seem right. And it didn't take for me to be all the way up there with them, to feel the danger lurking around either. The boy has good honing skills. Good instincts for the guilty and danger.

It's a shame it didn't save another man from my agency - Felix Diego.

He was the typical type of smarmy, brown noser always trying to challenge others. He was wrong to be working for me. But we needed his skills and years of experience on the team. They were invaluable for certain missions and tasks. And I'd hoped that working here would have smoothed off his rough edge with people. But it didn't. So I assigned Jesse to his case. Tag-teaming and hoping Jesse's patience would wear off on him. Make him realize he can't keep taking stupid risks and dodgy outcomes at trying to cut corners. Hoping that if he had someone else's life right alongside him, he would be more conscious and careful.

But that didn't work either. And Jesse nearly paid for his life with it. Turning his gun on a fellow comrade was one of the worst kinds of betrayal. And it was hard to not take it personally. But for Jesse, he took it more to heart than others. Blaming himself for not seeing he was a bent agent in the first place. For seeing through the masquerade Diego put on for everyone. But Jesse just couldn't see he wasn't the one to blame. The only thing keeping him from quitting the agency altogether; was that no-one else got hurt other than himself.

And he was damn lucky he got away with his life. It'd been too late for Jesse to escape the gunshot to his shoulder. Diego's lousy aim had got him in his right arm. He'd been aiming for his heart, but due to the quick reflexes Jesse the lucky son of a bitch has, he just managed to dive as he saw the gun swivel on him. But it still took out his good arm. And the one he was the best shot with.

When I read his report, I swelled with pride for him. It hadn't kept Jesse down. He'd taken the hit and gotten to shelter. Giving him the chance to defend himself and stop Diego. The traitorous bastard always had been too cocky and confident for his own good. And it was his downfall. Using up his clip, it had given Jesse the chance to open fire in return. Shooting the gun out of Diego's hand and leaving him weapon-less. Jesse had approached and kicked the gun out of the way. Aiming at him the best he could. His strength and concentration had been wavering from the shock of the wound and attack. But he kept his wits about him enough to be able to avoid Diego's next move. Charging at Jesse and aiming for his shoulder wound. A cheap shot that'd caused Jesse to drop his own gun.

But that was nothing compared to the dirty trick of Diego pulling a knife on him. He wanted Jesse dead. There was no doubt about that. But Jesse always was a stubborn bastard and he didn't go down without a fight. The scar he has slashed across his ribs is one of his more prominent ones. But it's there as a harsh reminder to all who knew about that particular part of the attack.

Fate, faith or the powers-that-be seemed to on Jesse's side that night. And with dumb luck and a stubborn streak the size of the Grand Canyon; Jesse ended the fight. He was just able to grasp his gun and shoot Diego as he was about to plunge that blade into Jesse's chest. Jesse had lain there, close to bleeding to death as he waited for help to arrive. I came close to losing one of my best recruits. And the man I looked over as a son. It was too damn close for my liking.

But he hadn't quite the team and worked his way back up to full fitness. Back to throwing himself into his work, trying to make up for the danger he didn't see until it was too late. But if Jesse's says something didn't feel right; then more fool the people who don't heed his warnings.

Groaning at the stiffness in my neck I sat forward and scrubbed a hand down my face. This bullshit lack of knowing what was going on with Susannah Simon's case was starting to piss me off. Ballack always had a reputation for being an ass. Walking away from a job, no matter how big or small it was. But the lack of information or reports passing by my desk was making me irritable and annoyed. The young woman's life was in danger the longer that heartless bastard was loose on the world. And Ballack's lack of co-operation only made my suspicions about him escalate.

Getting second-hand information from Will Thompson wasn't doing anything to cheer me up. He was obviously as pissed off with his boss as I was getting. Just over two weeks they'd been in that safe house. Two weeks without a word, apart from, "We're working on it," And that could have meant anything. They were close to catching the rat-bastard, or they didn't have a clue to where he was? The latter was more likely to be the truth. But I didn't want my men to be expending their resources anymore than they had to. And keeping Susannah Simon locked up with Jesse for too long, was bound to cause huge ripples in the pool.

Whether that was a good thing or not, was up to them.

"You free?" a cheerful voice calling from the door asked. I felt an instant smile light my face as I lifted my head to greet my wonderful wife. Waving her in with a tired hand that spoke more of my frustration with this case, than the new company I very much needed. Fully stepping into the large and comfortable office, Rose closed the door behind her and walked over. Setting a paper bag of jelly doughnuts on the desk. "You okay?" she asked, concerned eyes scanning over my face.

"It's just the usual," I replied, taking her hand as she leant up against the desk. "I can't get through to Ballack on this latest case. And the lack of information isn't boding well for Miss Simon. I don't like having this place stretched so thin and with nothing to support why." I let my thumb run over her knuckles. Catching the band of our wedding ring and taking comfort from the warm metal.

"What about his colleagues?" she asked, trying to think outside of the box for me.

"I've spoken to his lackey's. Or rather, the one I trust not to give me any shit, anyway. He's trying to find out if they have any leads, but Ballack hasn't exactly been dropping by the office lately. It's a huge case for them and their doing everything they can. But Ballack feels the need to keep disappearing to nowhere."

"What about Jesse?" she moved aside some papers and sat on the desk properly. Turning back to give me her full attention. But when she saw the small smile I couldn't hold off, she narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "What?" she asked slowly. "What's going on?" I chuckled lightly, sitting up in my chair a little more. The memory of the conversation we had earlier that morning coming back to me in Technicolor words.

"Nothing bad, sweetheart," I grinned. "He's just having a little trouble with the missus. She's defying him at every turn and breathes fire and brimstone, apparently. It's a bit like de-ja vu. They remind me of us in our early days." I laughed.

"Hey!" she retorted, smacking me in the arm. "I'm still young, thank you!" And then she got that wicked glint in her eye, I'd been telling Jesse about earlier. "And if what you say is true, darling, then she may just be what and who Jesse needs. I wouldn't start chortling just yet. You and I both know he's got the potential and heart to make a woman very happy one-day. And if he sees it quick enough, he may just have the chance to make her realize it too."

I sobered up at Rose's sincere and wise words. She was right. Jesse was a smart man. Loyal to a fault and full of something, he doesn't even realize he has. Hopefully Susannah would be the one to give him that boost. And hopefully he'd see it in time to accept it. It's odd how fate works out for us. It's just a shame they had to meet under such difficult circumstances. But then again, it may just be the thing that pulls them together.

I liked to hope so.

"In the meantime," she continued, her tone light but her eyes serious. "What are you going to do about Agent Ballack?" I sat back again. My mind already going over the possibilities. The F.B.I comes to my agency for a specific reason. Because we're the best people to do the job. Who aren't recruited to the forces or to them. They need us to get the job done and without hindrance.

But we were also the ideal play of being able to scout out and hunt down who their searching for. Either by running alongside them, or branching off on our own. And I'd already been making plans before Ballack had started to take inopportune vacations. He just happened to be a spanner in the cogs that normally turned swiftly and easily.

"Put plan B into motion," I answered. Looking my wife, best friend and confidant in the eye. Seeing her agreement and unwavering support to each and every one of my decisions, always there waiting for me. "Send out my own men and get this finished how it should be. Jesse deserves it and so does that young woman whose life has just been demolished." Rose nodded at my heartfelt words. Her hand reaching out to rest against my cheek. I swelled with love and pride for her.

Absently hoping Jesse was going to get the opportunity to experience something like this, one-day.


	7. Pleasure For Pain

Another big thank you and hugs to _**Hot n' Exotic**_ for checking this for me** :) **Next will be up soon** ;)**

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_**Pleasure For Pain**_

I wasn't sure how I made it out of that gym and back to my room. But when I did, I fell back against the door heavily. Trying to get past the ragged breathes that weren't coming too easily. I decided I must have had too much oxygen cut off from my brain. Because that was the only reasonable explanation for why I just did what I did. And what the hell was going to happen, if I hadn't have walked away when I did? If a bolt of, _'Are you crazy_?!' hadn't have impacted me so quick.

It was all an act. It had to all be an act. The sad loneliness in his eyes. The sincerity of his wish for me to trust him. His suddenly nice behaviour to me was this entire big act, just to keep me sweet. Just so he could . . . what? Get me in his bed. Use me and throw me away. Set out to win a conquest of me? Just so he could quench a thirst of his own?

Not that the thought wasn't incredible appealing. He's the closest thing to a reincarnated Adonis, I've ever seen. I definitely wasn't blind to that. And walking in on him in the gym only re-enforced the fact that I did respond to him, no matter what I tried to deny. He was tightly reined in power, sheathed in human form. The way he moved, the way he spoke. The dark, cold barrier he kept up, making him more mysterious with each day. His patience that seemed to go on forever. His calm in a possibly dangerous and terrifying situation. He was made to do what he did.

But just as much, he could easily have been one of the baddest, bad guys, the world had ever seen. It was all there. The danger and intrigue. Wisps of his dark past and history, the deep curious part of me wanted to find out more about. He was bad boy personified, and I never wanted to run so damn fast and so damn far in my whole life. They're nothing but trouble and Jesse definitely fitted into that category. I'd put him on the top of the list, too. But it was close to impossible remembering that, when not five minutes ago, I felt like he looked right into me my very soul. Saw my own lust and desire for him, and lassoed it. Like he was scoping me out with his eyes. Searching for all my secrets and leaving me open and vulnerable.

And I let him get to me.

That had to be what it was. Just a personal challenge to himself. Because I had yet to meet a man who was sincere and not out for just one thing. They're all the same. I'd decided that a long time ago. I'd been fooled by them too many times in the past. And maybe it is mostly my own fault for letting it happen. But the good guys were too clingy and self-conscious. Saying they love you too soon. As sincere as they might have sounded, it was too much emotion in a relationship that was too young. And the bad boy's just lured you in and chucked you as soon as they were finished or better came along. And what made Jesse an exception to those facts?

_Nothing._

There was no way I was going to let him get away with it. No way was I going to let myself get hurt again, for the sake of quenching a quickly getting out of control fire. He may have ignited something in me I'd never felt before, but there was a perfectly logical explanation for it. Being thrown into a world of hell, with this big strong protector setting out to keep me safe. Like the classic damsel in distress with her hero. And maybe the friction and mutual dislike between us before did have an underlying attraction to it. I'll admit it. But it didn't mean I was going to act on it and rid myself of the constant ache since I met him. I'm no helpless damsel and I have some respect for myself!

"_Shit_!" I growled, slamming a foot against the door behind me. "He's doing it again!"

It didn't matter what I did or what I thought, Jesse still snuck into my thoughts without me asking for them. And I just let him know that he's getting to me. All but outright told him in fact. Just standing there, pretty much helpless to his eyes. Where the hell had my head gone? How did I manage to block out this huge disaster and hellish existence, so much; that I managed to let myself be suckered in by the enemy? No matter how much he seemed to be the most gentlemanly man I've ever met. Maybe with an exception to Andy. And no matter how . . . _deep_, his eyes are. I still somehow forgot _why_ I'd met him in the first place.

Thea being killed before me. Steven Carson, the drug lord trying to hunt me down and stop me from spilling my guts to the feds, and getting justice for my murdered friend. My life, as close to over and shredded, as I ever thought it could get. And then there was this man, who looked at me with this deep empathy and understanding. Like he _knew_ what I was thinking, before even _I _did. His ease at acting like this was no big deal, maybe to save me more pain. And the trust he was fighting to win in me, might actually be possible.

But it didn't stop me asking, who's the enemy here? Thea's killer, or Jesse De Silva? Both capable of breaking my heart, more painfully than anyone could imagine. Only one could let me die slowly, living each day with a painful reminder of the man who was making me forget of the drama unfolding around me.

The tears had stopped flowing for Thea, a while ago. There weren't any-more left to shed. They came and came, until my eyes were red and sore. My nose blocked and burning from the salt of my grief. My throat raw and dry from whimpering in the dark. And still I cried on the inside. For Thea and her family. For the life she got taken from. And for myself. Because of the distance I put between me and my own family. Thinking I had forever to tell my mom I was sorry for what I've done to her. Sorry I wasn't all I could have been. Sorry I let us both down. That I let myself push a perfect family away from me in spite.

And I didn't even know if I was ever going to get the chance to ever say that, or anything else to her.

Sure, Jesse had helped me forget. But how could I forgo pain, for pleasure? How ccould I be in his company, fire shooting me to the point where I think I might start seeing smoke drifting from the tips of my fingers and enjoy it? I wasn't meant to. I had no _right_ to. You don't get sent into protective custody, just so you can sleep with the guy supposed to be watching out for you. Letting that rid you of the deep, part self-inflicted pain for a while.

"Or substitute one pain for another. . ." I whispered to the room.

I let my head fall back on the door again. Closing my eyes against the space I'd just stupidly said the words that just made me want to crumble into a small heap and never get back up. It wouldn't be pain for pleasure. It would be one pain for another. Because in the aftermath of that sweet desire; I would have left myself wide open to my one weakness again. I would no doubt get myself hurt, which would only cross out the nightmare of the past few weeks. For a while, it would let me forget and be too consumed by my own hate for myself and for him.

How couldn't I have seen that before?!

It didn't exempt the dislike I had for him at first. The arrogance and cold way he acted around me. Making me get increasingly frustrated at constantly being pushed aside. Things he had a perfectly good reason for. He had all the power and authority to keep to himself. But I'd used my growing dislike for him as a smokescreen, to the instant pull and attraction he had on me. Something that only grew, the more the tension surrounded us had. Until I came to a shattering conclusion that made me focus all my bottled up pain and misery, and throw it on him through hatred. And to think, I accused _him_ of not having a soul?

But what would happen next time? Because I knew, it wouldn't come out with white-hot anger spitting between us. Not anymore. I'd all but sealed my own fate when I went and apologized to him earlier. Cleared the air and wiped the slate clean, except for the spark still arching between us. It wasn't going to come out in a confrontation. No exchange of bitter rivalry next time. We'd gotten past that, if my own realization's hadn't done already. And I didn't know whether to relish in the anticipation, or go and beat a few rounds out of the punching bag to mask my fear.

How did a simple dislike and mistrust, turn into something so complicated?

"Trust," I murmured to the large empty room. Opening my eyes, I looked around the pale walls with its worn but comfortable furniture. I thought so many times over the past couple of weeks, that the house needed a woman's touch. A few brushes of life to it. Now I knew I'm getting used to it.

A little like Jesse De Silva.

Sighing, I pushed myself away from the door. Crossing the room as quickly as possible and aiming for the en-suite bathroom. I clung onto the edge of the sink and bowed my head as I tried to keep my thoughts back on the present. My fingers dug into the cool porcelain as my earlier word came back to me. That was what I needed to concentrate on. Remembering that I had no trust in Jesse. Only for my life he was precariously holding in his hand. I couldn't trust him with my heart and that was the one thing I needed to remember. There was no trust there when it came to that.

'_Yet_.'

Gritting my teeth, I lifted my head and stared at my reflection in the mirror. If I let myself do what I wanted to do and run into Jesse's arms; then I would only be doing what I'd done my whole life. Running from the hurt until it was at a safe enough distance that it wouldn't actively touch me anymore. Jesse would only be a minimal relief. It would only be me running scared, like all I'd ever known. And the stupid thing is, it had to take my flatmate getting murdered before me to realize that fate had caught up to me and the pain was standing at the gate.

But gate to where? Gate to heaven? Or hell? Or the gate to the next step of moving on and forgetting about Thea, Steven Carson. And most of all . . . Jesse.

I stared hard into my own face. Passing a glance over the frown lines around my mouth. At the tension gripping my jaw. The pale complexion of my skin; like I hadn't got enough sun. My hair, dull and lifeless as it lay limp past my shoulders in its loose ponytail. The feathered and layered strands lost of its usual bounce and volume. But it's my eyes that give me the determination. Pushing me not to give in to the pain or to my fears. Not to my possible killer or the charming ways of Jesse De Silva. My green eyes held nothing but mistrust and suspicion in everything around me.

Even in myself.

I couldn't give in. Not yet. At first I just wanted to hold on until I was safe behind my bedroom door, before I let the shock and despair hit me. Now, I used it as something to look forward to. When this was all over and I could start a new life; only then would I let the pain come. It could hit me with everything it had. Knock me clear across the world if it wanted. As long as I was not around these people, who were fighting to save my life. And I was not going to ever have to face the possibility of being put in a position where I'd never felt so terrified and vulnerable again.

Now I just had to hope my nightmares agreed with me.

xXx

Twitching the curtain again, I frowned as I looked across the street to the SUV parked on the corner of my road, supposedly inconspicuous to anyone else. But it stood out like a neon sign to me. The house and everyone in it, was being watched. I wasn't a fool and I didn't take kindly to being treated like one. This was exactly what these men were doing, starting when they began staking out our home over a fortnight ago. If they were going to make some kind of threatening move, they would have done so by now. But it didn't stop the agitation I could feel at seeing them parked there.

What exactly are they looking out for? We were just a normal family. Nothing and nobody of great importance. Only Andy and I lived here now. The kids were all grown up and had moved on. Living their separate but still close lives. They stopped by every so often, but never enough for the problem to be about them. The only one we had minimal contact with, was Suze. And that was not without trying.

Switching my thoughts away from my distant daughter, I narrowed my stare at the dark SUV and their blacked out windows. I didn't know if they swapped over watches, changing hand or whatever. But they hadn't left the sight of the house since they parked there that night. It had taken me a couple of days to even notice they were there. It was never something I thought I needed to concern myself over. But their presence obviously meant trouble. I just didn't know what kind. Whether or not they were federal agents, or just people waiting for a certain someone.

But the longer they sat there, the more annoyed I was getting at not knowing _why_.

Struck with a fierce determination to suddenly find out, I let the sheer curtains fall back into place and adamantly made my way over to the front door. I was going to find out the truth, whether they liked it or not. Thinking they could try and pull the wool over my eyes. Ha! Not likely. I could sniff out a lie from a mile away. And federal officers or not, I was determined to find them out.

I was about to swing open the door when Andy came up from the living room. Making me halt like as if I was a teenager and had been caught sneaking out past my curfew.

"Helen," he asked curiously. "Where are you going? Dinner will be ready soon." I cleared my expression and made sure not to give anything away. I didn't like keeping anything from my husband, but he obviously hadn't noticed the parked un-marked car across the road. And until I knew more about it, I didn't want to tell him of my suspicions. He would only worry about the boys. And seeing as we hadn't heard from Suze in months . . .

I didn't want to think that way. If she was in trouble, then I liked to think our relationship wasn't completely massacred that she couldn't come to me if she needed me. And if it was anything direr . . . well they would have informed us straight away. And I would _know_. Besides the fact they wouldn't be staking outside my own home.

I turned to face him, a genial smile on my face. "I was just popping out to get something from the car," I casually replied, trying not to wince at the little white lie. "I'll only be a minute, honey." I dug around in my pants pocket, praying I had my keys in there. When my fingers touched the cool metal I almost sighed with relief.

"Okay," he said watching me curiously for a moment, before he turned to walk back into the living room and across to the kitchen. Before I could talk myself out of it, knowing I'd had interviews and cracked the most stubborn and difficult stories, I spun on my heel and swung open the door. Closing my eyes and releasing the shaken breath I'd been holding, I put on my best, '_I won't take no crap_,' expression and steeled myself for battle. With determined steps I made my way from the porch and down our gravel driveway. Almost as though I was taking a leisurely walk down our road.

But when I ran parallel to the SUV, inconspicuously sitting on the corner, I crossed the road and headed straight for it. Pursing my lips and furrowing my brow, I confidently walked around to the passenger side window. Hidden from the house in case Andy decided to look out the window for me. The ocean and dome of the Basilica behind me, offering silent support. Balling my fist, I rapped three times on the window. Patiently waiting for someone to acknowledge I was there. Two minutes went past and I heard nothing from them. So the next time I knocked, I called out too.

"I know you're in there, whoever you are," I called as loudly as I could. "So you may as well answer me, before I decide to make a scene and really expose to everyone the car that's been stalking my house for the past fortnight." Letting my words sink in, I stood back and crossed my arms over my chest. That got their attention, because not a minute later someone rolled down the electric window and stared out at me. His eyes slightly amused and with a small amount of respect.

I ignored it.

"Good evening, Ma'am," he drawled back to me. His hair was cut short, almost in a military style. And his eyes held sharp alertness. Although he sat calm and composed, I could see how tense he was as he sat in the passenger seat. Poised and ready for action beneath the dark leather jacket he wore. "What can I do for you?"

"You can start by telling me why you're staking out my home?" I replied, remaining calm. "And just who you are?" I took a step closer to the open window. Seeing the quick flash of surprise in the unknown man's eyes before he masked it and tried to give me a disarming smile. I narrowed my eyes in response. Not falling for his charm as he much as tried it. I'd met enough men like him in my line of work. And I was as immune to it now as I was to it when I first began. I meant business and I wasn't backing down.

"I don't under—"

"Don't give me that," I interrupted him instantly. "And don't waste my time. I'm not a fool and if you've done your research, then you'll know I've cracked harder men than you. So either you answer my question or I find out through some other way. I do have reliable contacts that'd be more than happy to do some digging in the dirt for me."

He lost his disarming smile and had a battle of wills with me, right there on the sidewalk. Our eyes holding and neither back down. The awkward silence between us was palpable and left a bitter taste in my mouth. Not to mention the nervous fluttering energy in my stomach. I still didn't know if this man was even trustworthy. I just knew I wanted answers. And I wanted them _now_.

Eventually he drew a large sigh. Breaking his gaze away from me as he searched the surrounding area through the window before him. His eyes may have only been flitting over the scenery, but he was taking it all in. Obviously military trained. Maybe F.B.I, I thought. I still wasn't sure. I have a good eye for people. I can normally tell when someone has a hidden agenda of some sort. It came in extremely handy. But I couldn't get anything uncomfortable from this man. Other than the underlying tension riddling his stiff position.

"Okay," he said eventually, sounding very unhappy with being outdone by a fifty-two year old woman. "My name is Chris Douglas, Mrs. Ackerman. I work for a covert agency called, Reidman Security and Recovery, who in turn work alongside the F.B.I. We were ordered here for your own protection, Ma'am. Nothing more."

"Why?" That niggling fear about Suze was rising. And this time, I couldn't keep it from shining through my voice. I ducked my head and cleared my throat before I spoke again. "Why do we need your protection, Mr. Douglas?" He pursed his lips, obviously not happy I was still persisting.

"I'm not inclined to tell you Mrs.—" he tried.

But I took a step forward and stared him down again. I pushed my fear aside and concentrated on hearing the truth. I wasn't in the mood to be playing cat and mouse with him. And he knew it. "Try again," I spoke through gritted teeth.

"You're not going to make this easy, are you?" he asked, frowning. But I saw that same grudging respect in his gaze from earlier. I gave a firm shake of my head as I waited. "Okay," he repeated. "We have a member of your family, Miss Susannah Simon, in our care at the moment. She's currently helping the F.B.I with a very important case. And just for precaution, we're here to make sure you're not troubled or bothered in anyway."

I swallowed down the lump of fear steadily rising further and further the more he went on.

But hearing Susie's name, made me lose some of my hard composer. "Is she okay?" I asked before he could say another word. "What kind of case? How dangerous is it?" My calm facade slipping slightly, I dropped my arms and tried not to reach out and grip the door in front of me.

"It's okay, Mrs. Ackerman," he soothed. "Susannah is perfectly fine. It's just standard procedure we take out with cases like these, that's all. You have nothing to be concerned about. I'm not at liberty to divulge anymore to you, but she is perfectly fine. We wouldn't have even told you had you not sought us out." He smiled wryly, taking the edge off his words.

The sudden notion that I might have just made things so much worse for Suze, these men and myself, hit me instantly. I took a step back from the car, trying to get myself back in control and composed again. Putting some well needed distance between us. But I could hear the unspoken warning in his message. Coupled with my years as a reporter and scouting out dangerous stories, I knew how important it was he didn't tell me more. Because it was for Suze's safety. And thus, in telling me even just that scant piece of information, could have put her in more possible danger.

What had my distant and only daughter gotten herself into?!

My composure rapidly pulled back together again, I gave him a curt nod. Message understood. I couldn't tell anyone of what I had just been told. I had to keep it to myself, until it was safe for me to. I had to go back to pretending I didn't notice they were here. Acting as if their presence, I now knew the reason for, didn't unnerve and scare me as much as it did in my heart. And with it, the possibility of the danger my only daughter was in. But how, I wondered, was I going to keep it from Andy?

Looking away from our house, I looked at the agent one last time.

"Thank you." I simply said and turned to walk away. Aware the less time I spent there talking with them, the better for everyone involved. I walked back up to the house in a daze. My mind going through the last pieces of conversation I'd had with Susannah. So long ago now I could barely recall them. She was cold and disconnected with me. No enthusiasm as she asked about everyone here. Not making any effort to add anything to the conversation I was trying to draw her into.

But still, I tried to push past that and wish there wasn't a cold anger inside Suze that was directed towards me. Years of suppressed emotion and thoughts she had never spoke to me with. Never believed she could. Pulling further and further away from me, to stand on her. At the expense of our already fragile relationship. I held no anger towards Suze for her actions. Just a deep guilt, only a mother can feel. I was the parent, I was the one who should have made the effort to understand and help her more.

And I failed her.

I stood before my front door, fighting to hold back the tears trying to gather at the edges of my eyes. Gathering strength for the next few days or weeks to follow this heavy secret I was holding. I was never one for prayers. But standing there, I sent one out. Asking a silent wish to anyone, to keep my child safe for me. To protect her until I could reach her.

But just as importantly, I wished for the strength to handle whatever may come at me in the not so distant future.

xXx

Careless to the glossed photographs laid out before me, I used my hands to search through them. The shiny paper gliding beneath my hands effortlessly. My eyes searching across the different images until they settled on one. Letting my grin outweigh my scowl, I slowly reached out and picked up the photo in my hand. Sitting back on the worn sofa, I lifted the image before me. My stare so hard and blazing, it was a surprise the paper didn't burst into flames in my hand.

"Hello you," I murmured to the empty and dark room. The only source of light was from the little lamp beside the couch. Hardly enough to throw light onto the shadows, but enough to get me by.

I was curious about this one. The woman was obviously someone that my client was desperate to have eliminated. That much was blatant. And I knew the reasons behind it. The fool had let her slip through his fingers and humiliated himself and his 'empire'. Two things that weren't of my concern. Making sure the task was finished and done, was my problem. But I still couldn't help but wonder at the idiocy of the man behind the hit. Surprised he'd managed to get this far without being caught. Of course I'd done other works for him in the past. He paid me what I charged. Which was more than others could begin to imagine.

But this case was obviously important to him. And it was beginning to get personal to myself too.

It was just sheer dumb luck my latest victim's bodyguard, happened to be on my own personal hit list. And what a sweet dessert it would be, after fulfilling my first task. Maybe I should make him watch me kill her. Or maybe I should make the girl witness his death first. I couldn't quite decide. But I knew I didn't want Jesse De Silva's demise to be as short as he would like. The more I watched them, the more my thirst and anger for his lifeless corpse to be found, strengthened.

Looking more closely at the woman's picture, I noticed the sadness riddling her body as she stared unseeing out her window. Her arms held protectively around her. She was a beautiful woman. Holding the kind of natural beauty, most women have mass amounts of work to achieve. It was a shame I had to kill her. But a job's a job. There was nothing I could do about that. Although she looked like a sprite standing there. But she obviously held more stamina, if she somehow managed to escape from my client's idiots.

But then again, the potential of death does get the adrenaline pumping.

Tossing the photo aside, I picked up the one of De Silva. Out on one of his daily patrol's around the house. Looking for something or anything to indicate that the woman could be threatened at all. I'd had the opportunity to kill him twice now, but yet, I hadn't. I was closer to this location when I got my clients call, telling of the whereabouts and place I was set to go. And it hadn't taken me too long to get here. Giving me ample time to scout the area and photograph the house. Managing to get shot's of the woman and De Silva. The other two were of no importance to me.

The lack of killing would have made someone who didn't know me, think I was going soft. But I was biding my time. Having a little fun with them first. Stir them up, then retreat for a few days and let them relax. Then carry on again. It was an amusing little game and one I was sure I was going to get bored of sooner, rather than later. And I knew my client was getting antsy for me to finish the job.

But this was my gig and I was going to do it the way _I _wanted to.

Picking up my lighter, I flipped it open and rolled the dial. A small blue flame came to life straight away. Grinning with all the images and thoughts I could muster about De Silva, I held the flame to the corner of the photo. The fire licked at the paper hungrily, feeding on the chemicals from the ink and the gloss of the paper. Slowly the end curls and withered. Small black and burnt pieces broke off and fell to the rug at my feet. I paid them no mind, as I watched the flames slithering across the paper towards De Silva's face. Blackening and melting it away.

"Sit tight, De Silva," I grinned menacingly. "You're mine."


	8. Too Close For Comfort

**::**_**Smirk**_**::** Have fun with this one. I _**soo-oo**_ did **:D** Thank you _**Hot n' Exotic**_! You're a star!

* * *

_**Too Close for Comfort**_

Bursting awake, I sat up and looked around the room I was lying in. My ragged breaths were loud in the empty living room. The darkness that seemed to be crawling in from the shadows was making me claustrophobic and shaky. My too wide eyes kept darting around the room. Waiting for the person of my nightmares to jump out and scare me. I couldn't hear anything and I couldn't see anyone. I was alone, just like my dream had said I was. Deep down I knew it was just my sub-conscious mind playing tricks on me. But it didn't stop the room from closing in around me.

I pressed a hand to my heart like it would stop my rapid heartbeat and short breaths. Kicking my way out of the last remnants of my dream, that even as I was trying to gain back control, was slipping away from me. Just doing the usual and leaving me with nothing but the fear and hopelessness I hated. Lifting a shaking hand, I ran my fingers through my tangles, clumsily trying to brush my hair out of my eyes as my breathing slowed and the burning of my parched throat cut in.

I swung my legs off the couch to the floor, sitting forward and placing my head in my hands. I cringed at the cold clammy feel of my face and the cold sweat running down my back. I shivered like it was an icy finger tiptoeing down my spine. I knew I must have looked a mess. I definitely felt it. But for some reason, that dream had really shaken me up. Just like the last few had. I hadn't meant to fall asleep on the sofa, but exhaustion had finally left me with no choice. And now I was dealing with the not-so-pleasant after-effects.

How wonderful my nightmares weren't waiting for night to come anymore. Now they grabbed me whenever they had the chance.

I couldn't stay in the room anymore, so I stood up on shaking legs and tried to walk out. My hand slid along the edge of the wall as I swung my way into the entrance hall. The sunlight was streaming through the windows of the front door. The day was running out quicker than I'd realized. Wondering what the time was and in desperate need of a glass of water and some fresh air, I steadied myself and made my way to the kitchen. It took me a couple of steps, but I eventually got my balance. I was just trying to fight the urge to run.

Walking into the kitchen, I caught sight of Martyn sitting at the table, an old pack of cards lain out in front of him as he played solitaire the old fashioned way. I wondered if he even knew how to use a computer. But before I could let my mind go through something so ridiculous and off the point, I grabbed the first glass I could find and filled it with water. The cold liquid that ran down my throat was a welcome relief to the dry pressure there. I lifted the cool glass to my head hoping the cold surface might wake me up a little more and get rid of the clammy feeling.

"You okay, lass?"

I turned to Martyn waving aside his concern easily. He looked worried, which was the last thing I wanted him to start being towards me. I gave him what I thought was a reassuring smile. But if his narrowed stare and fatherly, _'Don't give me that innocent look_', expression was anything to go by, I failed. Shrugging, I swallowed down the rest of the water and set it in the sink. But I still needed fresh air. It felt like years since I last felt the breeze on my face. And at this time of the day, it would be crisp but enough to make me feel more normal.

"Yeah," I replied eventually, making my way across the kitchen slowly. "I'm fine. I just woke up and was a bit disorientated, that's all. Nothing a little fresh air won't cure me of." But instead of calling my bluff like I expected him to do, or even giving in and leaving me alone; Martyn sprang up from the table with agility belying his old age. Making me wince as his chair squeaked along the floor and quickly came over to stand in front of me as I was reaching for the door handle.

"Err," he stammered smiling apologetically. "You can't go out there, Suze. Sorry."

I blinked a few times and even shook my head, thinking I must have misheard him. I took a step away waiting for Martyn to do the same. But he didn't. Instead, he just avoided my eyes and swallowed nervously.

"Oo-kay," I said slowly. "And why exactly can't I go outside?" I heard a shuffling noise from the kitchen doorway and turned to see Lance about to go back out of it. "Hey Lance!" I called to him, watching his back stiffen as I called.

Now I was getting a little suspicious. Their suddenly odd and guilty behavior was threatening to make my already grouchy mood, go that little darker. When coupled with my lousy sleep pattern and dreams, I wasn't making for one pleasant Suze Simon to be around at the moment. "Come over here will you. Maybe you can shed some light on this little piece of information Martyn's trying not to tell me."

I kept my eyes pinned on him as he slowly turned to me. He looked like he was about to object, but one glance from me and he soon shut up. Just like a little boy being reprimanded by his mother and awaiting his punishment; he slowly walked over to me with slumped shoulders and a downcast expression. When he reached us, he looked at Martyn with a sorrowful expression before he turned to me.

These were supposed to be the men who were trying to protect me? Brought down to a mess by one woman's impatient glare? Unbelievable.

"What's going on?" I asked watching them both cringe. But just as they were about to shake their heads in denial, I stopped them short. "And don't give me that it's nothing. Your faces give away your guilt. Now, I'll ask again. Why am I not allowed to go outside?" Crossing my arms over my chest to make my point, I watched as they shot each other meaningful glances.

"You tell her," Lance piped up. "I'm younger and have more of a life ahead of me." He grinned cheekily taking the bluntness off his words. But Martyn wasn't backing down and letting it go without a fight.

"No chance, pal," he retorted. "If I die, then who's goin' do all the cookin'? Y'all waste away if I go anywhere. You know you're a lousy cook and you can't expect Suze to do it for you. Or Jesse for that mind. So stop bein' a chicken and accept your responsibility as second in command." Lance was caught and he knew it.

Not that it seemed to stop him. But by then I was getting too wound up to stand there and listen to them fighting it out. "Lance!" I bit out, just as he was trying to come up with some lousy excuse. "I'm not going to kill either of you. I just want to know." Sighing in defeat, he finally looked me in the eye. Apology echoed there just like it was in Martyn's minutes before.

"Miss Simon," he began, gaining my full attention with the formality of his tone. He hadn't called me that since we first met. "Jesse ordered that you remain in the house until he was sure it was safe for you to go outside. Even only to the porch. You're effectively under house arrest for the time being, Ma'am." I looked back at him waiting for the punch line. But when I didn't get one, I closed my eyes to hide my rapidly growing annoyance. I was trying to decide if I was too tired to fight the point. Or equally as fired up as I was fatigued and ready to go and find the person who placed the '_Order_' on me.

"See," I commented opening my eyes when I came to a decision. "That wasn't so hard now was it? Thank you Lance, Martyn," Turning around I slowly made my way out of the kitchen. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have someone I need to _throttle_." I decided a calm anger was the best approach to take. I heard them both muttering behind me but I didn't stick around to find out what they were arguing about. I was too busy trying to get through my shock.

He put me under house arrest? I didn't know whether to laugh at the absurdness of it; or hit him for placing me in even more of a prison, than it was already starting to feel like. Add to the fact I really wasn't looking forward to speaking to Jesse right now. Not after I've been trying to avoid him. And I was still shaken from that dream. I knew it wasn't the best time to approach him. Father Dom always said pride comes before a fall. And I couldn't help but think that it was never going to be truer than after this moment.

Wandering through the house, I let my mind go back over the last couple of days. I'd hidden out in my room for the rest of the night after my realization and electric encounter with Jesse. I decided to just accept nothing could have happened and pretending everything was normal. Or as normal could be considering what was happening around us. I was just getting my equilibrium back on track. I was confident I could handle any other encounters with him again. That I could tamp out the fire and not let it get to me.

Not that it stopped the nervous anticipation quivering inside me at being alone with him. But I wasn't going to let him see it. I was a grown woman, for crying out loud. I'd had my share of men and this was no different, I told myself, even as I searched through the study, dining room and gym. Not finding him in any of his usual haunts. But the longer it took me to find him, the more I was getting ready to just forget about it and confront him later on. When my annoyance cooled and I wasn't feeling so weary.

But that was when I heard him.

Stepping out of the gym, I could hear the sounds of someone swimming in the pool. And that righteous indignation at being under, '_House-arrest_', came steaming right back into me. I wasn't going to go down without a fight. And before I could even think twice about the consequences, I crossed the distance to the doors hiding the pool. With a mean scowl on my face I pushed down the handle and disappeared into the large echoing area. The heat of the water instantly hitting me while the chlorine made me scrunch my nose.

The sunlight was coming through the large windows and streamed across the water. The ripples from his actions stretched far out behind him, while the sun caught the sparkles. Glinting back at me as the star was slowly lowering and leaving us. The water looked smooth and flawless as he swam through it. Like you could just relax and lay back, forgetting all about the life outside of the house.

It didn't take me long for my eyes to find and lock on Jesse. The picture of his dark wet hair as he made his way through the water effortlessly had me caught and enraptured before I could even blink. The sight of his strong arms as they curled over his head and crawled through the water made my mouth go dry. His tan was caught by the sun as the water droplets flew through the air. His back muscles rippling in his stride, making me shiver just watching them. I knew I should have turned around and fled right then. Gotten out and disappeared before I gave myself a heart attack with the rapid pace my heart was going. I didn't even think I was breathing.

But I just couldn't tear my eyes away. Watching him running on the treadmill was one thing. But seeing Jesse gliding through the water in nothing but a pair of shorts, was making me want to reach out and steady myself on a wall. Or jump in the water and let my hands feel that hard body, wet and slick from the water, pressed up against mine.

"_Oh, shit_," I whispered hoarsely.

My feet were super glued to the flag stoned floor. With nothing in the room other than the pool and his towel on the edge; I felt even more open in here than I did when we were in the gym. There was nothing for me to hide behind. Nothing for me to try and fasten my eyes on, other than the man currently swimming towards me.

This was a bad idea. A very, _very _bad idea.

But I just couldn't look away. I didn't even blink as he swam to the edge. I didn't want to close and open them to see something else there. I wonder how far away the door is and if I can make it before he climbed out. But I knew without looking that I was further away than I remembered walking.

I was _so_ screwed.

I was transfixed as I watched Jesse stand up in the water, directly in front of me. Standing to his full height it gave me a nice view of his wide and strong chest that led down to the defined six-pack on show. But he didn't stop there. I took in a shuddering breath and a step back, as he planted his hands down on the edge and pushed himself up and out of the water. Sparkling crystal droplets fell off him onto the stone underneath him, as he climbed to his feet. I was staring at a real life Greek _God_. I was sure I was. Seeing the excess water running down his long legs and muscled thighs had my legs wobbling. Trailing up, I felt my mouth watering as the trickles skittered across his stomach to land on the waistband of his shorts and beyond.

Pulling my mind away from the knowledge that that was all he was wearing, I fixed my eyes to his chest, practically eye-level with me. Clenching my fists at my sides, I swallowed down my groan. Then he just had to go and lift one of his strong tanned arms and run his hand and long fingers through his wet hair. I was sure my mouth was gaping open as heavy locks of his hair fell across his forehead and into his eyes. He was killing me and I couldn't care less. I felt my heart give a painful thud in my chest, making my breathing start up again.

I stood by my first thought. I was so screwed.

"Men like you should be illegal," I muttered transfixed. Seeing his eyebrows lift in question and what I just knew was pride. Then he just had to go and do something that all but floored me. He smiled. And not just some small, knowing grin either. But a full-blown, showing all his straight white teeth to me, smile. It was a mix between embarrassment and amusement. And I ached to see it directed at me more. _So_ much more.

Not in the least bit embarrassed that I was standing there, blatantly checking him out, I lifted my half-lidded, lust filled eyes to his. A very wrong move and one I really shouldn't have done if I had an ounce of sense. But that had gone the moment I locked onto him. And that confidence I had in spades, with the calm anger I was all set to approach him with; was gone as I watched the object of my desire smile at me. All I should have been thinking about was how I was going to get out of there and survive the moment in one piece. Things were supposed to get easier between us. Not harder.

And what made it worse was that his eyes had been trailing over me just as much as mine were him. Now, standing there in my small denim shorts and strappy top, I felt very underdressed. His eyes were leaving my skin on fire. Making me burn hotter and brighter with the flare of desire shooting through my boiling blood. Which made the air hiss and crackle around us. I was just waiting for the water to start bubbling behind him. It was like the gym, only intensified ten times more. He was leaving me a quivering mess beneath his black stare. Just seeing the power of his body so close to mine was making me shiver with excitement, more than fear.

With all the will power I could find I pulled my eyes away from his, but not his body. Tracing over his broad shoulders and toned arms. Slowly dragging them lower, until they rested on his toned stomach and lean waist. But then I caught sight of a long silver scar running across his ribs. Set against his tan in stark contrast. Frowning, I suddenly started to notice all the other small flaws and scars on him. Remembering a couple I saw on display from my view of his back in the gym. The scar on his right shoulder, from what I'm assuming was his gunshot wound.

But it was the slither of a scar across his ribs that pulled my attention then. And before I even had a chance to think about what I was doing, I took a hesitant step towards him. Invading his personal space and feeling the heat coming off of him in waves. Slowly, I reached out to trace the delicate flaw. My finger inching closer and closer until lightly, my skin made contact with him at last. The rush of heat that went searing through me as I touched him had me stepping back instantly. I sucked in a breath the same time Jesse did. My breathing going haywire as the desire pooled and increased within me and around us.

"Shit," I muttered again, shaking my head.

I carried on stepping backwards until my back was flush against the wall. Closing my eyes I fought to get rid of the picture of Jesse in my mind. Ignoring the blistering warmth of his skin as my finger touched him. Sweeping away the need that made my arms ache and my legs feel weak. Not wanting to even try and work out what the hell was happening between us. Too scared to even _try_. My chest heaved as I tried to get in a steady breath. Denying myself the urge to just grab him to me and put myself out of my misery. I had no doubt he was having the same trouble standing in front of me.

"Susannah," he broke the awkward and sizzling air between us. His voice sounding hoarse and raspy and making my personal battle that much weaker. I didn't know whether to be relieved that I wasn't the only one having trouble getting control back. Or terrified that it was either a good, or a bad thing. But right now, I was more inclined to lean towards bad and fighting my desire that was overwhelming me.

"Yeah?" I asked, my breath evening out a little. But the question was nothing but a whisper around us. I opened my eyes and kept them trained on the flagstones in front of me.

"Are you okay?"

I openly laughed at that. It was a loaded question and I really didn't know how to answer. '_Yes, I'm fine. Just trying to talk myself out of jumping you right now. Trying to brush off the worry of the aftermath that would come with something that would probably be explosive and amazing_.'

Or to go with something like. '_No, because I swore off dangerous men. And it wouldn't mean anything, because I would only be effectively using you to hide one pain for another_.' But neither option sounded particularly appealing. So I settled with just nodding my head instead. Really kind of wishing there wasn't genuine concern lacing his voice.

Laying my palms flat against the wall behind me, I closed off my thoughts and raised my head to face him. "Listen, I came here to talk to you," I said, with more strength than I realized. I was still flushed and felt like I was going to burst into flames just having him standing there like that. But I courageously fought through it. Somehow. "Lance told me you put me under house-arrest. I want to know why."

He blew out an exhausted breath and raked a hand through his hair again. I pursed my lips against following his movement. The quick option of leaving the pool area, which was filled with more steam than it should have been, was gone when I opened my big mouth. I should have just walked away when I had the chance. It seemed like history kept repeating itself since I've been here.

"It's not for long," he replied, looking me straight in the eye with determination and something else. I didn't want to try and figure out what. "Just until I feel it's safe for you to go outside again. Even just standing on the porch makes you a target, Susannah. It wouldn't take much for the right person with the right equipment to target you."

"But you told me there was nothing out there," I was getting riled up again. It really was starting to feel like I wasn't being given all the right information again. The constant nagging that told me I was missing something. "That it was just a fluke with the alarm. You didn't see any evidence of someone around and you patrol like five times a day. I'm in the 'safest place' I could be, you told me. So why can't I just go for some air?"

"Just because I can't see anything, doesn't mean it's not there," He continued. If he was getting frustrated, he definitely wasn't showing it. "And right now for your own protection, I would rather you stayed in the house where you're safer."

"What if someone came out with me?" I asked, persisting. "Because this is ridiculous you making me stay inside and trapping me. I don't take well to being locked up and I really don't like it when someone _orders_ me around."

"I noticed," he muttered, a small frown coming to his expression. Anger and annoyance I could handle thankfully. Lust and desire, when around Jesse, I couldn't. "It won't do any good if someone goes outside with you, Susannah. If the person who's targeting you is persistent enough, it won't matter who's with you." I was losing the argument and I knew it. But my pride wasn't letting me back down. It never did. And going up against Jesse only made it so much worse.

"If you haven't got any evidence to prove I'm in danger if I step outside," I scowled, taking a step away from the wall. Feeling a little more confident I wasn't going to do something stupid that I would later come to seriously regret. "Then you've got no right to keep me from going at all."

"I know you don't want to hear it," he started, even though his words sounded apologetic, his smug grin was anything but. "But right now, I am the one who gives the orders around here. And even if I have no proof of the monster lurking outside, it doesn't mean I can't put my foot down and stop you from walking into danger. Besides, I don't need proof," he said, standing to his full towering height. "I have my instinct and that's enough for me."

"Oh, really?" I commented hotly. My anger had been building the more he went on oblivious to it. "Well, is your instinct telling you of the danger right now?" I asked. And then, regardless of the consequences, I walked right up to him. Having the quick opportunity to feel his hard, muscled chest beneath my palms, I pushed him back into the pool with a loud splash.

He was so taken by surprise he couldn't do anything but let his momentum carry him over. I stood there on the side of the pool, my hands planted on my hips as I stared down at him. Now I was the one with the smug grin. Watching him rise from the water, shaking his head and glaring at me, I gave him a sickly sweet smile. "Didn't see that one coming did you?" And I turned to walk out of the pool area, leaving him to watch me saunter away with my head held high.

xXx

Hearing the door to the pool click shut behind Susannah, I took a deep breath and disappeared underneath the water again. Letting the cool liquid ease off my boiling hot skin. Wiping at my arms and my chest, as if I was trying to wipe off the image and memory of her eyes tracing all over me. I knew it wouldn't work, but it didn't stop me from hoping. The moment was just too intense to forget about it anytime soon. Feeling the burning of my lungs, I came back up for air. Taking in a deep breath of it before I shook my head and sent water flying everywhere again. Running my hands through my thick hair, I let the grin I was trying not to show come out.

That whole experience was something I couldn't stop grinning at. From the second I became aware of someone standing at the edge of the pool, I knew something was going to be different. I'd caught a glimpse of Susannah standing there. In her white strap top and small, worn denim shorts. Emphasizing her equally toned and shapely legs. I felt the twitch in me long before I came face to face with her passion filled eyes. How she couldn't tear her eyes away from me as I swam over and climbed out of the pool. If I had any mind, I would have gotten out the other side and grabbed my towel.

But I wasn't exactly thinking with my head.

I knew why she was there as soon as I spotted her. And yet, it didn't stop me from teasing and winding us both up. That rush of blood that was evading my brain and any coherent thought, made my heart hammer in my chest. Time seemed to come to a standstill around us. And more foolish still, was that I let myself take the advantage and allow my own eyes to scour over her slim form. Taking in her heaved breaths and her half-lidded eyes. The way she clenched her fists tighter and tighter at her sides, before finally meeting my dark stare. The familiar connection instantly passed between us. Not as shocking as the first time, but leaving me equally as charged and fuelled.

I should have quit then. Turned around and jumped back in the pool. But I didn't. And when she took a step towards me, it was all I could do not to take her into my arms and finally quell the raging emotions and desire. Knowing that the seed was sown the first moment her eyes met my own. To taste her full lips and see if she would succumb to the moment as much as I knew I would. To show her the affect she was having on me, without having to try. I wanted to see if her hair was as silky as it looked or her legs as smooth as they appeared. And it frustrated me to no end, that I couldn't do that.

I was trapped and without help when her finger had reached out to trace my most painful-to-remember scar. The slash across my ribs wasn't something I liked to draw attention to, or comment on. But when her intense emerald eyes had fallen on it and her soft skin had lightly flown across it; I couldn't pull away. The heat that'd soared through me with just one small touch. Skin on skin contact. It made my head spin and my need jerk to a whole new level. Before, it had always been brushing against each other. A clothing barrier always between us. Never touching hands when passing things to each other.

But she had willingly just done so and I never felt such pain before. Even from the incident that gave me the scar. And it only made me want to feel it again. To let it make me feel alive again. For Susannah to take me to new heights and senses, with one small minute touch. I couldn't get my mind around what would have happened if I had done what my libido wanted me to.

And I didn't want to process the concern to come straight to mind when Susannah backed away from me. The distance that was important. I knew it was. But still, the want to take her into my arms and cherish her, was just as strong as the need to soothe and comfort. I tried valiantly to get a grip as my breathing hitched and shook me. My blood pumping around my veins quicker than it should. Not easing or relieving my pressure at all. Then I looked to her. Seeing her hands braced against the wall and her head bowed . . . the guilt I felt. And I didn't even know what it was for. When my own anxious, boiling suffering was just as immense as Susannah's.

The sudden change in direction and swift conversation change was what I wanted and detested at the same time. Susannah's questions fired and her conviction that lacked their strength. Dampened by what had just happened. And foolishly, it hadn't stopped me from teasing her further. From my own pride stepping in and telling her who was in charge around here. Only getting myself pushed into the pool for my efforts. But it was the cool down and breaker I needed.

And now, standing in the pool with goose bumps breaking out across my skin, I couldn't help but grin even more. Admiring her persistence, pride and stubbornness close to my own. Of losing the argument, but not without giving a comeback of her own.

"She'll be the death of me," I commented to the empty pool. Aware of the cold setting in, I quickly made my way over to the side and climbed out. No keen eyes watching my every movement this time. Grabbing my towel, I headed for the en-suite bathroom from the pool.

I knew I needed to talk to Susannah. To maybe explain better, or try and diffuse some of her anger towards me. I didn't want there to be a tension other than the sexual kind between us. It would just put more of a strain on us than is already there. With a new determination, I had a quick cleansing shower. Making sure to keep the water as cool as possible. After our encounter in the open and relaxing pool, I needed the bursting wake up call to my brain and other bodily parts. Time to start leading this mission with my head back on straight.

Once I was dressed and more in control and ready for the possible reactions soon to come; I left the pool area and escaped out of the same door Susannah had gone through. But instead of walking down the hall and in search of Susannah, I'd already found her. Apparently she needed the same stress reliever I did. Punching the tension out on a helpless boxing bag. Squaring my broad shoulders back and mind well in hold, I walked over to the gym.

She hadn't bothered to change from her denim shorts and stood ready in front of the boxing bag, her hands wrapped to protect her fists. Foregoing the gloves so she had more effect. Her swings were fierce and controlled. Her movements and stance telling of the fact she had obviously done it before. Her legs were parted and braced as she threw her whole body into a punch. Susannah's breathes were short and fast as she instantly swung again. Taking my eyes away from her lithe form, I walked over to her. Noting her tense shoulders as she spotted me.

"Relax your arms and shoulders," I commented, as I stood on the other side of the bag and held it steady for her. Bracing my own feet to take the power of her swing and impact of the bag. "You could pull a muscle if you swing and hit the bag the wrong way."

She narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips. Rearing back her fist, she sent it flying past the bag and impacted my nose instead. The rush of pain that shot through my face had me cringing and backing away. Dropping the bag to cup my nose, I prodded it a little.

"_Ow_!" I somehow managed to exclaim past the sting of tears and burning shooting through my nose. It wasn't broken, but it definitely hurt.

"Oops!" Susannah cheerfully cried, not looking in the least bit sorry. "I must have missed somehow!"

I twitched my nose experimentally. Taking a breath in and testing it. No blood pouring and no nasal voice. Everything seemed okay, save for the huge chip in my pride and ego I just received. Not seeing the hit coming until it was too late. Mainly because I wasn't expecting it. But if I had to take a wild guess as to what it was that spurred it; my comment about relaxing would probably win.

"Okay," I commented, dropping my hands and shaking my head. Trying not to blush at being outdone by Susannah. She had a mean right hook, if her punch was anything to go by. "I deserved that."

She raised her brows in no small amount of smugness. "Ya think?!" Shaking her head she stepped away from the bag. Starting to un-wrap her hands as she walked over to the weight bench. Sitting down she heaved a sigh, her jaw and shoulders still tense as she concentrated on carefully taking off the bandages. I walked over to her. Standing in front but not invading her space anymore than possible. The more the distance we held between us, the better our chances at not getting into an awkward situation together.

"I wasn't trying to tell you what to do, Susannah," I said, effectively pulling her back from her thoughts as she continued her careful job.

"Which part?" She asked. "The ordering me not to go outside? Or telling me how to beat the crap out of a sand bag?" Avoiding my eyes, she flexed her hand out in front of her. Her expression cringing slightly as her slim fingers stretched out. I could see the beginnings of bruises and cracks on her knuckles. She'd obviously been hitting it a lot harder than she should have done with only wraps on.

"The punching bag thing," I replied sheepishly. "I was trying to stop you from hurting yourself. I know how painful it can be." She craned her neck up to see me. Giving me a perfect view of her long slender neck. I pressed my mouth closed to banish the image of my lips trailing over that clear smooth and sensitive skin. Trying to halt the inevitable, I crouched down before her, looking her in the eye.

"Why are you here, Jesse?" she asked wearily. Now I wasn't clouded and overtaken with undeniable attraction to her, I could see the fatigue and exhaustion riddled in Susannah's eyes and body. I knew she hadn't been sleeping very well. And I wondered just how much rest her mind and body really were getting. I felt a fresh wave of guilt take hold of me at teasing and winding her up earlier. But grateful we weren't having a heated confrontation, which was how all our others seemed to be going recently. One-way or another.

"I wanted to apologize," I replied after a pregnant pause between us. "I wasn't trying to sound condescending—"

"And yet, you were." she commented easily, cutting through to me. Her eyes dared me to ignore and prove her wrong. Smiling wryly at her interruption and the truth of her words, I carried on.

"Yes, I was. But, I really need you to work with me here, Susannah," I said, my tone turning serious and close to commanding as I was allowing. "When I said you couldn't go outside, I meant it for your own good. I'm here to protect and make sure your safe. And right now, I'm not so sure you stepping outside is going to be." I paused, sighing. "I don't want to frighten you, or give you anything else to be concerned about. But at the same time, I can't ignore my instincts."

Entranced, I watched as Susannah bit her lower lip deep in thought. How much I wanted to reach out and run the pad of my thumb across that grazed skin. To soothe and heal it with my own lips. Instead I ducked my head and let out a silent breath. It went a little way to controlling that yearning. "You really know how to lay the guilt trip on, you know that?" She smiled slightly.

It was the first inclining of a real smile I had ever seen directed at me from Susannah. I'd seen them given to Lance and Marty. I even saw a semblance of an apologetic one aimed at Agent Thompson when I had first met her. But the only smile I had seen from Susannah was either smug or a small grin. Never a _real _smile until now. The small action lit up her whole face. Banishing the tiredness that seemed to be dragging her down. Bringing a small flush and color to her cheeks. I was as caught and transfixed with this small sentiment, as I was when her eyes were full of the unspoken desire between us.

And for the first time in too long; I felt something stirring deep in my battered and scarred old soul.

But it didn't stop my own smile from coming through. It would have been cruel for me to have not responded. Right then, she had just taken one step towards building a trust for me. In my abilities and my offered friendship with her.

Giving her a lopsided grin, I answered. "It wasn't meant to make you feel guilty, honestly," I replied, looking down deep into her beautiful shimmering gaze. "But it would help me a great deal if you could do as I ask and not question my decisions. I don't make them lightly," I lowered my voice. "Not when it comes to you . . ."

She blushed but held my gaze anyway. Looking for the sincerity of my tone, which surprised me as much as it did Susannah. For what seemed like minutes she searched. To the point of making me feel uncomfortably bare and stripped. Until eventually, she seemed content with what she saw there. Nodding her head she finally looked away from me. "Okay," She shrugged. "I guess I can try and be less suspicious and more cooperative."

"Thank you," I replied, standing up to my full height again. Resisting the pull to reach out and help her to her feet. Too much too soon. I couldn't hold myself accountable for my actions if I was to take her hand in my own. "I appreciate that, Susannah." Not wishing to run before I could walk, I turned to leave the room. Happy I'd said all I'd gone for and not found myself caught in an overwhelming tension again.

"Oh, you might want to put some ice on your knuckles," I commented when I reached the door, turning to look at her. "Just a suggestion."

I winked and walked away.

Missing the smile and twinkle in Susannah's eyes as I left.

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**Anonymous - **Hey, thanks for reviewing! Glad you're enjoying it, I hope you had fun with this one** :D** It was a blast, hehe. Take care! **x**


	9. Glutton For Punishment

**_A/N: _**There's this wicked gal called, **_Hot n' Exotic_**, who was kind enough to go through my work for me. So big thanks hun, for doing this for me!

Thank you all, for the brilliant response to the last chapter! I _loved_ it **:D** I hope you all had a good Christmas **:)** **::**_Raises shot glass_**::** Here's to 2009! Cheers everyone, Happy New Year! **::**_Tackle Hugs you all_**::**

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Glutton for Punishment

We were closing in on him. I knew we were. I had the manipulative bastard backed into a corner and he wasn't getting away. The case I'd been chasing for the past six years was finally getting closer and closer to finishing. I had a key witness with enough information and evidence to put him away from life. Sworn with her full co-operation too. She was safe from him and the evil bastard was close to being in my grasp at last. And I was damned if I was going to let him go. Not a chance. I'd worked too damn hard to let it all slip away. It was getting personal and I wanted it to end.

I knew Reidman thought I was an idiot. That I wasn't noticing his little investigation going on alongside my own. Trying to speed along the process no doubt. Grumbling because of that trigger happy De Silva breathing down his neck for more information. And the witness probably breathing down his. She seemed like the type not to take any bullshit. But I knew what they were saying. That I'd deserted them and gone off to start on some other case. Leaving the witness in the system and using up too many resources. But I wasn't quitting on this one.

Steven Carson was _mine_.

I let Edward Reidman say all he wanted about me. He could bitch and grumble until he was blue in the face. And if and when I had any new information, I'd tell him. Call me superstitious, but I didn't want to say too much too soon, in case the bastard managed to slip past me again. I knew he was on the run. And this time, he wasn't using any of his usual haunts or regular contacts. He was having as minimal communication as possible. Making me up my own game on him. We had the best people working on it. And I had the most trusted and skilled agents under-cover, trying to worm their way in.

Add to the fact I was trying to scope out who the hell the mole in our own agency was. Whom has been leaking valuable information out. So I didn't have the time to play catch-up with the ex-Jarheads, Flyboys and Seals Reidman likes to recruit. I had my suspicions, but I wanted to be sure before I thought about pulling her in. And until I knew more, no-one was getting anything. Least of all Reidman and De Silva. They could sit back and wait for a change. Maybe it would teach them a little discipline and patience. But I snorted derisively at thethought. Not likely.

"Sir," My assistant's voice came through on the intercom. "Special Agent Thompson is here to see you." Bracing myself for the sure-fire onslaught about to come at me, I press the button to reply.

"Send him in." Not two minutes later, Will Thompson walked confidently into my office. Closing the door firmly behind him before he turned to face me. His expression pinched and frustrated. Sitting back in my chair, I take him in coolly. "What can I do for you, Thompson?" I ask, not bothering with formalities.

"I want to know what's going on," He starts, cutting through to the point quicker than I thought he would. Standing before my desk and making no move to sit. "I've got Reidman calling me and pressing for answers, that I don't have. It's over three weeks of them having Miss Simon in protective custody and their starting to get antsy." I raised an eyebrow at his clipped tone. Giving him one look to remind him who exactly it is he was talking to.

"What do you want me to tell you, Agent?" I asked, dragging the inevitable out. But I wasn't planning on divulging anymore information that was necessary to him. And if he chose to tell Reidman, fine. But we're close. And that's all they need to know. "If there was anything specific, something would have crossed your desk. As it hasn't, you tell me."

"I know you've been sneaking around," He replied confidently. "No matter what the rumors flying around have said, you haven't been out on other cases. I've checked. But you haven't been here in days either. This means you've been following leads to something." I nodded my head at each of his statements. I should have known he would have gone more in-depth rather than just brushing off my disappearance as nothing. He knows how important this case is. That I wouldn't abandon it quite so willingly, as I've done in the past.

I was hoping he doesn't realize how personal I was actually making it. But with each slip, I see it as a black mark against me. And another drill and determination for me to crack Carson wide open.

"You're right," I agreed. "I have been following some old contacts and leads around. And I just might be close," I cryptically said. "But not close enough. And until I'm sure, I'm not about to let everything I've worked so damn hard for, falling apart around me. Especially when I'm following a link, that's closer to home than I'm comfortable admitting." I let the weight of my words fall onto his already loaded shoulders. Watching his eyes narrow in thought as he swallowed what I fed him. Taking the subtle hint for what it was.

He stepped closer to my desk. Laying his hands down flat as he leaned across to me. "How can I do my job," He asked carefully. "If you don't trust me to keep valuable information, quiet?" Narrowing his eyes in accusation, he carried on. "How long has it been since it turned from professional to personal with you, Ballack?" I clenched my jaw against the rising suspicion in his voice. Tamping down on the anger at the truth he saw. I always knew he was too damn observant for his own good.

"You're crossing the line, Thompson." I said through gritted teeth. But he carried on regardless.

"With each fail at catching him, you've been drawing further and further away. Choosing to go alone and brush everyone else aside. A few months ago, I would have left you alone and let you get on with it," He said, straightening up again. "But circumstances have changed. It's not just your life on the line anymore." Pinning me with a hard stare, he shook his head. "You can't go around trying to best everyone and get one over on Carson. Susannah Simon's life is in danger the more you piss about. But the quicker you share the information, the quicker we can catch him and get him put away."

"Sounds like you've gotten a little too personal with the case yourself, Thompson." I accused, latching onto the one thing I saw as a good defensive argument to forestall the inevitable. I knew he was right, but I wasn't going to let him know it. I hate being told when I'm in the wrong and feeling belittled. The most infuriating thing was I had nothing to argue with, except that small try. But he was right. In the past we had evidence, but not enough. Now, right here, we have one person who has the added weight to tip the scales in our direction. That last catalyst to make all the difference.

And I knew Carson better than anyone. He wasn't going to stop until that balance has been righted again. Preferable tipped in his direction. And if that happens, then I know we would have lost our last chance at cracking him. Because there was no-way he wouldn't slip up again.

"Yeah, it is a little more personal this time," He responded. "Because she's our one golden ticket of ending this once and for all. And she's the only one lucky enough, too of survived him. We owe her enough to give her everything we have. Besides, you and I both know he's not going to make this easy." I waited a few moments before I nodded in acceptance of his words. That was one thing about Thompson. He wasn't ashamed to admit defeat or show weakness. And he was just too damn smart.

Sitting forward in my leather office chair, I tapped my fingers on my desk. Trying to decide my next approach. But I was limited on options.

"At the moment my connections are too fragile to say too much," I lifted a hand to forestall his annoyance. "But! I can only point you in the right direction. I don't need your help with finding him, that part is secure enough. And I'm not being stubborn when I say that," I paused, knowing what he was thinking. "But it's the other piece you can help me with," Opening my side drawer, I reached in and picked up the one file that was occupying the empty drawer. Lifting it out and handing it to him. "You can look into that one more."

Handing the file to him, he took it and opened it up. Skimming through the information until he fell on something that made his eyes widen and flash with anger. It was the agency files on one of our people. Not as high in the chain, but one person who's had direct contact with Miss Simon. Her own liaison officer, Sara Krasky. If she dug deep enough, she would have found something on Miss Simon. But there was no way she was going to be able to find out where our witness was being held. Only a handful of people knew that.

Carson would have to of hired someone else to try and cut down the scoping area. Probably by process of elimination.

"How long have you suspected . . .?" He lifted the closed file, his face grim and frustrated. Taking the file from him, I placed it back in the empty drawer and locked it.

"A week at the most," I answered. "She's been out of the office for the past couple of days, working on a different assignment. I used the time to look around a bit. Now I want her brought back in, subtly. I don't want the rumor mill starting up again. So be discreet and find out all she knows. Her career's already over. But if she cooperates enough, we might be able to offer her some kind of deal or immunity. But no pissing around."

"What about Reidman?" He asked, smirking slightly at my sour expression at hearing his name. "Whether you want to admit it or not, we need his help. They're the best we work with and you know it. We have to tell him something." I heaved a sigh at the piece of news I already knew. But it didn't mean I had to like it.

"Fine," I grumbled, picking up my pen and pulling a report across the desk to sign off on. Avoiding his knowing grin and dismissing him. "Tell him the barest details, but no more than that. Just enough to keep them quiet, until I'm ready to make a move." He gave me a crisp nod in return and turned to walk out of the office. It wasn't until the door was securely closed behind him, did I admit that I felt some of the pressure being relieved of me.

But I was counting my luck, just yet.

xXx

Taking a deep breath, I let all my muscles relax and calm one by one. Letting out my breath in one long and low release. Mentally imagining all the negative and excess emotions drifting out of me with the air. Flicking it away until it wasn't going to bother me anymore. My legs were starting to ache from sitting in the same position for so long. Add to the fact I haven't tried Yoga in ages, my muscles were cramping and rebelling. But I wasn't going to stop. I needed this. I figured if I learnt how to control my breathing and release all the pent up tension in me, from having to deal with Jesse and everything else; then it might help with any future run-ins and nightmares.

But this was the first day I was trying it. Boredom had finally gripped me so hard, I needed something to do. I managed to persuade Lance to let me go on the Net and look up some breathing exercises and tools to do with Yoga. Macgyvering some old knowledge with my own made-up techniques and mixed together with the information I could find on-line. I figured I was set. And for the past hour, I was trying to keep my concentration on my breathing and clearing my thoughts.

But all I got for my efforts was pictures of Jesse in my head. Constantly going back to our encounter in the pool the other day. The images and ideas that came to mind when I stood there, watching water droplets run off his rock hard, chiselled body. Imagining my hands gliding through his thick wavy hair and down his smooth tanned chest. The remembered feel of his skin beneath my minimal contact only adding realism to the thoughts, I never experienced before. His strong powerful thighs pressed down on me. His smell, presence and touch overwhelming my senses to the point of euphoria.

And there I went again.

Annoyed with myself, I shook my head free of the visuals and pulling myself away from them again. Finding it a lot harder than it should have been. Punching the crap out of a defenceless boxing bag had worked wonders to help me get rid of the tension coiling in me. When I wasn't around him, I found it easier to push it away and turn it into hate and remembrance as to _why_ I couldn't do what my body was aching to. Pummelling it over again. Moving past the sting and burn of my knuckles on the hard bag. Using what he said as he came around to hold the bag for me, as a welcome reason for me to accidentally miss the bag and hit him instead.

_"Relax your arms and shoulders,"_ He'd said. The only reason I was even tense, was because of his sudden appearance there. Sending my nerves into overdrive, with the fresh scent of soap on him, mingling with his subtle after-shave. It was hit or jump him. And the second just wasn't going to work. The most frustrating thing was that he knew _why_ I was so tense. That it was because of him and yet he just had to tease and wind me up anyway.

Even a blind man could see the sexual tension building between us. And it was driving me _crazy_! So learning how to control my breathing, thoughts and frustration, was the only option I had left. If I could drag my every other thought away from him, that is.

Willing my shoulders to relax again, I took in a deep breath and released all my thoughts of Jesse out on it. Positive in and negative out, I chimed. Clear my mind and let my shoulders relax and calm. Ignore the numb feeling in my legs and stiff back, a soothing inner voice continued. Closing my eyes to the small fire burning before me, I tried to go deeper into my meditation and calming procedure. I have a protective bubble around me, I intoned in my mind. He can't get in. I will _not_ let him in. Lifting my arms in a wide arc, I brought them down until my palms were pressed against each other, centering me. I could do this. I will do this.

And I was doing quite well, until he decided he came into the room.

I felt him behind me long before I heard him creep into the space I was trying to relax in. His footsteps so quiet, it was almost unnerving. I was sitting in front of the fireplace with a small fire crackling before me. Trying to inject some warmth into the room and my cold and chilled bones. The relaxing sounds of the flames licking at the dry wood were easy to concentrate on. But I was kicking myself now. Because the only thing the fire was good for was setting a cosy and warm, _romantic_atmosphere, he'd just walked into. I felt the shift as he walked over to the couch to the side of me. Sitting quietly and just watching me.

He knocked my relaxed, _'I'm not fazed by Jesse,'_ thoughts, completely out of order again. I fought to keep my breathing even, while my heart started beating a crazy nameless tune. My skin prickled and tingled with his eyes on me. Whole different warmth coming to me, making the fire pointless again. I pressed my palms together a little more. My arms hurting from holding them in the same position for too long. I tried not to fidget and move on the large cushion underneath me. But I was just too put-off again.

Sighing quietly, I broke the silence he came into. "You're distracting me." I said lowly. Not opening my eyes or moving. I didn't want him to notice just how much exactly. Releasing my clenched jaw, I tried to draw in a steady breath.

"How so?" He asked. I knew without looking that he was grinning at me. His tone was light and flirty. A new development since our time in the pool and the gym. And something it surprisingly took me a while to realize was that I responded to him the same way. Making me wonder just how much Jesse knew he was doing it himself. I pressed my eyes closed tighter. This was getting more complicated than it should be.

"I'm trying to concentrate," I replied coolly. "And you sitting there watching me, isn't helping. I can feel your eyes on me." But that was one thing I knew I wasn't going to stop doing. I wasn't going to back-down from the almost unspoken challenge that seemed to of been dealt. Who could get one over on the other; who could win the next round of flirting and banter. It was stupid and foolish, because it only added to the magnetic pull I can't sever with him. But my pride and stubbornness wasn't letting me bow out gracefully either.

"I didn't realize I bother you so much, Susannah." Now I _knew_ he was smirking at me. And he knew just how _much_ he bothered me. A lot more than I was going to let him in on, anyway. But equally so, I knew I had the same affect on him too. I thought about pulling him up on it. But soon decided against that.

"You know you do, Jesse," I commented, going for an emotionless voice. Opening my eyes, I stared directly into the fire. Trying to pretend that he wasn't sitting so close to me, I could reach out and touch him. So near that I could gaze up into his black eyes and lose myself in a world of fantasy and passion. He didn't say anything in response, but sat forward and rested his forearms on his knees. My heart skipped a beat as I tried not to turn and look at him. I knew I could easily reach out and run my hand through his hair. That I'd be able to feel his warm breath on my cheek if I leaned just a little further into him.

Resolve crumbling further, I ignored the tempting buzz I was feeling at those thoughts. I wondered how I was ever going to go back to normal once this is all over. Looking at every man and seeing less and less each time. Always curious to know what it would have been like to kiss Jesse De Silva. To feel his hands running over my skin and leaving trails of energy and need in their wake. To imagine what it would be like to stare into his eyes as he we made love. Falling asleep in his arms in the sweet aftermath. I knew I would always have this aching want that no-one would be able to satisfy. Other than Jesse.

And I really _am_ a glutton for punishment, I growled to myself.

Obviously not going to be concentrating on my breathing and yoga anymore, I uncurled from my uncomfortable position and stood up on shaking legs. Almost losing my balance as I tried to get my feet to carry me to the couch opposite him. Putting some much needed distance between us and dispelling some of the crackling energy building up with being so close to him. Collapsing to the couch, I stared across the gap at him. Careful not to become too wrapped up in the picture of his dark brooding eyes in the orange glow from the flames, flickering across his face.

"Did you need anything specific?" I asked, making him blink and come back to the present a little more. "Or are you just bored and wanted to amuse yourself by irritating me?" The corners of his mouth tilted slightly in humor. When uncomfortable or feeling awkward, or needy, my mind supplied, fall back on sarcasm. Works every time. It was just a shame my sarcasm worked on him, about as much as a cold shower worked on relieving me of the temptation sitting in front of me.

"I've just spoken to my Boss," He said, making me sit up to give him my full attention. Finally, maybe some news. His body didn't tell of anything bad. But he wasn't jumping for joy around me either. "He finally managed to get through to Special Agent Thompson to find out if they had any new information. The only thing they can tell us is that they're getting closer and following some helpful leads," I sat back against the couch dejected. "But," He continued, his voice not demanding my attention, but I gave it to him anyway. "He's assigning more of our men and resources to get it to move along quicker. So with any luck, it won't be too long now."

I dropped his eyes. Not quite sure what I really thought about that. Happy that I could leave this place and get back to the disaster I left behind. Having to face the grief and the anger, and off to a new life of no more running from my problems. Making an effort to try and mend the damage done to my family with my avoidance. But on the other breath, I was absolutely terrified. I didn't want to live the rest of my life in fear. But I wasn't sure how I felt about leaving Jesse's safety either.

Or exactly what that actually meant.

"Are you okay?" He asked me softly. So softly, that I unwittingly pulled my eyes up to his without much complaint. Hearing the hint of compassion and comfort in his voice, made me want to run and pretend I never heard him say it. Always made worse because it was Jesse that was saying it. I could handle my lust for him. I could handle the shaking resolve I've had to strengthen against him. But I couldn't handle the sincerity and concern he threw at me. No matter how good it sounded and felt to hear.

Snippets of the argument we had the day one of the alarms tripped, came back to me. His honest answer that he would rather be out there, fighting to find the monster that put me here. But it made me wonder. How much has his view changed since we had that talk?

"Do you still wish you were out there, instead of here?" I asked him suddenly. Ignoring his concern because I honestly didn't have an answer for him. Finding nothing I was comfortable lying to him about. "Helping to catch that bastard, I mean?" He pressed his lips together when I finished. Thinking over his answer while I sat and waited with a bated breath. I didn't know how much his answer meant to me. But I felt my heart speed up again in anticipation of what it was.

"I know they have the best men already on it," He replied carefully. "And I was asked specifically to come here and keep you safe for a reason. But in answer to your question, I really don't know anymore," A small grin came to his tempting lips, making me swallow at the glint in his eye. We've come a long way from the cold disconnected attitude he used to have. It was refreshing and disconcerting all at once. He really is a myriad of confusion and mystery to me. And I hoped I would be able to have at least one clear thought of him before I leave his protection.

"But . . . it has been getting more entertaining recently." Much to my chagrin, I blushed. I actually ducked my head to hide the tint to my cheeks. _What are you _doing? Screamed through my mind. I never blush at comments aimed at me like that. I've experienced some of the most intense moments just being around Jesse these few weeks, than I've ever had before. And I never blushed at any of them. I'm twenty eight years old! I'm past embarrassment when it comes to things like that. I'm confident and know what I want when it comes to men. But Jesse completely knocked away that unwritten rule.

And make me actually smile back at him!

Clearing my throat, I managed to lift my chin back up and curse myself. "That wasn't really much of an answer," I replied, throwing some of his earlier words back at him. "But I'll take it anyway. And it's good to know I'm a good source of entertainment for you. I wouldn't want you to get bored or anything . . ." I shrugged, trailing off. He chuckled, making butterflies go crazy in my stomach just hearing it. His whole face lit up at the heartfelt and charming sound. And I really was losing it the more time I spent talking with him.

"With you around, _querida_," He smiled. "It isn't likely," We both must have registered his use of that word again, at the same time. Because a sudden awkward silence seemed to grip him. Knocking the smile right off his face and giving him a troubled expression. Leaving me wondering exactly what the word meant. Other than sending delightful shivers through me, it seemed to scare Jesse. "Err - " He trailed off, looking around for a strategic exit and quickly." Anyway, I just wanted to tell you what I knew. I'm, err, going to go and do a perimeter check."

Nodding absently, he got up from the couch and made quick work of walking out of the room. But I called out to him before he could disappear entirely. Making him turn back in question. "Thank you for not leaving me out," I said with as much warmth as possible. "I appreciate it, Jesse." He gave me a small genuine smile and turned to leave the room. Confused as I was about his behaviour, I didn't bother worrying about it. It was obviously something personal to him.

Now if I could only get rid of the sudden chill seeping into me again.

xXx

Banging off my shoes on the wooden porch stretching around the whole house, I took in one last clean breath of crisp air. Unfazed by the chill to the air. Having just finished the perimeter check and making sure everything was how it should be, I was right back to where I started. Trying not to think of the easy way I managed to let that sentiment slip past my lips again. Finding myself so comfortable with Susannah's presence, I wasn't even aware I was doing it. The easy flirting was something I knew I shouldn't have been doing, but was unable to pull away from anyway.

My resolve weakened the more she responded.

I gave my head a shake and squared my shoulders. Throwing one last glance around the dark surroundings, I reached out for the handle and disappeared into the house. Susannah's sudden question also taking me off guard. Leaving me with more questions for myself, than answers for her. Did I still want to be out there, trying to catch Carson? I honestly wasn't sure anymore. The lure and temptation to stay in Susannah's company seemed to have more sway on my judgement than I was ready to admit. But the safety of the mission always comes first. I had to remember that when I was tempting to see just how soft and inviting her lips appeared to be.

The one thing I was hoping to use as a good incentive was that bad feeling still gripping me hard. Like the danger was still lurking around us, but drawing closer and closer. I knew it wasn't my imagination, or the danger of letting Susannah too emotionally close. No matter how much my mind tried to tell me otherwise. It's still a very real feeling coursing through me.

I felt more comfortable knowing Ed was sending out more of our own to aide with the investigation. Knowing they would do the best to their abilities. And that there was back-up fifteen minutes away if we needed them at all. But I still wasn't aiming to allow Susannah to wander outside just yet. Not when I wasn't convinced that tripped alarm wasn't a fluke. The telling sign that another one hadn't been activated sent nervous energy through me. A good assassin would know when to retreat and not push to fast, too far. They wouldn't lure me out by tripping too much.

And that was no doubt what we were dealing with.

Which begged the question; how long would it be before we could leave here, even if Carson is in custody and locked in the most criminally insane and secure prison they have? Because there was no doubt he sent someone after her. And if what Ed said was true and Agent Thompson was looking into an inside job in their offices; then the sniper could have been lurking around longer than I originally thought. No matter how secure this place is, it can still be found. And the fact that the unknown sniper hasn't made a move yet meant he was biding his time for some other reason. I just wish I knew what.

"How goes the search?" Marty asked, walking into the kitchen and placing an empty cup in the sink. I unzipped and slipped off my coat, as I made my way over to the freshly brewed coffee. Throwing my coat over the kitchen island and ignoring Marty's pointed look at it I reached out to pour myself a cup of hot strong fluid.

"Didn't find anything," I replied. Unhooking my holster and gun, I locked it away as I always did. I picked up my freshly poured coffee and made my way over to the table, sitting on the other side of the room. "That doesn't mean there isn't anything out there. Where are Susannah and Lance?" I asked, watching as he picked up my jacket and laid it across the back of a chair. Sometimes his need for organisation was frustrating.

"Susannah's in the livin' room the last time I checked," He said, sitting down at the table and pushing the new surveillance information towards me, along with his and Lance's daily reports. "And Lance was in the secure room, tappin' away at his technical doo-dads the last time I checked. I don' know! All these gizmo's and spy gadgets you've got these days, throws me. There's nothin' wrong with relyin' on good old intuition, if you ask me."

I chuckled at his grumbling. Picking up their reports and my own laptop, I tucked them underneath my arm and gave him an amused smile. "You're right, there's nothing wrong with good senses. But it's also very helpful when you can look down to a small 'gadget' and be able to read what direction your assailant is coming from, just by reading their heat signature." He gave me a derisive snort and pulled over his crossword book. Effectively stopping the debate and brushing me off.

He knew he was losing anyway.

Leaving him to it, I carried my laptop, paperwork and coffee to the living room in silence. Needing the warmth of the natural fire Susannah had started up earlier. No doubt sub-consciously seeking out Susannah's company underneath the excuse. But the fire was enough reason for me not to think about going into too much detail. I dropped my work to the coffee table and placed my cup down. Shooting Susannah a quick glance before I turned away. She was sitting up against the arm rest, her knees standing up in front of her, with her book leaning up against her legs. Dressed in a baggy t-shirt and sweatpants, it did nothing to stop my attraction to her.

If anything, it only making me wants to seek out what was underneath the large clothing and see just _how much_, I really affect her. But I shook myself out of those thoughts before I managed to get caught up in them again. Knowing it didn't take much for the air to charge around us when moments like that occurred. Instead I turned my attention to the dwindling fire in the hearth. Throwing a couple of logs onto it to keep it going. Knowing it would soon increase and cut away the cold that ran deep to my soul. Sitting back down on the couch facing Susannah, I leaned over to my work. Easily reaching the coffee table Susannah had moved back into place from earlier.

Trying to pretend I wasn't aware of every breath, movement and sizzling presence of Susannah laying on the couch across from me, and only a glance away.

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**_Anonymous Reviews:_**

**:) - **That'll never get old, lol! I wish I was this much fun when I used to leave anonymous reviews, hehe. Thank you so much for leaving me some feedback! I'm so glad you're enjoying this story! That last chapter was so much fun! I've been speeding through the others, just so I could get that one up **:D** I hope you like this one. Have a great New Year! Thanks again, take care! **x**

**_Meg - _**Hello you! Wow, what a chapter for you to of started the story on and gotten up too, lol. That last one was pretty damn fun **:D** I let my imagination run wild with Jesse **::**_Sigh_**::** I'm only very jealous of Suze **:)** It's great to know you're liking this one so much! Silly Suze and not jumping Jesse right then **::**_shakes head in disgust_**::** Crazy woman. Thank you so much for reviewing hun! I was psyched when I heard from you **:D** Hope you continue to enjoy the story, and have a great New Year **:D** Take care! **x **


	10. Finding Common Ground

_**A/N: Hot n' Exotic **_deserves a big hug and an even bigger thank-you, for being such a wonderful proof-reader and checking my crap, lol. You're too rocking for words, gal!** :D**

Thanks so much for checking this out, y'all! I'm grinning with your reviews and hits! I hope you like this one too! *Hugs*

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_**Finding Common Ground**_

For the better part on an hour, I sat in the living room with Susannah, trying pointlessly to work on my day's mission report. Too many times I found myself just staring at the computer screen with a blank stare, while the fire crackled in the hearth, with the flames steadily growing the more it ate at the wood and oxygen in the air. The night was silent and undisturbed out of the window overlooking the front porch and driveway. The lit lamp behind Susannah threw a yellow, languid glow over her form as she sat and read her book. The silence between us, for the first time since we'd been here together, was relaxed and effortless.

One of the main reasons to my distraction.

I was starting to understand a little of Susannah's frustration from earlier, when I intruded on her time. But when I'd stopped at the doorway overlooking the room and saw her sitting before the open fire; with the red and orange glow highlighting her, my feet had moved me into the room of their own accord. Leading me to sit beside her. Instantly drawn to intently watching her. Fascinated by the quiet and different side of Susannah. She'd said I was leading her to distraction. Making me grin and smirk at the proof and truth of her words.

But she was equally leading me to the same fate and distraction, now. Just having her in the same room and only opposite me. Knowing she was so close often drove my highly alert state into awareness of her every movement.

Only right now, sitting here with her and enjoying the quiet comfortable atmosphere; it was allowing my mind to stretch further than it should have been allowed. When the air was charged and crackling with the tension between us, I found my thoughts often leading to areas it hadn't encountered in too long. Stirred desire building more each time. Making my stomach knot and my vision cloud with nothing but the aura of Susannah. The scent of her shampoo and all that is her. The agile and graceful way she moved around her space. My eyes catching the action of her lips as she spoke. The harmony of her voice that made me wish to hear it more. But laced with yearning and need.

In those moments, I knew how easy it would be for me to just reach out and pull her to me. I knew she couldn't deny it, because deep in her eyes, I see that she felt it too. That she needed the release as much as I did. The ever growing fear and confusion that lay unhidden but skirting the outer perimeters of that were always there. And I wondered how long she could put that aside before she gives in. How long could I put my own demons aside, to indulge in the taste and sweetness of Susannah?

The dislike that masked our attraction has morphed and shaped into something more sensual. Much deeper than either of us were expecting. But finding myself here, trapped in a silence that wasn't causing my eyes to darken with temptation or my arms heavy with wanting to feel her in them, I was gripped with a whole new area I had since been avoiding. For the sake of us both.

It was no secret I'd no wish to have what others have. My own past had left me dissatisfied and lacking the trust to ever let my heart out to another. And the relationship's I stumbled into for short times after didn't hold anything to them. At least not from me. I had a dangerous career that one day I might not return home from. A career I'd put first for a long time. I sacrificed so much when I was in the marines. And for a long time, I buried my distasteful thoughts and feelings about it. Shoveling them to a part of my mind, I knew I was never going to touch.

Along with any hope of ever feeling again.

Although sitting here now, in Susannah's company, with no snarky remarks to each other and no fevered looks to flare and arc in the air…it was making me look at the woman I'd sworn to protect a little closer than I should have.

We were both full of contradictions; we couldn't even sort through them. I held a dark past full of violence, loneliness and betrayal. Shielding myself from the things that could hit before I allowed them to. Placing my trust in few, subsequently robbing myself of love, friendship and a fulfilling life. But that had been my own choice. And one it was too late to turn back from. I'd plowed on and accepted all that I was going to get. While deep in my heart and soul, I longed for the things Susannah was unwittingly sowing in me.

Susannah held her own quiet depths to herself. Her distrust in people around her had been there long before we met. It was too engraved into her personality. Her sarcasm and bluntness were too quick and skilled. Strike first before anyone is able to. A loneliness and sadness close to my own, but for different reasons. Some may have been made by her own hand. She felt everything and anything that she didn't show to the world. She didn't like people to see too much.

We were trying to pushing each other away. In the meantime, only causing the pull to weave tighter. And she was as caught in the crossroads and silence we didn't know what to do with, as I was.

Flicking my glance up at Susannah, I watched, intrigued, as she bit down on her thumb nail. Pulling it into her soft and inviting mouth. Her eyes narrowed and confused at the book she's been trying to read since I came in. Forgetting about my presence for the moment, as she tried to understand something. A rare glimpse into the intricacies' of Susannah. When she wasn't asking silent questions to people's motives. Not on high alert and waiting for the other proverbial shoe to drop.

And then I realize, for all the snipes and comments to have been thrown around by us both and the passion and need between us…we really didn't know anything about each other.

Frowning at the thought, I pulled my stare away before I was foolish enough to ask the questions on the tip of my tongue. I looked down at the report I've been trying to type. Reading over the words and noticing it doesn't make as much sense as it should. The sentences are broken and disjointed. Cutting off randomly with words that shouldn't be there. I'm almost surprised it doesn't have a single sentence, repeated over and over again across the screen.

Shaking my head at being so distracted, I went back to the beginning. Staring down into the screen, I brought forward what I needed to finish my report and made a concerted effort. I'd allowed my thoughts to wander into no-man's land enough. I didn't need to let it affect my work, more than it already was.

But I still absently wondered if it would have been easier, if the attraction was only one sided.

Not preparing to follow that thought, I opened the typed report from Lance and the cursive written one from Marty. The words are familiar and organized, bringing order to my jumbled and scattered mind. With their reports as a base, and the memory of my patrols and actions of the day, I got back to work. Until eventually, I got myself into a routine of not listening to every breath Susannah took across from me.

xXx

It wasn't too long later when Susannah disturbed me. Heaving a frustrated sigh, she threw her book down onto the end of the couch and threw her arms over her face. Mumbling into her hands as she shook off her fatigue. I kept my eyes glued to the computer screen and tried not to pay her too much attention. Having just gotten myself into a steady flow of concentration at last, I didn't want to disrupt that again. Dropping her hands away from her face, Susannah looked over at me.

"What're you doing?" she asked casually.

Her question wasn't out of boredom or to fill the silence. I heard the genuine curiosity there, as she swung her shapely legs to the floor and raised her hands above her head, stretching herself out in smooth and easy movements. Standing up from the couch, she walked over to sit in front of the fire with a pillow. Placing her arms on her up-raised knees as she took me in from her seated position.

Wetting my suddenly dry and parched lips, I carried on failing at trying to multi-task. "I'm writing up my daily mission report," I answered, trying not to scowl as I felt my concentration slipping even further. From the corner of my eye, I saw her tilt her head in question. Part of me hoped she was going to leave me to finish. But I knew I'd miss her presence even as I dismissed my annoyance at not being able to complete my work. She had every right to be here. And I knew it was a lost cause anyway.

"What do you have to write a report for?" she asked, rubbing at her left arm as the heat from the fire warmed her skin. She shuffled over a little more, stretching her legs out before her as she leaned back on her palms. "Chuck me a pillow, will you." Grabbing the nearest cushion I saw, I threw it over to her where it landed by her hands. Saving my work, I closed my laptop and sat back.

Resigning myself to Susannah's attention and answering her questions. With a few of my own waiting in the wings.

"I have to write up a report every day, when I'm on assignment," I replied, letting myself sit back against the arm rest and placing one foot up on the hard couch cushions. Easing into the moment the more our comfortable time carried on together. "Making sure nothing gets forgotten, no matter how big or small. If something happens that hasn't been noted and it comes up again later; it could cause us problems."

She looked thoughtful as the light from the fire threw shadows across her face. "It's a bit tedious isn't it?" she asked, with more understanding than I thought she'd have. "Having to write down everything like a journal, writing out your whole day. Besides . . . you don't really strike me as the type to keep a diary."

I answered her knowing smile with a small grin. Wondering if I was that transparent in my characteristics. Or if Susannah was just one of few who could read me without too much effort. It was a disconcerting thought and one that didn't bode well for me.

I shrugged, keeping my lopsided grin. "It does get tiring quite quickly," I felt myself relaxing into the couch as I looked across to Susannah. The distance and lack of light in the room making it hard for me to really read her eyes. It was a good thing, I told myself. "Having to repeat the day as informally as possible. Especially when nothing's really happened. But its protocol I have to follow. Only I don't grumble about it as much as Lance or others do."

"Shut up and put up, right?"

I released the chuckle at her blunt retort, without too much thought. I knew I shouldn't have been enjoying the comfortable conversation as much as I was. But I couldn't bring myself to pull away. For all our time here together, we haven't really spoken properly. But I brushed aside the voice reminding there was a reason for that.

"Exactly," I said. "There's no point getting annoyed about something that'd only take an hour to do. All it does is annoy the Boss. Although Lance has been known to let paperwork pile up until the point where he's ordered not to leave his desk until it's up to date. You can guarantee your ears will burn from his whining for the rest of the day and thereafter."

The corners of Susannah's mouth tilted slightly, but that was all she did. We lapsed into silence for a short time then. Neither overly affected by it for a change. After the awkward and rich air between us on most of our time together recently, I forgot what it felt like to just be able to sit and enjoy the solace. She looked more tired than I expected. And not for the first time, I questioned how much sleep she's really been getting. Judging from her smothered yawn; not much.

I didn't question her about it though. It was her burden to bear. Not something I could help or protect Susannah from. I looked away from her, letting my eyes fall on the darkness out of the window. The surrounding trees as silent as the night could be. The nocturnal animals out on the hunt, searching for prey. But it was Susannah's curious question that pulled me from my observation.

"What does your family think of your job?" she casually asked, her shadowed eyes boring into me. "Being out in the danger zone and everything, I mean."

I schooled my reaction and expression in the face of her innocence query. Something anyone could ask. But I still felt my shoulders tense at the mention of my estranged parents and sisters'. I hadn't talked about them for so long I could almost believe I never had a family out in the world. But still, it didn't do anything to stop the ache and anger I felt with myself and with them. And when I spoke, I tried not to let any of it show and shine through my words.

"I wouldn't know," I quietly answered, not looking into her direct earnestness. "I haven't spoken to them in a long time." I was expecting Susannah to back down from my blunt and short answer. But then, Susannah has yet to do something that hasn't left me speechless and uncomfortable. Only plowing on regardless.

"Is that to do with the job," she enquired. "Or to do with you?"

My eyes darted to hers then. Clashing and searching for why she was so accurate in her estimate. And when I came upon an understanding and guilt, I felt my tense shoulders ease themselves of the weight that settled there as soon as she asked about them. I didn't know too much about Susannah's family. Only knowing they didn't live anywhere near as close as they could have been. But now I was feeling my own curious nature rise. Her insight shimmering in her often guarded eyes only cemented that.

"Both," I answered. But she wanted more. The sudden need for a cold beer made my throat tickle. I wasn't comfortable speaking about my family with a relative stranger. Whether she could empathize or not. I looked to the flames behind Susannah. Keeping my eyes averted helped me to believe I didn't have a captive audience, listening to every word.

"It started because of my career," I carried on. Feeling like poison was rising in my throat and trying to stop my progress. "My father didn't agree with me joining the military. He didn't want me to, which only made my thirst that much stronger. But it didn't take long for me to lose contact completely and let me push them away." I swallowed down the lump at the memory of my fathers' anger. His opinion, that he would never support my decision, whether I asked for it or not.

"Don't you have any brothers or sisters you tried to stay in touch with?"

It was spoken quietly, but I felt the force of it hit me like a freight train. My guilt at not being there for my sisters' is something I've had to live with everyday. Not even knowing if they're married or with children of their own. The lives they've led. All things I left behind to save them and myself. At least, that's what I tried to tell myself. But I feel my anger at myself for that the most.

I didn't hold back the sigh this time. But it didn't release the pressure building. "I was the oldest and the only son," I said, still not ready to face Susannah completely. "I've got six younger sisters. I wrote letters to them every now and again. But the quicker I sunk into the job, the quicker I stopped doing that too."

"Do you ever wonder where they are? What they're doing?" She asked, pulling up from leaning back on her palms and sitting crossed legged as she gave me her full attention. "Maybe getting back in touch with them . . ."

I flicked my glance back to Susannah, catching her staring back just as intensely. Her questions hanging between us as she delved deeper, than anyone who knew I rarely reached.

"I wonder about them everyday," I was aware my voice sounded wistful. But I refused to let it crack. "But it never encourages me to do anything about it," She furrowed her eyes in almost disbelief. "Too much has been said and too much time has passed. It's best just forgotten." She shook her head at me ruefully. Flicking off my refusal easily.

"You'd deny yourself the chance of re-connecting with your family," Susannah retorted. "Because you're too hard-headed to pick up a phone? You must live a lonely life," She trailed off, watching me carefully. She knew she hit a chord, when her eyes sparkled and a small grin flashed across her face as I swung my leg down hard and pinned her with a dark stare. It was getting too close for comfort.

"I have a family, Susannah," I stated, even though I knew I was being defensive and I had nothing to be ashamed of or to prove. "The agency is my family. I don't need any-more than that." She still wore an expression of disbelief, but didn't say anything else. Thankfully dropping that specific line of questioning.

When it was clear she wasn't affected by outburst, I sat back in my original position. Watching as her stare landed on the fire in the hearth. There was a shadow in her eyes when we were talking about my estranged family. And I wondered what Susannah's story was. "What about you?"

She turned to me when I asked, confused by my sudden question. "What about me?"

"Are you close to your family?" I kept my face carefully neutral, but I was eager to know more about her. Why she seemed so pushy for me to talk about my family and for me to see the errors in my logic. She narrowed her eyes in suspicion, but when she didn't find anything other than genuine curiosity she relaxed slightly. Allowing me in inch by agonizing inch.

"Not particularly," she answered, surprising me with being more forthcoming than I was. Ed always said it was like trying to get blood out of a stone when I didn't want to talk. But it was how I coped. "I used to live in New York until I was sixteen. My dad died when I was younger, so it'd always just been me and mom. But then she met someone, decided to get married and shipped me across the country. And that's when the cracks started appearing between me and my mom. I didn't want the new family, and as soon as I could, I got out of there."

Her casual and easy answer told me why I saw her empathy. That she herself was as distance and detached from her family as I am. The difference being, she freely admitted to the problems between them. That she was the cause, not them. She had a family willing to accept her and let her be all she wanted. As much as my mothers' reluctant blessing meant to me, it wasn't enough.

"Do you still go and visit them?" I asked.

"I haven't been back in a while, but I speak to my mom every now and again," She shrugged, picking at a loose thread on her pants. "I've been quite lucky I guess. She's always tried to understand my distance, while still trying to stay in contact. Coming out to see me, sending cards and letters. Even just leaving a message on my answering machine, knowing I won't call her back. I'm the one who's tried to push her away, but she hasn't let me as much as I wanted," She gave me a tired smile. "It's a shame it's taken for my life to be threatened, to make me realize what I was putting them all through; especially my mom. I just hope I haven't left it too long . . ."

"I don't think you ever could."

She raised her eyes to me, looking for the truth of my sincerity. I saw a wisp of a smile edging the corners of her lips, before she looked away again. A small blush to her cheeks that I knew wasn't from the fire. Clearing my throat, I looked away from her. Seeing the mess of the coffee table, I righted myself and reached out to tidy the paperwork. Stacking the mission reports that I knew I should get back too. But I was enjoying the easy and relaxed conversation I was having with Susannah. It was a rarity I was so open and chatty. And it was easy to forget I was supposed to be detached with my charge.

I knew I was using the time to tidy my work to keep myself busy. Ever since we'd gotten onto our personals, I'd had a question I'd been burning to ask her. Longer still if I had to admit. But I couldn't let it go until I knew. The more I tried to reason with myself, the more I began to doubt it. Before finally, I took the plunge and finally voiced what I have been curious to know.

"Can I ask you a question?" I requested, drawing her back around to face me. Her face was flushed with a glow from the heat of the fire, as she inclined her head for me to continue. "Why did you refuse to go into witness protection? Denying yourself the chance of more freedom and as close to a normal life as possible."

Susannah made no move to indicate my question had affected her at all. No tension riddling her delicate frame or sudden hitch in her breathing at the bluntness. Even her expression and eyes were as blank as my own skilled ones are. I thought she wasn't going to answer answer my question and I was about to retract it and apologize; when she said something that made my admiration and respect for her grow.

And the one thing that is what will make her survive this drama.

"Because if I went into witness protection," She said carefully. "With the chance to start a whole new life; then that would mean I let him win. And Thea's death won't have meant anything. But I refuse to let him break me."

I sat back against the couch looking at Susannah and really taking her in. She was a woman built with an inner strength that would rival Rose's. With the conviction to accept her faults like she had with her family. With the mind and will, to fight and break through the shroud Steven Carson has placed around her by putting her here. She has weaknesses and flaws like any other. But for the first time since I met Susannah, I really saw her for the equal she is.

I let a slow smile appear with nothing behind it, but acceptance of her strength and reasoning. Saying what I couldn't, because it didn't feel right. I didn't feel as though there was anything I could say. But I felt the loyalty spread through me when I saw her smile coming out in response to mine.

The moment was broken when Susannah couldn't smother another yawn. Her tiredness seeping through the more she relaxed with me. She sighed and climbed to her feet. Looking to the fire with one last wistful glance before she walked around the coffee table. "I'm giving in and going to bed," She said, picking up the book she'd thrown on the end of the couch and walked towards the doorway. "Thanks for the chat, Jesse," She surprised me by saying as she stopped and turned to look at me. Her eyes soft and her tone light. "It was . . . an experience."

Shooting me a quick grin, she turned and walked away. Leaving me with my own stupid smile on my face as I watched her leave. It never occurred to me to worry that I was smirking like a fool, or feeling something other than the coil of tension and desire I had been experiencing too much around Susannah. Finally answering her once she disappeared and I could hear her tired footsteps carrying her up the stairs.

"Sweet dreams, _querida_," I murmured after her. Never realizing how wrong I was.

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_**Anonymous Reviews:**_

_**Meg – **_Aww thank you, hun! I had this huge smile on my face for ages after I read your review **:)** Hearing the word 'amazing' in a review to my writing always makes me look twice, hehe. I've written it in my own to others. So add that to the list of the amount of times I've been shell-shocked since I started writing for the _Mediator_ **:D** I don't think I can ever say thank you enough for the support you and so many others have given my stories. So I've have to settle with a huge huggle and fairy wishes you for you **:)** Take care! **x**


	11. In His Touch

_**A/N:** *Sigh* This_ was fun **:D** For those of you who are reading my _'Moments In Time'_ fic; it will be updated soon. I just blew the power box for my laptop charger so I haven't been able to write it out. But it'll be updated by next week!

I wanna say a huge thank you for the reviews and the hits **:)** But an even bigger hug and thanks to **_Hot n' Exotic_**, who was kind enough to go through some of my story for me. I really appreciate all the help hun! Hope you all enjoy!

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In His Touch

_'They're going to catch me,' I thought frantically. 'They're close. They're their going to kill me.'_

_The thought steamrolled through my mind as my feet pounded hard and heavy against the unforgiving pavement. The jarring shock that ran from the soles of my feet to my tired muscles, only makes my weak legs feels even shakier. The adrenaline is pumping through my veins, made my heart feel like it was going to burst out of my chest with fear. The ridiculous and out-of-place thought that I felt something like that before, but in a positive way, confused me briefly. There was someone on the other end of that reason and emotion. But I couldn't pull up an image._

_The sound of someone growling not far behind me, wipes that thought clear out of my head. And my eyes return to looking around in panic, searching for some kind of escape. I didn't know where I was. What I was doing there. I just knew I couldn't outrun the fear. It was starting to weigh me down and cause my feet to slow. But I needed to keep on going. I needed to get away from the danger. I had to survive. I still had unfinished business. Things I needed to tell people. Bonds that needed to be repaired. I had to get away._

_"Here little Sparrow," someone called out. I backpedalled my feet as I heard the venomous voice come from before me. The growling was from behind before. How many were there? And why couldn't I get away?_

_"You know you can't escape me . . . I always get what I want."_

_Swallowing down my fear, I turned in a completely different direction and tried another way. But as I was running down the long and empty alleyway, the light crawling away leaving it to become darker and darker; the scenery changed. And I was running down an empty endless hall of a house. The rational part of my mind that was reminding me that it wasn't possible was completely thrown aside as I caught the shadow of someone walking towards me._

_Spinning on my heel I ran in the opposite direction. The thought that I couldn't outrun a bullet, shot through my mind, but the need to live and fight was stronger. I wasn't some weak-kneed damsel in distress. I was going to fight back and not let them win. I wasn't . . ._

_Pieces of a conversation came through my frantic mind again. Completely out of place, foggy and obscured. 'I refuse to let him win,' echoed and bounced on the constricting walls dripping with dread. But it wasn't a thought, rather than a memory. And one I didn't have time for. I shook my head as I raced on. Not able to make sense of the hidden messages and warnings that seemed to be coming through to me. Snatches of a reality that seemed too far away from where I was._

_"Susannah,"_

_The sound of my name being called from a far distance almost broke my stride. But I didn't stop. It was just a trick. A lure. They were just waiting to catch me. The far off person was just a ploy. They were using my fear against me. They had to be. I whimpered as my knees cracked and ached from all the running and strain being pushed on them. My feet throbbing and slowing me down further. The hallway had no light, but it held no more darkness either. Surely there's a door, I told myself. A long hallway has to have a door._

_"Susannah!"_

_The voice sounded stronger this time. More real and less distorted. A hint of emotion running beneath my full-name. But I didn't hear any hate or predatory iciness in it. I should have done, I thought. The people who were chasing me only wanted to kill me. They only wanted to shut me up. So why was the name being spoken with such tenderness. Like . . . concern?_

_It's just another trick! They're trying to break me, I told myself pitifully. Reaching out to the nearest wall, I grabbed the rough colourless surface to pull myself along. As if that would help me get away quicker. I didn't want to turn around in-case they were closer than I thought. But the floor was getting steeper. I could feel it. It was like trying to run up a hill, my legs protesting the harder I pushed myself._

_"No!"_

_I didn't want to fall and slip closer to them. But I had no power left. Dropping to my hands and knees, I tried to crawl away, my heart beating out of control. Tears catching in an invisible aura and dropping to the floor. The silent plea and cry for someone to help me, sitting on the tip of my tongue. My strength was waning and leaving. But I didn't want to give up and I didn't want to die either. There was someone who was supposed to be protecting me. Where were they? Why couldn't I see him?!_

_"Help," I meekly called._

_"Susannah!"_

_Looking up, I captured a dream of someone running through the darkness. But the fear was stronger. They couldn't do anything now. It was almost upon me. They couldn't help me. They couldn't save me now. I felt the taste of bile rise in my throat, washing my mouth with a bitter, acidic taste._

_Was that the real taste of fear? The real drive of not being able to get away? The flavor of loneliness? I didn't want to be alone anymore. I didn't want to be scared and afraid. I wanted a second chance. I wanted the feeling of my heart beating in anticipation, not fright. I wanted the person running towards me, to protect me._

_"Help me!" I cried out suddenly, using all the last shreds of reality, sense and hope to strengthen my voice. To make the cry scream as loud as possible. For it to shatter the dread and give me the hope that was fading. But I knew, even as the words left me, that they weren't any-more than a gentle whisper on a hailing wind._

_"Help me."_

xXx

Reaching out my hand, I grabbed onto the first piece of reality I could find. My hands shaking so violently, I was terrified I'd lose my grip. I struggled to get away from the darkness that was seeping in from the edges, with my whisper just sliding off my tongue and gliding around me in a hopeless plea. Sitting upright in bed and trying to shake off the images and the feelings, I gripped on a little tighter. My heartbeat loud in my ears as I tried to draw in a steady breath. I could barely see anything, but I didn't know if it was due to the tears swarming my eyes, or the lack of light.

I tried swallowing down the rising sob in my throat, but it was too choked and full, restricting my breathing more than it already was. The sense of panic and fear was still clinging to my skin. I was cold to the touch and couldn't stop shivering. Closing my eyes, I tried to get myself back in control. My hands curling around the fabric I was clutching. The soft material giving off a heat all its own. Confusing me by what that meant, I felt a couple of tears betray me and fall down my icy cheeks. I squeezed my eyes shut tight. I didn't want any-more to fall. I couldn't let anymore fall.

"Susannah?"

Hearing my name whispered in concern made my eyes shoot wide open. And not two seconds later, a soft light came on and illuminated some of the darkness. Banishing the bad and making me see what or who I was holding on to. Looking up, I came face to face with Jesse's concerned gaze. His dark eyes that were normally hidden and blank were filled with an array of emotions. All aimed at me.

I dropped my own because I just I couldn't face seeing that. It was too much. But my hands still clutched onto the front of his shirt in a death grip. Finding the answer for why his soft cotton was so warm in my chilled hands.

I felt a pressure lift from my shoulder, alerting me that Jesse was holding me just as tightly as I was him. But my senses had been too overloaded with the fear and images of my worst nightmare to feel it. I hadn't felt so trapped, helpless and alone before. Not as much as I did running through that void. And that nightmare had given those to me in spades. I wondered what would've happened, if Jesse hadn't have pulled me out of it when he did.

Now I was aware he was here, my slow and foggy mind finally started to catch up to me. The weight of his large warm hand, holding my shoulder just as stiffly. The tingle and shiver of heat from his palms running through my veins, thawing me out. The smell of his musky after-shave and the scent of soap, drifting to my nose. The added pressure and slope of the bed with his weight pressed down on it. The closeness of him, that all I had to do was lean up slightly and I could finally get a taste of fulfilling that blaze that won't go out since I met Jesse.

My heart started beating for a completely different reason again. His comforting and safe presence, making me feel weak and clingy.

"Look at me, Susannah."

I ducked my head a little at his gentle request. Not trusting myself to look up into his eyes in case that cracked barrier completely shattered. But when I felt his strong hand gently cup my chin and lift my eyes to his, I knew I'd lost instantly.

His expression was pulled down into a deep troubled frown. The slither of a scar through his eyebrow turning white in the limited light of the room. His normally dark eyes were inscrutable as he gazed at me. Letting me see his compassion and understanding to this whole unbelievable mess. His need to help and comfort me. His longing . . . just as strong and overpowering as mine.

And I didn't know what to make of any of it.

When he drew me in to him, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and a large hard cupping the back of my head; I made no move to resist sinking into his hard unforgiveable body. Pressing my face into the crook of his shoulder, I inhaled his scent again and let the assurance he was giving me, in. His arms pulling me tight enough to almost restrict my breathing again. But I didn't loosen my own grip on his shirt. He was my lifeboat, coming to save and stop me from drowning.

I took in a shuddering breath when he turned his face into my neck. His warm breath and lightly stubbled chin tickling my skin. Making me flush and melt a little more when he pressed a soft kiss there. The feel of his erratic heartbeat against mine stopped me from trying to ignore it all. Letting me relax when his hand came up to gently stroke my long damp hair. His touch was so soothing and revered; it brought a fresh wave of tears to my eyes.

But those I couldn't hold back.

With a choked sob, they came one after the other. The little voice in my mind telling me I was showing too much weakness and was falling. That I was letting him see too much and letting it go too far; were ignored. Favoured for the feel of his body pressed against mine. It had been so long since I was held like so tenderly. Since I felt something remotely close to how Jesse made me feel. Being given a comfort other than words. Gentleness I hadn't really felt before intensifying it all.

With each realizing thought, the tears fell harder, soaking his shirt beneath my cheek. His grip growing bolder.

"It's okay, querida," he murmured into my neck. His lips brushing over my skin as he spoke. The fire that rushed through me from having him so close, was making my skin feel too tight and restrictive. But his soothing words didn't do anything but make me cry more. Any shred of dignity I once held, was helplessly torn apart. The silent sobs just sitting at the back of my throat, and still he didn't pull away from me.

"It's okay, you're safe - you're safe,"

I hadn't felt what he just said, before. Safe. Unharmed and protected. Shielded by something other than my own defenses. I was allowing someone else to take over and keep me sheltered from the world. Protecting me from myself, just like he was doing right then. Holding me so gently considering his grip. His strong arms letting me ease into him, fitting together perfectly. The hard planes of his sculptured body, pressed up against my soft curves.

We'd never been so close before. We always made sure we kept a careful distance. We both knew what could happen if that happened. The delicious memory of the pool was a constant in my waking dreams. But having him so close to me now, even after suffering from my nightmare, it didn't stop the passion to flare to life in me. If anything, it was made that much worse. My need for comfort weighing heavily on the wrong side.

A woman's need for a man to take control.

I slowly pulled away from Jesse's shoulder. Looking up into his sad dark eyes, even as my tears spilled down my cheeks unchecked. He didn't shy away from my tempest of emotions flaring at him. He didn't try and dissuade or neglect them. He only stared back with equal amounts, that made his hands shake where he held me. I wasn't aware of the soft inviting bed we were both sitting on. Or the gentle light of the lamp; thrown across the room and us. All I could feel was the steamed air between us.

He lifted a hand to gently cup my cheek in his calloused palm, his fingers slowly sliding into my hair, catching my tears as they fell. His eyes darting and skimming around my face, before they finally rested on my parted lips.

My tongue darted out to lick them in anticipation. My body trembling in his gentle hold watching the glow of need in his eyes as he watched me. I stayed completely still and entranced, as his hand slipped, so his thumb could skim across my lower lip and wipe away my tears. My hands crept up to lay flat against his chest, feeling his heart thumping against my hot palm. Even as I leaned into his warmth and touch. My eyes stayed glued to Jesse's, until I finally felt his lips hovering and barely touching my own.

But that was all we needed.

Overtaken by the spark and flash running through me like an explosion and complete overload of my senses; I pressed closer for more. Getting swept away and left trembling, before I could even think of what was happening. The over-powering fever that ran through me when I only lightly traced his scar was nothing compared to the raw ecstasy of Jesse's kiss. His soft lips fused to mine in a gentle and soothing touch. Slow and sensual compared to the need and hunger that was pooling deep inside me.

"Jesse," I breathed against his lips in yearning. There was no wild demanding in his kiss. He just made me melt and my heart beat out of control at how tender and loving he was being. Leaving me aching and searching for even more.

My thoughts of Jesse being a hard and demanding lover were banished as my hand slipped over his shoulder to keep myself steady. The other tugging him to me as he eased me down to lay back on the soft mattress; his weight half over me. I'd imagined that he'd take what he wanted. To be unforgiving and powerful as I gave in to him.

But there was only passion woven and screamed through every touch of his hand on my willing body. Leaving me panting breathless and more wanting than any man before Jesse.

I was trembling as he broke off long enough to stare into my pleading eyes. Not giving me a chance to see his own, before his lips claimed mine again. A sigh ripped from me when his tongue dipped and delved to caress mine. My mind leaving me with no conscious thought, but to surrender to his experienced and loving kiss. I arched into him when his hand slipped beneath my camisole and traced un-definable patterns on my heated skin.

"You taste so sweet, querida."

I clawed at his back when he broke off and spoke that name along my neck. His voice rough and filled with desire. Nipping and licking at the sweet sensitive skin at my pulse. My nails dug for purchase the more I immersed myself in his bold, liquid touch. I moaned with rapture when he came back to my cherished lips. It felt like my veins were boiling with pleasure. Throbbing with the flames reaching throughout my body to touch every nerve and corner of my soul. I wanted to crawl out of my clothes and release the fire and coil of desire, roaring higher the more I finally gave in.

All I could feel was Jesse. He was all I could taste, smell and breathe. All I wanted was more of him.

I whimpered at the power of his kiss. Never being so aching and overwhelmed by a simple kiss before. Never so indulged, out of control and submissive. The fantasies of making love to Jesse came back and bombarded my mind all at once. Hitting me again with image after image. The sounds of Jesse's own pleasure and the feel of his rough palm stoking down my bare thigh was making explosions of colour go off in my mind. Gasping when his hand crept back up and around my lower back when I hooked a leg around him; causing my already spinning mind to threaten to whir completely loose.

"Jesse . . ."

I didn't know if I breathed the words between us, or only thought them as I let my hands slip beneath his shirt to trace over his hard defined abs. My fingers creeping over to his ribs, so I could feel that elusive scar from before. The tips of my fingertips tingled with little pricks of heat when he growled and shivered in my hands.

Until with no warning or sign, the soft but hard press of his lips and the warmth of his mouth were torn from mine. The fiery blaze and protection of his body gone, with cool air rapidly rushed into its place. His presence leaving me without an anchor as I collapsed back against the mattress and tried to clear my startled vision.

Our breathing was heavy in the sudden silence as Jesse stood at the foot of my bed. His hand shakily running through his hair for an attempt at gaining his rapidly dwindling control. My lips throbbed from the lethal kiss as my foggy lust clouded mind slowly tried to catch up with what had just happened. The memory and the emotions running through it and the unbelievable sensations still streaming through my mind and body. I blinked, looking around as I shakily sat back up on my bed. Absently pulling the covers over my bare legs a little more.

Even though it was too late for that.

But it was the questions and fears hitting me quickly that were making it feel like my heart was going to burst out of my chest. Swallowing and finally gaining the courage and will I knew I had, I looked up at him. Just about able to make out his expression in the dim light as he looked right back at me. His knuckles turning white as he gripped the wood of the bed frame to keep himself in place. His face telling much more of what he was thinking then I wanted to see from him, right then. Two clear emotions I tried not to turn away from.

Regret and guilt.

"Susannah…" he finally said, his thick and raspy voice cutting through the building awkwardness like a dagger. I tried not to close my eyes against the memory of him calling me in my nightmare, not that long ago. Not that time seemed to be of much importance anymore. But being in his arms, it just seemed to crawl to a stop and leave me unaffected with everything around me.

Up until now.

I pressed my lips together and shook my head at him. Raising a hand to forestall what else he was going to try to say. I really didn't want to hear it. I was having enough trouble going through everything in my mind as it was. The little voice in the back of my head telling me it was a good thing he pulled away. That it shouldn't have happened, because I was losing what shred of self-protection I had left. Not that it really seemed to matter anymore.

The word rejection that echoed and lined that bitter thought caused my eyes to harden against anything else he decided to try and say.

But I couldn't deny the massive anger at myself for being so foolish and giving into my need and vulnerability. The logical argument that he just happened to be there. Happened to say the right thing and hold me the right way, only made me feel more foolish. I'd all but thrown myself at him. He'd offered me some respite from the fear, and I'd lunged at it. I was just upset and confused and that was why it happened.

Not that it helped stop the icy cold brush-off hitting from him pulling away. Or the annoyance at myself for even caring that he did in the first place. I carefully schooled my expression to be indifferent to what happened. It was just one of those things, when you get caught in the moment. I hid myself back behind what lingered of my pride as he frowned at me in the dim light.

The once stifling fire that was steaming the atmosphere seconds or minutes before was dying to a non-existent ash. Leaving me more shaken by those effects, than what my nightmare had before. The kiss was still ringing and bouncing through my mind the more I tried to push it away. I could still taste him when I licked my now dry lips. So much sweeter and over-powering than the taste of loneliness I had in my dream. The coloured sparks behind my eyes was giving way to a grey outline, as disappointment flooded though me in its place.

"Susannah, I…"

Jesse tried again. Finding his voice as he pulled me out of my confused thoughts. He took a step around the bed like he was going to come to me. I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw against the angry tears that were threatening to come through. But I couldn't understand why. That was the way it should have been. "I'm sorry. I should never—" Jesse stopped, pursing his lips against his frustration with not being able to voice what he was thinking.

But he didn't need to. I could see it all there in his eyes anyway. Regret, confusion and probably even a small hint of his carefully concealed fear. And why shouldn't he regret what happened? I wasn't any-one to him. Just another case on his long list. I could guess his fear was probably some innate trait men have, when things get a little too awkward for them to handle. But it was just a kiss. That's all. Just an earth shaking kiss that could easily be brushed aside.

"Forget it," I answered, opening my eyes and keeping my gaze away from his. I didn't want him to see how close I was to bubbling over the edge and losing my resolve again. The thoughts I believed I was getting in order were starting to scatter again. Bringing deeper ideas, I really didn't want to face. I couldn't think straight with him still in the room with me. It seemed to be getting smaller as it was.

"No querida, I ha—"

"Jesse," I cut him off, my voice cracking from hearing him say that name again. I used that one opportunity of talking to voice a lot more than I knew I couldn't say right then. Giving him what I hoped was a carefree smile, but ended as more of a grimace. Just intent on trying to stop him from making it anymore tense then it already was. "Just leave it."

Jesse stared at me with an expression I just couldn't read. His frown deepening as he went to say something. But seemingly not finding the words, he stopped himself and just stared back at me intently. Running his hand through his hair one last time, he gave me a brisk nod. Hesitating slightly before he stepped away and walked towards my door. My eyes staying fixed on the space he'd just been standing in. Too drained and confused to raise my eyes to him one last time as he lingered by the door for a few seconds.

I held my head high as he quietly muttered something to himself in Spanish and disappeared through my door. The soft click signalled my release of a choked breath in the stale and uncomfortable room. I couldn't imagine how I was ever going to be able to sleep in my room again, with that for a memory every time I woke up silently screaming. Jesse not there to pull me back, no matter how much I wished he was.

I turned my head to look out my balcony window. Staring out at the thick dark night, where the moon was covered by the deep clouds, only letting a muffled white light shine through. Adding to the creeping feeling running down my spine in the silence of Jesse's leave. But it was the sensation of moisture running down my cheeks that made me turn away. Lifting shaking fingertips to my face and seeing the light catch in the evidence of my tears. Knowing I wasn't going to be able to hold them back any longer, I pulled my knees up to my chest and laid my head down on them.

I wasn't going to be getting anymore sleep that night. Stuck by the possibility of two nightmares pulling at me. Wondering if it was really Thea's murderer who I needed protecting from, or Jesse De Silva. But it wasn't long into my silent and lonely night that one thought came to my mind. Conquering everything else, as it slammed into me with so much truth and raw realism, I couldn't do anything but let the stinging tears fall harder. Asking how the situation could possible get any worse as I absorbed the truth.

How could I use one pain for another, when the target for that pain didn't even want me?

I spent the rest of the dark and depressing night, trying to pretend that thought didn't hurt me, nearly as much as it did.

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**_Anonymous Reviews:_**

**_Anonymous -_** Thanks so much for dropping a review! It's good to hear how much you like this story **:)** It has been a lot of fun to write, especially this chapter, hehe. I hope you continue to enjoy and I'll try and update soon. Thanks again! Take care, **x**

**_Meg -_** Hey! I just had to put in a chapter with them atleast getting to know each other a little bit. Especially before this one **:D** Lol, when I read your review I was gobsmacked! I was like, how does she know whats coming next?! Hehe. Sorry its taken them so long to get here **:)** I hope you liked this one. Thanks so much for reviewing, take care! **x**


	12. Easing The Guilt

**_A/N: _**If there's one thing I keep losing sight of with this fic; it's that I just need to have fun with it! So I give up going through it again and again. I'm just gonna kick back and enjoy the response. So a million and one thank-you's, for allowing me to breath a sigh of relief each time I receive a review and a hit **:D** *_Tackles you all_***_

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**_Easing The Guilt_**

Walking into the large and open kitchen at sixteen hundred the next morning, I stopped in my tracks when my eyes had caught sight of Susannah pouring herself a cup of coffee. Seemingly relaxed and unbothered as she went about her task. Her hair pulled back and clipped so it was off her neck. Giving me a perfect view of her slender creamy skin I wanted nothing more than to kiss all over again. With the fresh memory of the night previous still clear in mind, it had taken quite a bit of mental barraging for me not walk over there and do just that.

"Do you want some coffee?" Susannah asked, breaking the silence I'd caused by walking in and not saying anything. Other than to stand and sweep my hungry gaze over her. "It's only just been brewed, so it's fresh."

She still hadn't turned around and I couldn't read anything in her voice. I'd thrown a look around the kitchen, expecting to see Lance sitting at the kitchen table, playing with his toys. But I swallowed when I discovered I was very much in fact, alone with Susannah.

I'd tried telling myself that it wasn't awkward at all, as I silently walked across to her. "Yes," I replied, making Susannah jump when she discovered how close I actually was. She obviously wasn't as relaxed as she'd made out. Or at least, not when it came to anything to do with me. "Coffee would be great please."

I stood just to the side of Susannah as she reached into a cupboard above her head and retrieved a cup for me. Pulling one out that read, _'Too Sexy'_ in bright blaring colours across the china. She didn't seem to notice what she got down until she started pouring the hot liquid into it. Her face flushed as she twisted her lips and passed it to me. Meeting my eyes for only seconds as the cup kept the connection between us. Once she'd let it go, I held it up and tilted a brow at the choice. A small teasing grin lifted the edges of her otherwise indifferent and stoic expression. Before turning away from me.

_'Well that's a step in the right direction_,' I thought happily.

It had taken a _lot_ of will power and restraint for me to leave her the way I had the night previous. And even more for me to just cross the hall and disappear into my own room. Carrying the heavy press of guilt that had settled on my shoulders, the second I realized what we'd been doing. How stupid and foolish I had been. So caught in the moment and the rising emotions between us, I hadn't exactly been thinking with my head again. It had only been made much worse when I accepted the fact I felt everything running beneath that unregrettable kiss, as much as Susannah had.

And I knew she had. I saw it in her glittering eyes. I felt it in the claw of her nails aross my shoulders. The emotions weren't just because of her terrifying dream.

But that had been the one point that had made me have the strength to pull away. The knowledge that I would have been taking a huge advantage of Susannah, in the wrong possible moment. She'd just been pulled out of a startling nightmare, she has obviously been suffering from for a while. I had never seen her so distraught, vulnerable and openly scared before. Never expecting to in the time she would be under my protection.

Then something had taken over. My discomfort at seeing her so upset had given way to a need to help and heal. Seeing that pure terror and loneliness in her eyes as she came back to the present, I'd known I was lost even before I'd pulled her into the safety of my arms. And come too close to making Susannah's feelings worse than her already fragile state of mind had been.

That was where the true guilt and regret lay.

Any other time, or any other place and I highly doubted I would have pulled away. Not the way I had the night before. Making it seem much worse than it was as I tried to distance myself from the sweet temptation. I needed to be away from the smell of the fruity shampoo in her damp hair. The softness of her supple skin beneath my rough hands. The way she'd moulded to me and whimpered in yearning against my lips. Making my hands explore further just so I could hear her plea again. I felt her crumble beneath my kneading hands, making my chaos of long forgotten emotions see the light again, in too long.

It's not love. But I also knew, once I got past the male pride and deep scars I carry with myself; that it couldn't simple be lust and fun either. For either of us.

Susannah coughed and looked at me questioningly. Bringing my mind back and causing my face to flush with embarrasment that I had been caught staring at Susannah the whole time I had been thinking about her. Going back over the memory of our incandescent kiss.

"Sorry," I muttered into my cup. Raising it to my lips and trying not to wince at the hot and sharp black liquid scolding my throat. Susannah just gave me a knowing look, before taking an old newspaper over to the kitchen island in silence. Leaving me to shuffle on my feet a little, as she laid it across the clean counter and appeared to become absorbed in what it held.

I berated myself for being so childish and avoiding talking to Susannah. Knowing she deserved an explanation for why I acted the way I had. For why I wasn't sorry it happened. I would have been mad not to have recognized I'd never felt anything like it before. It was everything and more when I imagined what kissing Susannah to be like. As gentle as her touch. Equally fierce and passionate as her hidden desires and character. Desperate and feverishly matching my own controlled need to overtake and devour. I'd been happy to lose myself to more of what Susannah offered.

And I'd refused.

Wrong place, wrong time, my libido had reminded me.

"Susannah," I took a step towards her, my cup clutched in my hand so hard, I wouldn't have been surprised if it cracked. Talking about my feelings wasn't my strong point. I was a man of action. Who took charge and control of situations that couldn't be handled with words. Whether that be holding a gun to a suspect, or just showing Susannah by sweeping her in for another more sultry kiss.

But it came down to the same thing with each thought; Susannah deserved more than that from me.

"Hmm?" She didn't look up from her reading, but her splayed fingers tensed across the print where she had the paper positioned across the counter. I was certain I could still feel the pressure of Susannah's insistant hand on the back of my neck. The way she fingered the curls of hair at the nape, sending hot needles down my spine and straight to my need. Pulling me in closer and deeper.

And the more I thought about it, the more I realized how much of a bastard I'd been to Susannah. The way I hadn't tried harder or persisted when she had told me not to worry about it seconds after we kissed. Cutting me off with each lousy attempt I made to talk. Giving in too easily by choosing to be a coward and deciding I could deal with it the next day.

I just wished I knew how.

"Susannah, about last night - "

"There you are!" Lance crowed loudly, walking into the room and effectively cutting me off from what I didn't know I was going to say. He walked over to the table strewn with papers of graphs, maps and documents. Carrying on oblivious to any tension that might have been curling the air; gently placing his laptop on top of it all. "I was looking for you. Have you been out on a parameter check yet? I haven't seen Marty, so I couldn't ask him."

Susannah smirked down at her paper, while I took another hot mouthful of my coffee to stall my reaction time. And to calm my frustration at being interrupted so easily. _Again_.

"I was just about to go look for you myself," I answered after seeing Lance's impatient expression. The lie slipping off the end of my tongue too swiftly. "No, I haven't been out yet." I shot a quick glance at Susannah, un-surprised to find her meet my eyes for the second time that morning. But I didn't see anything there. And I cursed myself for my blatant lie that made it appear I was trying to get out of our discussion. Knowing that was what made Susannah look at me so blankly. She knew what I'd been trying to say before I was stopped.

_'And the hole just keeps getting bigger_,' I thought distastefully.

I shot Susannah an apologetic glance she ignored. Before picking up her paper along with her coffee and walking out of the kitchen silently. My frowning eyes following her every step of the way until she was out of sight. Mentally hitting myself for not saying something sooner, or cutting Lance off and saying what had to be said. I didn't want it to go past un-resolved any longer than it had to. I didn't want to go back to the avoidance game we played before.

I was tired of ignoring what lay before me.

Swivelling my gaze back to Lance, he made no move to have even seen that there was a problem between us. Or that Susannah had even left the room. I shook my head and poured the rest of my coffee down the sink. Feeling the mouthfuls I'd already taken churn and recoil in my stomach as I rinsed the un-touched coffee away. My eyes fixed on the swirl and marble affect the rich drink had against the white porcelain sink, when mixed with the slow trickle of the water.

"What's the rush to get the patrol done for?" I asked, unlocking the drawer holding my guns and spare ammunition. One of many scattered over the house just in case. I knew Susannah wasn't comfortable being around us when we had a gun harnessed to us. "Got somewhere more important to be?" I slipped the clip into the hold, locking it into place with a click. Picking up my radio ear-piece and joining him at the cluttered table.

Lance fiddled about with his toys some more before he answered me. Adjusting the camera angles for better footage into the tree line. Therefore, better watch on my six. I leaned on a chair, glancing out the window while I waited. Seeing the beginnings on a bright day emerging across the grass. I wondered if I should let Susannah have a wander outside if I felt it was safe enough for her.

But only if I felt it was.

"I've gotta go and meet the lads in town. They've got some files for us to go over on who our suspected hit-man could be," Lance absently replied. "There's a couple of supplies I've gotta pick up too. We're running low on froot loops." I turned to look at him as he still clicked away at his gadgets. Waiting for his usual joking grin to make me realize he was playing around. But he didn't.

"Froot loops?" I repeated disbelievingly. "As in, the cereal? You're going into town, so you can get some sugar infested cereal?" He nodded away to himself. Not picking up on the sarcasm dripping on my voice. I shook my head again and wandered over to the door. "Fair enough." I tested my radio and got an affirmative answer before I opened the door and slid out into the brisk morning.

I'd have to talk to Susannah after I accompliced my first priority. Her safety.

xXx

I let Father Dominic lead me over to a more secluded area of the courtyard, to a bench that offered us more privacy from prying eyes. My stare seemed to constantly be searching around me, no matter where I went. I was still on edge and knew I would be until I had been given the all clear from Suze. Not concerned with my own safety, but only that of my distant daughter.

Until then, I knew I wouldn't stop.

It had been made more awkward and uncomfortable since I found out, by the fact that Andy suspected I was hiding something from him. I was being torn between my devoted and loving husband; and my distant and only daughter. I'd been wondering if I should risk telling him. In doing so maybe putting Suze's life into more possible danger. Or tell him nothing, in the meantime inadvertently pushing him away to protect Suze.

I know I shouldn't ever have to choose between them. It wasn't fair to anyone involved. And I shouldn't ever have to. But I knew I was getting closer and closer to failing them both, the longer the unknowing continued.

So I did the only thing I could think to do. I turned to Father Dominic again. Just like I'd done more than a few times in the past, when the drama of Suze became too much. Being the ex-principal of the Mission Academy, he was and is, the only one who could ever possibly get through to Susie. Who she would make the time to listen to. The one person she has the most respect for. More than she had ever seemed to have for me.

As soon as Suze could, she had taken the first opportunity offered to leave Carmel behind. Making Father Dominic become only one in few people she stayed in contact with after.

I'd always hoped I would have a close relationship with Suze. That we would be more like old friends, than mother daughter. Doing all the things with my daughter, that I had always wanted to do with my own mom. And at just over twenty-eight years old, Susie wasn't given me that opportunity for her or myself. We haven't even come close. I'd always imagined her to be settled by now. A husband maybe, if not in a committed and long-term relationship. A steady job and some happiness in her life.

But all she's managed to accomplice, is indecision. Skipping from one job to the next in an effort to find something she enjoys and keeps her content. Something that holds her attention, in an effort to make up for other things she knows she's lacking. All to a point where she's now stuck in a mundane job and attending night courses to broaden her horizons. I thought it was a good thing that Suze was acheiving more qualifications and higher ambitions.

But I still wonder if she's really looking for something more, in the wrong places.

As for her love life. I'm beginning to question if she'll ever touch that area again. When Suze was younger I thought she chose the most difficult and rebellious boys to date, just to spite me. Sending me an unspoken message, that I'd heard loud and clear. It was just one troublesome boy after another as she went through high school and into college.

But, discovering she had a penchant to fall into bad relationships, even as she got older and wiser; I knew it wasn't directly aimed at me at all.

Father Dominic once pointed out to me, that it was more likely a way for Suze to unintentionally hurt herself. To make herself suffer, to make up for the pain she had inflicted on others. Myself being the prime target. More than likely not even aware that was the underlying reason; even as Suze continued on her path of self-destruction. Looks can be deceiving. And I know Suze believed a couple of times that she'd met _'The One'_. Just to mistake it at too great a personal sacrifice.

Unfortunately some relationships were harder for Suze to fall out of than others. More trouble than they should have been. Suze has always been a fighter. And the more someone tries to control her, the more she lashes out and rebels. Now as a result of her bad history, she's stayed away from the possibility of falling in love.

Only to have found herself in a completely different kind of danger, she most likely had no intention of being caught in. And all the hard work Suze has tried to achieve in what she wants over the past year or two; I'm afraid is going to get pushed aside and disrupted.

But at what cost?

Too many times over the past ten or more years, with Suze pulling further and further away from me, have I tried to find the catalyst for where it all went wrong between us. And for quite some time, I put my marriage and move with Andy to be the main reason. Making me feel so much guilt for that, that I never once blamed Suze for acting and treating me the way she had in the past. Believing I wasn't a good enough mother to her when she really needed me the most.

That I had put my own happiness before Susie's.

But with time, I saw that wasn't the route and cause of the conflict. And with some help and guidance, I shockingly found that it was in fact the death of her father that had really started it. All the grief and lack of understanding surrounding her when he passed. And she was at such a tender age, that it left an impression far greater than I saw. She never properly grieved for Peter. And still hasn't, even now. Never talked about him or how she was feeling. Leaving it to fester and grow cold and unapproachable.

And it's troubling to know, Suze doesn't even seem to realize that.

"Helen?"

The gentle voice and squeeze to my arm had me turning back to look at Father Dominic again. After I'd explained little to no information to him about Suze, I'd lapsed into a quiet contemplation I hadn't been abel to shake off for the past few days. Now I knew my only daughter was in possible harm, mortality seemed to rear its head and give me a violent jolt again.

I lost Peter unexpectedly. And as much as I love Andy, I know I couldn't ever go through losing my daughter too. I didn't want to.

Father Dominic's warm pale blue eyes shone back at me behind his round glasses. Age had done nothing to hinder that intelligence and sharp wit he holds. Knowing he was so keenly interested and alerted to everything I had been saying, helped to ease my burden slightly. Knowing Suze, as well as I do. And if anyone could understand my fears and concerns; it was the one person that ever got Susie to slow down and think.

I confided in Father Dominic too many times over the years, to feel threatened or worried by what he thought. But the main reason I had gone to see him in the past, was because I longed for that missing connection with Suze. And I could find it with her confidant. Without being defensive to my daughters past behaviour.

"I just don't know what to do, Father," I bowed my head. Not to hide the shame with my own felt failure. But rather in guilt. The same thing that was in my waking and sleeping life. Guilt for not being there for her, no matter how much she had ever tried to call for help. "There's no way for me to reach out to Suze. Nothing I can do, other than sit around, watching and waiting. I'm her _mother_; I'm supposed to be able to protect my child!"

Raising a hand, I massaged my temples. Trying to ease the constant headache I had been suffering through for far too long. But Father Dominic's next question sliced through the tension and the pain, like a hot knife through butter.

"Do you trust Susannah?" He sincerely asked me. His eyes hard and determined on my own. "Trust her to live her life to the way she decides?" I frowned, shocked and bewildered by his sudden enquiry. My guard for my daughter rising, even in the face of a Holy man. I tried to find a reason for why he would ask that. But I was too clouded by my own defences.

"Of course I do!" I crowed, causing a few tourists to glance in our direction before skittering away. But I didn't turn to them. I kept my sight on Father Dominic. Eager to hear his reasoning behind such a ridiculous question. "She's my daughter. I'll always trust her."

Father Dominic nodded slowly, still not releasing my arm as he turned and glanced around the empty courtyard and fountain area. His expression thoughtful before answering me.

"Then trust in that she will do the right thing," He paused giving me a wry smile, his answer drawing me in. "You and I both know Susannah has made some mistakes in the past. Some more intentional than others. But - " He continued, a genuine smile coming through. "Susannah has come a long way in the past year or so. She has started seeing the truth for what it is. Now all you and I can do is have faith Susannah will come through this latest crisis, a different person."

His words were like little pebbles being dropped into a pond. The ripples going far and wide, one after the other. Over-lapping and intercepting each other. And I started to see my own truth in his sage and wise words. Hoping those ripples being spread great distances, would be a good effect. Like the wave lapping at a shore. Rather than the tidal wave of buried history, neither Suze or I ever really tried to talk about.

"Thank you father." Lifting a hand, I covered Father Dominic's still resting on my arm. Feeling a genuine smile come through in place of my forced one, for the first time in a very long while.

Looking back to the fountain giving off its soothing and calming sense and air, I'd felt it inside too. Because Father Dominic was right of course. I couldn't do anything to help Susie wherever she was. But I could give her what she deserves to have. Which is my total trust in her. I owed Susannah that much.

xXx

I'd bumped into Martyn on my way out of the kitchen. The newspaper clenched in my hand so tightly it wasn't recognizable by the time I was ready to read it again. Not that I particularly cared. I'd still been seething with Jesse. And with myself. Especially after my foolish slip-up in the kitchen. It'd gone against everything I told myself I wasn't going to do as I laid awake for the rest of the night. Slipping back into a quick flirty encounter, without consciously trying.

But I was kicking myself after. And wanting to kick Jesse too, for living up to the expectation I first had of him. I didn't want to talk about it the night before and I didn't want to talk about it the morning after either. I was happy in my denial. But then, he did what I knew he'd really do anyway. Lied and squirmed his way out of it.

But I was _glad_ he was going to forget about it as easily as I was.

"Mornin' lass," Martyn jovially greeted me. I'd tried not to groan at how naturally happy and chipper anyone could be at that hour of the morning. "Wasn't expectin' to see you up for another few hours at least? Rough night?"

I held back my snort at that innocent question and glanced behind me towards the kitchen. Ignoring the slither of hope that Jesse was following me. But I knew he wasn't because he had a job to do first. And one I wished would be over soon. Being stuck with Jesse was making me lose my head too much. Causing my focus to falter. Making me lose sight of what it was I wanted.

But then, I really wasn't sure I knew _what_ I wanted anymore.

I shrugged at Martyn's question. "I couldn't sleep, so I came down to make myself some fresh coffee," I raised the cup in emphasis. "Lance said he was looking for you. And Jesse - " My tongue tripped over his name, catching in my throat. I got a raised bushy eyebrow from Martyn. " - is doing another patrol check or whatever." I took a sip of coffee that was turning cold.

Martyn nodded, watching me carefully.

"Well I hope that isn't all you're havin' for breakfast, lass," He frowned at my cup and looked at me pointedly. Martyn had done nothing but try to make sure I piled on the pounds since I'd arrived. The amount he'd been serving me; I doubted I'd eaten so well since I left my wannabe-gourmet-chef step-dad behind. "Come on," He waved as he passed me. "I'll make you some pancakes."

"As tempting as that sounds, Martyn," I hedged, trying to walk backwards to safety. "I think I'm going to have to pass. I'm not really - "

"Hungry," He finished for me. "Yeah, I've heard that excuse a lot since you've been here," He'd smiled to take the chastising edge off his words. "So humor me instead and make an old man happy his beautiful youn' charge isn't goin' to waste away. Not under my protection." I saw the twinkle in his eye, but I also saw his real deep concern too. And it had only served to make me feel guiltier. There had just been no way, whether I'd been up for a bartering competition or not, for me to win the battle.

Relenting, I nodded to him.

"Yeah, okay. But give me twenty minutes. I just want to go and jump in the shower," Giving me a huge beaming smile, he accepted and walked back down to his own kind of sanctuary and comfort zone. Sighing I walked back up to my room. Setting the cold coffee down and throwing the crumpled paper on to the bed. Heading to the bathroom.

I hadn't slept a wink after Jesse had left. Instead, I'd lain in bed and slowly watched the hours pass by. I'd thought about sneaking out onto the balcony for some fresh air. But there were two things stopping me. One, I wasn't so sure Jesse hadn't had Lance put some kind of motion sensor on the door to alert him. And two, I was just too weary and emotional to pull myself out of the bed. It'd been an effort just to walk downstairs and make myself some coffee. But having it in my system now made the idea of facing the shower seem like less of a chore.

I let the hot prickling water cascade over me. Trying to wash the impression of Jesse off my skin and mind. A stupid and pointless effort that I'd tried to imagine all the same. I'd told myself when I first went downstairs and Jesse walked into the kitchen that I was just going to pretend nothing happened. Be the bigger person by walking away. With the added, re-inforced rule of no touching and no flirting. But the latter had all but shot out of the window the moment I'd looked at him.

Now I knew what it could be like to be with him, it was only making it more ubearable.

I scrubbed my hair and scalp until it tingled. Sure I could taste and smell Jesse's scent on me still. Roughly running the coarse shower sponge over my body until I was red. Cleansing myself of the memory of his touch. Once I'd finished, I speeded through drying off and pulling on my most comfortable torn jeans and black tank top. I was in defensive, _'I don't need a man to protect me_,' mode.

And God help anyone that would be trying to break that.

Towelling my hair, I ran a comb through it but left it down to dry. I wasn't going anywhere and I wasn't seeing anyone special. I wasn't going to make the effort. Once I was decent again, I went downstairs following the delicious smells of pancakes. My stomach growling as soon as I walked in to the light room. My mouth watering as I took in the sight of the pancake pile waiting to be devoured.

But when I'd caught sight of Jesse, eyeing me just as hungrily as I was the pancakes; I suddenly didn't know what I was more ravenous for.

"Wow, they smell great," I chimed looking away from him. My nose following the smell to the plate ready on the counter. A small jug of thick brown syrup sitting beside it. Lance came back with an equally enthusiastic sound, rubbing his stomach dramatically.

"They sure do!" He grinned. "But Marty wouldn't let us at 'em till you came down." He gave me a smile to let me know he wasn't annonyed. I shot him an apologetic grimace all the same. Unfortunately I was in need of a drink and had to go past Jesse to get to it. I wasn't prepared for the flush of his body heat and smell of the fresh air on him, as I brushed past. My head spinning dizzily with the combination.

I didn't let Jesse see how much he affected me in that tiny split second of bliss. Or so I tried. The man could be too damn perceptive for his own good sometimes. But then my confidence wavered for a second, when Jesse caught my arm lightly as I tried to go past. Breathing into my ear much like he did in my room the night before. A lovers caress over my shattered control.

"I need to talk to you,"

_Crap._

_

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**_Anonymous Reviews:_**

**_Meg -_** Wow I loved your review **:D** I was grinning when I saw all the yayayay's! And it's uber-awesome you loved the chapter so much. **:D** I had a great time writing it out. By the time I was finished, I was a little shocked to discover it'd turned into a whole chapter, hehe. Well worth it though. **;)** Suze is a plonker who has a habit of seeing the bad when things don't go how she's expects them too. Bit of luck Jesse isn't so bad **:P** Sorry for the wait, I hope you enjoy this one. I'll have the next up a little quicker I hope **:) **Thanks ever so much for the wicked review, hun! *_Hugs_* Take care **x**

**_BananasForVacas -_** Did I spell Bananas right? Thats one word that has me tripping out, lol. **:)** AWESOME penname by the way! And thank you so much for reviewing **:D** Hearing in big capital letters how much you love my story, had me giggling and blushing for ages, hehe. I'm glad your enjoying it **:) ***_Hugs_* Take care! **x**


	13. Closing In

_**A/N:**_ Wowie! I_ really_ wasn't expecting such a _fantastic _response to my last chapter! Thank you all so, _so _much! I hope this one lives up to the expectatio_n_, _*Bites nails nervously* _Enjoy!

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_**Closing-In**_

After letting, '_Crap_' screech through my mind in high velocity, with Jesse's whispered we needed to talk in my ear; it was swiftly followed by, _'Suck it up Simon_!'

We need to talk. We need to talk. Well that could have meant lots of different things. We need to talk about how you're distracting me from doing my job properly. We need to talk about the case we still haven't come close to solving. We need to talk about the fact there was obviously something _more_ in that kiss. But then, the last one wouldn't count. Because I'd pretty much convinced myself Jesse didn't notice it.

And even if he had, which was starting to get scarily more obvious, I wouldn't allow him too. If he was so desperate to sit and have an in-depth talk about how there seemed to be a physical attraction to one another; fine, I'll chat. I can handle talk like that. Bare and easy facts, straight to the point. No emotions involved.

But I just_ knew_ that wasn't how it was going to go.

Which still brought me back to my own conclusions I'd thought up to mask the _real_ hurt I was tired of, hours after he walked away; it was a lapse in judgment on my part. I was just using Jesse to relieve some pent-up frustration. There was nothing more than that. I was just overly emotional at the time. A woman satisfying a need. That he left unresolved unfortunately. But still, I'd just been using Jesse.

That excuse ought to throw him off.

Turning to look at Jesse, I gave him a clueless look. Not bothering to keep my voice down which drew Martyn and Lance's attention to us. "About what?"

He narrowed his eyes, trying to figure me out. _Good luck there buddy_, my mind chimed. After the explosive disaster the night before, Jesse wasn't having any more insight into my life or my mind. I'd said too much when we'd had that surprising heart to heart in the living room. The one time we weren't staring at each other like lust-struck teenagers, ready to tear each other's clothes off. Instead, actually discovering a little about each other.

Which was also a problem. Because it meant it paved the way for the lines to blur and be the real push for that kiss.

Jesse took his light grip off my arm, turning to retrieve the cutlery off the kitchen island. Not answering my 'innocent' question, or looking me in the eye. I shrugged at Lance as if to say I didn't know either and turned back to pouring myself another coffee. If they wanted me to make it through the rest of the day, where it was barely seven in the morning, I was going to be drinking a lot of caffeine.

I joined the three men at the table, my stomach still growling just looking at the pile of pancakes in the middle. How long had it been since I had fresh home-made pancakes? _Too long_, my mind supplied. I decided right then, when it was all over I was going _home_ home. And I was going to stock up on Andy's cooking. Weight be damned.

Martyn and Lance made small talk that I added to, to fill the void while we ate. I was a little too bright and enthusiastic, which only made Jesse scrutinize me more. I was just trying not to leave any gaps in the chatter that the cook and his side-kick could use to ask questions. Or so Jesse could get a stab in there, with something they might not understand.

Because it would be directly aimed at me.

By the time I was finished eating, I was too stuffed to move. But then too nervous of the impending talk, not to. Martyn snapped me in to action when he took my plate away. Giving me a proud grin when he noticed how empty it was. I got up to help clean up the kitchen, hoping Jesse would have some paper-work to finish or something. Lance skittered about mumbling something about froot loops and disappeared from the room. While I stood at the sink and helped wash up the dishes, passing them to Martyn to dry. Keeping my hands busy as I plunged them into the scolding hot water. They were red and numb by the time I was finished, very aware Jesse was waiting at the table; his eyes pinned on my every move.

And then the inevitable happened; Martyn made his excuses and left. Running before I had time to come up with my own.

I calmly put away the last mug I washed up, reminded of the one I chose for Jesse earlier as I closed the cupboard door and threw the dishtowel onto the draining board. My vision tunnelled as I tried making a quick, non-tripped escape for the exit and freedom. Even just to buy myself some time before Jesse came and tried to hunt me down again.

"Susannah,"

I told myself it was the commanding edge to his tone that instantly made me stop. Not the Spanish lilt that seemed to deepen as he drew my name out long, low and guttural. Keeping all his attention fixed on me. I took a quick silent breath, resigning myself to my fate that it probably _was_ best we got it out of the way. I didn't want to. I _really _didn't want too.

But it didn't mean I had to make it easy for him.

I spun on my heel crossing my arms over my chest. "I'm not some sub-ordinate under your command." I retorted hotly. Hoping he'd assume the flush to my cheeks was in anger, more than because of the affect his voice had just had.

My pride wasn't going to let him talk to me like that, no matter how charming he was. Not if he wanted to survive a kick to the groin or another fist to the face.

"And I don't take well to being spoken to like one." I finished. I was trying to act unaffected, but it was coming out too _overly_ formal. I tried not to groan at the thought of _never _finding middle ground when it came to Jesse. He created a myriad of emotions and thoughts in me, I couldn't imagine ever getting my mind around.

"Would you have stopped if I hadn't have done?" He asked, raising that delectable scarred eyebrow in question.

He knew I wouldn't have. It was just an automatic reaction when his voice said my name like that. Other than Father Dominic, Jesse was the only one who has ever insisted on calling me by my full-name. It only just occurred to me that he hasn't even once offered Suze as a replacement. Lost in my scattered thoughts, Jesse carried on.

"We need to talk," I pursed my lips and gave him a disinterested look. He sighed, knowing I wasn't making it as easy and he obviously wanted it to go. I had to give him points for having more patience than most though. "We can even go out onto the porch."

I dropped my arms at that, looking at Jesse with more hope than I should have done. I knew he was effectively blackmailing me, but the urge to go outside for some much needed fresh air was just too much of a lure to resist. And he damn well knew it. Especially seeing the small smile on his too-handsome-for-my-comfort face. His thin soft lips pulled back into a smirk, revealing his straight white teeth.

He was making it hard for me not to want to kiss those talented lips again.

I thought about questioning him on it. Just to make sure there were no strings attached or small print I skipped over in my haste. But then I decided it really didn't matter, as I threw that hesitation aside and strode across the kitchen. Giving Jesse a quick pointed look as I swung open the door. Pushing past the screen and stepping onto the creaking wood of the back porch. Pure natural air hitting me instantly, making me take deep breathes of it.

It smelled so _fresh_ and clean. Pine was on the breeze with what was probably my imagination, but smelt like water. I looked around me as I walked down the rickety stairs and onto the lush green grass. Wondering if there was a lake near-by. And that once the whole mess had been sorted out, if I'd get a chance to look for myself before I went back to civilisation and life without Specialist Jesse De Silva.

For a few minutes, I just stood there with my face raised to the warm sun, forgetting that I was staying in a house with a dangerously sexy man I couldn't stop thinking about. And who I was pretty sure was working his way in to my affections. I ignored the added grief I still held. Pretending my roommate hadn't been killed before me, with her killer still hunting for me.

For those sweet, precious minutes, I was just Susannah Simon standing in a patch of warm sunlit grass, surrounded by freedom.

When I opened my eyes, Jesse was standing directly before me. His back to the sun with his eyes unreadable to me where I stood with his silhouette towering over me. _'Oh no_,' quickly flew across my mind, as I felt myself reaching out to him. His own hand coming towards me just as slowly.

xXx

Storming down the hall towards the conference room my old friends large mansion held; I threw open the double doors with a crash. Making everyone seated around the table descend into quiet. I caught the dark thunderous expression I held as I passed a gaudy gold framed mirror. Comforted by the feel of my pride and joys harnessed to my sides where they belonged. Anyone stupid enough to breathe too loudly, let alone talk, would have their knee cap blown off.

The bad mood I'd been in for the past week had gradually been growing darker and much, much worse as the days had passed with less of a good outcome coming my way. And sooner or later, someone was going to have to pay for the failure. I'd preferred it to be that little _bitch_ that still hadn't been killed. But I'd take what I could get. For a while at least.

I stood in front of my men watching them try not to meet my eyes as they cowered in fear. The thought almost made me want to smile with pride.

"Well?"

My loud snapping tone was like a gun-shot cracking around the highly tense room. Causing a few of the wimps to jump in their seats. Why did I surround myself with such failures and morons? I decided a long time ago, that if I was going to hell then they were coming down with me. I had no qualms about ratting out the low-life's that would've got us caught in that position in the first place.

My snapped question was passed from one dickhead to another, making me glare at them for taking too fucking long to answer. I was preparing to reach for one of my beloved guns when one brave bastard finally spoke up. He looked younger and fitter than the rest. Built with more muscle than the usual men I hired or had close to me. But that could have been what made him, 'rise through the ranks' so to speak.

I stored it away for later thought.

He cleared his throat and spoke up clearly. "We can't get through to Slater, sir. He's not answerin' any of his calls. We sent someone up there, but they saw a couple more feds hangin' around so backed off. And we don't know where he's stayin'."

His blunt and matter-of-fact tone glided over me, calming me the smallest fraction. He sat back down and turned to the rest of the fucking cowards too chicken shit to speak up. Glaring at them all.

I walked a bit further into the room. Calmly stepping over to the large thick wooden table. Planting my palms down flat, I leaned forward and looked at all of the men individually. I saw a couple eye my gun hanging in my holster, coming out from under my jacket. Some meeting my stare head-on trying to be confident, others ducking their brainless heads to hide their fear my famous gun instilled in them.

I skipped over the boy who had the balls to talk and sneered at the rest.

"Well now, you see that poses a problem," I commented icily. "A big, fucking problem, I want sorted out _now_. Time is running out you fucking morons. What kind of fucked up empire do you think I'm running here? A circus?! I don't like having to be here, hiding out. I want my own territory not someone fucking else's. Now you either get through to that piece of shit Slater, or I'll start picking each of you off, one by fucking one. Remember boys, there are worse things than death . . . And I'm fucking one of them!"

Growling menacingly, I pushed myself off the table and stalked towards the glass balcony doors. Throwing them open with a yell, disappearing out onto the patio beyond.

And then I let loose a roar of pure rage that had the birds flying out of the trees and my breath whipped from my lungs.

Panting, I slumped forward resting my fisted hands on the brick wall. White hot fury streaming through my veins as I imagined getting my hands around Slater's neck and squeezing the fucking worthless life out of him. I'd held him in high respect before. Appreciative of his talent and art. But he's been nothing more than a fucking loose screw, with an agenda all his own.

He's located her. I fucking know he has! But he's yet to put the silver bullet through her heart. If I thought I wouldn't get caught, I'd go up there and do the damn easy task myself. But the place is too well protected for that. I'd be jumped quicker than a heroin addict needing their next fix.

Especially now with feds hiding out in the town too. Blending in with the locals.

But the lack of action was making my blood boil! I've had to resort to staying at an old friends' because the feds were closing in on me quicker than I expected them. My old friend may have welcomed me with open arms, but I never like resorting to such lengths. Being run off my own territory I worked so fucking hard at perfecting. All about to be un-done, by some little bitch who can't keep her mouth shut. And some stupid prick out for his own revenge first.

What the hell ever happened to loyalty? There's none left anymore. No-one sticks to the old rules. Too many thugs thinking their invincible. Trying their luck at playing with the big boys. And it drives me _mad_!

"Mr. Carson, sir?"

I clenched my eyes shut at the voice coming from behind me. A muscle twitched in my jaw as I resisted the urge not to pull out my gun and hold it to his head. Making him beg and tell me exactly _why_ I shouldn't kill him where he stands. Or kneels if I was feeling patient enough. But instead, I dug my short blunt nails into the stone work. Holding myself back.

"You must have a fucking death wish to come out here and interrupt me." I growled.

But his voice, when it came back to me, was calm and unaffected.

"Maybe sir. But I have an offer, if you'll hear me out?"

He was pushing his dwindled luck. Maybe he didn't have anything to live for and that was the reason he came out and all but asked to chew a bullet. Not my problem I decided. If he wanted to be used for target practice, I was always open to honing my crack shot aim. I held my fists at my side turning to look at the man with a death wish, recognizing him for the boy that stood up to address me. I inclined my head, agreeing to listen.

"You have two minutes."

He nodded and plunged straight in. "Let me go up and find out what Slater's doin', sir. I've got enough skills to blend in and not be noticed. I'm new to your men so they won't recognize me and assume I'm there for anything other than a vacation. Let me scope him out, or at least do the job for you." I raised my eyebrow at him as he finished. Holding his head high as he waited for my reaction.

I mulled it over in my mind. Turning it every which way I could, seeing the flaws that it held. It wasn't a completely bad idea. A little rough around the edges. But as that point, I didn't have the time to sit and plan it properly. That's why I get others to do my dirty work for me. Less details to worry about. And if he got caught or killed, it wouldn't be a huge dent in my losses.

I stepped up to the unknown boy. His height stepping a couple of inches over my own six two frame. Scowling up into his unafraid, guarded eyes; a small suspicion started to rise in me. But I shoved it aside just as quickly. I didn't have the time for my usual paranoia anymore.

"Fine. Go," He nodded and turned to walk away, but I stopped him with a shout. "If you succeed, good. But if you fail, or get caught - I'll hunt down all those near and dear to you, boy. Got it?" He gave me another brisk nod and walked away back into the tense room. I turned back to overlooking the countryside around me. Watching the swaying greenery around the giant house.

Groaning, I leant back down on the wall.

"I fucking _hate_ trees."

xXx

Seeing my hand reaching out to Jesse in slow motion, I quickly cleared my throat and took a step back and away from him. I didn't like the shadowed look in his eyes when I did it either. The way he was staring down and right through me was making me shiver. Swallowing reflexively. More frustrating was that it was in a good, quivering with anticipation way. He looked like he wanted nothing more than to sweep me up off my feet and carry me away.

As much as I told myself that wasn't a good thing; it made me wish he'd just do it anyway and stop me second-guessing everything he did or didn't do. Stop making me try and run when I wasn't sure I wanted to with Jesse. And again, the same question came back to me. What the hell _did_ I want?

His hypnotic gaze not to be like a damn lasso around me right then, was one solid thought. I needed to think straight. That's why I dropped his heated stare and went to sit on the old porch swing. It didn't look too safe. But right then, it was a hell of a lot safer than running into Jesse's arms. Where the unpredictable and explosive happened.

It was ironic how I used to run to excitement and the unpredictable. Feeding off the rush it gave me to bend the rules and be a little wild and free. Now all I wanted to do was curl into a small ball and tuck myself away from anything with claws.

And Jesse offered me both.

I tentatively sat down on the old wooden bench. It creaked and groaned under my weight and I waited for it to snap and collapse beneath me. When it didn't I released the silent breath I was holding. Relaxing and sitting back into the seat. Finally shifting my gaze back to Jesse's as he walked over to stand on the other side of the wooden railing in front of me. Resting his tanned and muscled forearms on the shelf, intently looking straight at me.

"So . . ." He casually drawled, stretching out the moment a little, before getting straight to the point. "How long are you going to put off talking about what happened between us last night, Susannah? Or are you just going to pretend you don't know what I'm talking about again?" He quirked that scarred eyebrow at me that he liked to do. The one that I couldn't resist staring at, every opportunity I got.

I pulled my legs up underneath me, sitting crossed legged on the swing. Placing a stray piece of hair back over my shoulder, I looked him right back with all my wavering confidence.

"I haven't been avoiding talking about it Jesse, because there's nothing to talk about," I licked my lips, being careful not to look at him as intently as he was me. He was tracking my movements like before. A hunter stalking its prey. "It was just a spur of the moment thing. It happened, it's over."

At that, Jesse stood up to his full towering height again, never breaking direct eye contact with me. It would have been so much easier to keep my own charade and denial running in full flow, if he'd stopped looking as delicious as he did. The suns catching on his dark wavy hair, making my fingers cry out to run through it. Illuminating the tan of his skin to a healthy glow.

"Just a spur of the moment thing . . ." He trailed off, nodding as if he was agreeing with me. But I knew he wasn't. Just like I knew it wasn't over. Not by a long shot. "That's what you're putting it down too. Brush it off as easily as that and pretend it never happened."

I shrugged carelessly, even as my hands shook slightly in my lap.

"That's exactly what I'm saying. It didn't mean anything, so why bother dwelling on it." Jesse's eyes flashed at that and I felt a small measure of satisfaction. I knew I had to be blunt and direct about it to get him to stop it becoming too personal. But I didn't looking forward to it. Not with the tenacious way Jesse seemed to want to hash it out. "We're both adults here, Jesse. So I'm sure you'll agree with me, that that's all it was. _Nothing_."

My voice was as close to a plea as I could allow it.

I heard a rustle in the bushes and quickly snapped around to look. My heart freezing in my chest for a split second, until I saw a little critter run off into the trees. My breathing started up with a choked laugh at my ridiculous reaction; my heart painfully thudding against my chest.

I'd been confined to the house for the better part of the week. I knew it wasn't a wonder I was so jumpy and paranoid when I finally got to go outside. And when I turned back to Jesse, I envied how unfazed by the noise he was. How he just ignored it. But it gave me time to try and put some of it into perspective again.

"No."

I blinked at Jesse confused. "Excuse me?" I tried to re-call what I said before I was thrown for a loop by the local wildlife.

"I mean, no I _don't _agree with you, _querida_," I elegantly dropped my legs to the wooden porch, crossing a leg over a knee and my arms over my chest. "I don't think that kiss was nothing. In fact, I _know_ it wasn't. And I don't think you do either."

He put a foot on the edge of the porch and swung himself over the wooden barrier with skilled and fluid ease. Barely breaking in his stride as he sat on the ledge with his long muscled legs stretched out and his feet resting inches from mine. My eyes level with his chest making my mouth go dry.

Why did he have to wear the open shirt today?!

Dragging my reluctant eyes up to his face, I tilted my own brow. "Oh yeah? What's makes you think that?"

There wasn't a croak to my voice. I swore to myself there wasn't, even as Jesse placed his hands either side of him, leaning forward slightly. Giving me that damn unbelievably sexy grin as he looked at me with too much appreciation. I suspected he knew exactly what he was doing to me and that he was doing it on purpose.

And I could have hit, or kissed him for it.

"Because you wanted it and felt it as much as I did, Susannah." He continued to grin unabashedly. Like a dangerous man who knew what affect he had on the female populace. Hell, he could take over the world with a grin like that. I just knew he was a danger to my health. As if being stuck in safe-house wasn't already.

"And because you're terrible at lying when it's something too important or close to the truth for you. Your eyes turn such a beautiful dark shade of green when you do."

I tried not to cringe at how damn right he was about my eyes giving my tell away. And I didn't bother to ask him what it was I was supposed to have been feeling. Because it was the one thing I'd told myself Jesse_ hadn't_ felt the night before. That that was why he walked away the way he did.

Taking my shock and surprise firmly in hand, I leaned towards him and gave him a not so innocent smile in return.

"Oh I wanted it all right, Jesse_._ I won't deny that," I watched his eyes darken at my confession. "But it doesn't mean there was anything _else_ to it." I bit back on my growl towards the end. It was taking more out of me to pretend everything hadn't been tipping my world upside down, anymore than it already had.

And Jesse was making it worse by moving the goal posts again. Insinuating something, I hoped I turned deaf too.

"Do you want to know something else I've learnt about you in the past few weeks, Susannah?" Jesse conversationally asked. Un-fazed by my brush off. It was supposed to be any easy, '_It was nothing_,' and he'd be relieved and I would be hurting still. Because deep down, what I thought was a rejection from him, really hurt me.

But it wasn't going that way and I was getting worried.

"When you're scared, you get defensive and slip into denial," I pursed my lips at another pretty accurate description. "And I _know _you felt it too. I could hear it in your whimpers when I grazed my teeth across your neck, nipping at that pulse point, making you tremble. I felt it in the sting of your nails clawing across my skin, pulling me closer to you. I could taste it as you pressed to me and asked for more," His voice dipped lower.

"So go ahead and deny it again."

I knew my eyes were flashing with anger. They had to be. Because I had _never_, had someone throw something like that back in my face the way Jesse had. And it wasn't in a nasty, spiteful way either. Just a statement that made me hot and aching for him. That should have had me pissed as hell; but in truth was making me lean more towards the reaching out, pulling him to me and going in for round two. Either to prove him wrong. Or to prove to myself - Jesse was right.

As per usual, I settled for defensive again. Even in the wake of his open acknowledgement of what I do when I get scared.

"You're a handsome and unbelievably sexy man, Jesse. Did it ever occur to you I might have been using you?" I pointedly asked. Dropping my arms and leaning back into the wooden bench again. "Just looking for a quick release of too much frustration and tension with everything that's happened. What'd you think about that?"

Jesse's answer was to get up from his perch and place a hand by the side of my head, pinning me back into the bench. It groaned under his added weight as he leaned in until we were nearly nose to nose. I swallowed reflexively, seeing a hungry, determined look in his eye as his voice quietly and softly reached to me. His breathe shifting the lock of hair hanging in my eyes, fixed on his face.

One thought laughing at me when I heard what he said next. _'Stupid big-mouth Suze_!'

"Maybe I _liked_ being used by you Susannah," He huskily murmured with half lidded eyes; slowly running that absent hand I couldn't see along the top of my thigh in a gently caress. "Did _you_ ever think of that?" No, was the answer. I really hadn't. Because I knew what the underlying message to that was. But I stayed quiet and motionless under the gently pressure of his hand wandering up my leg, playing with the edge to my top and awaiting skin beyond, ready for his touch.

"And maybe, I don't want to forget about it either."

And he was definitely talking about more than a quick, wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am. And that thought was more terrifying than any other.

Forgetting it was a really bad idea I planted my hands on his firm chest and gripped his shirt in my hands again. My body telling me to pull him in for that kiss I was so desperate and knew I wanted. Screaming it so loud my fingers twitched around the fabric. But my heart whimpered it was going to go wrong. That it always does.

Eventually, after warring with myself with Jesse's lips and breath brushing over mine, I pushed him off and away from me. Putting distance between us again and letting the much needed air get to my starved lungs. He didn't resist and easily let me push him back. Smiling softly the entire time. Before I let myself become putty in his hands, I stood up and answered him.

"Shame for you then, because it isn't going to be happening again." And I turned on my heel.

"How can you be so sure, _querida_?" He called after me confidently. "How long can you deny yourself what you want, what you _need_, anymore than I can?"

I didn't answer Jesse's question, because I didn't have an answer. Just this huge undeniable urge to obey the voice in my head screaming, '_Flee_!' That didn't quieten until I heard the smack of the screen door behind me. Leaving it to faintly grow smaller and finally stop the more I realized, I couldn't deny Jesse. And I never could.

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_**A/N 2:**_ The line, '_the cook and his side-kick_' belongs to _**Satellite Falling**_. I was just borrowing it cos it was such a_ sweet_, term to describe Martyn and Lance. **:D **Hope you liked!

_**Anonymous Reviews:**_

_**Anonymous - **_Aww shucks! Thank you so much for such a kicking review! I was really blown away when I read it **:) **I love that you get all excited it's been updated! And I really hope I don't disappoint with this chapter! I've had it written out for as long as the others, it just needed tweaking and that. So I've known what was going to happen for ages. No last minute writing it out and changing what I was going to put. I'm honoured that you thought the last chapter was amazing! I was as blown away by the quick and enthusiastic response! Hehe. Thanks again, take care!*_Hugs_*** x**

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_**BrBritney - **_Hey! Lol, I think I received your review about two hours ago. So you haven't had to wait too long for me to update. Depending on when you find this, hehe. Thank you for reviewing this story** :)** I'm really happy to know how much you're enjoying it. I've had incredible amounts of fun writing it out. Watching it progress has been equally as rewarding to me. I hope you continue to enjoy, thank you! Take care! **x**


	14. Anxious Discoveries

_**A/N:**_ I'm getting this one up now, because I go back to work tomorrow, ya! And I won't have the time in the next couple of days. But I hope you all have as much fun reading it, as I did writing it! I didn't anticipate it being as long as it is, lol. **:D** I can't say enough thank-you's for the uber-fantastic response I've been quickly getting for this. I'm going to be buzzing for ages!** :)** Enjoy!

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_**Anxious Discoveries**_

My finger looped through the hole of the trigger, lingering ready and waiting. Shaking with the urge to just apply the pressure and make that bullet rip through De Silva's chest. He was standing in the perfect position for me. Ready and waiting for me to send him back to hell where he belongs. It would have been so easy to have taken him and the woman out. They were both together. I could have done him first and watched her face crumble in horror. Or killed the proverbial two birds with one stone and done it while he was leaning over her. Through his chest and into hers.

Simple. Done.

But my pride was what stopped me. Any other case and the hit would have been completed long ago. The money would have been put somewhere safe while I waited around for another call to come through, to clean up someone else's shit again. But this isn't just another hit. I want De Silva to suffer. I want him to feel helpless and lost as I kill his charge before him. Make him watch every second while I enact my revenge on him.

Death's too simple for him. I want De Silva to _pay_, before he goes. To feel the burning hatred and bitter taste of defeat as I look him in the eye and pull the trigger.

My thoughts make my finger waver that much closer to doing just that. I could just do it now. _Now!_ But my indecision and silent battle makes me lose my opportunity. He turns around to throw a quick calculated glance around the tree line. Skimming over my own shadowed place before he follows her back into the house.

There's something there between them. Its not hard to see. And it only makes me narrow my eyes against the viewing scope as I grit my teeth against the growing frustration. I'll be doing her a favour by killing him. He's not good enough, even for the lowest of scum who walk this earth. And I want nothing more that to give him what he deserves.

For another few minutes I peer through the lens, with everything coming into stark contrast around the house. My eyes flashing so brightly, lightening could have been transmitted through the magnifying glass, blinding everyone with my hatred and anger. I was getting impatient and so was my client. But my hunger came first. If he had a problem with it, he could do his own dirty work.

It had been the first time she'd stepped outside for a week. I'd wanted one more visual of her in person, before I put the last phases of my plan into motion. I snapped several pictures of them together and separately. And once this was all over, I'd burn them and forget about it like the rest.

Or use De Silva's on a dart board.

Shooting a quick look around me, I kept a wary eye on the forest and trees I was lurking in. They'd sent more men in to the town to keep an eye out for any unusual strangers. But I kept my head down and went about my own business without drawing attention to myself. I'd specifically made sure it looked as though I was just passing through when I first arrived.

I quickly dismantled everything I had. Taking the gun apart in three easy steps and sliding it into its bag. The tripod slipped in last as I zipped it up and slung it over my shoulder. I made my way back to the small shack I was residing in. Being careful not to leave too discernable tracks as I went by. Once I reached it, I closed and locked the door. Sneering at the place I was being made to stay in. Glad it would be over soon and I could get back to my condo.

I dropped my bag into a corner and collapsed onto the sofa. Going through the pictures I'd gotten while I was out there. A perfect picture of the woman as she stood looking around the surrounding nature with a look of awe on her face. Flicking through them quicker, I found one of De Silva, smirking and appearing particuarly smug. It made my stomach boil with rage.

I still couldn't believe my luck and the coincidence that he would happen to be on this specific case. I'd promised myself I'd get him back one-day for what he did to Diego. He killed a good man and split apart an important mission we were both on. The one mission that would have allowed me to retire from this buisiness and disappear for the rest of my life. But De Silva took that opportunity and chance away from me.

Poetic that I would be the one to take away his. It would make the loss he made me, worth while for a short time.

My cell phone vibrated and shook on the wooden crate the pictures were spread on. I knew without looking who it was. That ignorant ass-hole Carson. He was getting persistent and impatient. And he could, for a little while longer at least. Because soon, everyone would happy.

xXx

I closed and locked the door behind me as I stepped into the kitchen. Susannah was no-where in sight, unsurprising to me. I was as shocked and shaken by our encounter outside as she was. It was as though I was detached from my body and watching from the stands. Her reactions, the flame in her eyes, the fright running deeper. I couldn't get a straight thought through my mind for trying. I could so easily have taken the easy option out and done what she expected and partly wanted me to do. Which was ignore it ever happened.

But it was too late for that now.

I knew it the moment my lips touched Susannah's. That there was something more to what was between us than I was expecting. I knew I could have been making a huge mistake. Which in part, was why I said and did what I did. Hoping Susannah wouldn't dismiss it as easily as she was trying to do. I know we could be something great. That this could easily turn into something deeper than lust, passion and the emotion starting to gather.

Only now, my only thought is to make Susannah see that too. I'm not going to give up on her. No matter how much she's hoping I will.

I meant what I said. Even if that means I'd be opening myself to something potentially disastrous. I was tired of running from what I couldn't have. Stepping back from entering a relationship because of the dangers in my line of work. But Susannah, I have no doubt could handle whatever I gave. The dangerous and unpredictable lifestyle being the main one. It's what broke previous relationships, but would give me foundations with Susannah.

Thumping my way out to the hall, I headed towards my usual destination when I wasn't teasing and provoking Susannah; work. I had plenty to catch up on before Lance arrived back. When the day could really start and continue with the good mood I was walking with in my step.

The past few weeks felt like the longest I'd ever been through. And I wondered how it felt for Susannah. How long she would try to run from me and just how much more of a little push I could give her, before she gave in completely. But my last thought I had before I got down to work, was of Ed. And the way he was going to be laughing at me when Susannah's case is resolved and I'm thrown into something, I always said I would never have again.

I smiled at the thought.

Looking around my desk I eyed the paper-work that seemed to be building with each day. We'd been trying to go through suspects or leads as to who Carson could have sent after Susannah. But it was hard gruelling work that didn't seem to be coming up with any rewards so far. Ballack said he had someone on the inside working closely to Carson, but for security reasons, or so the Special Agent said, we weren't privvy to know who.

So for an hour, I worked through signing off on the mission reports all three of us had been keeping track of. Sifting through the mounted suspects Ed had sent up for us, that I had been slowly making my way across. Eliminating the ones I knew wouldn't be out here. Ed and Ballack were both doing the same. But with the amount of time that had passed with no sign of Susannah being in direct danger, everyone has been needed to pitch in and help where they could. It wasn't one of my strong points, manning a desk. But if it meant Susannah's safety next to my boredom, she would win everytime.

No hesitation.

After I cut the suspects down to a few, I picked up the phone to call Ed with my findings. Aware of the time difference, but also knowing he wouldn't have gone home now everything seemed to be drawing closer to a finale. I could imagine he would have been sitting at his own desk, trying to help as much as he could with a constant coffee at his side. I was put straight through to him and got a muffled, slightly irritated welcome. I pulled the files closer to me, searching through the faces for where to begin. But Ed cut me off before I had the chance to get started.

"We know who it is, Jesse." He spoke precisely. Sounding weary and barely holding back his irritation. I suspected I knew who that irritation was mainly aimed for. "You've been sent the bare minimum. I'll call you later when it's more secure."

Not given the chance to say anything in return or sign off properly; Ed put the phone down and left me calculating everything that had suddenly just been rushed at me. After I replaced the receiver I sat tapping the desk contemplatively. Trying to sift through the sudden onslaught. They know who the hit-man is? Had Ballack's inside man gotten in already? It didn't take long for my eyes to flicker to the idle laptop, holding something I was suddenly _very_ anxious to find out.

"Come on, come on," I chimed, as I sat waiting for the machine to power up.

I skipped through the rigamorale Ed made us go through when using one of the more private and secure e-mail servers. It was specific for Reidman agency, but it didn't mean it couldn't be hacked if someone really knew what they were doing. We'd been lucky so far. And I hoped that was going to last, as I typed in the numerous security passwords and I.D's. Finally landing on the one page that held the name of who had been hired to kill Susannah.

Who, even as I scowled at the thought, I had a disturbing feeling would stop playing play-ground games at last. And make his final move soon.

Never one to cower before the likes of a man sent to do anothers disgusting bidding; I clicked on the one single mail omniously waiting for me. One name flashing across the screen in large bold print. I scrolled down, looking for any other information or a picture. But I found nothing. Just a name I found familiar, but with no sense of why, how or where I had heard it before.

_**Paul Slater**._

I was still glaring at the name trying to pull the slim memory from the back of my mind, when Lance walked past the open doorway. I looked up when he back-tracked and stuck his head around the frame. A brown paper bag in his arms with his cereal poking out the top. He had a cream manila folder tucked under his arm, that my eyes zeroed in on straight away. I waved him in, looking over his shaggy blonde hair looking scruffier than usual. He looked tense, his expression pulled into an uncharacteristic frown.

He knew too.

"How are McHenry and Cowley?" I asked, nodding towards the seat on the opposite side of the desk as he walked in.

"Yeah, they're settling in fine," He answered a little distractedly. He dropped his paper bag to his lap and placed the manilla folder on my desk. "Did you get Boss' e-mail?" I nodded to confirm. "Good. This is the file on what little to no information they have on whos been sent after Suze. Boss copied it over to them straight away. Not that it helps. I've looked through it Jesse, we have nothing to go on with this guy."

I nodded, expecting that to be the case. I gestured for Lance to go on.

"We also went over all the surveillance again, trying to see if we missed anything out there. But we still can't figure out why some of the alarms are tripping out. There's no damage on the outside to 'em. No sign of human or animal interference. So that one's a bust."

Lance sat back in his chair with a dejected sigh. I dropped my pen to the desk, keeping my own annoyance in check and took him in properly.

"You think it's sabotage?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

I was the one who went out there and checked each alarm. I didn't find anything out of the ordinary. Just the usual animal tracks and that was it. But I could understand Lance's frustration. Knowing there was still someone out there, who hadn't moved in on Susannah yet, was getting worrisome. They should have made a move a long time ago. And if they really were trying to mess with us, then it just got my blood simmering with anger. I'd been careful not to let on to Susannah about it. I didn't need her scared anymore than she already is.

Lance dropped the paper bag to the floor and leaned forward in his seat.

"I'm saying the person who's doing this knows his stuff. Slater's obviously no amateur Jesse. He was in Special Ops in the Air Force. Guys like him know how to execute situations like this, without leaving a shred of evidence behind. Thats all they're trained for," His eyes clouded and his frown deepened. "You know that better than I do." He pushed the file closer to me that I ignored. I knew what Lance was talking about. Paul Slater wasn't the only one who was trained in Special Ops. It was just anothe thing that helped me in my job now.

And what helped towards making my dark soul, chip and crack.

"Slater's biding his time, Jesse. But I don't know what for. He hasn't exactly made a point of doing anything other than making us chase our tails." He shook his head in confusion. He'd obviously been thinking it over as he drove back here. Lance is a good field agent and an even better technician. But trying to get his mind around how a crazy man acts, wasn't one of his strengths.

"It's because it fuels his thirst for the kill," I calmly replied. Lance shot me a questioning look, so I explained. "It's a game he's playing. The longer he puts it off and watches his prey, the more the thrill of the chase to him is. For a while at least, he gets more satisfaction once his hit's been done," I gave him a crooked determined grin. "Either way, he's not going to win."

Saying that to Lance was like feeding spinach to _Popeye_. He acquired a look of strength to his eyes. Picking up on my confidence and determination from my forced words I had every intention of carrying out and meant. It wasn't long before he had a genuine smile of his own making his frown disappear. Abruptly standing up from the desk, he all but saluted me as he stood ram-rod straight before me.

"I'll back you up whatever you need, Jesse. I'll help you protect your gal." I was smiling up until that point. When the grin dropped from my face and was replaced with horror. I stood up to protest but he cut me off. Not that I had much choice in the matter.

"Come on, Marty and I aren't stupid. We've seen how you look at each other. About time is all I say. She's made you loosen up a bit. It's a good thing, bud." He clapped me on the shoulder, leaving me standing there speechless as he picked up his grocery bag and trailed out of the room. Quoting my earlier thoughts back to me. "I just can't wait to see Ed's face when he hears you've fallen for the spitfire."

He laughed to himself as he walked off.

I sat back down in my chair heavily once he was gone. I'd thought I'd been quite subtle when it came to Susannah. Half of the time we'd been locked away together, we'd been at each other's throats. Hearing that made me re-think over everything that'd been going on between us. Had they seen it long before even we had? I'd been out of the dating game for so long, I thought I would be rusty. And if I was honest to myself; that was one of the reasons I never bothered looking again. And I hadn't been when Susannah came along.

But I was starting to think some things are just completely out of my control.

And that I hadn't lost some of that charm I was supposed to be infamous for either.

Glancing at the manila folder, I decided to put it off for a little while longer. There wouldn't be anything I could do, except wait for Slater to make his final move and Carson to step up his. I couldn't go scouting the land looking for a needle in a haystack. Wasting my time with no possibility of even finding Slater. I just had to ride out the storm, with all the confidence and patience I could muster.

Leaving the cramped and dark office, I followed where Lance had gone. He was just coming out of the kitchen as I was going in. A bowl of froot loops and a spoon in one hand. The cereal box tucked under his arm and a carton of milk in the other hand. I raised a look at him as he grinned wolfishly and walked on by. Whistling to him-self as he went.

Feeling a little suspicious, I quietly walked in to see Susannah by the kitchen island. Muttering to herself as she cut something up. The sound of the knife hitting the chopping board with more force than was necessary had me thinking about turning back around and retreating. But I was never one to run away from a challenge, so I carried on in wordlessly. Knowing the pull was more Susannah than the silent dare.

Even as I held the new weight and knowledge of her sniper's name in my mind.

"Shit!" Susannah cursed suddenly, lifting a shaking hand to herself. Concerned, I walked over and placed a calming hand on her shoulder. Susannah whipped around so fast I only just managed to jump back out of the way before the knife she was still clutching managed to slice across my abdomen. The shock that instantly hit her as I gripped her wrist, twisting slightly to aim the knife away from me, coupled with the colour draining out of her face made me grimace guiltily.

"_Shit_!" She snapped again, dropping the knife just as quickly as she did to attack me with it. It landed on the tiled floor with a metal clatter a little way from us. Susannah's breathing was heavy, but she didn't pull away from me.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. Are you okay?" I asked, bending slightly to peer into her pale face. She gave me a, '_What do you think?_' expression as she panted gulping for air from fright. "Right, sorry," I winced, glancing down at the crimson trail in the centre of her palm. "Let me see your hand." I requested, making her scoff and pull away from my grip.

"It's okay, I'm fine. I can handle it." She brushed my concern off as she cradled her bloody hand close to her.

From what I could make out, the cut ran along her palm, but didn't look too severe. But it was still bleeding none-the-less. Ignoring her protests, I went around the island and retireved one of the smaller first aid kits loitering around the safe-house. I soon joined her again where she'd perched herself on a stool. Her cheeks getting a little more color to them as she stared down at the cut.

I unzipped the case and laid out what I needed in front of me.

"Come here," I gently said, taking her hand in mine. She didn't resist me as I knew she wouldn't and sat where she was while I wiped it clean. Alert and aware of my rough calloused fingers on her soft creamy skin. Feeling clumsy while I fumbled patching Susannah up. I sneaked a quick glance at her, using her quiet and in-ability to walk away to my advantage, and deciding to say what I meant to say before.

What Susannah wouldn't allow me to.

"I'm sorry I walked away, Susannah." I quietly said to the hand I was gently cleaning. I didn't raise my eyes to see her reaction. But I felt her arm stiffen where I held it out. She reflexively tried to pull it away from me, to ignore what I was trying to say. But I just gently tugged it back, waiting for her next move and sign before I continued to treat her hand. "I wasn't walking away from _you_."

Susannah heaved a very heavy and battle-torn sigh. Allowing her arm to relax in my hand. Not trying to pull away again.

"Then why _did_ you, Jesse?"

Her question was as delicate and fragile as she seemed as she asked it. I knew for all her wish to deny and ignore everything, that underneath it all she did want to know why I did what I did. She did want to know why I didn't interuppt her or try to dissuade her from brushing it off at the time. Neither of us looked up at one another as we spoke. Both finding it easier to say the things that needed to be asked and answered, as if neither were really there.

"Because it wouldn't have been right for me to take adavantage of you like that, Susannah. I know what you needed. I know you were searching for the comfort and safety I gave you at the time," I released her hand to pick up the cotton wad, applying the pressure to her palm making her hiss. Quickly re-taking her trembling hand again. "I wanted to give that to you. I still do. But at the time - It just wouldn't have been fair to either of us if I hadn't have walked away when I did."

I paused in what I was saying, letting my words slowly sink into Susannah. I used the time to wrap the gauze bandage around her injury. Covering the cut that was larger than I expected, but not deep enough to need stitches. I tied off the end once I was finished, smoothing over the course fabric with my thumb. Once I took a silent breath, I raised my eyes to Susannah's.

"I won't be walking away again, _querida_."

Minutes could have passed as Susannah levelled her eyes with mine. Silence that wasn't uncomfortable, wrapped around us. Cocooning our own fears we both still held. That would take time and patience from both to heal and overcome. Hopefully together.

"Thank you," She murmured.

Her own eyes holding back on what she was feeling, but were devoid of suspicion or mis-trust for me and what I said. She answered my unspoken question I couldn't voice. "For telling me the truth, and . . . for doing the right thing." She blushed when I smiled, ducking her head to stare down at my handi-work. "Not bad on the bandage either," She grinned, ignoring her small discomfort, raising her face to me again. "Where did you lear - "

I cut Susannah off by slipping a hand beneath her hair and around the back of her neck. Tilting her head back to place a gentle but insistent kiss to her soft full lips I had been craving more of since I leaned over her on the bench. Where I had come so close to being able to taste her again it drove me nigh insane. I met no resistance this time. But instead stepped closer, placing my free hand on her slim waist to weave around her back.

Susannah's moaned, her arms winding around my neck to pull me deeper still.

I stood encircled in Susannah's hold, my mind un-coiling the longer the moment went on. The more I heard and felt Susannah's rhythmic sighs at my caress, the tighter I held her. The kiss was just as sensual and over-powering as the night before. She tasted like strawberries, making me grin and groan at just how sweet she really was. I didn't ever want to pull away from Susannah. I didn't want to let that warmth I could feel growing in my chest, go.

I knew for certain I wanted to be here as much as possible. Breathlessly grinning at Susannah as she pushed me back to be at arms length again.

"That wasn't playing fair." She whined huskily.

I wasn't capable of speaking, so I shrugged instead. My chuckle rough as she shook her head in disgust pushing me back enough to jump off her stool. Walking around the island to stand on the other side and away from me. I leant forward, resting my forearms on the smooth counter, watching her slim shaking fingers pick up the fruit she'd been cutting and placing it on a plate.

"Laugh all you want, Jesse," She commented breezily, smirking at me from across the barrier. "Next time I won't be so easily swayed. You'll have to work harder than that with me, if you think you'll be getting anymore kisses."

My eyes darkened making her grin wider when she popped a red grape into her mouth. Taunting me a little more by watching me as she picked up a ripe strawberry, taking a tempting bite and sucking the juices that oozed free. Before placing the rest on the end of her tongue, letting it disappear into her mouth. Winking at me as she licked her lips of the red juice clinging behind.

Although my libido was yelling at me to jump across the distance and wipe that smirk off her face and prove just how easily I could obliterate her resistance and control; I still only carefully walked around the island. My awareness of Susannah going into over-drive, with my fists bunching. I edged towards the refridgerator with Susannah keeping pace opposite me as I moved.

I flashed my own wicked grin and turned back to retrieving a bottle of juice. I sucked in a couple of cold mouthfuls of air as I leaned in for the drink. Wishing it was a bottle of cold beer in my hand instead. Relieved to feel the chilled rush hit over my blistering skin when I slammed the door closed.

"As much as I would love to stay and play, _querida_," I commented with straining control, leaning over to pinch the last strawberry from her plate and eating it in one go. "I still have work to be done." I was the one who winked this time as I stepped away. "Better start working on strengthening that loose resistance you have towards me. I'll be back soon for another strawberry flavoured kiss.

Only next time, I might not let you push me away so easily."

I didn't bother to wait for her reaction. But I was highly proud of my in-tact control and will-power. And for pulling off what I said, without being maimed in some way for the way I staked my claim on her. Susannah is after-all, the kind of woman who would no doubt punch a man for saying and insinuating what I just did. But I couldn't count I would be so lucky next time.

As I walked back to my work, my stomach growling for more than food, my light steps soon started becoming heavy and slow. For a while there I ignored the fact I had a folder sitting on my desk telling me information on the person trained and hired to take out the woman I had just been teasing. More disconcerting, was that all I could do was wait.

I had Lance prepared to help if I needed it. And I believed every word he said and trusted him as much. And Marty held enough wits to follow my orders and do what needs to be done if something were to happen to me.

But the main questions I contemplated over as I collapsed back into the office chair, was how well would Susannah take to following my orders when Paul Slater made his final move? Or better yet, would I be able to put aside my feelings long enough not to cloud my judgement, to protect her? I didn't know for sure on either of them.

But I knew one thing as I flipped open Paul Slater's file, looking down at his very short, sandy blonde hair and cold crystal blue eyes. A hard stoic expression on his face as he stood tall in his Air Force dress blues uniform. Every bit the clipped, forced air of a military man.

I'd do whatever it took to be able to give Susannah and myself the chance of more.

xXx

"Where the hell's that file I asked for?"

I bellowed over the noise of the office. People running around like headless chickens, getting under each other's feet and shouting angry curses at one another. I hadn't been home all night and other than the coffee I'd been consuming and the jelly doughnuts, and the odd shot of whiskey; I'd been stuck behind my damn desk trying to get everything into order for phase two.

"Baker!" I snapped to a young intern rapidly walking past me with stacks of files in his arms that tipped precariously. "Where's my damn file?"

He looked down at the ones he had in his arms and swallowed nervously. "Err, sir - I," He stuttered to a stop when the pile wobbled a little bit more. Sighing I took pity on him by taking half the stack off the top. Walking over to his desk I dumped them on it for him with a thump, watching him try and do the same. Only for the pile to kilter and fall sideways. Slaps of paper fluidly hit the floor one after the other. I would have laughed if I wasn't so impatient for the file I wanted. "Sorry sir."

Looking around the crowded place, I spotted the blonde haired woman nutcase I was looking for.

"Hey! Smithy! Come 'ere a minute," She looked up at me, throwing me a frustrated look behind her slim framed glasses. She brought her tiny five foot four frame over and glared some more. Smithy may be small, but she has more attitude than most of the men who work for me. Flooring them with her wit before they even know what's hit 'em. But she's also one of the best we have.

Only, not when she's in a bad mood. In those times, she's just a pain in my ass.

"I need you to help Baker with these files. There's too many there for him alone and it'll help break down the time." She took one glance at the desk full of un-organized papers and back to me with a look of disbelief. "I don't want to hear your argument of why you can't or won't, just do it please." I turned to walk away hearing her mutter something like, '_Slave driver,_' under her breath. "I'll remember that the next time you want a better assignment, Smithy. And get me that damn report!"

I slammed the door to my office on the last bellow, walking back behind my too familiar desk. Collapsing into my chair with a large sigh. The weeks were starting to get to me. I wasn't comfortable with how long Jesse's case was taking. Jesse, Lance and Marty were still stuck in that house, not knowing anymore than I do as to what the hell Ballack was up to. It should have been over by now. Carson should have been caught. Or worse, Paul Slater, the guy Carson sent after them should have tried to make a move.

Not that Ballack really seemed to care about that.

"_'I'll send someone to his last known address_,'" I muttured, mimicking his rushed statement. He was up to something. He sounded too gleeful when I spoke to him last. And that was after receiving a rushed information exchange and I asked what he was going to do about the assassin hot on Miss Simon's trail.

Jesse was just as wired about it. The odd disturbances with the alarms were making him anxious. And understandably so. Lance is one of the best tech guys we have. His knowledge of anything gadgetry and gizmo like is flawless. And hearing that even he's stumped on it, doesn't bode well. I got anyone I could spare out there digging through anything we could find on Slater. His history in the Air Force. What he's been doing since he was discharged. Where his money was coming from.

But we've found nothing so far. He's near the safe-house. We know he is. Slater's good at covering his tracks in his work and his life. And we're royally screwed.

The snitch gave up no information to Ballack on Carson's whereabouts. No matter what they said would happen, she wasn't talking. And the infuriation was building. McHenry and Cowley hadn't seen anything or anyone suspicion in the short time they'd been in town by the safe-house. They were keeping their ears low to the ground, but nothing was coming up. And the guys, Partler and Douglas who were guarding Miss Simon's parents home, hadn't seen anything either.

The only thing that Ballack had to go on, was the insider who managed to wrangle themselves onto Carson's front line men. He only managed to get through who Carson had hired on his last short communique. According to Ballack, he was going to be getting back in touch sometime today. If he hasn't been killed yet that is.

In the meantime I get left sitting on my backside again, waiting for the call to tell me more. As soon as they had a definite and a visual of Carson once they got his location; that was it, they were going in. The plan was to let me know when it was all supposed to be starting, so I could put the second phase into action and get Susannah Simon shipped out of her current safe-house, and to somewhere else for a short time.

But I just knew that wasn't going to be how it all went down. That Ballack would leave it until the last possible minute to get in contact with me. Then that could mean potential trouble for Jesse and his job of protecting Susannah. And if that happens, then I'm going to shoot Ballack myself!

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**_Anonymous Reviews:_**

**_Meg - _**Heya! Whoa, that must have been information overload reading both chapters like that, hehe. They were _so_ much fun to do, so I'm hyped that you thought they were amazing! **:D** Even more, that you love this story so much. As it's been getting into the last 5 chapters or so, I've really been freaking (in a good way) with this story. **:P** It's going to be weird when it's finished. **:(** YA! I leave you kinda speechless, lol. I hope you enjoy this update. **:)** Thanks for reviewing, hun. Take care. *_Hugs_* **x**

**_Jess -_** Hey, aka Anonymous! I hope you don't mind me just calling you Jess? Lol, I get so giddy when I see your review. **:D** I'm so glad you liked the last chapter! I was a bit worried you'd all expect different things with the last chapter, so I'm incredibly relieve you weren't disappointed. **:) **Hey, becoming addicted to this story isn't a bad thing. **:P** And reading that I build the tension well just makes me feel even more proud of this personal challenge I set myself! I can't believe I've wrote this story half the time, lol. One-day I'll realize how much I've done in such a short time. You're more than welcome for the shout out! I love being able to reply to you. **:) **And you should feel special. All my reviewers should, for showing so much love. **:)** I hope you enjoy this chapter. And thank you so much for another _sweet!_ review! *_Hugs_* Take care! **x**

_**Colleen -**_ Hello! **:)** Thank you so much for reviewing my story! It feels really good to hear you like this story so much. **:D** I'm having a lot of with it. It's been difficult in some places. But on the whole, I couldn't be happier with what I got. Thank you for adding to the brilliant feeling I have with this, by leaving such an enthusiastic review! I hope you enjoy this chapter and the rest of the story. **:)** Take care! **x**


	15. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

**_A/N:_** Has anyone seen the new trailer for **_Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen_**? .Primus. It was fraggin' awesome! Kick-ass Optimus! Love that, dude! *_Coughs_* Sorry, I'm still buzzing about it. **O.O**

Okay, so I've decided the next time I decide to write out a story before posting it, that I'll not get to 14 chapters and decide to write the rest when I need to. It's not fun. And I'm _SO_ sorry for the wait with this! Everytime I thought I'd have the chance to sit and write it, something else side-tracked me. And this turned out _WAY_ longer than I intended. Part of that was because I couldn't split it. But you can also blame that on Jesse and Suze who just would _not_ keep their hands off each other!

Which reminds me, I'm knocking the rating up to an M, cos the rate those those two are going, it's gonna need it. I never intended for it to go that high, but my muse led me down the garden path and wouldn't let up. So I hope I haven't offended anyone who didn't want to read anything smut like with this fic. **:)** Trust me, I won't be writing anything graphic.

Why did I have to write an UST fic?! *_Sigh_* Atleast its great fun when I've finished writing it out and get to hear all your awesome feedback. **:D** Thank you so much for the love on the previous chapter! And I'm sorry if the end seems kinda rushed. I'll go back and fix it when I'm not so tired. **:)** ENJOY!

BTW, you might need a hand-held fan or something. **;)** End of rambling . . .

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_**One Step Forward, Two Steps Back**_

I puffed out an exhausted breath as I pushed the suitcase I'd been packing for the past hour over closer to the door. Pausing and listening to someone thumping their way down the hall outside my room. Trailing off with their feet equally thumping down the stairs. My heart suddenly beating a little faster in the hopes it could have been Jesse. But doing what? The idea of opening the door and pulling him inside to shut out the world for a few hours was _very_ tempting. But then my brain kicked in and made me remember that no, that wasn't such a good idea at the moment. No matter how much I wanted him. _Needed_ him. I wasn't going to.

And that would have been so much easier to handle, if I could actually believe what I was thinking anymore.

Pissed off, I lashed out and kicked my suitcase in frustration, dropping my head into my hands and wincing when my sore palm shot pain up my arm. Still no less annoyed, but stuck with a painful big toe and a smarting hand to add to the already marvellous late morning. I looked down at the band-aid I'd slapped over it after getting the bandage wet from the shower. The remembered feel of Jesse's soothing and gentle touch as he tended to it wouldn't leave me alone. Or the fun playful kisses afterwards.

His hands may be rough and worn to look at, but they only made me break out into shivers when his wandering fingers had brushed over the inside of my wrist for a fleeting moment he didn't even notice. Tracing the smooth sensitive skin, it made me flush just thinking about it. He'd been standing so within reach, I'd inhaled his aura and essence filling up on the powerful impression he left behind. I'd berated myself for not following through with the idea of ripping open that evil shirt so I could catch another glimpse of tanned and flawed male perfection.

But the embarrassment that would have floored me if Martyn or Lance appeared had stalled my hands. It was one of the reasons I hated Jesse teasing me into submission at inopportune times. Just what I wanted written in his daily report_. 'Was caught in a compromising position by fellow protector to other willing party of embarrassing moment - Miss Simon._' It's enough to give me a concrete will not to let it get that far. Or so I hoped. But I knew that wouldn't completely help me from keeping my hands off Jesse.

And he knew it too.

I burst out laughing to my empty room when I thought about what Gina was going to say when I finally got to see her again. She'd have shoved me out the door to him if she was here. I wouldn't even put it past her to lock us in handcuffs to keep us together. And a huge part of me that is winning out against the receding fear, was wishing someone _would_. It was just my pride that Jesse was right about my lack of resistance to _him_, that made me stay put and not run to him every time he smirked at me. Stripping me down with his eyes.

I'd tensed as he approached me the evening before. The possessive look on his face even made me take a step back. I only showed my disappointment he hadn't made a move like he threatened until he was gone. No, all Jesse had done was politely ask me to pack anything that was mine, in-case we would be making a hasty exit from the safe-house. It was only after I threatened to throw a fit that he told me why. How the case had made some positive developments, meaning we'd be moving closer to the agency he works for until the dust settled.

But even with the positive news that everything was finally coming to a close, Jesse was still tense and dark. He wasn't telling me something. Skimming over the half-truth for some reason or another. But how much worse could it be? Considering I had a sick evil bastard hell-bent on taking me down to save his own skin. He was the one haunting my nightmares each night. And if he was caught, what else was there to worry about?

Any other person and I'd be willing to bet they wouldn't notice Jesse was harbouring a secret. But Specialist De Silva wasn't the only one who learned a few things since we'd been here.

Packed and ready for whenever the big tough guys wanted me to move out, I stood up brushing off my worn jeans and straightening my thin white top; I picked my way for the door. Consequences and actions for whatever was bound to go down with me and my 'hero,' be-damned. With Jesse you just had to learn to ride out the moment or get left shocked and confused. I was still kicking myself for it taking me so long to figure that out.

Peeking down the hall, I snuck a glance in either direction and crept out of my room. It'd took me about three seconds to realize how ridiculous I was being and shook myself out of my stupid state. It was a wonder the thing with Jesse had gone on for as long as it had, with the way I was behaving. I wasn't scared of Jesse. I was scared of what he could make me feel. Of what could occur when everything was all out in the open and reality kicked in again. Stuck in a safe-house with no interference was different to a full-on life, with enough interruptions to make you wonder if what you felt was actually real or not.

Something told me Jesse would have an entertaining way of proving that theory wrong, though.

Frowning as I quietly stepped down the stairs it was almost like I could see the looming secrets hanging in the air. The silent expectant breath that had appeared out of no-where since the day before. For all Jesse and Lance were good at schooling their emotions from me; it didn't stop the tell-tale sign of male bravado they were holding. The, ready for battle, aura they were giving off. They were waiting and biding their time for something _other _than moving out quick. It was riddled in their tones, the rushed order of things and the heavy feeling draping across my shoulders.

They were keeping me out of the loop again.

Only, this time I wasn't so sure I minded so much. Whatever was going to happen, I didn't want to be a part of it.

Unfortunately like most things, that choice was edited from the equation of, chaos plus Suze equals trouble, when I heard voices drifting to me from the living room as I took the last few steps of the staircase. Standing on the other side of the room, I begrudgingly listened as Jesse and Lance talked to each other. I'd never liked eaves-droppers. And I wasn't comfortable hearing in then. But I just couldn't walk away from the uncharacteristic argument. Even with the possibility I would hear something I didn't want to know.

_Especially_ because of that.

"With Ballack sitting on his ass waiting for the mission to snag Carson and the new threat of Slater showing up, they said they want to see _you_." Lance enthused. I could imagine him pointing a finger at Jesse as he punctuated the words. He sounded frustrated again. Just like he had been when I walked in on him packing away his non-essential tech equipment the night before. "You're the leader on this one, Jesse. They won't go through me anymore."

I wondered who the people were that wanted Jesse so urgently. Who Slater was, that held a threat. And whom was supposed to be appearing, where exactly? I put the mission that the leader of my case was waiting on to be the positive development Jesse told me about the night before. This only planted my feet to the hard floor even more than they already were.

"I know that," Jesse cajoled, trying to sound indifferent to Lance's anxious words. But his tone still held something very tightly reined in. "But I'm not leaving here until we have the go ahead. You'll have to go for me, no matter how pissed they get about it. You can just pass on whatever it is they want me to know. I'm not going so far from the safe-house. Not now." His voice sounded darker, more determined as he brushed Lance off.

And again the instant question of _why_, sprang to my mind.

There was a strained silence between them that snapped me back and pushed me into action. Pulling myself up straight, I stepped around from the wall and leaned nonchalantly against the archway leading into the living room. My eyes fixed on Jesse's broad and muscular back. It wasn't long before he tensed in awareness, turning his head slightly to let me know he knew I was there. I waited as Lance furrowed his golden brows in thought. Tapping an anxious hand against his thigh as he thought over what Jesse had said.

And then his eyes locked onto me standing behind them and his expression dissolved into something softer for a moment, before he turned back to Jesse.

"Okay," He nodded his features hardening to set in to that determined resolve I heard in Jesse's voice before. When he'd stretched his authority for one of the first times I'd been here. "Then I'll go now and try to be as quick as I can." Jesse inclined his head effectively dismissing Lance, leaving him to walk around him. He gave me a smile and pat on the shoulder when he stepped past. Jesse just kept his back to me heaving a deep breath and rolling his shoulder with the bullet scar. His back still tense and stiff with his eyes burning holes into the wall above the mantelpiece.

"Why won't you go where Lance wants you to?" I asked breaking the silence Jesse put himself in.

He turned to look at me. His face as expressionless now, as it was the first moment we met. I saw his eyes take in a sweeping glance of me. Making the usual tingle and rush breeze over my exposed body from his predatory stare. But I didn't back down in light of the arousal he always ignited in me. I let mine own not-so-subtle stare very appreciatively take in his long muscular legs in the dark jeans. Savouring how you could see the delicious planes of his body through the stretch of his light shirt. His scuffed brown boots only added the wild, untameable cow-boy type he pulled off.

I wanted to feel his rough stubble tickle against my neck again. Feel the whiskers against my palm. He wore the rugged un-shaven look well, damn him.

Jesse cleared his throat and took a step towards me. I tried to stay as relaxed as possible when I sashayed into the room and away from the escape of the stairs. I didn't look away from him. I just tried to ignore the erratic beat of my heart at the unknown Jesse was no doubt going to delve me in to. That's what he was; I decided when he came to stand over me. His hand reaching out to rest on my bare shoulder, staying there for mere second before letting it slip down the burning skin of my arm. Lightly coming to capture my hand in a surprisingly affectionate way.

Or so I thought at the time.

A small smile tugged the corners of his lips. "Maybe I didn't want to be out of your presence for so long, _querida_." His voice was oozing charm and as much as I tried not to react to it, I felt my traitorous body and mind do so anyway. "That I'd rather be here doing this," He murmured, stepping closer to run one single finger along the line of my jaw and chin. Curving and tracing down my throat to skim across my collarbone. Leaving a blazing hot trail of quickly flaring passion as my breathing hitched and my chest heaved the further down he softly led his finger.

The close proximity of his heated body and over-powering image made me want to take a step back. But I didn't. Not this time. I wanted some answers from him before I let the moment run its natural course. As much fun as his distraction was, there was still the fact of the weighty expectation no-one was admitting to and the tense secretive behaviour of Jesse.

"Who's Slater?"

Jesse's hand paused and a quick undefinable emotion flickered across his expression. But it was gone so quickly I wasn't even sure I saw it. He narrowed his eyes slightly, that small teasing smile coming back to kick-start the dumb-act he tried to pull with me too much. I wasn't stupid I knew he'd avoid it as much as possible. He obviously didn't want me knowing who the new bad-guy was. But curiosity always did lead me into trouble. And Jesse was practically trouble in physical form.

"Had you been eavesdropping on our conversation?" He said, amusement coating his words. His finger continued the path down and over the dip of my top, to continue down my fluttering stomach. "Tut, tut. Didn't anyone ever tell you it's rude to listen in on other people's private conversations?" He raised the scarred eyebrow, tilting his head to the side slightly, dislodging that one lock of hair that always seemed to be hanging over his forehead.

Achieving what he was trying to do; lead me to distraction.

"I wouldn't have too if some people weren't so crap at keeping secrets from me. I know something's happening, Jesse. You're all walking around like a bomb's about to explode or something. Who's Slater and why's he got you so wound up?"

I frowned again when Jesse dropped my eyes for a second. He hadn't done that before. He was always skilled enough to control his reactions very quickly. Unless it was something heated and out of control of course. But still, it had my hand tensing in Jesse's, bringing his thoughtful eyes back up to mine.

"Slater is just someone who thinks he can delay the process of closing the case, Susannah. That's all." I opened my mouth to protest, but he cut me off before I could get started. "I'm not going to tell you anymore because you don't need to know. All you need to think about is the life you'll get to go back to soon. Everything else is running on course."

I knew it was the end of the discussion when I saw a shutter come down over his eyes. I bit back the angry retort and decided to walk away instead.

Only, Jesse wouldn't allow me to.

"Where do you think you're going?" He all but growled, his hand tugging me back to him before I had a chance to pull away completely. His other hand snaked around my waist, pulling me flush against the hard lines of his body. "I'm not finished talking to you yet."

I snorted internally at that, finding it hilarious considering talking wasn't exactly what he had planned. Attacking my neck with soft kisses and flicks of his tongue was what Jesse had in mind. Take control dominant Specialist De Silva was shining through for the first time, without the arrogance I always associated him with. And if I'd thought I was in trouble before, I was locked away for life with Jesse as my guard, right then.

I blinked a couple of times, telling myself not to give into him just yet as I melted in his hold from the brush of his stubble against my sensitive skin. To focus past the content whispers and moans I couldn't contain when his hand wound under my top exploring my lower back with splayed fingers. That familiar pool of desire bubbling in the pit of my stomach rising again. I pressed my free hand against his chest, trying to push him away, even as I tilted my head to give him better access to roam the delicate land of my neck and throat.

"Shouldn't you - be putting - the job first?" I accused him. My sentence broken and interrupted from trying to catch my breath and remember what I was trying to say.

Jesse nipped at the space where my neck met my shoulder, making me gasp and arch into him. His deep amusing chuckles sent shockwaves through his chest and into mine. But still I'd tried to keep up the pretence of not giving in as my betraying fingers dug into his hard muscled flesh through his shirt. Once I realized what I was doing, I dug my nails in deeper and clawed. Hoping I left a mark when I heard his groan echo and his arms tighten.

"I am doing my job," His deep, growling answer came. I could feel him smirking where he lifted his head to inhale the scent of my hair. "I'm here protecting you. _That's_ my first priority as I recall."

Before I could second guess it, the hand that had been freely wandering around on my tingling bare flesh beneath my top whipped out from its hiding place and grabbed my hand digging into his shoulder. With both of my hands held unmoving in Jesse's, he grinned down at me backing me up until my back hit the solid wall with a thud. I didn't have time to complain, because the hands I couldn't get free were lifted and held above my head. Pinned to the wall in a way that had me startled and excited to see what else he would do. His complete power of the moment making my weak defences shake even more.

He had me.

Several thoughts went through my mind for why it shouldn't be happening. Martyn and Lance walking in on us being one, with my confidence that I wasn't going to submit so easily; being another. But when it came down to it, none of that mattered when I acknowledged how damn _good_ it felt to be trapped between a solid wall and Jesse's hard un-yielding body. Looming closer with each second that passed and my chest heaved to take in a breath.

I knew I should have come up with a sarcastic, tart answer to his overly confident statement. But I was drawing a blank the more Jesse's eyes slowly skimmed over my face and down my neck. Falling on the enticing movement of my flushed chest rising and falling, for his viewing only. His eyes came back to mine, challenging me to see what I would do. But I met him stare for stare. Gritting my teeth together when he moved one hand away from holding my slim wrists, so it could run down my hair and cheek. Drawing lazy patterns down my neck.

"Give me your best shot." I managed to ground out, seeing him arch his brow and his smirk glow brighter.

The dominating male Jesse morphed into had my body on fire with desire everywhere he touched. Lingering and watching my eyes glaze with lust and pining when he skimmed over the thin stretched meagre fabric covering my breasts. I was completely at his bidding never feeling so sensual and treasured before. I couldn't hold back the small moan or instinctive move of rocking my hips into him when he stilled there. His hand cupping me, with the heat of his palm reaching through the top and flimsy lace bra I was aching to have gone. His fingers kneading the slightest tantalising pressure causing a curse to whisper from my parted lips with his name.

"Dammit, _Jesse_."

"Yes, Susannah?"

I squeezed my eyes shut when he said my name so silkily. The Spanish lilt heavy on the undertone. My head fell back against the wall, where I'd hoped my short and hollow breathes would come easier. He was tempting me. Knowing what I wanted, but not giving in just yet. His hand carried on lower, until he was just skimming the edge of my jeans. The tips of his fingers just slid between my waist-band teasing me to the dark side.

Licking my lips I pulled myself together enough to look him in the eye. His dark orbs dancing with the pleasure he was getting from watching me suffer. How he could make me squirm and moan with just the smallest touch and power of his hands and kiss.

With strength I was beginning to learn I had, I ripped one of my hands away from the wall and his bind, gripping his shirt tight in my balled fist. '_Please don't make me regret this,_' whispered through my mind, before I growled a fact I hoped he knew; yanking Jesse to me in an effort to put myself out of my lustful misery.

"I hate you."

I instantly felt the rush and tide of sensations grip me as hard as I had Jesse's shirt in my hands. My kiss as fierce and needy as my emotions when it came to the man ordered to protect me. It took him micro-seconds to get over his shock, before he pressed my raised hand back into the wall and gripped my waist, pressing his throbbing manhood against my stomach. Telling of how aroused and affected he was, making my legs threaten to give out from the thought and wish of there being no clothing restrictions in the way. I couldn't have cared less if we had an audience or not anymore.

I just wanted Jesse.

His hand slid down from the grip on my waist to my hips. Ghosting across my thigh before he massaged his agile fingers over my jean covered lower half. Right up until that talented hand slipped further down and curled around and under my thigh. Lifting my leg over his hip where I hooked it around him, lifting me higher and pressing closer until our bodies were touching with every point and melting together.

I broke my lips away from his with a hiss, feeling his growing need press intimately closer than before. The move having giving him more leverage to take me so much further to the edge, no man other than Jesse, had done with so little time and so little effort.

He captured my darkened eyes, no words passed before he nipped and pulled my lips to his again. And it did nothing to hide or dampen the force of what was beneath it all and between us. I sighed against his mouth when he released my pinned hand at last and wrapped his arm around my waist to hold me up against him. Giving the mysteriously intense cow-boy a chance to take the kiss and myself deeper with each second. My heart beating in time to his the more I flew apart in his hands.

I wound my arms around his neck as his tongue caressed and called me for more. '_Screw the consequences_,' flashed through my mind momentarily. It felt too good and too right to give up. And I knew Jesse felt it too.

Besides; I'd lost the battle weeks ago.

xXx

"_We have a visual_, _sir._"

The voice crackled in my ear as I sat in the back of the surveillance van a couple of blocks down from the latest place Carson had taken himself too for hiding. A place that just wasn't quite good enough to keep him from me this time. The man we'd had on the inside had given us all he knew. The name of the help Carson hired and a location to his whereabouts. It'd almost felt as though I'd been given the secret of the Holy Grail.

Unfortunately, it'd taken longer than we liked for our insider to get into Carson's inner ring. But the endless years of dwindled patience and barely curbed frustration had paid off at long last. And that thought hit home even more, when the crackled voice continued to keep up the status of our mission.

"_All strikes ready and awaiting your order, sir._" I took in the different angles and multiple views we had coming from the SWAT teams cameras un-obstructively hidden in their Kevlar vests, surrounding the property. And then Steven Carson's vile and ugly appearance came onto one of the monitors right before me. Bright shining pixels showing he had no idea what he had coming to him.

I clenched my fist over the keyboard imagining what his expression would soon be saying.

"Wait for my order and be ready to move in." I spoke into my microphone perched in front of me.

A rush of adrenaline started to buzz through my body as I climbed out of the back of the van and met Agent Thompson by the road. There was stillness to the air I smirked inwardly at. Thompson gave me an intentional and meaningful nod. Finishing up his quiet chat with the last member to be put in place. I heard someone climb into the van behind me as I walked over to the bushes lining the fenced properties. Rolling my gum around on my tongue, I made sure my bullet proof vest was strapped tight and the radio was secure in my ear.

I was sure I could feel the anticipation of the unit, anxiously waiting with bated breath for me to give the final command.

Not that I blamed them. But I wanted to wait a few minutes more. Snipers had been strategically placed so someone always had visual of the evil bastard at all times. They could take him out if he looked like he was going to be showing any kind of hostile move or threat. Or at least give us a heads-up if he showed any indication that he knew we had him hanging.

The second part to the set-up was the person responsible for flicking the switch that would gain us entry and advantage. The long standing element of surprise. They were ready and waiting to blow the electricity and power for the house, halting the alarms and releasing the locks, the same time we were going to be busting in. By the time they knew there was a problem, we'd have already stormed in guns blazing.

Thompson sidled up to me as I spat the used gum to the gutter and took out a fresh piece. A Cuban cigar waiting in my breast pocket and ready to be lit the moment I had the bastard locked in his cage. Where I could grin into his ugly face, '_Game over_!' I looked to Thompson at my side. Drawing out my gun, ready and loaded before giving him a nod of confirmation. Together, quietly and efficiently we ran up along the edging of the properties, sticking to the shadows. At this point, if anyone saw us in the up-coming house's security cameras, we were running towards, it wouldn't matter. Carson would still be taken out.

My breaths came short as I panted and ran a little quicker. Using my own expectant attitude to push me on faster with Thompson easily managing to keep up.

I'm not a young man like many others on the unit. But after Carson's case was closed for good, I would happily go back to pen-pushing. I just needed to resolve one last, vital piece of the puzzle, before I would even think of any kind of retirement; I contemplated as quiet radio chatter conversed in my ear. As different agents spotted and caught Carson walking around the property. When one lost visual, another would instantly pick it up. All eyes were trained on the sick son of a bitch, finally getting his time with the real big boys.

After a few minutes of solid hard running, I stopped next to one of the back entrance ways onto the grounds. And consequentially, an area that would take me closer to Carson than any other route. I wanted to witness his face of fury as his haven got over-run by the good guys. As his whole life, his '_empire_' and the fate of any who happen to be in his presence, is shot down in bright triumphant flames. It's just a shame he has to get off so lightly when the lives of his victims and their families weren't so fortunate.

But after today, that was all going to change. It was carved in the riddled tension I stood with. The way I held my gun out perfectly poised with the weight of the familiar metal pressed against my palm. My whole body braced and ready as I stared at the gate with the marked explosive and the men and woman waiting in the wings and the rooftops.

Taking a deep breath, I raised my eyes to the man before me and one hand to my ear. "Cut the power," I murmured quietly, waiting for the affirmative before I pursed my lips and stared at the explosion waiting to take me into Carson's domain and the subsequent fire fight sure to break out. I sent a quick prayer to whoever was listening, that the lives of my team and people under my command, all got out alive. For those waiting for the words to finish it all at last.

"_MOVE IN_!"

The agent's finger hit the trigger before I even finished my breath. The small detonator on the gate was enough to make the lock blow and the gate to swing open and rebound back. But I didn't wait for it to bounce off the hedge. Instead, I, like many others running before and behind me, ran full steam towards the large house. Voices shouted around me as gunfire rained on the glass obscuring our entrance and visual. With no time for opening doors, my feet crunched on the shattered glass under my black boots as I made my way across the dining area and towards the staircase to take me up.

"_Stand down_! Stand down _now_!"

Shouts, curses and hollers of rage and battle screamed around me. Falling to the floor as my tunnelled vision made me fly up the stairs two at a time, agents hot on my heels and others already there. The edges of my sight became a murky grey as I trained my keen eyes on the double doors holding my prisoner. I'd gotten the confirmation he was still in the room and let the F.B.I agents watching my back take down the drugs lord's men coming from different directions. Guns firing on anyone with no remorse for whom.

I just walked through it all. My feet carried my numb robotic body through the scene without blinking at the chaos and drama unfolding. My blood was rushing in my ears as the shouts and cries dimmed to a dull roar, blanketed out by the urge to finally come face to face with the bastard I let slip through my fingers too long ago.

Standing before the thick wide double doors, I raised my booted foot and kicked the door hard enough to make it splinter and crack as the barrier flew open under the stress and impact. I strolled into the room determinedly, my gun raised, cocked and pointed to the head of the very man I detest and loathe with every fibre of my being. Agents and S.W.A.T. crowded in from different entrances other than the main doors, moments before I'd kicked open the scene. The balcony windows were empty, the glass panes glittering the room catching like cut diamonds in the sunlight.

And still, all I could take in was the look of pure, un-diluted rage on Carson's face.

"You fucking son of a bitch!"

He whipped his gun out of the holster at his side as he shouted, aiming right for me. No hesitation in my moves, I sunk a bullet into the muscle of the arm holding the gun, instantly making him drop it and cry out in fury and pain. His steps faltered slightly as he threw back his head and roared, his adrenaline fuelling him even more. Holding no fear, I stepped closer to him, his men either getting shot in defence or roughly taken down around me. His own glare fixated on my expressionless face as I crossed the room to him. His hand clutching his arm as blood ran freely through his fingers.

I almost expected it to burn holes into the fake marble floor as if it were acid.

The noise rushed on around me as I got close enough to kick his gun clear out of the way. Two agents came up behind Carson to apprehend him, as he made a move of charging for me. My gun still fixed on his head I slowly and maliciously let a small grin crawl onto my face as perspiration broke out on his brow and upper lip. His arms straining against the rough treatment of having handcuffs placed on him. Not bothered, or not caring about his injured arm.

"Hello Carson," I said slowly. Happy to watch his anger turn into pure rage as I addressed him with fake politeness. "You're going away for a very, _very_ long time." His face twisted and turned into a vicious and angry snarl as he barred his teeth to me. Pulling and tugging on the burly restraints of the agents holding him. Like a savage dog, hungry for the taste of blood and the kill.

"You're dead, Ballack," He snarled, spitting at my feet. "You hear me?! You're fucking _dead_! You and everyone you care about. You're taking my life from me, and I'm going to take yours from you!" I simply raised an eyebrow at his scathing tone, before I openly laughed in his face. Shrugging and stepping back to let the agents take the snarling withering man past me. "You're fucking dead you bastard!"

"Whatever makes you feel better about your fate, Carson," I called over his bellows, sighing in satisfaction.

With my gun lowering to my side, I turned to watch as he kicked and struggled to pull himself free. His words easily brushing off me. Empty useless threats that did nothing but make me openly laugh. He couldn't destroy what I didn't have.

Thompson walked up to my side, the ebbing breathing and pumping of blood in my ears subsiding the more the adrenaline started to drain and pull away. The noises from downstairs were quieting, save for the odd shout and command. I looked to the man holding his own smile.

"We got him, Thompson," I casually remarked nodding to myself. My grin so bright and energetic, it could have powered the state. "We got the evil bastard."

"I'll call Reidman and let him know - "

"No," I cut Thompson off, holding out a hand as he opened his cell phone. He gave me a questioning look. "I'll call him. It's my case, leave it to me." He looked thoughtful and contemplative for a moment. But eventually, he just nodded and placed the phone in my hand. Wandering off to leave me to the call I should have done before the mission started. I dialled in the digits for Reidman's number, listening to it ring a couple of times before a friendly female voice came over the line. "Reidman please," I asked. "It's Special Agent Ballack."

"I'll put you straight through Agent Ballack."

It was another few seconds before I heard Reidman's anxious and wary voice come over the line. His rapid fire questions cutting through any formalities and bullshit I might have given him any other day. Instead, in light of the extremely good mood I was in, I smiled down the line and said the one thing that would make everyone sigh with relief. Including a certain hot-tempered woman in protective custody with Ed's golden boy, De Silva.

"Carson has finally been detained."

There was a silence from the other end of the line that went on for too long, before Reidman spoke up. Informing me of something I forgot in the rush and made the blood run cold through my veins. "Slater's still out there, Ballack."

Closing my eyes, I pressed my lips and jaw together and gripped the phone tighter in my hand. The one explanative I said in answer, made Thompson and the few other men hanging around the room still humming with chaos and victory, turn to me concerned. Their faces anxious and questioning when it was my bellow that filled the air.

"_Fuck_!"

xXx

"_Jes-se_,"

Susannah purred into my ear when my hand dipped and skimmed over her jeans in a way that made her instinctively search for more. I toyed with the warm metal button and zipper, unhooking the fastening with ease and a smirk. I kissed along her bare, sweet shoulder, savouring the taste of her as I crawled along. She purred my name again, her hands snaked through my hair tugging and pulling me to her. I bit back my own growl of desire, feeling the painful pressure and strain pressing against my jeans, to just lay the beautifully intoxicating woman in my arms down, and take her to dizzying heights.

But I couldn't.

I didn't pull down Susannah's zipper and let my hands delve into unchartered territory to see the even more intense look of pleasure on Susannah's face, as I brought her to the edge with just the deft actions of my fingers. Pushing her to a crashing climax that would have her screaming out my name with need and rapture. Just like her voice was teetering on when I bit at the delicate skin on her collarbone. Tainted with a hint of pleading, Susannah tried not to let come through.

I wanted to see her fly apart in my arms, with only me there to catch her.

But I just couldn't. I wanted so badly too, even as my hands shook with restraint and my silent war battled within, slowing my kisses to delicate caresses. My other hand slid down and away from the clasp of her laced bra I was seconds from releasing. My finger-tips skimming down her spine, making her whimper and sag against my chest. My burdening need an aching burning strain that I knew, couldn't be sated until all this was over. When I knew for sure I wouldn't have an assassin watching our every move and waiting for the perfect opportunity.

And then . . . Then I knew I wouldn't be hesitating to take Susannah back into my arms, sending her higher and higher. To watch her face flush with lust and arousal, her voice growing weak from screaming my name over and over again. Where I could cherish and worship her. Treat her like the woman she is and deserves to be treated as. I made this a silent promise to myself and Susannah, as I took my hands away from her jeans and back, planting them either side of her head against the wall I had her firmly trapped against. My eyes closed tight, very aware of Susannah's heaving breasts pressing against my chest. Beads of sweat breaking out and dropping like ice-drops down my back tense with restraint.

I didn't have the will or strength to move away. My mind was too foggy to try.

Susannah's uneven and ragged sighs slowly eased the longer I battled my libido. But it was the feel of her smooth cool hand resting against my face, softly stroking over my result of not shaving that got me to open my eyes to Susannah's. There was no anger in her glittering emerald eyes. The one emotion I had almost been expecting to see, I didn't. There was only a small regret that I too felt myself. It was hard not to.

Instead, I just basked in the new deeper understanding Susannah didn't have the first time I pulled away from her. Before I explained I wasn't going to be walking away as easily as she had originally hoped I would. I gave Susannah a crooked, no-holds barred grin. Somehow finding my voice to fill the comfortable quiet.

"We shouldn't be doing this," I commented, my voice deep and gravelly.

Susannah's hand slipped away from my face to curl around the back of my neck. Her eyes fixed on my mouth as she let her fingers play and curl the hair at the nape of my neck. I took a deep breath, that burning feeling growing more intense the more she tempted me into oblivion. I wasn't taking one step back from her. I was taking two giant leaps closer.

"I know." Susannah answered on a hum, bringing her gaze back up to mine. It didn't take long for her to narrow hers and still her absent play with my thick hair. She pulled back slightly, trying to mould herself to the wall instead of me. It was a pointless effort, considering how little distance she'd gained between us. "Stop doing that."

I raised my eyebrows enquiringly. "Doing what?"

"You're looking at me like you're going to ravish me, here and now." I almost laughed at the small pout she was trying not to shine though as she said it. She was as frustrated as I was we couldn't give in to each other. But she understood the reasons. Not that it stopped her from scowling at my smirk growing darker as I leaned in to her again.

"I was thinking about it."

She lifted her chin, her lips twitching with amusement. "Well don't. I do have some discretion you know. And personally the thought of getting caught by the cook and his side-kick is a real turn-off. No matter how damn tempting or how much I want you right now." She muttered on a hazy whimper, her eyes sweeping me over with her swollen lower lip caught between her teeth, holding herself in check.

I chuckled and finally took a step away at last to help her and myself.

"You're quite the temptress yourself, _querida_." She harrumphed and pushed away from the wall. Straightening her clothes and buttoning her jeans up again before patting down her hair. "I was enjoying the dishevelled rumpled look, Susannah. Mainly because it was me who made you like it." She stuck her tongue out making me laugh unhindered. Relaxed by the easy banter between us in the wake of such a heated encounter.

"Come on, if I stay in here with you any longer I _know_ I won't have the restraint to stop again," I waggled my eyebrows at her suggestively, making her roll her eyes and smirk herself. I looked away before I answered that need and just took her anyway. "Let's go, I'll bring your bags down-stairs ready. Just in case!" I added, seeing the calculating look Susannah shot me.

"If you say so."

"I do," I grinned, reaching out to take her hand, entwining my fingers with hers. Susannah didn't pull away and I glowed, holding back my grin as I led her from the living room filling with good memories. I was surprised to find Lance walking towards us, a backpack slung over one shoulder and his laptop bag over the other, as we were about to head up the stairs. His car keys jangling in his hand with a wide grin stretching across his boyish expression. "I thought you'd left already?" I asked, coming to a stop with Susannah.

He only grinned even more impishly.

"Just going now, I forgot to pack some stuff. I won't be long. Try not to get into too much trouble while I'm gone." He smirked, whistling to himself as he escaped through the front door. I raised a hand to scratch at my chin thoughtfully, blinking to wipe away the confusion and dawning realization.

"He walked in on us didn't he?" Susannah asked voicing my own thoughts I was trying not to imagine in my mind. I cringed, not turning to meet her eyes. Instead, I just nodded mutely, hearing her sigh and clear her throat. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

I was trying to hold back the laughter once I got over the fact Lance could have possible seen more than Susannah or I wanted him to see, as I climbed up the stairs and headed towards Susannah's room. All the while knowing there would be no working with Lance after knowing he witnessed Susannah in my clutches. Not that I could blame him for smirking, I still was myself.

It took me less than five minutes to get Susannah's suitcases and bags to the bottom floor, ready and waiting by the front door. While I did the two way trek up and down the stairs, Susannah searched through her room one last time just to be sure. It kept her distracted long enough that she couldn't ask me too many questions about Slater.

My heart had frozen in my chest with fear the first time she asked me. I'd quickly flashed back through the conversation with Lance, trying to work out how much she could have over-heard. It was my only relief that she didn't hear too many details, that was allowing me to stay calm and in perspective of it all. The time of his final move, I had no doubt would soon be counting down against us.

I swung the black duffel bag from my shoulder and was about to traipse back up the stairs to get Susannah when the sounds of an alarm started sounding from the security room. With the suspicious behaviour from the other alarms tripping out the past couple of weeks, all with no explanation other than a suspect, I was becoming frustratingly familiar with the beeping noise. A sound that sent a buzz pumping through my veins in anger, ready for the final approaching battle, always just out of reach.

My hand instinctively went to my side where my gun would normally be holstered, causing me to curse when I remembered why I wasn't wearing it. The only thing stopping me from running into the kitchen, the nearest place that held my favoured gun, was the feel of the hidden one strapped to my leg beneath my jeans and above my boot. Worried about Susannah hearing the alarms, I jogged down towards the security room to find out where the new disturbance was resonating.

Not liking the coincidence of it happening, minutes after Lance had left the property.

"What we got?" I asked Marty who had reached the room before I had. I stood before the monitor, a red flashing bleep on the screen map, showing the new area of disturbance. "Is that - ?" I leaned closer to the image, my eyes widening when I saw where exactly the alarm was resounding from.

When Ed had the safe-house kitted out and ready for use, he made sure as one of the first things to be done, that there were provisions set up and ready for whatever may happen with who-ever was here. Something that wouldn't be in the house, but wasn't far enough away that you couldn't reach it by foot. The provisions included transport in the form of blacked-out SUV, radios, cell-phones, weapons, first aid and anything else that may be needed in a sudden crisis. It was something only to be used in rare emergencies, but was kept well hidden from the elements and wandering hikers.

But someone had found it. And I was boiling with the knowledge of _whom._

"Get Susannah," I commanded, walking over to the keypad locked cupboard, punching in the code to unlock my guns and ammunition. Any other alarm and I wouldn't have been so phased or alert. But finding it was the one place we needed as a back-up with no transportation or way away from the safe-house; I was gearing up for danger. No matter how big or small. "I want her locked in this room with you until I get back - "

"Jesse."

I looked over at Marty when he interrupted me, giving him a flat look as I gripped the silver gun and filled it with a full clip. Sliding the weapon into the back of my pants with a couple of spare rounds into my ankle holster. Pulling my clothes over the top to keep them covered from view of Susannah, or whoever was waiting for me. Carrying on as if Marty had never stalled me.

"From checking out the alarm. I don't want either of you leaving this room until you get the okay from me. And even then I want you to make sure you've had a visual, just in-case. Make a call through to Ed and Lance as soon as you can. I want him back ASAP with back-up." I pulled out a small gun, checking the bullets and flicking on the safety. When I raised my eyes again and saw Marty still standing there, I furrowed my brow in annoyance. "That's an order – "

"That I won't follow," Marty finished for me. His tone not arguing the point. Stop and listen, it said. I bit back my growl of frustration, taking a couple of silent breaths to keep myself calm and in control. "Slow-down and think about this objectively, lad. You and I both know it's some sort of ploy. And with Lance off from the house, God knows how far away, and you and I the only ones left to protect Suze; who would be the best choice to go out there?"

Marty was right. And I was caught.

Trapped between doing the honourable thing and going in Marty's place, to possibly save his life from whatever or whoever may be lurking and skulking out there among the trees. But my instinct telling me to stay put, that the danger would come to me, before I went to it. That I was the stronger, quicker more skilled person to do the job of protecting Susannah with whatever I had too. It was Marty who would have to be the one to go out and check the alarm. And I'd always known it, even as I filled my gun. I wouldn't leave Susannah behind.

But no matter whether it was right or wrong, it still didn't sit right with me. None of it did.

I glanced towards the door, knowing Susannah would be coming in search of my sudden disappearance any moment. With a sharp nod, frustrated with the seconds and minutes ticking against me, I threw a black Kevlar vest across to Marty that he caught with ease. Pulling out the only gun I knew he would take with him. A double barrelled rifle. I cut across the room, handing the rifle and the cartridges to him. Some of which he slipped into the pockets of the vest he was slipping on.

"Stay in radio contact at all times," I ordered, setting off the silent alarm that would go straight through to the agency. With a couple more access codes and clicks of a button, an automotive message was sent out to the ether, which would call Lance's cell-phone and alert him to the new situation. It was technology I praised, because it saved me time I didn't have, to make the calls to the right people. It didn't matter if it would turn out to be a false cry for back-up.

I wasn't taking any chances.

"I don't care if you're giving me a running commentary of what colour the trees and animals are, I want to make sure I'm continuously hearing your voice through this ear-piece." I stated, holding up the flesh coloured, hearing aid-like ear device. I clipped on the portable radio pack to his front pocket, testing it. Once happy with what I got, I attached the other twin radio to my own pocket.

"At the first signs of any kind of disturbance, turn tail and come back. Don't touch anything that looks out of place or unfamiliar." Marty nodded in the affirmative, following me out of the room and towards the front door. I glanced up the stairs and into the living-room, keeping my eyes and ears open for Susannah. Praying I'd have just a few seconds more before she appeared and questioned what was going on.

Hoping for the time to school my reaction and have Marty slip out undetected.

When all was clear, I slipped open the door with Marty as my back up and peered around with sharp keen eyes at the woodland around us. Once satisfied after my cursory glance, I pulled back in and gave him the go-ahead. "Remember, constant radio chatter. Good luck."

"Won't need it," He reassured me, clapping me on my stiff shoulder and disappearing out down the steps. His rifle primed and ready with him. I quietly clicked closed the door and locked it behind him. Not that it would do any good. Slater was a pro he knew how to get past locks and alarms. This was all just child's play to him. I made my muscles relax and uncoil at the readiness I knew I had been feeling for some time now. Taking a clear breathe before going in search of Susannah. Finding her standing in her room before the exposed balcony window. And perfect view for a determined sniper.

I refused to cringe and run over to pull her away.

"Susannah." I called out, calmly walking over to gently take her by the hand again. She gave me a soothing smile, leaving it to linger that way until she slowly narrowed her eyes eyeing the radio cord at my ear and box clipped to my pocket. Quick to question my tight and tense attitude as always. "I've just sent 'the cook' off to do a parameter check for me. With Lance in town, I couldn't go and leave only Marty behind with you. So it looks like you're stuck with me for a while. At least until one of them gets back."

I gave her a soft charismatic smile, leading her away from the window that left my skin crawling as though we were being watched. Taking her to the one room in the house that would offer any kind of protection and saftey until back-up arrived.

"Why didn't you just wait until Lance got back from town and gone then?" Susannah asked suspiciously.

I tightened my hand around Susannah's, feeling the band-aid covering her wound on her palm. She didn't wince when I applied the pressure of reassurance. I glanced back with one look that asked the strong-willed temptress, not to pry into it too much. Conveying only a slithering of the anxiety I was feeling at not having the man-power to back me up, _should_ something happen. Grasping at a hope in that one gaze, Susannah would drop the curiosity for once and allow me to do my job without interruptions.

Thankfully she got it. "Oh."

"It might be nothing, Susannah," I reassured her as strongly as I could. Keeping the pace of our calm, un-hurried walk down the stairs and on to the direction of the security room. I was trying to keep my own sharp instincts in control while not letting it onto Susannah. She could read me too easily. "I just didn't want to wait until Lance returned before it was checked-out. It's just a precaution."

Susannah nodded, trying to give me an overly bright smile in the face of the danger hanging thickly in the air and the adrenaline pumping through my blood, ready. Always ready. But I saw straight through Susnanah's thin charade and mask she was trying to hold. Catching the steadily building fear in her eyes, she heroically tried to tamp down and not give in to. I hoped it would stay that way, with Susannah fighting against the fear. It was what I needed to help keep me focused on the mission of keeping her alive, if the odds stacked against me.

I stopped just before we reached the security room and clasped her by the shoulders. Peering down with an intense, hard expression my fingers gripping her fiercly. She never tried to pull or look away from me. Not while I said the one thing I meant and would hold to for as long as I stood before her alive and breathing. "I won't ever let anything happen to you, _querida_. I promise you'll always be safe with me."

Susannah gave me a shaky, tremulous smile and small nod in answer. Her hands shaking slightly, I pursed my lips at the urge to just pull her into an embrace and kiss away the terror. Frustrated there was no room or time for such affection. Not now. So instead I settled for quickly kissing her on the head and tugging the rest of the way into the security room. Closing and locking the door behind us.

I led Susannah over to the leather couch, settling her before I turned my attention to the computer monitors lined in a row along the wall. A constant quiet chatter of Marty reaming off a list of what he could see as he went and did the job, I partly felt I should have been out there doing instead of him. Always having one eye trained on Susannah's skittish movements where she sat on the sofa. The other on any possible danger.

Un-aware of the silent intruder creeping through the porch door until it was far too late.

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**_Anonymous Reviews:_**

_**Can'tRememberName -**_ Hey! Ya know, when I first came onto this site but hadn't registered, I never came up with cool unique anonymous names like yours. *_Pouts_* I always signed my lousy (only back then, thank Primus!) reviews with, _Jacqueline_. Bor-ring! *_Sigh_* So I love it when I come across wicked anonymous names like yours and Jess'. **:D** Okay, where was I? Oh yeah, reply. Excuse the weirdness, it's nearly 2am, hehe. Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm glad you love this story so much! And even better thats I got two smiley faces! **:D** As you can see, I love the grinning ones. **o.O** And that one, lol. With all the emoticons in the world, who needs words! **;)** I hope you continue to enjoy the story, sorry for the delay. *_Hugs_* Take care! **x**

_**Jess -**_ Hiya! Ya, thank you for letting me call you Jess, and for giving me one of the best love filled review! **:D** Aww, awesome that you loved the last chapter! It seems so long ago I updated now, I can barely remember it. But this one . . . Yeah this got totally taken out of my hands! I'm jumping between smirking at Jesse and wanting to scream, '_Scandalous_!' Lol. Nah, I loved writing it out. Thats what happens when I string them along for too long. _SO_ not happening again. **;)** Now I've kinda left it on a cliffy, I just hope I can update again soon! I think it's awesome you love to read the update to this so much! And it's good to hear you like my other stories too. I shall be throwing out stories and updates left right and center, for as long as I can. **:D** Thanks again, hun! I hope you like this, loo-ong chapter too. **:)** *_Hugs_* Take care, **x**

**_Meg -_** Hey, hun! I'll apologize now if this reply turns out totally rambling and odd. That's what I get from reading through this chapter so many times, I'm probably reciting it in my sleep, lol. I think I'm gonna get a new tattoo on the back of my hand saying; _'Always Have Fun When Writing, Dumb-Ass_!' So I'll see it everytime I started balling my fists on the keyboard with frustration. **:D** Maybe then I'll get it through my own head. Anyway, THANK YOU! I'm enjoying writing out the whole Jesse/Suze interaction thing. They go from hot and growly, to soft and gentle so quickly I'm giving myself whiplash. **:P** Glad you're enjoying it as much as I am, when I'm not knocking myself on the head with my inflatable hammer. **:D** I hope you like this one. Again, sorry for the length. Take care! *_Hugs_*** x**

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	16. Falling Darkness

_**A/N: **_I had fully intended on updating this before now. But with my VD fics needing writing; it was those or this. And to be honest, I was kinda nervous about writing this one out. It's been a while since I wrote an action seen straight from my head as I imagined it all. But I think I managed to pull it off. At least, I hope I did.** :)** I know it must look really long. But there are a good few long anonymous review replies at the bottom, so please don't be put off.

I do love this chapter; I just think it could be a bit better. I'm just so tired; I can't be too fussed to go over it _again_ tonight. But I want it up. So I'll go back and tweak when I can_._ **:) **The important thing, I had fun writing it. *_Rocks out_*

That being said, I'm 6 glorious reviews away from reaching the 100th mark! Ya! That's exciting for me, 'cos I love this story! I'm so proud of it. Thank you so much for helping towards those great feelings with all the love filled reviews that leave me grinning for hours when I go back over them. For the hits to the story and the faves this has been added to. So please allow me this one little request I'll ask for the first time since the title chapter . . . Please review.** :)**

And a special shout-out to _**I want to be Jesse's girl**_, who has been so patient with me. Thank you!

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_**Falling Darkness**_

I quietly sat tapping my fingers against the desk, my eyes tracking over the different images the security cameras around the outside of the house were feeding back to me. Hearing a sigh from behind me, I turned to see Susannah slouched forward with her hands clasped between her legs as she looked down at the floor. I wanted to be next to her, trying to ease the fear the tensely quiet atmosphere was reaping. But there was no time for me to do that. The comfort would have to come after it all ended.

Stiffly I swung back around to the images, listening to Marty quietly talking to himself as he stalked towards the provisional shed. I tapped a few keys bringing back up the map of the area, the red bleep still resonating without the noisy alarm to accompany it.

There was no specific reason to pull up the digital map. It wouldn't tell me anything about Marty or Slater's movements; if Slater even appeared. I was just biding time for the inevitable and ease the buzz that was increasing from the unknowing of what was going on out there. Marty could handle himself, but not when it came to something he's never gone up against. With Lance still not getting in contact, or hearing anything from the agency, I had to wonder how many frequencies were jammed stopping that outside contact.

It seemed just Slater's sick idea of fun to watch us sweat.

"_I'm nearly at the shed_," Marty told me slightly breathless. "_I'm not seein' anythin' though, Jesse. You one hundred percent sure it wasn't somethin' else_? _It might just be a coincidence you know_. _The shed has all the up-to-date stuff, but even those trips_." I almost snorted at the ridiculous thought. I don't believe in coincidences; especially when I have a killer hot on our trail that will stop at nothing to catch his prize.

"You know as well as I do it's no coincidence, Marty," I answered quietly, hearing his sigh over the other end of the line. "Keep your eyes peeled."

"_Yeah, I thought you'd say that; so much for hope, aye_?" I didn't answer; I just let him carry on with his radio chatter as he got closer to the point of alarm. Susannah stayed quiet behind me, only getting up once or twice to pace the floor like a caged animal. "_Okay, I'm here; I'm takin' a look around. I can't see anythin' out of place, but I'll_ – " He suddenly cut himself off leaving my end heavy with silence. I sat forward in my seat, peering at the screens willing him to talk again. I clicked the radio box a couple of times, jerking him back into talking. "_Hold on. Jesse, the doors been sprun' open. It's splintered and cracked from a forced entry._"

"Tread very carefully, Marty," I anxiously said in reply. "Don't let down your guard and be careful where you step."

"_I'm goin' in_," He answered determined.

I closed my eyes straining to hear the sounds of the old wooden door creaking open as he entered the shed. My heart was pounding in my chest, a creeping concern tricking down my spine and across my head. The hairs on my arm started standing on end. Something was going to go wrong. I could _feel_ it. As surely as I felt the breath I was trying to keep steady. "_The car _. . . . ._ been touch _. . ._ There's somethi _. . . . ._ Jesse. Hello? Jes _. . . . ._ can't_,"

My eyes sprang open at the distorted sounds coming through my ear piece, burning holes into the screen as I willed the static to clear so I could hear him properly. My shoulders tensing the quicker the time passed with no answer and no way to know what was going on. I suppressed running a hand through my hair in agitation. I wanted to be out there. I wanted to be tracking and finding the son of a bitch. It was what I do. I'm a warrior.

And then Marty said something I could barely make out over the bad connection. My heart froze and my eyes widened to hear everything he was saying. "_Jesse_ . . . . . _a device_ . . . _car_,"

"Marty don't touch _anything_!" I quickly hammered into the other end of the line my hands braced as my eyes flickered back to the map, the red dot still blinking. And it would continue to do so until someone manually disarmed it. Marty wasn't specialized to do such a thing. "Do you hear me Marty? Turn around and get the hell out of there. That's an order!" I hissed the intuition that something wasn't right eating at my nerves. I couldn't see Susannah pacing behind me, but I could feel her eyes riveted to my back. "I repeat, turn around and get away from there. Come back to the house; do _not _touch that device, Marty!"

I tapped the radio box, twisting and turning the dials to alter the frequency slightly, hoping for a clearer passage. But all I got in return was broken static. "_Marty_?"

As I said it, the little red dot that was blinking on the digital map suddenly flared and stopped blinking all together. A sudden burst of static came rushing through my ear piece making me jump back and pull it out throwing it to the keyboard. I looked up, trying to see a visual of him. But even as I muttered under my breath for some kind of hope, the monitors and every electrical device in the room and house cut out. The screens blackened and died, a deadly silence settling over the place where the house would normally be humming with the energy.

Slater had taken everythingout with an EMP.

"_Shit_! That son of a bitch!"

I cursed, not bothering to reach for my cell-phone next to me. It would be useless, nothing would work. Susannah and I were stranded with no car, no back-up and no contact. And then the realization of what had probably happened to make the alarm stop sounding on the map hit me. And I hoped to God Marty had gotten away from that shed before the device had blown. Coupled with the gasoline in the car and the spare in the tanks sitting in the bed of the truck . . . It didn't bear thinking about.

And there was no time for it.

My anger bloomed causing me to stand abruptly, knocking the chair back as I leaned forward, resting my flat palms down on the desk. I took three deep breaths to calm the burning hatred pumping the adrenaline through my body even faster. I was in full seething anger, seek retribution mode. My hands curled and tensed on the desk, fingers cracking with the strain. My back was riddled with tension, my teeth gritting together so tightly my jaw throbbed. I curled my mouth into a disgusted snarl feeling the growl build and grow deep within my chest.

And then I felt the small hand on my shoulder, the warmth seeping through the ice-cold feeling of anger, pain and hatred. The small hand of reason. I swallowed and let out a suppressed breath, releasing as much negative emotion on that one sigh as possible. Anything to stop me from lashing out at something. I needed to channel and fuel it another way. I needed to use it to keep the one woman currently pushing past her own fear and terror to comfort me; safe.

Slowly the anger slid back to its deep dark, sinful place in my soul. Where it would lurk and wait until I came across the man who was making Susannah stay trapped in her cage.

"Jesse?" Her voice was slightly tremulous and she coughed to clear it. When she spoke again her voice sounded stronger more capably ready for something she couldn't begin to imagine. "Jesse what just happened? Why do you look like you're ready to kill someone?" She took her hand away and stepped back when I stood up to my full towering dark height. Her eyes widened as she took another step away. There was a fear in her eyes I _never _wanted to see there. Not towards me.

"Jesse?"

The hands she had been nervously wringing together were suddenly halted and crossed over her chest. The stubborn, wilful Susannah I was counting on coming through for me to help me get us both through the situation, stood before me. Refusing to succumb to the fear she saw in my deadly character I had brought forth within seconds.

"Susannah," I reached forward, gently resting my hands on her shoulders before raising one to stroke down her soft wavy hair. My fingers sliding through the strands even as she stiffened beneath my touch. She didn't flinch, but it was seconds before she sighed and relaxed again. Turning into my affections slightly, sensing no threat from me as I tried to keep a reign on my control.

"What's happened to the monitors? And where's Martyn? Jesse, what the_ hell_ is going on around here?" Susannah asked again, her voice rising with panic and anger the more she asked what I couldn't answer. "For God sakes will you _say something_? You're scaring me." She trailed off on a tremble, ducking her head to keep control of her own rising fear. The truth of just how terrified she was, written in the first admittance she had ever delivered to me. Of something so hard for Susannah to admit and bear openly.

It all led to the same honing point that this was no coincidence. Slater was coming or was already here.

I pushed aside the intense boiling anger for the bastard that was hell-bent on wiping everything in his path as he one-by-one took options away from me. Leaving me with barely anything to hold on to, while I waited for the help I was counting on to reach us. I have no problem going up against Slater myself. I'll fight him with all I have. But I wasn't if that meant leaving Susannah alone to his mercy. I would fight with my last breath if it meant keeping her alive.

And my anger and adrenaline were more than primed and ready for the evil bastard waiting for me.

I took my hands away from Susannah's shoulders, turning around me to pick up the gun I had placed on the desk in easy reach, slipping it into the waist band of my jeans. Bending down I took out one of the clips I'd place at my ankle and slid it into my front pocket removing the dead radio box. Susannah's eyes tracked and watched my every movement, her eyes flashing brighter the more it became clear what and where I was doing. Leaving for the hunt and taking the battle to Slater.

He had to be lurking around closer than I liked.

"Come with me," I said, taking hold of Susannah's arm to lead her over to the door, placing her so she would be behind it if it opened. "I need you to stay here, okay? Do not leave this room unless I'm the one who tells you so. When I go out of the door, I want you to lock it behind me." Susannah reluctantly nodded, looking down at my hands gripping the tops of her arms keeping her still. "I won't be far, I just need to go and get something and I'll be back. Just stay here where you'll be safe."

"What's going on, Jesse?" She quickly asked again weariness at having to ask the same questions tearing at her. She gripped onto my shirt before I could pull away completely. "What's happened to Martyn?" I took a deep breath, steeling myself against the rising fear and determination in her eyes. I had every belief it would be the latter that won out if everything got worse. I was relying on it.

"Why aren't you telling me anything?"

"Because I don't exactly know what is happening myself, Susannah. But I plan to find out." I waited for her to prize her fingers off my clothing where she crossed them back over her chest. Impulsively I leant forward and pressed a kiss to her head, my lips lingeringly brushing across her soft skin. "Stay put and lock this door. Don't leave this room." Susannah gently nodded, stepping away so her back was up against the wall.

I hesitated for a second, wondering whether or not to give her a gun to defend herself should I fail. Even just to make her feel safer in the room alone. But I knew she wouldn't take it. Just seeing me with a gun made her uncomfortable. I pressed my lips together at the dwindling options I was playing with, before giving Susannah one look showing my full confidence this would_ not_ end up with me the loser.

"I won't be long." I said one last time, turning to unlock the door, sliding through it without looking back.

I wouldn't leave her if I did.

I waited on the other side of the door, listening intently for the indication Susannah had locked it and moved away again. Breathing a minor sigh of relief I pulled my gun out of my waist and flicked off the safety, making my way from the security room and Susannah I was trusting to stay there. The house was eerily quiet without the electrical energy hanging in the air or writhing through the walls. I could see it as a good and bad thing. It allowed me to hear and attune to every small sound. But it took away from me being able to stay in contact with outside sources or Susannah.

I kept my tread as quiet as possible as I crept along the walls, glad for my knowledge on the layout of the house. Including the paces it would take me to get from one room or section to another. My arms were tense as I held my gun out before me, slowly making my way down towards the study and onto the kitchen if I could reach it. I couldn't hear anything. Not a breath, a murmur or footsteps on the wooden floors. It made unease creep along my body, searing my nerves pulling them taut with tension.

Slater's ex-special Ops. He knew how to sneak around a house completely undetected to the world. I understood, because I was using my same skills to do just that.

Narrowing my eyes, I counted my steps as I got closer and closer to the study. I breathed through my mouth so I wasn't stuck hearing my own intakes in my ear, doing anything to stay alert. And then I heard a sound from the corner I came close to turning, halting me where I had my foot raised ready to take the step. I froze the breath in my chest, flattening myself to the wall, creeping back down it so I was away from direct aim.

Something was very, very _wrong_. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end, a tingling awareness of being in the presence of another person not familiar to me made my hair itch. I curled my fingers around the handle of my gun, holding it tight and supporting the butt with the palm of my left hand. With one thought to Susannah locked safely away, and the adrenaline heightening the rush through my senses and emotions; I stepped around the corner.

Coming face to face with a sneering Paul Slater standing by the entrance of the study. His own gun raised and pointed in my direction. "Hello, _Don Juan_," He smirked, his face twisted into a snarl fit to match his unrelenting, evil personality.

I narrowed my eyes, my own growl twisting my face as the fresh anger for what he'd done to Marty come rushing back to me in full force. Only this time, there was no-one around to damped the fires and calm me down. It was all searing my eyes as I glared at the stranger with disgust and contempt. I gripped my gun even tighter, raising it higher on the man sent to kill Susannah.

"_Paul Slater_," I hissed through clenched teeth, my hatred for him creating a buzz in my ear with my hands gripping the weapon so tightly my palms were numb. "I'll never let you get anywhere near her, Slater. You'll have to kill me before I ever let that happen." I spat low and gutturally, feeling that deadly character creep back out of its shadowed home. Where I welcomed it with open arms, long had it been since I'd given in to such a luxury and benefit.

He tilted an eyebrow in mocking, his aim with the gun never wavering on me as he answered. "What makes you think I'm just here for the woman, De Silva? She's certainly a part of it. But it's _you_ my thirst for revenge has led me here for."

I kept my expression and eyes completely devoid of reaction from his words. Not letting him see my small surprise and confusion I felt as I traced through my memories at break-neck speed trying to find something to tell me why. Why it had to become more complicated than it already was. But that and all other thought disappeared from my mind the moment I heard the silky, curious voice of wonder sound from close behind me, where Slater's eyes instantly darted to in triumph.

"Who're you?"

In seconds my eyes had widened in fear. Hearing Susannah so close instantly spurring me into action as I focused on one thing. _Survival_. Using a move so quick no-one had time to react, I fired my gun in Slater's direction, spinning my body and momentum around to snag an arm around Susannah's waist pulling her to slam up against my body, using it to shield hers as much as possible feeling her give in, because there was no time for a reaction from her.

I ducked my head to her just as the crack of a gun sounded and the whizz of a bullet flew over my head. Implanting its self into the wooden panels of the study, we were standing by.

Susannah's scream from the gunshot was so loud and shrill in my ear I winced, curling over the woman who had no idea of the person she had all but handed herself over to. Her body trembled against mine as I used one hand to push at Susannah and urge her into action. I shouted at her while turning to fire at Slater just missing his shoulder by inches as he jumped to the other side of the hall and out of my line of fire and sight.

"_**RUN**_!"

My shout in Susannah's ear had her breaking through the shock she had plunged into, propelling her legs forward as she stumbled and tripped down the hall back towards the security room. I was inches behind her, my arm around her waist holding her up, half carrying, half pushing her along. The fear and sudden climatic air making everything blur and slow around us as we slammed into the door of the room. I let the breathless Susannah go so abruptly she stumbled forward falling to her knees while I pressed my back up against the door.

Throwing the locks I stuck my ear to the door waiting to hear if he followed.

But it was the hiccupped, shocked breaths of the woman on the floor that tore me away from the barrier. "Susannah," I quickly called, slipping my gun back into my waistband and picking her up off the floor where her wobbly legs had collapsed her. "Susannah you need to get up," I requested the smallest tint of an order in my voice that had her snapping her head up to look at me; shock written plain across her face. I tucked my hands under her elbows, heaving her up to her feet.

"Look at me, Susannah. Focus and concentrate on _me_."

She raised her wide green eyes to me properly. Wide emerald watery orbs that were full of terror and confusion as she leant into me for support. Wrapping an arm around her waist I led her over to the same place I had put her before I left. I didn't have time for anger to show from her not doing as I asked and following me. I didn't have time to comfort and tell her it was all going to be okay. All I could do was push myself into action and make Susannah do the same.

I placed her leaning against the wall, her arms wrapped around herself while she looked frantically around the room.

Picking up the small gun I had taken out and loaded earlier, I walked back up to her side. Holding the butt of the gun out for her to take. It was past the moment where I could worry she was too terrified of them. I had to do everything and anything I could to protect her. And if that meant having to give Susannah a weapon she went pale over as she looked from me to it; then I had no other choice.

Susannah shook her head pressing her back closer to the wall, looking away in refusal, squeezing her eyes shut tight.

"Susannah _listen_ to me," I urged, causing her eyes to snap open wide and clash with mine. "I need you to put your full trust in me now and listen to what I tell you to do. I know you're scared and afraid. But right now, you need to put that aside and channel it a different way. I _know_ you can do that, just like I know you can take this gun. I _need _you to take this gun, _querida_."

I held it out further, seeing the tears swarm her eyes, her lips trembling as she swallowed and shrunk into herself a little more. I could just imagine the flashbacks she was having of the night of her friends' murder weeks ago. The same ones that were inching her closer and right back down to that pit of grief and hopelessness she only just seemed to come out of. And it seized my heart to see it. Fanning the flames of the angry inferno I was doing nothing to abate.

"I can't take it, Jesse. _Please_, don't make me. I can't do it, I can't." She clutched at her hair, shaking her head repeatedly.

"You_ have_ to take it!" I pulled at one of her hands, placing the gun in her palm even as she tried to pull away. I curled her fingers around the handle, her movements freezing in time as she looked in horror at the gun I had just pushed her into having. I felt my chest build with guilt and disgust with myself for doing it. But I couldn't help Susannah survive if she wouldn't help herself. The luxury of running from our fears had passed. Reality had kicked in and made her life the living nightmare she clung to me for, barely days before.

"I wouldn't give it to you if I didn't think you could handle it, Susannah." She looked up at me and I reached out to cup her face tenderly. "Please trust in me and do as I say _querida_. You're not alone. I'll protect you, I promise. You're not alone this time."

Susannah closed her eyes and took a couple of deep breaths from my words. The truth of her fear was there, open and in front of us. The reason for the true fear gripping her tightly in its claws. Where she could both lie down and give in to it. Or stand up and fight against it. Susannah opened her eyes and did what I knew she would do. She pulled herself up and higher, defending her ground against the terror and fright.

"Okay," She breathed shakily.

There was no denying she was terrified and shocked. But there was more to it now. There was the strength that had been dimming the first day I had met her. I could picture it as she curled her hand tighter around the handle of her fear, holding it close to her and looking back up at me with a tentative smile that in no way reached her eyes like it had done less than an hour ago. Solidifying I would see that true smile again when I finished and ended Slater's game.

I gave her a reassuring nod and stepped away pulling my gun out. Susannah's hand reached out to grip my arm, her nails digging into my flesh. "Who was that, Jesse? And why the hell was he shooting at us? That isn't Carson, that's not who I saw shoot Thea." I pursed my lips together, not having time to answer her questions. Just knowing there was a killer roaming around the house. But also acknowledging Susannah would not rest until I gave her something.

"You're right, that isn't Carson. It's someone else. Someone who is using this situation as an opportunity to get rid of me,"

I pushed Susannah back up against the wall, checking the safety was still on her gun and bent to her level and gave her a piercingly intense look. "Now listen carefully. Do not, leave this room, Susannah. Stay here. I don't care what you hear, do not come out and look for me. Lock the door and keep it that way. Only open it when I say. I won't ask you to until it's completely clear. For no-one but me, do you come out of this room." Susannah nodded jerkily and I stepped away.

"Stay safe," I reiterated quietly one more time.

I stepped up to the door, unlocked it quietly and swiftly as I could. Flattening my back to the wall I opened it a crack, my gun raised and pointed out looking for unfamiliar shadows and movement. Seeing and sensing nothing, I edged it open far enough for me to creep through. Pulling it firmly shut behind me, the locks going into place quicker than before. Looking in two directions I could go to, I headed to my left. Creeping down and towards the front door, following my instinct I hoped to God wouldn't fail me.

I would lay down my guns and succumb to a desk when it's all over, just for my instinct to be correct one last time.

I swept my gun and my gaze up the hall, looking down towards the study and the kitchen. The scream of a gun going off and the plastering raining down on my head from the bullet that was stuck in the wall above my head made me whip back around. My heart thudded in my chest, but not from fear. It was from anticipation and action. Spinning around barely flinching at the close call, I just caught sight of Slater flipping around the corner, pushing me into taking a parting shot at him.

"Shit," I cursed angrily, knowing Slater's aim was better than that. Far better than that. He was toying and playing around with me. I knew his kind of tactics. It was shadow games. He was going to try and make me jump and tense at every small sound and attempt. Make me afraid of my own shadow. A pathetic ploy that would never work with me. He forgets I fought the same people he did in Special Ops.

I heard his laugh and sudden rush of footsteps as he ran from his place, taking pock-shots at me as he ran.

I dived to the ground, rolling back around the corner just feeling the burn of a bullet skim past my exposed arms. "Come on De Silva! You're supposed to make the game interesting for me. I like a bit of fun every now and again, don't spoil it for me," Slater mock whined. Cursing him to hell, I pulled myself up curling my expression into fury but keeping quiet. "How many times do you think I will take a shot at you, before I finally decide to sink a bullet into you somewhere? Make you prolong the fun." He continued, his voice scathing and laughing at me.

He was doing a miraculous job of making my murderous anger flare like the sun.

I kept myself quiet as I crept down the hall, listening to his footsteps walk about. Stopping I strained my hearing carefully for where he was treading. Tracking his steps as he pulled himself closer to my position while I breathed in the expectant anticipation in the air. Staying pressed against the wall, I counted his foot-falls; three, two, one. Throwing my arm out in quick reflex, I walked out from my place making him back up a step. Our guns pointed at each other unwaveringly, my feet carrying me forward in a sub-conscious move of getting him as far away from Susannah's room as possible.

"What did you do to Marty?" I spat, shattering the very tense moment that was fuelling us both. His stretching grin in answer made a cold hard hand clamp down on my heart with dread. I tried to shake it off. I pitted my fiery anger against it. But it was un-movable in its hold.

"You mean the old man? Nothing much. Just set an explosive and let the whole place go; _**boom**_! I would have stuck around to watch but I had other places to be," I bit down on my teeth as I let his non-remorseful words sink in. Not ready to leave my denial of the possible truth. He'll say anything I reminded myself. "Was he a good friend to you, De Silva? Do you _hate_ me for killing him in such an undignified way like I did? Does it make you feel _sick_, knowing you did _nothing_ while you stayed here getting down and dirty with your charge?

"Doesn't it just . . . make you _MAD_!"

I ignored every inner voice of reason and logic telling me that he was baiting and taunting me, pushing it forward as I charged for him. My anger overwhelmed and got the better of me as I threw my whole weight at him, knocking him to the ground with a heavy thud. Whipping the air from his lungs when I pressed him to the hard floor my fist sinking into his laughing, mocking face. My soul roaring for a release I could only find by beating Slater into submission.

I was so blinded by my anger that had over-ridden all the training and knowledge I gained about control over my emotions and reactions during different forms of torture, I failed to remember to disarm him. Not becoming aware of it until he raised the butt of his gun to me just as suddenly as I had tackled him. Realizing my brutal and harsh mistake when my world spun and darkened, making me fall to his side clutching my head to stop the waves of dizziness. Absently feeling the warm blood running freely through my fingers as I fuzzily saw Slater get to his feet and take off down the hall.

"_Nombre de Dios_," I muttered climbing to my knees and reaching out to the wall to pull myself up. I staggered a few steps in the direction Slater had gone, willing the dizziness to pass. Cursing myself in four different languages for letting the bastard slip through my hands, all the while _knowing_ I should have had better control over my emotions than I had in that moment.

"Don't make this so easy for me, De Silva, I prefer a challenge," He bellowed out from the general direction of the kitchen. I gripped the gun I had faithfully managed to keep a hold of, following his taunts and jibes as he lassoed and pulled me towards him. I narrowed my eyes expecting to see a knife fly my way, somehow knowing he would lead me to a place full of potential weaponry. "You know, I was thinking about killing the girl first and making you watch De Silva," He commented idly. "I thought it would be fun seeing how angry you get listening to her screams and cries for help. But after that, I think I'll just kill you first."

"Maybe I underestimated how much she means to you. I don't think I'd get the reaction I want after all. What was she? Just a quick lay, _Don Juan_?" He continued, clearing my foggy mind the more he threw vile, disparaging remarks to me. It was wrong. It was _all wrong_. But it still made my blood _boil_ with his comments, a flush creeping down my neck and across my chest in abject fury. "Good for passing some time while you waited for me to come and put you out of your misery was she?"

"Oh, trust me, De Silva . . . I've wanted to put you out of your misery for a _long_ time now. Ever since you killed Felix Diego."

There was a sudden rush of running footsteps followed by a barrage of bullets coming at me as I ran from one protective cover to another trying to escape his release of frustration. I kept my wounded head down and my legs carrying me in sure confident steps, no fear in sight other than for the lone women waiting for me to end it.

And it was that thought that made me miss Slater come out from his corner, gun aimed right for me until it was too late.

"_**AHH**_!" I cried out feeling a bullet tear through the muscle and tissue of my right bicep cutting through the flesh in a burning white hot pain of shock. I collapsed against the wall breathing heavily from the flames racing up and down my arm and threw my body. It hurt, but I'd suffered much worse. The fire matched the fury and adrenaline I knew would numb the pain soon and keep me fighting for as long as I could push my body and mind through the shock.

I looked down at the wound, clasping my left hand over it, relieved it was only a passing blow and not a full on assault. The bullet hadn't gone right through, but it was deep enough.

"Bastard!" I muttered, blood from my arm mingling with the blood I had tried stemming from my head still on my hand. Letting it run between my fingers and down my arm; dripping to the floor. Both injuries was making it too clear Slater was doing a damn good job of getting one up on his sickly twisted game we were playing. I wasn't rusty, far from it in fact. But it had been so long since I had let my emotions for the people under my command and in my care get out of hand. "Push it away," I told myself out loud, staring down at my injured arm.

"I won't save her unless I push it away."

Shaking my head clear of the fuzz and conflicting thoughts and emotions, I just caught the shift and movement in the air of him coming towards me again. It just gave me enough time to growl and whip around to meet Slater as he came for me hard and fast. His expression showed shock of my detection to his silent approach before he ploughed into me with all his momentum and force, slamming my back against the wall. His forearm pressing against my throat choking me.

"Did you really think I'd let you get away with killing Diego?" He questioned while I used my left hand to try and release the pressure straining against my neck. Barely feeling the gun in my right hand, I shakily raised it towards him. Slater growled in anger, grabbing my arm with the bullet wound, gripping and twisting the muscle in a sadistic display of enjoyment at my reaction.

I hissed in a breath through my clenched teeth, refusing to give him the satisfaction of hearing me cry out. I'd had far more deadly men then him try and torture me into talking and cry out in surrender. But he only smirked and pressed harder. "How much pain can you go through before you give-in, De Silva?"

"You can – try all you – want Slater," I panted around his arm pressed to my throat cutting off my air. Not liking the answer he pulled me away from the wall just to slam me back against it again. Pissing me off to heights undiscovered as it knocked the air out of me more. His hand on my wound applied the pressure that made my hand release and drop my gun to the floor, going off as it landed, putting a bullet in the ceiling. Slater kicked the gun hard enough to send it spinning down towards the kitchen area.

"I've been through – worse torture." I finished. He didn't look impressed I wasn't giving in to his game and I couldn't help but goad him along a little more, feeling him push harder on my throat as a warning and indication I was getting to him. His eyes were full of dancing madness, making me fuzzily wonder if he even knew what he was doing, he was so high on power and the thought of revenge.

"What was – Diego to you?" I gasped out, my throat croaking and my lungs burning for oxygen. Sweat broke out down my temple and trickled down my spine from the stress my body was going through from so much at once. "A lover? A colleague," I continued, trying to hold onto my strength. "Want to know - what he was - to me? He was a - _coward_."

Slater's fist flew out of no-where, whipping my head to the side so hard my neck cracked and my eyes saw stars. Unbeknownst to him, it was what gave me more focus and helped me snap my attention back to him, my vision clearing the slightest bit. I grinned; blood trickled down my temple mingling with perspiration from the new cut on my eyebrow his ring had caused. My grin only made his eyes darken even more.

"He was a friend. But more importantly, a business partner who was supposed to execute a mission with me that would have given me a nice tidy sum for the rest of my life," He grinned sadistically as my left hand pulled at his arm, my vision I had just got back starting to blur and blacken from the double blow to the head, the bullet to my arm and the lack of air in my lungs. "How do you like that? A friend for a friend. Not to mention the woman I'm going to kill after you."

"Because I never leave a job unfinished. And this will be the most satisfying one yet."

Hearing his mocking of Marty and pushing him down as if he was at the same depths and levels as the scumbag friend of his I killed, my vision darkened for a whole other reason. His added jibes and details of what he was going to do to Susannah before he killed her made bile rise in my throat and spark something so deeply black and suppressed, I did nothing but let his words fuel and feed the monster emerging.

It was something that built and grew as he grinned and his eyes sparkled with his victory. It had been festering and feeding on the hurt, the losses and the anger I never dealt with over the years. It was my deadly character I had only felt stir less than a handle of times, now rearing its head for control. My eyes turned black with no feeling, emotion or thought. I couldn't feel my aching and painful body anymore.

I was someone fierce, protective and very, _very_ angry.

"Do you want me to make her beg for mercy, De Silva? Show her what it feels like to have gotten messed up with a bastard like you?" He asked, leaning closer his voice lost in awe to his own imagination. "How would you feel about that? How I'm going to hunt her down and make her cower and crawl away in fear. Are you imagining it? Can you see her pretty green eyes sparkling with tears, lost, broken. _Mine_."

My lips curled into a sickening twist, my head tilting to the side as I saw his smile waver and the pressure his arm had pinning me to the wall loosen as he peered at me with something confusing. I ignored the blood trickling down my neck from the butt of the gun wound there. Or the slithering down my face and the free flow of the shot to my arm. The same one he was trying to hurt to get a reaction out of me, sensing the dark presence taking me over.

"_Wrong thing to say_."

Whipping my head forward I slammed it into his nose feeling it break, the smell of blood mingling with the taste and aroma of burnt flesh, lingering gun-shots and cold-hard fury turning me into an unrelenting animal. His arm released me in seconds. I barely took a breath as I stepped forward, rearing my fist back and slammed it into his gut, making him double over winded and in pain. He raised his gun, but I grabbed his wrist, twisting it at an ugly angle causing him to drop it like he made me lose mine.

His fist impacted my chin, a second hit coming straight after. The third I blocked, whipping myself around quickly I smashed my elbow into his temple making him stagger and falter from dizziness. Coming back around, I used the one strength my body had, now that my right arm was out of commission; my legs. He pulled himself up straight, just as I raised my thick boot and slammed it into his ribs in a full-frontal kick sending him sprawling to the floor on his back.

"Is that the best you got?" He laughed wheezing as he turned onto his side carefully picking himself up, favouring his left side.

Noticing how close we were to the kitchen, a logical thought broke through the black haze when my eyes caught sight of my gun lying by the island where it had landed. Looking back at Slater, I gave him another twisted, dark smile and charged at him. Using my left shoulder to lift him off his feet, knocking us both to the floor in a move I hadn't used properly since I played football in the Marines. In one swift move I used a knee to press down on his broken ribs making him cry out in an animalistic growl.

Raising my left fist I brought it down smashing it into the side of his head; hard enough to daze him for a few seconds so I could make a grab for my gun.

Diving across the kitchen floor, my bloodied knuckles reached out further and further; seconds away from holding my gun in my hand. From turning over to plant enough bullets in his chest that he would be down and staying that way. But Slater had already gotten to it first. His crack shot aim sent my gun spiralling across the kitchen and far out of my reach again. I flipped onto my back, the pain from my arm only registering slightly in the back of my mind as I attempted to reach down for the one at my ankle.

But his warning shot by my foot stopped me.

"Get the fuck up!" He yelled; limping further into the room, one of his eyes close to being swollen shut completely, blood still dripping down his face, across his lips and down his shirt from his nose. His arm he held protectively across his broken ribs lifted shaking to swipe it across his bloody and ugly face. "I said, get the fuck _UP_!"

Keeping my eyes on his wavering gun, his aim unsteady as he swayed in front of me, I slowly and calmly got to my feet. My adrenaline humming in my ears, I stared down the barrel of his weapon without fear and desperation. There was no life flashing before my eyes. No time for regrets, doubts or dreams I never got to accomplish flying through my blind fury. Just a cold hard strength that I wasn't back down from him.

_Never._

"Losing your touch, Slater? I think your breaking under the pressure you know," I said coolly my voice hoarse and croaked from the pressure his arm had wrought there. "It looks to me from here, that you're having a bit of trouble finishing the job. I wonder why that is? You're so hell-bent on killing me for some pointless revenge that won't bring you your satisfaction; you've missed all your chances to do what you came here for."

"You're losing you own sick personal game. And you can't handle it." I smirked.

"You . . . Shut, the fuck up!" He bellowed angrily firing another warning shot in my general direction. I counted myself lucky it didn't hit me with how hysterical he was steadily becoming. Much to my pleasure at seeing him crack and crumble before me. "I _have_ control, De Silva. Who's the one with the gun? Huh? Who's the bastard standing at the other end of it? Who's the one who's going to get the chance to sink a bullet through a skull? I'm the one in control. _Me._ And right now, I say I'm tired of playing."

His slow grin came back. "Now I just want you dead."

He raised the gun to my chest and looped his finger through the trigger hole. "See you in hell, _Don Juan_." And the loud ominous bang of a gun went off making us both jump, echoing around the still and quiet house like a clap of thunder. The moment stretching on to a slow blinding cruel I hazily blinked through, mind and body numb from shock, pain and thought. Until slowly, everything started up again and it all came rushing back to me.

My heart hammered in my chest as I shakily raised my hands to look down at it. Seeing nothing there. A gun had fired, but it wasn't Slater's. Raising my eyes I caught the sight of a red stain stretching and growing outwards from the centre of Slater's chest. Looking up further, I saw his eyes blank and as cold as ever. Before slowly, he tipped forward landing in a heap on the kitchen floor, a pool of dark red blood spreading across the tiles seeping into the cracks.

When I raised my head again, Susannah was standing there. The gun I made her take held out in her hand still in position. And the dark part I had been feeding on was gone.

xXx

I watched Jesse dip to the body on the kitchen floor pressing his fingers against the neck. With a shake of his head he stood back up and kicked aside the gun still held in the hand. All seen through a blurry fog, a heavy metal thing held in my hands weighing my arms down. But I couldn't tear my eyes away from the body. That body that just sagged and collapsed to the floor in a heap because of something _I_ did. What did I do to make him drop like that? And why am I so _cold_? I asked myself, my whole body shivering violently. Why am I shaking so badly I can't hold the heavy thing in my hand?

"Susannah,"

I blinked, looking to the object held at the end of my straight arms. An object with my finger still looped through the whole, teetering on the little switch tentatively. I don't want to be holding it anymore. It's what I used to make the person on the floor collapse, laying in that pool of red. I don't want it anymore, I repeated to myself. Because I did something with it. Something really bad, but for a good reason.

It was a good reason wasn't it? I softly pleaded to myself. I killed a man for a good reason?

"Oh _God_," I stuttered, that thought making me jerk backwards, the gun going limp in my fingers. I don't want, I screamed internally. "I don't want it!" I jerked again, trying to shake it off, hysterical sobs rising in my throat when I couldn't get the evil metal thing out of my hands. "Get it away from me! Take it back, Jesse!" I cried out frantically, a large tanned hand gripping the end of the muzzle, holding it steady as my hands shook still attached to it. I could feel my face crumbling, my teeth chattering so much they _hurt_.

"Let it go, Susannah. I have it, you can let it go," The person with the tanned hand, brought another one up to grip my fingers gently pulling them off.

Hearing those words so softly spoken made my hand release, the gun caught by the large calloused hands easily. Good hands, that's what they were. Not just large, calloused tanned hands. They were _good_. Good hands that have killed people before. Taken lives with just them, no guns, no knives, just them. But not for bad reasons. He would never for bad reasons. Did that mean I have good hands too? Because the person on the other end of those roughly gentle digits is a good person.

He wouldn't kill someone just for sport or revenge like the body dead and lifeless on the kitchen floor.

"Good hands, good," I muttered brokenly, my eyes stinging from not blinking in so long. I couldn't blink. Because shut eyes brings the sight and the thunder back again. "I don't want to hear the thunder. I don't want to see the image." I said, voicing my jumbled, shocked thoughts aloud. Shaking my head to clear the gibberish I was saying. "I don't - I don't want to feel, sca - scared anymore. I don't want - _Oh God_."

I watched stumbling where I stood as the gun was emptied of its bullets and set on the floor in stiff sore movements before Jesse stepped in front of me. Blocking my view of the dead body. And his sickening blood spreading around him. A hand touched my cheek tentatively and my eyes rose to Jesse's. They were so _black_ and full of a something. Something I couldn't even begin to figure out. But I saw sympathy and affection there. Good, positive emotions. No anger, no disgust for what I just did; just understanding.

Understanding that was my undoing.

"_Jesse_ . . . What have I _done_? What have I _**done**_?!" My voice broke on a sob when his big, good hand cupped the back of my head and pulled it down to rest against his hard, strong chest. The tears that had been falling down my cheeks came in a constant flow, soaking his shirt when his hands came around me, holding me so close we could have moulded together. "Oh God, what did I _do_?!" I sobbed harder, my legs turning to jelly and wobbling under me.

"Shh, Susannah, shh," He murmured into my hair, carefully walking backwards with me, keeping my head turned away from the gruesome scene. I felt his back hit something solid, his own legs going out from underneath him as we fell to the floor. I followed him down, sprawling across his lap, crying and clutching onto his shirt. "You did nothing wrong Susannah. _Nothing_." He pulled me away so he could look into my tearful eyes. My eyes that traced his cut brow and bruised cheek.

"I swear to you, _querida_; trust me when I say you have done nothing wrong today. You need to believe that. You _must._ I won't let you blame yourself for this. I refuse to let you carry guilt for something that was beyond your control." He stroked his thumb over my cheek, wiping away the tears that just made more tracks. "I'm so _sorry_. I'm so sorry, _querida_."

I fell back against him when his hand left my face and wrapped back around me. My tears stinging my swollen itchy eyes seeming to come harder and faster at his sincere words and apology. Take a deep breath, I gave into the relief pushing through the shock and risked closing my eyes. Relief that I couldn't hear those taunts I had to listen to while I was cowering in the security room. Waiting while Jesse fought with the killer in the house causing so much damage physically and emotionally.

I'd jumped and squeezed my eyes shut every time I heard a gun go off. Terrified it was Jesse on the receiving end of that shot.

And then it had gone quiet. Just for it to start up all over again. I'd felt like a lonely child hiding in my room while I listened to the screams and arguments of my parents down stairs. Holding my breath while I waited for the next crash and shout to filter to my own little sanctuary, invading the silent mantra being repeated over and over again. I heard the battle and I felt the hits like a lonely child feels each time a piece of their innocence is taken away. And it made me shrink in size more and more.

Until something snapped deep within me. A place Jesse had opened up from the beginning even when I hated him.

I'd looked down at the gun I was clutching in my hand; the one Jesse had made me take. It was like he was standing in front of me again, telling me to be strong and channel the fear. His tall aura of confidence seeping into me, giving me his strength. But I was paralyzed to the wall. I was fused to it, willing myself just to disappear and not be seen. I clamped my hands over my ears trying anything to shut out the gunfire and taunts. I wanted to be upstairs in my room, tossing and turning, crying out from the nightmares.

Where Jesse would run in and pull me out of them and make it all better. Take me into his arms and make me feel safe and cherished.

But he wasn't. Jesse was out there, _living_ the nightmare I thought would never end. He promised me I would be safe and he would never let anything happen to him. And I believed him. I still do. Jesse did what he could to protect me and stop the intruder. And I stayed where I was, sobbing against the wall my arms clutched around me for some kind of comfort. I was the victim again; helpless and a prisoner to my fear. I wasn't that strong woman Jesse sees in me. I was a wreck, heading towards a bigger disaster.

I'd told myself days ago I refused to be the coward. I refused to let Carson win and break me. And I swore that to myself again watching my tears fall to land on the gun.

I could hear it. I could hear Slater screaming at Jesse to get up off the floor. My heart had frozen in my chest, imagining my Jesse with a killer looming over him. It was what pushed my feet forward even as my heart screamed for me to run. Telling me to make a try for the front door and just run and keep going until my lungs burned and my legs were weak. I heard the gunshot that made me cry-out and tears flow down my cheeks quicker from my hidden place heading towards them.

Until I heard Jesse's Spanish drawl, cracked and broken, but there all the same. And I carried on down the hall until I looked around the corner, struck speechless in abject terror and silent screams when I saw Jesse.

He'd stood on the other end of a gun, his own no-where in sight. That deadly man he was in the security room, back and darker than before. He was incredible and beautiful standing in his dark glowing form. He was what I've always said he is; dangerous. Dark and deadly. And I shrivelled back into the wall from it. I'd heard the man tell Jesse how he was going to kill me first and make Jesse suffer earlier on in the fight. I'd heard him laugh and snide about Martyn, of his death.

And through all of that, it was the man's casual attitude that he was tired of playing games and just wanted Jesse dead, that moved me suddenly. Because he'd meant it. Just like he had meant everything else he had thrown at Jesse. He was going to kill the man I have such burning emotions and thoughts for that leave me confused, wary and calling for more. He wanted to take away the life of the dangerous and first man, to have ever gone to such lengths to rescue me. From the world and myself.

And _I_ would be the one who would have to watch _Jesse_ die.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't witness another person I care about die in front me. I _wouldn't_.

And I reacted. I'd pulled the trigger, clumsily aiming at his back sending the bullet through and into his heart. "I couldn't - wa - watch him kill you, Jesse," I hiccupped. "I can't . . . I _won't_ go through losing someone else I care about. I wouldn't have been able to live through that. Not if I lost you. Oh God, not with _you_." I buried my head in his shoulder, his soft soothing words draping a blanket of comfort around me; I wasn't ready to accept just yet.

"It's over, _querida_," He kissed my hair over and over again, jerkily stroking his hand down my hair and back. "It's all over now; no-one will come for you or take me away. I've got you and I won't let you go. I promise it's all over now. I _promise_." I nodded against his neck, his arms holding me so tight I almost couldn't breathe. But that was okay, because that would help numb the pain more.

And I needed Jesse to numb the pain for me. Just for a little while longer.

"You beat him, Susannah. You didn't let Carson win. And it's over. It's all over." But I wasn't so sure. I ended one nightmare, just to re-place it for another. And I swallowed down the nausea rising at the thought of the new level they would reach, pulling Jesse's shirt to me trying anything to be close to him. I bit my lip, biting down hard enough to draw blood, washing my mouth with a copper taste. A question making its self more known the more I let down my guard. And before I knew it, I was asking it.

"How will I ever live with myself again?"

Jesse didn't answer me. And the tears never stopped flowing.

* * *

_**A/N:**_ Did I just do that? All together now people . . . _'Yes Jacqueline. You did just get Suze to kill Paul_.' In that case . . . _AWESOME_! Oh I got love for Paul, don't you worry about that. But it just kinda . . . Well I knew he was going to _die_ when I first started thinking about this story. But now it's done, it feels very . . . I dunno. Anyone got any words to explain it? Either way, I cannot wait to hear what you all think. I got a shield ready for the flame-throwers. **:D Peace & love!**

_**Awesome Anonymous Reviews:**_

_**Aparul -**_ Hey girl! Okay, you really are going to have to remind me, did I send you a PM as reply? If I did, I probably mentioned I would forget I did that and reply to you on here too. If that's the case and it's prove my memory really is like a goldfish, then I'm screwed, lol. It's a wonder I haven't done an injury to myself with how wacked out I can be. I blame it on the sugar. And this rambling reply that really has no point, because I'm tired. **:P** You're more than welcome for the reply. I reply to all my reviews, unless they're anonymous on a one-shot. Then I feel guilty. **:(** But I'll always reply, long or short, you deserve some more love in return. **:D** Lol, that was a fun cliffy to do. So was this chapter actually. *_Shivers_* I love a dark dangerously sexy Jesse. And the action. *_Swoon_* And YA to it being CD's first official review from you! *_High fives_* The exhaustion is giving way to craziness, can you tell? Bahaha. So now I've finally updated. *_Slaps own wrist_* OMG, how many of you had those wrist band things that when you slapped it across your wrist it wrapped around? No? Only me? **:D** Yeah, that was random. Anyhoo, what do ya think? *_Beams_* Thanks for reviewing, hun! Hopefully I can give you a signed review reply again, next time.** :)** LOVED your review, I truly did. **:D** Take care. *_Hugs & love_* **x **

_**Jess -**_ Hello, hun! Aww. *_Blushes_* Thank you from the ends of the universe which is pretty infinite and all that, and back again, for such a wonderful review! I know I say it all the time, but I really am so humbly grateful for every single review I receive. It just absolutely makes me day! I can feel totally crap about a chapter, but then when I receive your reviews, I start glowing all over again.** :)** So please, take my heart-felt thank you and cyber-hugs full of love. I got lots to share! Okay, reply time. *_Sings_* I'm glad things have changed between Jesse and Suze too. I think if I was writing this as I went along, it wouldn't have taken them so long. Not that I'm regretting it, because I wanted to delve into as many different aspects and pieces of this story as possible. But still, I'm really glad the dynamics have changed. A helluva lot more in this one. **:) **Guh, I feel terrible for making you all wait so long for conclusion of the cliff-hanger! This wouldn't have actually been updated until at least Wed, 'cos I honestly thought I would have trouble. But I wrote it all out in one sitting, I just couldn't stop!** :D** Aww, shucks. You don't need to thank me for this story. It's been an absolute pleasure to write. **:)** Hehe, yeah, up to an M. I blame the awesome couple. I really had no intention of it getting that far. They're so unpredictable sometimes, lol. Thanks again, hun! I really hope you like this chapter. I tried to put as much emotion into it as possible, I hope it shines through. **:) **Take care! *_Love & Hugs_* **x**

_**Marci -**_ Hi! Wow, I just loved how your review was bursting with enthusiasm. I'm grinning now just re-reading it! I'm well happy you like this story so much! Thank you for taking the time to review and let me know that you do. **:)** I really appreciate it! I'm sorry for the wait on the update. I'm still trying to find a balance between work, writing and RL in general. I'll get it eventually. But again, sorry for the wait. **:)** Fingers crossed you like this chapter; I think it's my personal favourite, hehe. Many, _many _thanks again! Take care! *_Hugs & Loves_* **x**

_**RememberedName -**_ Hey! Ohh, the whole anonymous username thing is AWESOME! Nearly fooled me too! Good one! **:D** I'm glad you remembered your name, lol. I can't wait to find out what your next one is going to be. I'm such a ditz for coming up with things like that. Mine would end up being something like; CrazyCatFromMars. Oh, I hope there isn't anyone on the site with that one already, teehee. You're more than welcome for the fast update on the last one, I'm sorry about the wait on this one. I should have written it as soon as possible, but I had another fic that needed updating and . . . *_Sigh_* There is just not enough time in the day anymore. But I really hope you like this chapter too. Thank you so incredibly hugely much for reviewing! And of course, for the smileys! **:D :D :D** You gets grins! Hehe, take care, hun! *_Loves & huggles_* **x**

_**Eponymous -**_ Hello!Gotta tell ya, your review completely knocked me on my ass. My eyes nearly popped out of my head and I was grinning like the crazy bitch I am when I read it. So before I get carried away with my reply . . . THANK YOU! And I mean THANK YOU! SO MUCH! I'm still kinda, POWed by it. **:D** *_Whistle_* After a review like that, I hope to Primus you like this one too! I'm laughing at the intro. What an entrance you made onto the scene! NICE! And I'm SO grinning right now. More smileys are needed. **:D** I don't know where to start. Thank you for the incredible compliment would be a good place. I wasn't expecting such . . . confident words to be given to me. So really, thank you. I_ LOVE_ this line! - _'And its not just the glorious non-smutty sexiness of the Latino and the non-Damsel I'm talking about_.' Do you know how much I bow to that line?! What a way to describe it! And even better you love the plot line. Guh, now I'm nervous about what you thought of this chapter. *_Bites Nails_* Is it just me, or is that loads of fun with the little star captions? Yeah, going off track. I knew it was getting a tad too long myself, unfortunately I couldn't cut it. But I totally appreciate your honesty. **:)** Lol, this must look like it was a really long chapter too. But there were a lot of fantastic anonymous reviews I have to write long rambling replies to! **:D** Damn your enthusiasm is infectious! And another thank you for saying they're in character to the book. *_Flings arms around you_* You are so awesome! I suppose I better upload the chapter now and stop putting it off. I really hope you like this one. Take care! *_Loves & Hugs_*** x**

One more time to everyone - _**THANK YOU**_ so much for all your continued support and love. Every single one of your reviews makes me smile. I love them all! I truly do. I can't express how much. You're all _***Stars***__ *Hugs you all tight*_


	17. Aftershocks

_**A/N:**_ Hey! Sorry for the wait on this one, time got away from me. **:)** This chapter was an imp to write because I'm trying not to leave any holes behind. But I'm happy enough with it. I thought about splitting it, but then that was too complicated because of what was coming next. So I'll stick with the original. Anyway, enough of my ramblings, other than can I just say a _**HUGE**_ thank you for the feedback on the previous chapter! You have no idea how proud and happy it made me! **:D **

I just want to say a special shout out to _**Satellite Falling**_ who was my _100th_ reviewer! *_Claps_* Thank you so much! Big hugs and love for you all! **:)**

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_**Aftershocks**_

I sat with my back pressed against the wall in the hallway leading out from the kitchen, with Susannah ensconced on my lap shaking. Much like she'd been doing since the moment Slater dropped to the floor in front of me and Susannah was left standing behind him holding the gun that killed him. The same gun I had forced her into taking. I was still trying to get my mind around that piece of information along with everything else. I just held her to me, keeping her away from looking down into the kitchen and the dead body lying in his blood.

It was a gruesome sight and not one I was planning on letting Susannah witness anytime soon.

My body protested to the added weight of Susannah, but I wasn't going to relinquish her anytime soon. My head throbbed with a headache making my vision swim, my muscles cramping and burning. The adrenaline had worn off slightly and the traumas and shock was setting in. But I've been through worse and wasn't willing to give into the pain or the waves of fatigue clawing at me where I rested with Susannah's warmth seeping into me. I needed her there to reassure me she really was fine.

At one point I had to get up from where I had originally collapsed with Susannah and gone past Slater's body. The gunshot to my arm needed wrapping, no matter how much I wished I could stay with Susannah and help comfort her. Logically I knew I wouldn't be a lot of good if I was passed out from blood loss, leaving her alone until help finally arrives. So I gently asked her to move and walked into the final scene of a battle that seemed too long. I didn't look at him. I didn't let my mind dwell on the possible different outcomes that could have come of that last act. What's done is done; I knew all I could do was pick up the pieces of the aftermath that could have been a lot worse.

It all could have been a lot worse in some twisted way than it already was.

I kept that mantra going through my mind as I roughly tried to tie the dishtowel I had blindly picked up and tried knotting around my arm to stop the bleeding. In the end it was Susannah's nimble fingers that moved mine aside and did the job herself. Her hands only shaking slightly as she concentrated on the task and not me. She knew I was watching her the entire time. It hurt. The whole of my body hurt. But not as much as I was suffering on the inside. Witnessing Susannah slowly try and creep back into that shell of denial and insecurity from what she had done was making it worse.

It was something I had never wished on her or anyone else under my protection.

"Why didn't you tell me you were hurt?" She had quietly asked me, keeping her eyes averted from mine while she tended to my arm. Always denying their rightful place with mine. "I would've got something to stop the bleeding sooner. I wouldn't have made you sit here and suffer."

And I knew what the tone was behind that broken statement: Guilt. For not realizing how wounded I was and as she put it; made me suffer. Guilt for creeping out of the security room the first time, all leading up to making her have to kill Slater in defence. That it _was_ in defence, I knew from experience wouldn't stop Susannah from over-analyzing what she had done.

When she finished she went to take a step away from me until I reached out and clutched at her hand, using two fingers to softly lift her chin up so she would finally look at me. "I didn't tell you because you've been through enough and it doesn't matter, Susannah. What's more important right now is you." And that was all she needed to hear to lessen the pressure as she closed her eyes and stepped up to me; wrapping her arms around my waist, burying her head in my neck.

We soon we found ourselves back on the floor, leaning against the wall. The silence of the house hanging around us was unnerving as we waited for the next part. The aftermath of Susannah's question from before sitting heavily on my chest as I fought to find a way to justify what she did, and that she would believe. Her tears had dried up quicker than I expected. And my heart turned cold at the thought of what that implied. There was so much I wanted to say to help ease her in some way.

But all I could hear past the quiet breathing of us was her broken question.

'_How will I ever live with myself again_?'

I hadn't answered because I wasn't sure I had one. Over my years in the Marines, Special Ops and with Reidman's agency, I've committed things that have left me feeling unworthy, tainted and evil in some way. It was a job, an order or just in defence. But none of those reasons every made the acidic burn go away when I lay awake at night, fighting the tiredness pulling me down to my nightmares I experience too often. You never find forgiveness with yourself. You try to make up for it in every-way possible. Fight the good fight and make up for your sins from the past.

But you never forgive yourself.

I've watched too many good people be tarnished by acts of fate no-one can predict or stop. I let myself push my own family away because there was that darkness I didn't want to taint their pure lives with my bad soul. In the beginning, the same could be said for Susannah. But whether she realized it or not, she wormed her way into my affections and I was lost before I begun. It enhances the fact I refuse to let what she did tarnish her in the same way it has with me. She's stronger than that. Even if she feels she never will be again.

I meant what I said. It's over for her. She no longer has to live in fear and stay in hiding. I know the operation Ballack was undertaking and that Carson was apprehended. Slater's dead and as far as we know; no-one else was hot on Susannah's tail. For Susannah the nightmare was over, it's the after-math she has to live through. What I have to work through to finish my part of the job. And the possible casualties that came with it. Like the matter of Marty and whether he was dead or alive.

With that thought my head fell back against the wall, my eyes falling closed to hold back the anger still simmering there, even with Slater no longer there to fan it.

I'd let my blind fury with his spiteful words and the thought of Marty being dead because of me, over-take me. I'd let the wild animal out of his cage with no idea how I was going to be getting it back in there. And I never once took that into account, I was just interested in wiping the smirk from his face and making him pay for the sick and twisted thoughts going through his mind. Never more so until he started taunting me about Susannah. And I wondered how much she had heard. What she had witnessed before she had come out of the shadows and saved my life.

I wasn't afraid of death. I didn't tremble or falter once while I stood on the other end of that gun Slater was more than willing to fire without hesitation. _And then what_? I asked myself. What good would I have been to Susannah then, all because I let my darkest side burn out of control? If I could have done things differently, not let my emotions and connection with both Marty and Susannah get in the way, then it might not have turned out the way it had. But I didn't. And I can't.

So all I was left with was what matters the most. Susannah's emotional state from everything that has happened. And how I was determined to play a role in helping her through that.

But before I could dwell on what Susannah has been through, I heard something coming from the front of the house. The very faint sounds of cars crunching across gravel and rocks. I snapped my eyes open and looked down towards the front of the house as though it would help my body and mind putting aside the sluggish tiredness and spurring my body into a buzz of action again. Not wishing to stick around, just in case it wasn't who I was hoping it was I nudged Susannah making her look to me as dazed as I expected her to be.

"It's time to move," I said, encouraging her to stand up, helping her as I started climbing to my feet once I was free of her comfortable weight.

She looked at me quizzically; awareness slamming into her quicker than it might have done a couple of weeks before. I took her hand and led her down towards the study beneath the stairs. "Come with me," I requested even as I pulled her along, her feet obeying me without a thought. She kept quiet and her head down as we walked up to the ebony door, strictly looking away from the evidence of the fire-fight less than an hour before.

"What's going on?" She asked as I slid the door closed partially, leaving it open a fraction enough for me to peer through the gap and see who the new intruders were.

I knew she wouldn't be able to hold off on her questioning no matter how scared and shocked she was. And I almost smiled at the mere slither of the feisty Susannah I was hoping would underlie the sickening disgust with herself. I turned my head slightly giving her a small smile of reassurance, holding a finger to my lips to indicate silence until I said so. She nodded and moved to stand behind me; her hands that were gripping my shirt were shaking slightly.

I narrowed my eyes taking in the bulk of someone I didn't recognize creep down the hall and past the door noiselessly, his gun poised and aimed with more profession than I was comfortable with. But before I could contemplate a plan, I straightened when I heard the familiar curse of someone I was more than relieved to hear as he walked past taking in the scene, shaking his shaggy head in shock. Even as I watched Lance go out of sight from my peripheral vision, I heard their mutterings as I kept Susannah and myself hidden away.

The words; _'Perimeter secure_,' spurred me into silently sliding the door open and stepping out, Susannah close on my heels.

Instantly I was met with a gun pointed and aimed at us as someone dressed in a creamy brown uniform, his badge telling me he was a deputy, stepped up and scowled at us. Susannah gasped and ducked down behind me, the deputy taking no notice of her as he continued to be oblivious to whom he was pointing a gun at. I snarled threateningly, indignant at getting my own operation run over by the local rookies who probably hadn't had anything as big as a killing happen in the history of their lives in their small home-town.

I resisted the urge to disarm him like I knew I could when I took a step forward seeing his eyes widen in surprise at my bold move.

I shook my head at him. "You can drop the gun; I'm not the bad guy. You're too late for that," I spoke through gritted teeth, pushing enough force into my voice to instantly make him comply if not a little reluctantly. He looked sceptical as he took me in with Susannah ducking behind me. But one glower from me was enough to clear his mind and expression when I took another step, himself taking one back.

"What took you all so long to get here?" I questioned, watching more officers from the local station fan out and look around the safe-house, taking it all in with too much eagerness for my liking. "Hey! If you can't tell this is a crime scene. Don't move or touch anything. The F.B.I will be here soon to take over; you're just the back-up until then, got it?" I growled, only calming slightly when Susannah stepped up to me, lightly holding onto my shirt at my back.

"And who are you to tell me how to do my job?" The greying man who had been holding a gun on me, looking to be in his late forties smartly asked; trying to stretch his own authority pathetically. I had jurisdiction over the case until Ballack came and took control. And I wasn't afraid of re-instating that fact to the man.

"He's the leader of this Op, so I would do as he says," Lance said allowing me to release a breath and stay calm with the familiar face as he came down the hall, shooting the man a look similar to the one I had sent the deputy before. "If you have a problem with that you can take it up with our superiors when they arrive," He turned away from him and stepped up to my side, looking me over with concern. "Christ, Jesse, you look like you've gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson! What the hell happened? Is Suze – Are you both okay?"

I snorted at his question, turning slightly to look at Susannah who gave us both a wavering smile. Her eyes red-rimmed and her cheeks flushed, evidence of tears streaked down them. But there was no moisture in her eyes. Just a steely cover that told nothing of what she was feeling. And I hoped that was more to do with the strangers waltzing around the house than her need to hide and protect herself. I gave her a small smile and turned back to Lance. Blatantly ignoring the deputy watching us both.

"Am I going to have any more trouble?" I questioned, nodding towards the men waiting orders.

"No you won't, lad," A friendly voice intoned coming down towards us from the front of the house. I took in the man who looked like he should have been retired long ago, seeing his badge flash telling me he was the Sheriff. I internally breathed a sigh of relief he wasn't going to impede on what was going on and shook his hand as he stretched it out to me. "The names Hank. Anything you need, Specialist De Silva, you just say and I'll see you get it."

I nodded. "Jesse's fine. And I appreciate that, thank you."

He took his hat off and tilted his head at Susannah. "Ma'am," She gave a small hand wave back and went back to trying to be inconspicuous behind me. Smiling sadly, he gestured off towards the kitchen and took his deputy with him, talking in hushed voices the whole way.

"Jesse, what's going on? Where's Marty?"

I waved him off and turned back around to Susannah, ignoring the voices and the sounds of people filling the house, devouring it of the unnerving silence we had been sitting in before. Lance fell into step beside me where I led Susannah with a hand to the small of her back, gently pushing her in the direction of the living room and over to a couch. I lightly pushed her down onto it where she collapsed with a tired sigh. Lance stayed by the door way, stopping anyone who tried to enter.

I perched on the coffee table in front of Susannah, concentrating on her only.

"Susannah?" I waited until she lifted her head and looked at me properly before I spoke again. "I need to step away for a while, okay? I'm not going to be leaving this house; if I do you'll be with me. If you need me just ask the person I'll be ordering to stay in here with you and they will come and get me straight away. There's going to be a lot of commotion for a while, so if you want you can go up and rest in your room. Otherwise, as soon as we're given the all clear we'll be moving out from here, okay?"

She nodded and reached out for my hand. "Thank you," She said her voice so low and quiet, for my ears only. Just hearing it, no matter how tired and withdrawn she sounded, made me smile and let that small inkling of hope grow. I didn't want to leave her, but I still had a job to do and I knew Susannah understood that. I stood and pressed a kiss to her head, my hand cupping her cheek before I pulled away. Giving her hand I still held one last squeeze before I let it go and walked out into the hall where Lance was waiting for me.

I heaved a sigh for the first time in too long, unafraid of Susannah seeing or hearing it once I was a safe distance from her.

"Jesse, what happened?" Lance asked his voice low and urgent as I led him down the hall towards the crime scene. I shook my head, indicating I would tell him soon, other things needed to be taken care of first. He didn't look happy about it, but he knew there wasn't anything he could say that would make me change my mind. "Okay listen, we need to get your head and arm looked at. Maybe I should call an ambulance and have them come and check you out – "

"No," I interrupted him. "No, I'll be fine. No emergency services. It was just a glancing blow to my arm and I've stopped the bleeding. The head is nothing a couple of Tylenol won't solve, don't worry about it."

But it only made Lance look at me more concerned than he was before. Not that I could blame him, it had been a long time since I had given even inkling into showing I was worn from the constant battles, emotionally and physically. I was always a closed book to the point of being cold. But this time I found it difficult to hide just how _tired_ I was from it all. And I knew it wasn't just from the exhaustion I was battling against.

"Don't worry about me, Lance. I'll stop when all of this is officially over."

We continued our way down to the kitchen, but I stopped and addressed a young officer dressed in the same uniform as his buddies on the way. "I want you to go and wait in the living room with the witness. She's still under security protection; don't leave her alone any longer than necessary." He nodded, straightening his shoulders and holding his head high. Obviously proud to be given some kind of duty. "I'll send someone down with a glass of water for her. If there are any problems, come and get me." I watched him walk off to do as I said before turning back around.

"How much back-up did you bring with you?" I asked Lance, my eyes carefully not looking at the evidence of Slater's trigger-happy game.

"I brought McCowley and Henry with me. As soon as we realized something was going on I called through to the agency after I got off the phone to Boss. He and Ballack were on route already. It was them that alerted us that something was up. We swung past the station on the way here, getting more help just in-case. Jesse," Lance paused, pulling me over to the side just as we were going to enter the kitchen. "You should know that I brought someone else along. You know the agent Ballack had on the inside getting the information about Carson and Slater? Briggs?" I nodded, trying to work out where he was taking it. "He's here too. When he told Ballack Carson's plan he was ordered to come and see it through, to add as back-up to us."

"Before you ask, I've already called through and asked if it's true and Ballack confirmed it himself."

Lance fell silent after that and I was left to mull over the new information for a few seconds. It was typical of Special Agent Ballack to miss out vital information like that. It could have save a lot of trouble and heartache. But there wasn't anything I could do and there was no denying the extra man-power would be very useful until the feds arrived with the proper teams. When I could take Susannah and leave the safe-house behind. And it helped with giving me better options to what actions to take next with the situation.

In the end I nodded and patted Lance on the shoulder in a show of reassurance that he had done a good job.

Together we walked into the kitchen, studiously ignoring the body. I stepped up to the kitchen island so the corpse was out of my sight. Bracing myself as I tried to fight off the effects on my battered body. Most of the Sheriff's men were milling around, waiting for some action. I let my eyes skim over McCowley and Henry, giving them a nod of recognition. Before I looked over to where Briggs, the under-cover agent on Carson's case was standing at the other end of the kitchen, waiting to be put to work. Not that his calm and stoic demeanour told of this.

I cleared my throat which got everyone's attention diverted to me.

"Okay everyone," I started, slipping into commander mode as my mind mulled over the possibilities with the man power I did have. Already knowing what the first priority was to be. "My superior and the leader to this case are on their way down here now; they should be here by night-fall. Until then, I want nothing touched or moved until Forensics arrive and issue their orders. This is the F.B.I.'s jurisdiction first and foremost, abhor to it," they all nodded and I carried on. "McCowley, I want you to take two of the sheriff's men and go up to the shed housing the emergency provisions. I have reason to believe that there was an explosion and a man down. I lost radio contact with Marty seconds before the alarm stopped sounding. That's your first priority; find him."

Whether he is alive or dead went unspoken. They know the rule; '_Never leave a man behind_.'

I felt Lance tense next to me at the implications. An instant wave of guilt settling on my shoulders from having him find out about Marty the way he had. And as I watched Hank order two of his finest men with field and medical experience team up with McCowley and head out, I crossed my fingers they would find him alive. Even if he had of survived the explosion, the wait for help could have cost him dearly.

I steeled my arms where they kept me steady on the counter. Relishing in the sting and burn of my muscle wound from the pressure bearing down on it.

"Henry, I want you and Briggs doing a parameter check inside and out. Look out for any nasty surprises Slater might have left behind, you'll know what to look for," They both nodded and gathered their weapons, exiting through the same screen door McCowley and his team had just gone through. "Next, we need to get the power up and running again," I turned to Lance with a raised eyebrow, seeing his head lowered and his stiff shoulders.

"Lance?" His head shot up and he blinked in surprise when I addressed him. "Power? Is it possible to get it up and running again? We're going to need it before long." I repeated, getting silence while he thought it over. I didn't pester him, I just observed him as he scrubbed at his hair. Eventually I got a mumbled answer about the generator out in the shed and getting it up and started.

I turned to Hank with the new information. "Have you got anyone with the technical know-how – "

"Jesse, I can do it!" Lance cut in, knowing where I was taking the question.

"No."

He narrowed his eyes and went to protest before I laid a hand on his shoulder and stopped him with an understanding look. He knew as well as I did we needed to talk and he was in no fit state to try and work on the generator. Not with the shock of Marty. I knew how much it would hit him about our old friend and I kicked myself internally for not preparing him of the possibility sooner. If there was someone else who could go and get the power-up, I was going to take it.

"Yeah, okay." He finally relented.

I turned back to Hank, waiting for an answer. "Yeah, I have someone who can try and do it. I'll get him right on it," He stated, pulling out his radio to go and call in his officer. When he came back into the room he gave me a nod of confirmation. "He'll be here as soon as possible. I'll go and wait for him on the porch." He indicated for his deputy who had been sour about me taking the lead and led him out; leaving Lance and I alone. Obviously picking up on the tension and official business we needed to take care of.

Once the Sheriff was out of ear-shot, Lance sagged onto a stool and sighed.

I sat down beside him and took a deep breath. "Tell me what happened when you left the house," I ordered gently, preparing to listen to his verbal report. Wanting to get our discussion out of the way as soon as possible. So I could start to forget about it and get back to Susannah who I felt needed me a lot more now. No matter where my duty still laid.

Lance looked at me slightly irritated, but I knew it wasn't aimed at me. It was aimed at the protocol I had to follow and the pieces of a puzzle I was trying to fit together. It always is hard to follow regime when you are faced with the possibility of losing a good friend. I hoped for everyone's sake it was good news McCowley and his team were going to find and report back with. Not just for Lance and myself, but for Susannah too.

"Everything seemed to be going fine on the way into town, until I suddenly blew a tire," He started, rubbing his head irritably. "I thought it was strange because they were brand new. The car had been serviced before we came up here. Anyway, I managed to change it, even though it took me longer than I liked. And then I met up with the lad's at their motel room, Briggs was already there. I was there for ten minutes maybe, when I got the call through from Boss telling me they got Carson. But when he said he couldn't get through to you on any of the usual channels, we all jumped back into the car and started for here."

He sighed again, thumping his fist down on the counter.

"I should have known something would happen! I could feel it. I should have known when the tire went. I should have come straight back here." I rested a hand on his shoulder to calm him and gently moved him back onto topic. "So anyway, I got the lad's to keep trying to get through to you and like I said, stopped for help before we came up here. When we pulled up and scouted the area, I thought the worst when it was too quiet. And then when I found – " He waved at Slater out of our sight, growling an explanative under his breath. Then he looked up at me and I knew what he was going to ask.

"Jesse, what the hell happened here?!"

And so I told him.

Finally giving into the urge to pace as I reencountered the tale of debating with Marty on who should go look at the alarm. The broken radio chatter followed by the suddenly silence at the provisions shed and EMP. How I made Susannah stay behind while I went and checked the house out only to come face to face with Slater. I didn't hold back the fist I sent plummeting into an innocent cupboard door when I remembered that. Feeling my already split knuckles rip open more from the hard blow to the solid wood, breathing in through my nose to calm my anger before it raged out of control again.

Adding another injury to the mass collective I already had to relieve the stress and frustration I was feeling.

Once I had calmed enough to continue, I told him of rushing Susannah back to the room and forcing a gun into her hand. I knew I hadn't managed to keep the disgust with myself out of my voice as I told that part. But as Lance pointed out, if I hadn't of, neither of us would be alive now. Right then that wasn't reason enough for me. Over time, I knew it would. But not when my anger with myself was still so raw. And I went on to tell of going back out to face him and Slater's subsequent games he played.

I skipped over the taunts he threw me about Marty and Susannah. There was no reason for him to know about them.

I kept my head down when I spoke of the brutal fight I underwent with Slater. The wrestle and dive for my gun into the kitchen, finding myself weapon less and so angered, I was blind to pain, thought and logic. He listened with rapt attention when I told him of standing at the end of his gun, expecting the bullet to rip through me. And then I got to the part I was still couldn't fathom and believe had happened.

How the gun had fired but the blood was coming from Slater. Watching him fall to a lifeless heap on the floor with Susannah standing behind him with a smoking gun still raised and a horrified expression on her beautiful face. The after-math and hysterics straight after that moment would be something I would always keep between Susannah and me. Another secret never to be told.

Lance stayed speechless watching me with wide-eyed horror when I finally turned my eyes back up to him, scrubbing a bloody knuckled hand over my jaw.

"Suze killed Slater?" He murmured his brows furrowed and contemplative. "Just like that? Jesse, I can't believe it. I mean, I didn't have any idea it was – I just presumed it was _you_ that killed him! Especially when I saw how beat up you are. _Shit_! No wonder Suze is so . . . not Suze," He flapped, irritated at himself with his lack of articulation. I picked up a clean dishtowel and got to work scrubbing the blood off my face and neck, making myself look a little more presentable as I used the kitchen window for a mirror.

"Jesse, man I'm sorry it took us so long to get up here. If I'd have known – "

"But you didn't, so don't beat yourself up over it, Lance," I finished, tossing the bloody dish rag into the sink. Not willing to let him go down the same path and verbalize everything I had thought before.

"Susannah is still alive and that's the main thing that matters. We kept her safe from the bad guys; anything else just comes with the territory." He nodded, looking despondent again. I turned my back on him and walked over to get the glass of water I'd said I would take to Susannah. But I didn't stop myself from saying one thing to him before I walked away going to join the woman I was rapidly falling for. "Thanks for the back-up, Lance." He looked up at me surprised and I smiled. "You did a good job out there."

He blinked before he broke out into a wide proud grin. Nodding his head in acknowledgement to my words.

Too tired to say more I left the heavy atmosphere of the kitchen and walked down to the living room, coming across the Sheriff on my way. "My boy's here to try and get the power back up for you," He said, glancing into the living room at Susannah with compassion and sympathy before turning back. "I'll take him down to Lance and let them do their job. Anything you need while I'm here?"

"No, everything's sorted, Sheriff. It's just a case of waiting for Forensics and my boss now. CSI will be here before they are, we shouldn't have too long to wait. Thanks for all the help so far." He smiled and patted me on the back oblivious to my wince from the pain and walked off. A younger man came through the open front door with tools in his hand and followed after Hank with an acknowledgement to me.

I turned to walk into the living room, seeing Susannah's hopeful expression before I flicked my gaze back to the officer.

"Why don't you go and get some fresh air?" I suggested, raising my eyebrows meaningfully. He instantly jumped to his feet and took off out of the room. Susannah sighed with relief when I sat back down on the coffee table like before, handing the glass of water to her. "How are you feeling?" I asked, needing to know the answer. I'd been desperate to see her the whole time I was ordering the men around, getting the situation into order and re-telling the tale to Lance.

Susannah lowered the glass after taking a couple of small sips, looking up at me. "I've been better. But I've been worse too," She started, passing the glass back to me where I placed it beside me before re-taking her hands in mine. "I've been going out of my mind sitting here, re-playing it over and over while I listened to that guy try and make small-talk. It seems so pointless considering what's happened in the last few weeks and today. I can't get my mind around any of it." She placed her hand over her eyes, shaking her head.

"Hey, _querida_, look at me," I gently requested.

She gingerly lowered her hand, but she wasn't crying. She just looked lost and bewildered.

"It will get easier, I promise you. You're not going to be able to process everything right now. But you will eventually. You've been through a lot of trauma in a short space of time; you're bound to feel off-balance. But that doesn't make you weak, do you hear me? What you did today; it may have been frightening and I know you're terrified of what that makes you; but it took a lot of courage and strength to over-come your fear like you did. To face danger the way you had. Remember that."

She listened to my words silently, not making a move. Until eventually she closed her eyes and nodded minutely. Taking the initiative, uncaring of what others would think when they saw us; I got up from the table and sat down beside Susannah. Pulling her into a hug, leaning back with her head resting on my chest. Her arms clinging to me for comfort, safety and security. I kissed her on the head and murmured soothing words in my native tongue, feeling her relax just hearing them.

It was where I had wanted to be for a while. And it was also a bold reason why I should have walked away from the case and handed it over to someone else a while ago. Getting romantically involved with my charge was the most idiotic foolish thing I had ever done. And it could have gotten us both killed and possible Marty. And that was why I needed to feel her close to me so much. To keep reminding myself I hadn't failed. That I wasn't going to lose her physically or emotionally.

But I was too damn close. And I couldn't have thanked enough deities that it was finished. Other than the de-briefings I was going to have to go through, the real danger was over. And somehow I felt deeper in that abyss than I had been before. But in a completely different way.

We stayed wrapped together on the couch until we were interrupted by a surprised but elated Lance. His one phrase enough to make Susannah and myself breathe a huge sigh of relief and release the dark cloud of grief we had all been succumbing too. "They've found Marty! He's alive!" And he ran back out of the room. Leaving me with no time to assimilate what he said when Susannah, who after countless seconds of silence suddenly started crying again. Giant wracking sobs that shook her slim frame with so much power I could only hold her against me. It wasn't until she said what she did that I understood the tears.

"You're right, Jesse. We didn't let them win."

Yes, Susannah had won against them. But with the cost of scars she had never been branded with before. Scars I hoped would fade unlike my own.

xXx

I stood by the window of the hotel room over-looking the front car park and the light of the bright motel sign. My eyes felt gritty and itchy and my muscles felt like they were made of lead or something, weighing me down even more. It was like one huge burden and terror had been lifted just replaced with something else. Everything was happening in such a rush, my head was spinning making my eyes cross with the conflicting emotions head-longing into me again and again. I was relieved beyond belief that Carson had been found and was somewhere he couldn't get me. And the threat of Slater I'd heard Jesse and Lance were talking about was gone. By my own hand no less. And for a while, I'd thought we'd lost Marty too.

I'd blocked out the sounds of the disturbance reverberating around the house since the power had gotten turned back on and the Forensics had come and done their thing. I'd disappeared upstairs when they arrived. I didn't want to watch them wheeling the – body through the house. It was bad enough I couldn't stop replaying the moment through my own head; I didn't want to add to it. I was on tender-hooks for hours, my emotions erratic and out of character. I was clingy to Jesse, which I've never been to anyone before. I felt like I was going to cry at the drop of a hat and that scared the hell out of me. It was all completely understandable, I knew that. I . . . I killed someone.

So it wasn't in cold blood, but it was still a murder.

And that was the thing that kept making me want to cry until I had no more tears left inside me. I wanted to cling to the comfort and safety of Jesse, just because he was there. He understood better than anyone. And it wasn't just because he witnessed for himself what happened. But it was something that's always been there. His own past giving him an understanding I could never meet in another average human being. And I recognized that may have been why I sought him out.

Because even before all this mess, no man had ever made me feel so treasured and safe before.

He let me sob my heart out all over him for the third time since I'd met him. He wasn't cold or detached on any of the occasions. He was all encompassing, swallowing me up in his broad, masculine nature that screamed of refuge. I melted into it without a conscious thought knowing he was riding the emotions out with me. He didn't just hold me and tell me it was all alright. He made me _feel_ it. And that was why I couldn't cry anymore. I hate crying. I've never liked it. But the past month has just been full of tears all making up for the lack of them in the past.

And I sobbed onto him from the pure relief that comes with having so much death and danger hanging over my head.

Marty being found alive was just the breaking point. I thought he was dead. I heard the man taunt Jesse about him dying. I grieved for him and let it mingle with my infinite fear when I trembled and battled through my insecurities to get to Jesse. I thought the kind old man I'd become fond of, was gone because he was trying to protect _me_. And that added to the guilt I won't shirk carrying. Just like I felt it when I found out just how injured Jesse really was with his gun-shot wound. It wasn't fatal but it had to have been so painful. Only he put it aside to put _me_ first. Even in my desperate state I knew it wasn't just because it was his job. The battle against the man I – that it was more than just a fight.

I let Jesse go for a second time when I finally pulled myself together after Lance ran in and told us about Marty. I sat on the couch ignoring the officer assigned to baby-sitting me from Jesse when he came back in. I watched him go off again and do his job. Part of me glad for the distance so I could start building my self-worth and patch up my pride at being so vulnerable. Although at this point, Jesse had seen enough for me to barely care. But it was what I needed to stop me sinking into the hysterics I'd fallen into before. I was grieving. But I needed to do it in my own way, in my own time. And the first step towards that was asserting my own bit of independence.

But not enough so that I would push him away; I know I still need Jesse.

I'd let the time pass through mugs of coffee on tap, letting Lance or Jesse come and update me every now and again on what was going on. It turned out Marty had been caught in the explosion. He was leaving the shed before Jesse had even told him too. But the shockwave of the explosion had sent him flying and showered by the debris all around him. The worst injury he got was shrapnel to his leg, a piece of metal so deep he couldn't move for fear of making it worse. He was helplessly stuck among the trees not knowing what was going on and with no way to get help. He was as bad as Jesse and I were.

But he survived it. He was close to passing out when they got to him, but he was going to be okay. If not using a walking stick for the rest of his life.

They'd called help in and got him barrelled off to the nearest hospital, much to his disgust so I heard. Lance went out there to see him as soon as Jesse gave him the go-ahead. Helping the emergency services get an ornery Martyn onto a stretcher. I could see the relief in Lance that Martyn was okay, not to mention Jesse and me in the smile he kept giving us. I knew he wanted to say something to me, probably something to try and help me cope with what I did. But I just shook my head and avoided his eyes. Only giving into the hug he reached out and gave me.

I didn't want to hear the compassion and sympathy in Special Agent Thompson's voice either. Or see it in the eyes of Jesse's boss as he came to formerly meet me for the first time; finally putting a face to the name. I just answered their quick and short questions as amicably as possible trying not to let any of it bother me as much as it did. I was ready to leave the safe-house behind and get back to civilisation again; now even more so then ever. When I told them that, Ballack the pompous Agent in charge of my case tried protesting. But it was shot down in flames when Jesse suggested moving me to the motel in town for the night, where he and the other guys he works with could protect me just as well.

It was only for one night. We would be travelling back in the morning.

By that point, Ballack was lost. I still needed protection he argued and I would still receive it Jesse countered dangerously. I didn't look back to the house as I all but ran for the vehicle letting Jesse bundle me into the car. Shutting my door after I climbed into the back with Lance beside me and Jesse and someone called Briggs in the front. I didn't turn to look at the house filled with an array of memories. It seemed more like a haunting home now. And I didn't want to look. I just wanted to get some kind of normalcy back and leave the drama behind me at last.

I decided to deal with whatever came from that when it comes. I kept my eyes shut the whole way into town, otherwise ignoring I had just narrowly escaped death hours before.

They put me in a room with theirs adjoined next to it through a door. I wasn't bothered. By that point they could have been bunking with me and I wouldn't have cared. I was one step closer to freedom and it was overwhelming with how good it felt to my raw nerves and emotions. I didn't question the unspoken fact that Jesse was staying in my room with me for the night. Just like it went unsaid between us that nothing was going to happen between us yet. We were both exhausted and wrought from so much. I just walked into the bathroom, stepping under the shower spray and scrubbing myself until I was red and tingling all over.

I was trying to clean off the dirty feeling I'd been experiencing since I fired the gun.

I skipped dinner and went straight to bed. Looking up at the ceiling where I stared while Jesse came out from his own shower, dressed in just his shorts waiting for him to climb into the bed next to me. As soon as he stilled I turned over and curled into his side, squeezing my eyes shut willing the nightmares not to come to me. Jesse smoothed his hand down my wet hair and murmured soft words of comfort to me. When I looked up at him, he kissed me in a way that was gentle with a barely held back hint of lust to it. Neither of us was in that mind-set, we just needed the assurance for each other. And I more than willingly let him kiss away the regret. Letting him hold me until my dreams pushed me out of the warm bed and left me standing at the window watching the night stretch by for a while.

Going over everything that had happened in a blur and wondering what was yet to come. Who cares, I eventually decided. I was away from there and those conflicting memories. And the smallest smile graced my face at the thought. Soon falling away to be covered by a yawn that stretched on, my gritty eyes growing heavy.

When I heard Jesse restlessly moving about, I went to him. Snuggling back up to his side where he instantly relaxed and buried his nose in my hair pulling me close. Sleep came easier to me the second time with no dreams or nightmares to disturb me again. My mind and body was far too tired to do anything but sleep off everything it had been through. But I knew it was going to take more than one night. Far much more.

I let Jesse keep me safe in the weeks leading up to the conclusion and I was more than happy to let him for one night. And more.

After-all, what more did I have to lose anymore? "_Nothing_," I whispered to the dwelling nightmares.

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_**Anonymous Reviews:**_

_**Jess - **_Hey, hey! How are you?** :)** Thank you so much for being a continued supporter of this story, hun! Your reviews really do make me bubbly. I love to hear from my regular readers, I can always guarantee I'm grinning when I receive them. Hehe. Wow, thank you so much for saying the previous one was amazing! It was exhausting to write, but so worthwhile. **:D** *_Squee_* I'm glad I had you on edge; I was trying to add in that level of suspense. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. So yeah, you more than made me burst with happiness! *_Giggle_* I can't quite believe she killed him too! I didn't think twice about it. This is probably why I don't write Paul in my stories. I'd probably hurt him more, lol. Ohh! I just couldn't kill off Marty! I'm sure it would have been a good twist or whatever if I did, but when it came down to it, I just couldn't. I figured Jesse and Suze are beating themselves up enough as it is; I gotta give 'em some hope. **:)** Guh, I can't believe it will be coming to a close soon. *_Pouts_* I'm actually going to miss this story. It was a challenge I'm so glad I set myself! I'm sorry for the wait! But I hope you enjoy the rest of the story and your weekend. **:)** *_Lots of love & huggles_* **x **

_**Amber -**_ Hi! Thanks for taking the time to read and review my story! I really appreciate it, it means a lot to me when it comes to _'Conflicting Danger'. _I'm psyched that you like this. **:D** I'm sorry for the wait. I suddenly came down quite ill and didn't have the strength and energy to write it. And then another idea just had to be written and . . . I'm sorry for the wait, lol. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story! Take care. *_Hugs & love_* **x**

_**Nameless - **_Hello! Wow, you went to Florida?! Nope, I'm not jealous at all . . . *_Sulks_* Hehe. I hope you had a good time though! What perfect timing that I updated wasn't it? **:D** I'm buzzed that you liked the last one! It was crazy to write, but almost like a relief when it was done. This one was a little trickier; because of needing to add in the details so I didn't leave any holes. But I'm really happy with the way it turned out. *_Pats self on head_* _**Lmao**_. No, it's not just you; the winking face is kinda weird. **;-) **I don't think that makes it look any better either, lol. Smileys are good! Keep 'em coming. **:D** Thank you so much for not only your first review, but the second too! I definitely haven't lost momentum for this story, don't worry. The next chapter is _**HOT**_, so grab a fan and prepare yourself; the update will be a lot faster than this one. **:) ***_Big love & hugs_* Keep smiling! **x**


	18. Give Into Me

_**A/N:**_ Well, it's five o'clock in the morning and I had the sudden urge to finish this chapter. **:)** I had this perfect (to me anyway, lol) but I lost it. It was only tiny parts like itallicing (is that a word?) words so I'm not too bothered. I'll just go back over it tomorrow if there are any mistakes.

I can express how much I've enjoyed reading each and every one of your reviews! When I get a fave or story alert I all but jump through the ceiling in excitement, hehe. Unfortunately, there's only like two chapters left to go. *_Sob_* But this one was, *_Smirk_* hot and fun! It's the reason for the **M** rating, so look away when you get to Suze's part if you're not interested. **:) **I hope you enjoy!

Lots of anonymous replies at the end!

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_Love is a feeling, give it when I want it, 'cause I'm on fire, quench my desire, give it when I want it, talk to me woman, give in to me, give in to me..._

* * *

_**Give Into Me**_

I tuned myself back in to what the men were talking about around the conference table, resisting the urge to shift in my leather chair, the suit I'd been in for too long becoming uncomfortable. I was looking forward to slipping back into jeans and a shirt when all the official protocol was over. The passing bullet wound on my arm itching where it was healing. I watched the too formal progress with an air of disinterest. We'd been de-briefing ever since we got back to our HQ just over a week ago and I wondered how long it was going to be before we could get back to normal for real.

After the disaster at the safe-house, I'd put my foot down and backed Susannah up on getting her away from the house she was evidently uncomfortable in. There was no immediate threat to her life by that point and I saw no reason to prolong her inner torture by making her stay any longer than necessary. We'd moved her into a motel in the town where the safe-house was sitting on the outskirts of, allowing her one night of freedom before we went back to business. We left that small picturesque town early the next morning, leaving all the bad circumstances behind us.

Susannah didn't look back once.

She'd been restless that night and understandable so. I'd stayed with her that night for Susannah's and my peace of mind. Nothing happened, whether I felt the stirrings of the want to or not. And I made no attempt to do anything but hold her and hope she didn't try and push me away like I had an inclining she would try to do. So far I have been marginally lucky. Susannah didn't question my presence with her and not the other security detail on the other side of the door, and I didn't offer any kind of explanation. We just slipped into the position as though we had done so many times together before.

But that was the only night I was permitted to stay with Susannah. None of my men said anything to our boss, Ed Reidman or the leader of Susannah's case, Special Agent Ballack. They kept quiet without my having to ask them. We all just piled into the ready and waiting SUV early the next morning and set off for reality once again. The drive was long and tiring. It was late into the afternoon when we finally arrived at the hotel situated close to our main head-quarters. Susannah was still under our protection, whether the threat of Carson and Slater had been eliminated or not. It was too premature to back away now.

After walking Susannah to her room I wouldn't be sharing with her and left her to get settled in, I was summoned back to work. Or rather the part of work that involved mass amounts of paper-work and talking. Neither of which I was particularly looking forward too. I stationed a guard on Susannah's door and one in the lobby, knowing there was more security keeping an eye on Susannah out of sight to her. I asked her to keep as low a profile as possible and that if she needed anything, to just ask her doorman. I gave her a brief explanation of where and why I was going, seeing the reluctance in her eyes whether she meant to hide it or not.

With the door closed to the world, I risked giving Susannah a kiss I shouldn't have, but did anyway. She didn't try to push me away, didn't respond coldly or as though she wasn't feeling the intensifying feelings that always seemed to coincide with our encounters. She just wrapped her arms around me and kissed me back in a way that told me that even with our new location and new circumstances, she was just as trapped and encircled in the weaved web of mystery of us as I was. I pulled away reluctantly and gave her one last glance, knowing I wouldn't be seeing her again that day.

And all throughout the week we had been away from the safe-house and among society again, those feelings of lust, passion and something else never dwindled like I half expected them too. The frustration and need I usually felt around Susannah was just as potent as before. And she knew it.

We barely got to see each other except for snatched moments here and there, rarely more than twenty minutes at a time. More than once we plundered into the hazy mist of desire always running as an undercurrent. But it wasn't always about locking Susannah up to me and kissing her like I would be desperate to do a large portion of the time I was away from her. We did talk. Or rather, I talked and Susannah listened. When she would be having a hard time a particular day, I would step in and bring her out of the fog. She resisted a lot of the time. But I wasn't giving in like she expected me to. I pushed and pushed at her. Waiting for her to accept she couldn't shove me away.

I could still see the haunting vision of what she did to Slater, lingering in her eyes. Like the sounds of the gun cracking around the hall and kitchen was still resounding in her ears. What she did had frightened her. And I would have been worried if it hadn't have done. She killed a person, albeit in self-defence. And I knew from my own experiences that it wasn't a thing you live with. It may get easier and seep deeper into your mind over time. But the guilt and disgust with you never completely goes away. You can only hope to repent your sins through other ways.

And I was determined to make Susannah see that.

She didn't need to tell me what she was thinking and how she was feeling. I already knew. I just tried to call her out of it. To bring her around to the fact that she is not the bad person here. I knew if I said it enough times that it would eventually sink in. But I also knew it had only been a week, and that I could only heal part of her. The rest was something else I had no business in.

I frustratingly sat through meeting after meeting, debriefing, paperwork, official documents needing to be filed away. But I did put my foot down on the amount they wanted to throw onto Susannah. I wasn't prepared to let her re-play it anymore than was necessary. Agent Ballack got his pants in a knot because I put my foot down. But I soon informed him she was still under my protection and that even meant protecting her from something she had no place discussing until she was emotionally stable. They had their first detail statements; anything else was just going back over it making sure there were no holes or missing pieces. Susannah didn't need a part in that, I did it for her.

She had a liaison that tried to help Susannah through her 'difficult time'. I tried not to shake my head and tell them it wasn't necessary. But I didn't because I knew it was protocol. They were doing it as a fail-safe for Susannah's mental health. Something that didn't need to be in question. I had been around her long enough to know she would deal with it when and how she chooses. No-one could talk her into coming forth any sooner. She no doubt only took my advice because of everything we had been through. I didn't mind or question that. I was just grateful I could try and help Susannah to the best I could.

I was wrenched from my lapse into my thoughts again by the kick to my leg beneath the table. I didn't turn to see who it was; I saw the small lip tilt of the lips from Lance from the corner of my eye. Holding back my sigh, I looked around the table at the rest of the tired and frustrated men. Ballack could be irresponsible for taking proper due care of his charges, but he was a damn stickler for paper-work. Which was what we had been doing for too long and it was starting to get tiring going back over the same events again and again. My arm was healing fine and my bruises to my face where all but healed. The head wounds wouldn't even scar. But I didn't care to go back over those circumstances so much so that I was dreaming about them.

I'd managed to corner Susannah at one point during the day, promising I would be by to see her tonight. And my body instantly reacted to the thought of finally being given the chance of more than half an hour with her at last. The curling need and desire I had been suffering through too long was becoming hot and sadistic. Susannah's patience was waning just as much as mine. At the thought of that, I did shift in my chair, trying to relieve the ache I had yet to sate.

"Something the problem, De Silva?" Ballack asked from the head of the table, eyeing me suspiciously. He wanted me gone from the case; I knew that without sensing his tension. But he and I both knew I don't leave a mission until ordered. And Ed had yet to issue such one. I felt rather than saw Ed's growing annoyance at Ballack's constant digging at me. He shot me a glance before turning back to glower at the man at the head on the table in his crisp and pressed suit. "If you don't mind I'd like to get back to wrapping this meeting up, minus the interruptions. If you have something to say, it'll have to wait."

"Actually," I spoke up, ignoring his narrowed stare and slight coughing laugh from Lance beside me. "I do have a question. When are you going to release Miss Simon from protective custody? As this point it seems you're holding her unnecessarily. If you're concerned that she'll skip on testifying against Carson, you have nothing to worry about. But she's been through enough; I don't see the need for you to keep her locked away until the hearing arrives."

It looked as though his eye was twitching, but I didn't comment on it.

Ballack slowly sat forward and rested his locked hands on top of the table and over his open file before him. "This seems to be a point of conjunction with you, doesn't it, De Silva? Are you that eager to get back to your sabbatical you had been pulled out of? If that's that the case you're more than welcome to leave now, I can handle the rest." I sat back in my chair and levelled him with an emotionless expression, my casual stance telling him I was quite happy where I was. And his eyes only narrowed even more.

"Jesse's right," Ed spoke up just as Ballack looked ready to ream me out again. "It's not fair to keep Susannah any longer. She's done all the necessary statements and gone through the de-briefing. I think it would be prudent to at least allow her some time away from everything that has happened before the trail is given a date and she has to go through it all again. The counsellor said herself she's in sound mind considering," And Ed shot me a look at that part, knowing just who had been helping her there. I knew he wasn't angry though. Grateful would be the right word. "And just for security and safety measures, I've already discussed having a couple of agents stationed with her, but hidden. She has her freedom and protection then."

"Sounds as though you've already spoken to Miss Simon about this," Ballack bit out bitterly.

"No I haven't," Ed shrugged nonplussed by the glower currently being directed to him. "I just try to take into account every possible situation and scenario. You know that. We already know she won't go back to her apartment so my strong recommendation would be to offer her the choice of returning to her family for a short time. She's safe and around people who can watch out for her then. We all know she is getting impatient being stuck in custody still. You would be helping her and yourself more by not delaying that for her."

Ballack breathed out a sigh of disgust and tapped his fingers on the table. Agent Thompson sitting at his side gave him an imperceptible nod of agreement. That seemed to be the small tip of balance in or favor and Ballack sighed again.

"Doesn't look like I have much choice does it?" He rhetorically asked. No-one said anything. "Fine. Susannah can go. But it's going to take a day or two to push the official paper-work through so she'll just have to sit tight a little while longer," He picked up his folder and slapped it closed on the solid table and stood up. "We'll wrap up the briefing tomorrow at fourteen-hundred. That should be it then gentleman, until Susannah is relieved of our protection. Dismissed." And he turned to walk out of the room without so much of a backwards glance or parting gesture to us. Thompson followed after him, except giving us a nod of acknowledgment before he left.

As soon as the door closed of all the F.B.I agents that had been in the room with us, I breathed out a sigh and sat back in my seat.

"That was pleasant." Lance spoke up for the first time since we'd sat down. "Can't say I want to go through it again though. Could the stick up his ass get any bigger?! Don't answer that I already know," He shook his head, standing up to stretch. "So, who's going to give the happy news to Suze?" Although his quick look to me already told me I was it.

Ed stood up from his seat, gathering all his notes and paper-work together. "I think that would be the best idea, don't you son?" He asked, quirking a grey eyebrow at me in a way that told me I would be made to do it even if Susannah and I hadn't gotten as close as we had. Lance I was already aware knew there is something between Susannah and me. But Ed I wasn't too sure. Judging from his prompt instead of his reprimand though, I didn't push the matter with him. "I'm sure she would appreciate hearing it from you, Jesse. You've got the rest of the night off, spend it relaxing."

Lance snorted and quickly turned it into a cough. But I'd already caught it. I reached out and thumped him on the back for good measure.

"Ow! Easy!" He protested, wincing under my heavy hit.

"Sorry, I thought you were choking there," He scowled good naturedly and shook off the lingering effects. I turned my attention back to Ed. "I'll go see Susannah now and pass on the news. I'll make the recommendation that she go to her family, but don't be surprised if she suggests somewhere else," Ed nodded, expecting as much. I'd only given him the bare details of her family's relationship; everything else was between Susannah and I. "Is there anything else you need of me before I go?" I double-checked; wanting to make sure I really would have the evening clear with Susannah. It was getting late as it was. Ballack's meetings always did run straight past normal office hours.

"No everything's fine. You hear Ballack, I don't want to see either of you until twenty hundred hours tomorrow," We both gave him a firm nod and he smile in kind. "Enjoy your evening's lad. And try not to get up to too much trouble, Lance." He grunted the affirmative, ducking his head before he followed me out of the conference room of the hotel.

We walked out onto the lobby in silence, the quiet bustle of the reception almost unnerving. "You hear boss, don't get up to trouble," I told Lance, slapping him on the shoulder.

"Yeah, sure, no problem." He smirked and made to walk across the lobby towards the main doors. Hitting the night as quickly as possible it seemed. But he stopped and shot me a passing remark before he left. "Give my regards to Suze!" And the twinkle in his eye and underlying message clearly read what he was really saying; the insinuation clear to hear. But I didn't say anything, just shook my head at him and walked across to the elevators that would take me up to Susannah's floor.

The carriage was empty when I stepped on and made no stops on the way up. I took that as a good sign and stepped out onto her floor, my hands steadfastly held at my sides as I walked down the corridor towards the guard dozing in a chair by Susannah's door. He snapped awake when I cleared my throat. "Sorry boss!" He quickly exclaimed righting himself. I looked up at the door, a heavy burning expectation I had been feeling that I had to suppress to stop me fidgeting in the meeting and not sprinting from the room when I was given permission to leave.

All to lead me to this moment.

"How's she been?" I asked, indicating towards the door.

"She's been quiet," He informed me, brushing off his embarrassment at being caught dozing. "She spends a lot of time on the balcony and she's come to speak to me a few times too. Says she's got cabin fever being cooped up in there all day and night," He winced in sympathy. "Other than that, every thing's been fine, boss. You going in?" He asked, pulling out the key card to unlock the door and standing to do just that.

But I reached out a hand and stopped him. "Why don't you go and take the rest of the night off. I know you've been here for hours you deserve a break. I'll be here with her for a while yet; I'll make sure someone's posted here when I leave." I slid the key card out of his fingers and waited for him to move. "I can make it an order if it will make you feel better? I won't leave Susanna unattended, don't worry."

Seeming to realize he was staring, he snapped himself out of it and quickly agreed, rushing out a hasty thank you while he picked up his magazine and made off down the corridor. Part of him no doubt already knowing why I had sent him away and the other uncaring because it meant he got the rest of the evening off. Feeling in a good mood for one of too few times in the long week, I slipped the card down through the lock and entered Susannah's hotel room taking everything in with fell swoop before I turned to close the door softly behind me.

When I turned back, I looked around the room again, this time not in a professional, militaristic way. I spotted her temporary bedroom door ajar, the bathroom I knew leading through from there. I knew the layout of the room already. From the short visits I'd had with Susannah and from checking it out before I agreed to let her use it. Susannah didn't know this of course and I wasn't going to tell her either. Ever since the disaster with Paul Slater she's been determined to prove she's fine.

I looked across the living room to the display of billowing sheer curtains lapping into the room from the breeze coming from the wide open doors. Through a gap of the curtains opening, I saw the slim silhouette of Susannah standing out on the balcony answering my unspoken question of where she was. She had been taken full advantage of having more space and freedom. Wandering around the hotel and using their many facilities so I had been told by the security she had stationed on her at all times. And as her doorman had said, the balcony was one of her favorites.

Not wasting anytime, I kicked off my tight shoes glad for the freedom and slipped off my suit jacket tossing it carelessly across the armchair. One reason why I hated meetings was because of the suits we had to wear. It reminded me of my military uniform too much. I strode across the room and walked out onto the balcony silently. But Susannah tensed with awareness anyway. She was becoming acutely familiar with my presence in a room. She had been for some time now; I had just refused to believe what that could have meant.

I stayed standing by the open door, taking advantage of all the time we had to take in Susannah's slim figure standing in the moonlight. Her curves accentuated by the thin, flimsy fabric of her bathrobe she had wrapped around her to ward off the chill in the air. Silk would have been better, I thought to myself as I imagined her in it. It would cling to all the right places and make her evermore the temptress and beautiful woman she is. The woman I want, no need to make Susannah feel.

I followed down the robe with a slow and deliberate gaze that I knew was burning with power, my eyes catching on the end cutting off just above her knees. I hungrily took in the shape of her long, shapely legs I imagined wrapped around me. I caught sight of her small bare feet where her toes curled into the rough concrete of the balcony. I quirked my lips when I caught the pleasant shiver run through her frame, swaying her wet wavy hair across her shoulders. The moonlight bathing her in an ethereal light, making the angel I knew she'd become, light my darkness more and more.

But first, I had to banish what was becoming of hers.

Tired of waiting around when I could have her in my arms, I stepped up behind her, winding my strong arms around her slim waist and pulling her to rest flush up against my chest. Her back pressed to me, her hips resting against the need that had been building just thinking of getting away to Susannah, then to prolong it by watching and fantasizing about her. It was all made worse when I dropped my head to inhale the scent of her hair, my nose burying in her neck tasting her skin and feeling the suppleness of her body against mine. I was hard, muscled strength up against soft and fragile in my hands.

Even though I know Susannah is anything but fragile.

"How long have you been out here?" I quietly questioned, nuzzling her hair aside from her neck so I could plant my lips there with a feather light touch.

Susannah sighed, leaning back against me knowing I would support her. My fingers splayed across the fabric stretching over her stomach, creeping across to find the lapels and opening of her robe. Susannah's hands came to rest over mine, stopping my actions of pulling it away from her. I pulled my arms away from holding her against me when she turned around to stand before me. Her breasts pressed up against my chest with how closely she stood to me, her hands sliding over my shoulders to dangle down my back.

She gave me a seductive smile that had my burdening need, jump and twitch with pleasure.

"I don't know, half hour I guess," She shrugged, her hands sliding up the back of my neck to play with the curls at the nape of my neck making me groan and willingly relax my tense muscles I still held. But this time, not because of any danger that was soon to be coming to Susannah and anyone else under my command. It was from another kind of frustration I had every intention of sating at long last. "What took you so long anyway? I've been waiting for you."

Susannah's unguarded eyes flickered up to mine.

The one reason I had walked away from Susannah on the first opportunity I could have had, was because at the time she sought me out for the need of comfort and a release. And I searched her eyes again, looking to see if I would find that same reason. But I didn't. Not fully. She needed the comfort, it was true. I did too, to ease the shaking fear I felt the moment I saw Slater standing before me there for Susannah. But it was also weeks of built up sexual tension between us, that was so close to the surface and burning and coiling the more we suppressed it; I knew we wouldn't be able to hold it back any longer.

It was more than just sex now, like it seemed at the beginning. It was making love to take us that step closer of trying to discover what it is between us.

"I had a de-briefing with Ballack again we had to wrap up. I couldn't get away any quicker," I changed my tone from professional and make it gentler while I told her the good news. "Ballack's finally giving you the clearance to leave protective custody. It's going to take a day or two to get the paper-work cleared, but you'll be free again. He wasn't happy about it, but he was out-numbered so he caved. How do you feel about that?"

She'd widened her eyes and didn't take them away from me the whole time I spoke. "How do I feel? After feeling like a trapped animal for a month, I'm relieved. About time he finally let me go. I was starting to think I'm the prisoner, not Carson," She softened her eyes and took less of the brutal truth out of her tone. "Thank you for nagging him about it. I don't know how much more I could have taken." She breathed, resting her head against my shoulder; visible relaxed even more against me.

"Do you think you can hold out a day or two more with me?" I asked teasingly, running my hand down her hair and back. "I have the rest of the night off and don't have to be at another meeting until tomorrow afternoon. I'm all yours."

And you're all mine, my mind supplied when I felt her breath through my thin shirt.

I felt her smile against my shoulder, staying there for moments before she lifted her head and let me see the grin in full fruition. Her answer was already given to me in the fire from her eyes. "I have you to myself for the whole night, huh? Good, it's about time." Susannah smirked even as her hands applied the pressure to pull my lips down to meet her own in an instant spark and flare of desire between us. The air humming with the sexual energy building around and through us.

I gave in easily, just as Susannah knew I would. Just a kiss was sending my senses into delicious wildfire like frenzy. My blood thumped in my ears, dulling sound other than Susannah's sighs and moans of pleasure vibrating through me from where we were pressed together. The desire was surging down leaving me with a hazy mind and frantic hands wandering over her bathrobe. I gripped her waist and pulled her up against my straining lust. Her gasp ripped from her lips, her head falling away give me ample room to kiss and stroke her sweet neck.

"You drive me crazy, _querida_," I murmured roughly against her soft skin, my hand caressing her neck felt too coarse on something so smooth and velvety. I nudged the robe away from her exposed shoulder so I could kiss and nip my way along the tantalizing skin. She shivered and whimpered at a sensitive spot I kissed again. "You've driven me crazy from the first moment I met you." I huskily continued, barely conscious of what I was saying just knowing words were needed, as well as actions.

"I aim to please."

I lifted my head away from her neck, hearing the smile in her voice. My eyes I knew were burning with intensity, with the need to take her inside and tear away the barriers at long last. To finally see the expressions of pure undiluted passion flushing her face as she called my name while I treated her how she deserved. With the knowledge of the likely-hood to be no interruptions, it made the haze darken and wither even more. But I refused to rush it. I wanted to draw out the pleasure for as long as possible. Susannah deserved my loving attention, not a frenzied lay.

I cupped her face in my hands, bringing her forward for a soft, attentive kiss she whimpered again and clawed more at me for. When she tried to up the pace, push the moment I pulled away. It didn't take long for Susannah to understand how I didn't want to delve too quickly. For her to curb her own enthusiasm and tame her patience. No matter how painful it was to feel my growing lust pressing against my pants zipper. I wanted to savour our time as much as possible.

When I stopped the kiss this time, I asked the question I wanted confirmed anyway. I was burning to sweep her away to the bedroom. To finally give in to the sparks flowing between us. Anticipating the high and euphoric feelings I was sure to come. But I needed to be sure. It was hard to hold back, but I had to be certain. For both our sakes.

"Susannah, are you sure?"

xXx

I blinked out of the pleasant haze our tender kiss had thrown me into, processing Jesse's soft words and his obvious need for reassurance shining back in his black eyes. Emotions I hadn't seen there before coupled with the fiery amounts of lust I knew he was trying not to burn out of control. I knew because I was having exactly the same battle. Part of me wanted to just kiss him again and tell him to shut up and finally rid the constant ache and need I'd been swamped with since I met him and felt his touch scorch my skin. I wanted to lay my dreams of him to rest and fulfil them for real.

But I was just as floored by his desire to take it slow and sensual as I was by the flowing hunger between us. I should have known, even with how dangerous, powerful and dominating he was, that it would be how Jesse would react to our first time making love together. No throwing us both into it and ending it sooner than I wanted. But there were still so many things we had to learn about each other. And judging from our last, frustrating encounter together only the day before when he had gotten little time to see me, I wouldn't have guessed he could have the control to take our first time slow.

But I gave him a smile that promised him anything and honestly answered.

"Yes, I'm _very_ sure, Jesse."

He grinned wickedly at me then, all traces of whatever indefinable emotion I'd seen was gone as he took me by the hand and led me away from the balcony. Sliding and locking the doors shut behind us when we stepped into the warm and cozy living room. The change of temperature was sure to make my wet hair frizzy if Jesse's fingers didn't rumple it completely first. He looked back at me, smiling a private knee-jerking tilt of the lips that promised I was going to be in for one of the best nights of my life. Anyone else and I would have scoffed and told him where to go with that grin. But Jesse elicited things in me I never had as deeply before.

And I was dying to feel the whole of him.

He led me across to the bedroom. No slow removal of clothes on the way with him. Just the door closed and nothing but us for however long we decided to stay cocooned in our passion. I hadn't even turned back from closing the door and his hand whipped me around to face him, his lips crushing mine with their deft actions I instantly sighed at. His tongue skimmed across my swollen lips, asking entrance I instantly gave him. I met his tease for tease, my hands fumbling with his buttoned shirt. I wanted to explore that deeply rigged stomach and that hard, powerful chest that I hated I couldn't get to.

Growling, I pulled away from Jesse's very talented lips and tongue, eyeing the shirt like I could rip it off with just my mind. "I'll buy you a new one," I huskily managed, hooking my fingers in the holes between the buttons and tearing his shirt open so quickly, buttons popped off in different directions before he even managed to understand my breathless words. "Or maybe I won't for a while." I smirked, my eyes roving over the many slithers of scars across his tanned flesh. My fingers crept over them softly where he shivered in my hands.

I savoured and attempted to memorize every slither of a scar I came across; knowing by the end of the night, I would be intimately friendly with them all.

I bit and tugged at his lips, melting with every second his fingers pulled open my robe not giving time for the cold rush of air to hit, because his half-naked body was there instead. I silently cursed the robe and camisole I was still wearing, wanting to climb out of it all when I felt Jesse's growing and throbbing need press against my stomach pinning me back against the door. I groaned loudly, feeling just how ready we both were as my nails scrapped down his chest eliciting a hiss from him. I followed the smooth path of his perfect body, to the belt on his black restrictive suit pants.

"Too many clothes, Jesse," I murmured, fumbling with the hook of his belt, my blinking eyes seeing colours when he sucked and bit at my neck.

Curling my hands around the leather, I finally pulled and whipped the belt away from his deceptive trousers. Throwing it away and hearing the clank of the metal buckle hitting a piece of furniture somewhere. He echoed a deep, rumbling laugh that had me swooning and falling into his kiss again. Without realizing he had, his hands slipped to the shoulders of my robe, pushing the fabric down my arms until it pooled and gathered at my feet at last.

"That thing just didn't do you any justice, _querida_," He breathed against my lips, his hands back to my shoulders and slipping beneath the thin straps of my baby-doll night dress, teasing me by playing and waiting to see what I would do. The tips of his fingers tickling across the sensitive skin made me squirm and wriggle. I wanted it _off_. He pulled away to gaze down at me in my slip dress with his predatory grin that was one of many thing things that pulled me towards him.

"Neither does this." He finished, eyeing it with a calculating look. Only much more predatory than what I had been doing with his shirt.

"Well are you just going to look or are you going to play?" I coyly asked, reaching out to brush my hand across the pressure in his pants I was going delirious from feeling pressed against me. One of his hands rose to brace himself against the door with a hiss when I cupped his heated lust in my hand. I knew he wouldn't last long the more I teased him, and sure enough his other hand gripped my waist, his head dropping to land on my shoulder with ragged breaths. "Well?"

"You truly are a sin, Susannah." Came his heavy retort.

I smirked, my hand skimming over the impressive bulge once more before placing my hands on his chest. I didn't want it to be over just yet and I didn't know how much Jesse would be able to handle if I pushed him any further. I planted my palms flat against him, pushing so he would back up until his long legs hit the edge of the reasonable comfortable bed. I gave a small shove, knocking him down so he was sitting on the end, his hands braced behind him, leaning back to take in the show.

"You deserve a little treat, for having so much control," I grinned beneath half lidded eyes.

I took a small slow and deliberate step back when he reached out for me, my hands playing with the bottom of my baby-doll dress before I slowly slid it up my bare smooth thighs. His eyes flashed and sparked watching my movements and I smiled even more when I spotted his hands clenching around the quilt out of the corner of my eye. My gaze didn't waver from Jesse's I was too fascinated by the muscle jumping in his jaw and deep swallow of his throat. His gaze was impressively dark as he took me in hungrily. In a way that almost made me blush before I'd even got started. It was rare a lover could make me feel that way.

But again, when it comes to Jesse, everything is different.

The one difference with Jesse watching my tease was that his hungry gaze wasn't looking in a perverted leering way like some have done in the past. He was drinking me in, treasuring what he found inch by inch. It almost stopped me cold in my game, overwhelmed by just how much this really was going to mean to us. Like I'd only just let it hit me. After being cramped in the safe-house with him, the close quarters almost unbearable, and then to have gone through everything else -

I was having trouble getting my mind around the fact I really was with Jesse, finally getting to see an intimate, very emotionally vulnerable side to him.

Jesse didn't say anything while I slithered the dress up, other than a strangled groan deep in his throat as I swayed my hips seductively, my hands pulling the dress higher and higher until it was over my bare chest and passing my damp hair. I dropped the dress from my pinched fingers to the carpeted floor. The cool air hitting my exposed skin making my nipples tighten and peak harder than they already were with just Jesse's glance.

I let my hands fall to my side, fingering the edges of my cream silk panties in a daring gesture. And that same muscle jumped in his jaw, but his eyes dropped to my chest, his breathing going up a notch when a slow smirk appeared on his charmingly and dangerously handsome face.

He quirked an eyebrow and tilted his lips. I quickly pressed mine together, refusing not to laugh at the sudden realization that; Jesse was a boob man! I wasn't surprised though, his hands always wandered north and to that territory whenever we got too caught in the moment like we had so frequently done. So I just stood before him, letting him get his fill before impatience gripped him. I was having fun having an expression of desire and battled control aimed at me while I stood before him.

"Come here." He said, one hand gesturing me to him.

My feet instantly moved into action as I placed a knee either side of him on the bed and straddled his strong powerful thighs beneath me. His undying need nestled against the junction of my legs that made me hiss and arch into him when I moved instinctively. Sitting closer and lower. "Susannah!" Jesse breathed hoarsely where he dropped his head into my neck, his hands holding my hips firmly in place, stopping me from rocking and getting any closer; threatening to tip us both over the edge within seconds if we weren't careful.

"Sorry, couldn't resist," I smiled looking down into his flashing black gaze I melted and whimpered over. He shook his head, finding it just as hard as I was to find any kind of words to wither between us. It seemed more like the time for them had passed for a while. More action screamed through my mind when his calloused fingers, rough and grating across my smooth skin, crept up my sides, his thumb brushing the underside of my breasts.

"Jesse," I whispered hoarsely, my eyes closing and my head falling back waiting for his hands to seek out the sensitive peaks. Waiting for him to cherish and adore like his eyes told me he would every time we had come close to anything like this. It was terrifying to have such attention and exciting to discover it.

"Yes, _querida_?"

I lazily opened my eyes making them clash with Jesse's, telling him just what I wanted. But that wasn't enough to him. And it turned me on even more, when he told me it wasn't so. His demanding voice devoid of arrogance but filled with playful desire ricochet through me. "Tell me what you want, Susannah." He whispered against my lips, brushing feather light kisses there, always drawing back when I hungrily searched for more.

I narrowed my eyes when he pulled back with a shit eating grin I wanted nothing more than to wipe off. And I knew how but I wasn't going to make Jesse go through that. No matter how fun and frustrating he was being. I was as taken by the playful, teasing Jesse just as much as I was by the dominant, in charge Specialist that made me ache and burn with how hot with need I was for him.

"I want you." I said without restraint, refusing to acknowledge how needy and high Jesse took me to. With Jesse, if felt like I was experiencing everything again for the first time.

His thumb caressed my sensitive skin and ribs finally marking their territory as they crept higher to the soft mounds, ghosting over them teasingly. Not liking how he was tempting me, I grounded my hips against his in warning, making Jesse release a deep primal growl, his reaction instant. I gasped and moaned when his large hand cupped one breast in his palm, his fingers tweaking and rolling my nipple, making me cry out and moan his name long and low overcome by how _good_ it felt.

The more I arched into him and moved against his lap, the sooner his lips came down on my other, poor neglected breast. His tongue flicking out to suck and tug with his teeth, making the area sore and aching for more abuse. He licked and cherished each one individually, causing the crazy haze of emotions and sensations flaring and shooting through my mind travelling faster and faster with my blood and my breathing throughout my body. Tripping me to that precipice I was so desperate to tumble into with Jesse.

"Don't, stop," I inarticulately called out, one hand fondling my breast while his mouth bit and marked his territory skilfully. I couldn't find the thought to care he was leaving his mark; I just gripped his hair in my fingers, pulling him closer. "I need you," I broke out through ragged gasps and moans of his name over the rapid beat of my heart. My eyes long since closed I curled my hands gripping onto him for life feeling like I was going to burst into flames before him. I was so close; I just needed a little more. "_Please _. . ." I cried out pleading.

Before I could anticipate it, Jesse's free hand that had dropped to knead and grip my waist, dipped and delved down into the depths of my underwear. Disappearing behind the damp meagre fabric finding the spot that made me call out his name on a sudden cry of passion and surprise. He tweaked and rubbed at my sensitive nub, his fingers deft and agile as he pushed me until I couldn't hold back any longer.

"_Llora por mi, _Susannah," Jesse's deep lilting voice said, his words incomprehensible to me, but making me shudder just hearing his accent deepen the way he spoke to me in his native tongue. His words pretty clear to understand. "I want to hear you."

With one quick twist and flick of his finger, I was gone. Shouting his name in pleasure so sudden and loud, my throat ached and burned white hot along with the rest of me. "_Jesse_!"

He caressed and stroked my breasts, his hand still buried in my panties, his fingers playing and drawing out the climax while his teeth bit at my red hard nipple, until I breathlessly sagged forward against his chest. My cries dying off as my hair draped over his shoulders and down his back. I shuddered when he kissed the side of my neck tenderly, pulling his hands away to pull me up right sitting on his lap.

"Don't get too comfortable, I'm no-where near finished with you, Susannah." He half grinned half smiled, making the tight coil of desire I knew I had only just brushed against, ignite all over again. I swallowed at how dark his eyes were. Eyes I was drowning in the longer I looked unable to tear myself away. His triumphant smirk grew when I continued to pant just getting my breath back, from one shattering climax I ached for all over again.

"Is that a promise?" I sassed as I sat up and worked on unbuttoning and pulling down the zipper of his pants. Seeing his straining length pushing at his tight shorts. I bit my lip only imagining how painful it was for him to endure it for so long. I levered myself up from the bed, preparing to tug and pull his pants and shorts down. When with a yelp, his hands had grabbed my hips and twisted to put me in his place. "Swift move." I exclaimed wide-eyed as he leaned down to brush his lips against mind in a fleetingly tempting kiss.

"I have more where those come from, _querida_."

And I didn't doubt it as he slipped his hands to the elastic of my underwear and slowly dragged them down my hips. Tossing them over his shoulder giving me the chance to finally do what I wanted. Which was dragging those pants and shorts down his big powerful thighs. I scooted back a bit, my eyes fixed on Jesse's as he watched and waited for what I did. I hooked my foot into the pocket of his pants, drawing them down and freeing the impressive display my eyes instantly fell too, widening as I took in an anticipating breath.

My mouth watered at what was soon to come.

I scooted further backwards until my head was resting on the pillow as Jesse stepped out of his pants, socks and all, and was bearing down upon me in a very pleasant way. The limp hair that always hung over his forehead dropping to brush against my own tickling me and making me laugh. One arm braced him against the mattress, the over dancing across my flat stomach, slipping and sliding away from entering me again. I met his kiss when he leaned in for one. Sighing and sinking into the mattress when his loving and tender caresses had my eyes sparking with colour all over again.

After beating my brain over what I did for a week, it felt too good to have a moment so loving and overwhelming invade my mind and senses. I'd listened to every bit of advice Jesse had to give. Some sinking in, some passing right over my head. But not having him with me as much as he had been just left me feeling shaken and off-balance. Way more than his absence should have done. I'd become what I never wanted to be. Dependent on Jesse whether he knew it or not. And I wanted nothing more than to push him away more than ever. I didn't want any part or reminder of what I'd done, I told myself in the hours of loneliness.

But being with, Jesse. Losing myself to his kiss that was affectionate and precious, all those thoughts vanished. It had nothing to do with having sex with him and fulfilling the sexual energy that was throbbing around us. It had to do with the way he could make me look at what I did a different way. The way he wasn't sympathetic because he knew that wasn't what I wanted. He was blunt, coarse and truthful. And that was what I was craving the most in my life. No lies and sugar-coated sympathy for what happened and what I did. I wanted something real.

And Jesse had that in spades. He made me forgot because I didn't see what I'd done in his eyes every time I looked into them.

I wound an arm around his neck, pulling him in deeper, as my other hand went down to the burgeoning erection he had been stifling through for too long. One thought in mind; that I could satisfy Jesse as much as he had made me. But I had barely gripped his throbbing heat in my palm, my thumb skimming over the tip, when his hand seized my wrist in a loose, but powerful grip halting me instantly.

"Not yet – " He broke out through broken gasps. "I don't want to, without you to be there along with me, _querida_. Please, don't tempt me that way." He brought his eyes up to meet mine looking just as close to the edge as I felt.

He moved aside slightly, his gaze roving over my still and naked body in a deep, soulful expression, soaking up every last image of me. "You're so beautiful, _querida_," He breathed, suddenly kissing me with such intensity, I felt tears spring to my eyes. My first tears that weren't shed because of what I'd done. I didn't know why then and frankly I didn't care. I just wanted to feel his naked chest pressed against mine, and so, so much more than that. I'd had bits of him. Now I wanted _all _of him.

His knee nudged my legs apart which I did letting him move to rest between my spread thighs, his hand trailing across my hip and up my stomach. Sliding further North until he was kneading and fondling my breasts again. I giggled even as my hands slid into his hair again, drawing him up to kiss me properly, his engorged erection pressing at the apex of my thighs, waiting and building the moment even more if it was possible. Just feeling it pressing there, my mind whirred and screamed for more. For Jesse to take me like I wanted him to do for so long.

But he didn't make the final move and I looked up at him questioningly. "I don't have a condom on me," He said in answer, his eyes troubled. He went to move away but I gripped onto him and held him still. "I have to go and get one – " He tried, looking at me confused.

"Jesse, you cannot leave me here ready and waiting while you go off to your room and get a condom. Not. Now. Neither of us can wait that long, so just forget about it. Don't spoil this time," I cut off leaning up to kiss him, smiling when he growled with frustration at my tactic to distract him. "I just want to feel _all_ of you, we've waited long enough. Leave it this time," He went to protest again but I pulled back slightly to look at him. "Trust me, Jesse. This one time won't matter." I lifted my eyes with meaning and it only took a second for him to cotton on.

"Oh."

"Uh-huh," I murmured dropping my head back down to the pillow when he gave me that feral grin and dipped his head to kiss and scrape his teeth against my neck. His mouth and hands working their magic. A moan tore from my throat with his gentle caresses all over my body. My hands gripped onto his back, my nails digging into his hard muscled flesh, quivering when he flexed his back. His kisses slipped down my ribs and across my stomach. My hands clenched in his hair and my eyes falling closed as his hand slid up the valley between my breasts and massaged my neck.

I was so lost in his touch and the arousal he'd ignited long before now when his hand suddenly stroking across my cheek had my eyes opening and staring up at Jesse's hovering dark ones. And then full understanding dawned to why he had stopped and was waiting. With a slight shift of my hips that had his black eyes fluttering, Jesse didn't need any more prompting and took action. Thrusting inside me for the first time in one quick, fluid move.

"Oh _God, Jesse_!"

I gasped hearing Jesse's groan and bite on my collarbone to hold back his own cries, my body expanding and stretching to accommodate his impressive man-hood. Pulsing and throbbing inside me; too many sensations screamed through my body to understand. The world could have been burning around me and it wouldn't have matched how I felt with Jesse. I breathlessly looked up at him through lust filled eyes, licking my lips and moaning again when he slowly drew out to the point of almost leaving me completely before he abruptly thrusted back in again. His hilt close to hitting the right spot, leaving my body trembling with how _perfect _and amazing it felt with Jesse above and inside me, losing his mind with me.

"Susannah," He breathed between us as I lifted my legs and wrapped them around him, feeling him sink deeper and hit that spot so easily, I nearly instantly shattered again. "_Nombre de Dios_!" Jesse called out, the Spanish deeper, sexier and more pronounced when it was filled with desire and pleasure. "I don't know how long I can last, _querida_." He panted, his eyes locking onto mine. I leaned up, pressing a deep, open-mouthed kiss to his lips, shifting my hips and rocking him into motion.

Not needing anymore reassurance other than that, Jesse pulled out and gently pushed back into me again. The slow, drawn-out moment just as powerful as anything that came after. This time, I was the one who called his name over and over again, his soft whispers and phrases in Spanish in my ear making it more passionate between us. I ached with overwhelming pleasure from his slowly building thrusts, my body rising and meeting him in a sync I never found with someone so quickly or easily before. My arms felt as heavy as lead, my eyes glazed and unfocused trying to stay on Jesse's as his moves became increasingly faster and more frantic.

I met his pace for pace, our cries of need building more and more. I was so close to coming apart again. If Jesse had asked for my soul to sell to the devil right then, I would have handed it over without a second thought and wrapped a pretty bow around it. That's how far gone I was. How I had been for a while, but refused and couldn't acknowledge it. The intimacy between us was just the icing on top of a very large and very tasty cake I knew I would never get enough of. That would never get down to the last indulgent piece.

I twisted my hips, seeing the beads of sweat pop out on Jesse's forehead from the strain of staying in control a little longer. "More, Jesse," I cried out, twisting and withering beneath him, his thrusts as deep and hard as I begged for them. "I'm close . . . so close."

He growled, plunging deeper, shaking and rocking me further into the bed. I was standing on that edge again, arms open and ready to free-fall into the earth-shattering unknown. Jesse's hand snaking down between us to pinch and tweak that sensitive nub again, wrenched a scream so loud and pleasure filled, Jesse smirked and caressed me more. Pulling me quicker and quicker to my climax.

"Jesse, _please_!" I begged breathlessly.

"Look at me, _querida_," Jesse panted heavily, his muscles straining and pushing far past their limit as he tried to hold on a little longer, making my eyes roll and my body scream and beg for release. "I want to look into your eyes when you fly apart," He continued, slamming into me the same moment he tweaked me down below making me whimper and cry out for. "I want us to come together. Together _precioso alma_."

All I could do was nod and try to focus on his face; his softly spoken Spanish words making me feel just as much as his kisses and touches were doing. As I looked up at him, almost seeing right into his soul with perfect clarity, my body erupted into the most intense white-hot fire and burst of euphoric colour as with one last thrust, Jesse and I clashed and thundered to an ear-piercing crescendo. A release I never in my wildest dreams imagined having with anyone but him as our climax rocked through one another.

He strained one last time, his body melting into mine as we fluttered down from the breathless high I couldn't imagine ever coming down from. My watery eyes were locked on Jesse's throughout the whole of the last, mind-blowing moment, making it so much more intense.

Jesse half collapsed over me, pinning me to the bed, still buried inside me. Both of us were too exhausted to move, to talk or to even _breathe_. My throat was raw and sore from screaming so much and I grinned at the thought of the cries carrying through the neighbouring walls and guard that was supposed to be posted outside my room. But I didn't and couldn't care at that moment. I was too sated, tired and euphoric to give a damn who did or didn't hear how Jesse brought me to one unbelievable climax after another.

"_Oh my . . . God_."

The words were barely heard between us, but it was enough to spur Jesse into sitting up and pulling out from me. Resting above me a look of pure satisfaction making his features glow and the scar through his eyebrow I couldn't help but trace, glow. Intimately close that I could feel his body heat making me feel even hotter and comfortably than I already was. He smirked at me, his eyes echoing the same sentiment I did.

"You can say that again, _querida_." He huskily murmured his voice as dry and gravelly as mine sounded.

"Oh my, God." I repeated just to hear his chuckle and feel his soft thin lips kissing me and whipping the breath from my lungs all over again. I couldn't think straight or say anything other than those three simple words. It felt like my mind had turned to goo and that it wasn't ever going to solidify. I was so shocked and delirious from the earth-shaking sex I finally had with Jesse, nothing else would commute. But I was very glad we waited and didn't get carried away on the opportunities we could have done.

It just left more hunger and fantasies my mind was already filtering through to me while we kissed.

Jesse pulled back soon after, moving to lay beside me and tugging the covers up and over us both, Wrapping his arms and legs around me when I curled into his side, snuggling my soft curves against the hard planes of his body. "That was . . ." Jesse tried and I giggled, knowing how he felt. I couldn't form a straight thought either. I knew I didn't want too. He looked down at me, catching my eyes. "Rest, _querida_. You're going to need it." He smirked, quirking his scarred brow making me smile and bury myself in his chest a little more.

"Just so long as that's a promise, Jesse."

"To you, Susannah? Always." He murmured into my hair. My eyes were already closing with my mind and body dragging me into a light nap I was woken from by kisses across my quick to wake body, not an hour and a half later. But that sleep was one of the best I hadn't had since the night of - Well since I shared a bed with Jesse before. Minus the mind-blowing sex that is. I was safe and warm in Jesse's arms again, sated and pleasured from making love to him with more heart and soul I'd given anyone before him. I didn't think I had anything to worry about any longer when it came to Jesse. We were both bare and vulnerable to each other now. I had nothing left to lose.

But I did think of one thing before I slipped into sleep fully, a smile stretching across my face. What would my mom make of the dangerous Specialist that lured me into his bed? Who cares I soon thought. After everything, good and bad, I didn't think anything would be scaring him off anytime soon. Only I could do that.

And I wasn't feeling too inclined to do such a thing, right then.

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_'Cause I'm on fire, talk to me woman, quench my desire, give it to the feeling..._

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_**A/N 2: **_Hehe. Thanks for reading! Hope you had fun! **:D** Song lyrics belong to Michael Jackson.

_**Anonymous Reviews:**_

_**Jess -**_ Hey! Oh wow, you are seriously going to have to excuse how this reply comes out! Its way too late or early in the night/morning. I'm feeling rather loopy but in a good, fuzzy kind of way. Lol. Guh, I just love hearing from you! And I'm so glad you're relieved Marty's alive! I just couldn't kill him off, it felt so wrong. A lot had happened already, I didn't think I could do that to them. Lol, yeah, it was harmless the first time they slept in the same bed. The second, well, you might have read it, hehe. It was a last minute throw-in I couldn't pass up though, so I'm well chuffed you liked it! **:**D Aww, I know! I hope I can come up with another kick-ass story! After this one, I think I've set the bar high for myself, lol. Gotta get my brain ticking it over now. **:)** I hope the wait wasn't too long for this chapter. And I really hope you liked it! Thanks so, so much for the review! *_Lots and lots of hugs and love_!* Take care, hun! **x**

_**Shawntay A -**_ Hi there! Hehe, have no fear, this isn't the last chapter! I have too many loose ends to just end it there for them. That would be far too harsh and cruel to them and you fine and wonderful readers and reviewers. **:)** I can see why it would have seemed so, lol. Sorry about that. You know, it doesn't matter how many times I read it, I still get all giddy and light when I read that another person loves my story! And I had that same rush and trip reading you do too! Thank you so ever much for reviewing this story! It means alot to me.** :)** I really hope you enjoy the last two chapters and liked this one! Take care! *_Love and hugs_* **x**

_**NameMe - **_Yo! Uh-oh, I can actually hear the birdies waking up! Damn it's late/early. But I'm still wired, lol. Thank you so much for reviewing, hun! It was a bit of a struggle to write out, but I came through. Eventually, lol. This was alot easier. Part of it had been done for a while, I just had to add around it. I hope you like this one too! I'm so excited to read the reaction. It could be a bad one, but I'm still so excited! **:D** And I love your choice of pen name again! I'm going to miss that.** :**) Thanks again, hun! Take care! *_Hugs and love_* **x**

_**Amber -**_ Hello! Aww, I just want to jump around and scream with how giddy I am right now! You thought that the last one was awesome? SWEET! The further along in this story I've gotten, the more I've just fallen more and more for it! I can't believe it's almost over either! I'm going to feel so lost without this one. I still have my other stories sure, but this one...I dunno, it means a heck of a lot to me. **:)** Which is why it means a lot that you reviewed! Thank you so much for making me smile and become even more proud of this fic! I hope you liked this chapter, I sure did! Take care! *_Love and huggles_!* **x**

_**Fan_of_Fiction -**_ Hey ya! Lol, I got in from a crazy night out with some friends and found two reviews waiting for me from you and I can't tell you how much I am PSYCHED to have received them! In fact, they're what spurred me into finishing this one! **:D** I'll reply to your other review properly on the next update of MIT. But I have to tell you now, I LOVE those ideas and they are definitely going to be used! Thank you so, SO much for that! Oops, I have to get back to the review in question here, lol. **:)** Thank you so much for reviewing first of all! I was so happy when I found it was from you! And thank you once again for such a massive compliment! If I turned this into my own characters it would be fun, lol. I hope this post is quick enough for you, hehe. There isn't too much Suze angst in this chapter, I almost swamped myself with it before, lol. But I can understand your worries! I was almost feeling the same when I was writing this out! But I hope you like this one. And I'm so happy you like my writing so much! It's a real pleasure to hear! **:D** Take care! *_Lots of love and huggles_!* **x**


	19. Getting There

_**A/N: **_Heh, well this turned out much longer than I anticipated! I've tried cutting it down as best I can. But my muse decided to add something at the last minute. So blame her for making me take the risk of it being too much. Lol. The last chapter won't be anywhere near as long, don't worry. **:)** And then that's it. It's over. Anyone up for a sequel?** :D** Thanks so much for the loving response to the previous chapter and constant support throughout this story! I wish I could huggle you all! You so deserve it!** :)** I hope you enjoy this one.

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_**Getting There...**_

I stretched beneath the covers like a cat before curling back up with a content sigh. My whole body relaxed and sated. So some of my muscles felt a little - used. But I hadn't been with anyone before Jesse for a while. I'd sworn I was off men and with it, all the fun. So feeling a couple of muscles protest a little wasn't a big surprise. There's only so much Yoga can do. But it just proved how great I felt if anything. Jesse was everything and more when it comes to a lover. I had the past three days to discover that. And each time I think back over it and our first night together, the grin never fades. Then I'll catch Jesse's eye and it either develops into a smirk or a blush.

He has _that_ kind of power over me.

I snuggled deeper into the covers, not wanting to leave the warm cocoon of the bed. Or to get up and face what I have to. I wanted to lie on the comfortable mattress and let my mind wander to the fine delectable memories of an absent Jesse, rather than the road trip we were supposed to be leaving on. Too early for my liking.

After I got woken from my nap after our first, blisteringly blissful time together by the hungry lips of Jesse; all bets were off. The first time was special. The next was raw and possessive. And I loved every moment of it. Not to mention the little trip we made out of my room and down to his when we managed to drag ourselves out of bed. All I had was a pair of his shorts and the shirt I'd torn off him, a couple of buttons managing to hang on for life. We'd snuck down the hall and into an elevator. Then it was a mad, laughing dash for his door.

We'd gone for a specific item he'd forgotten the first time. But that was gone out of the window when he turned laughing, only wearing his suit trousers I'd pulled down his long powerful legs. There was an instant agreement between us at that point and his shirt didn't stand a chance when his hands got hold of it. Taunting him was the best idea I've had in a while. And after he put me through relentless pleasurable torture, we kicked back in the bath. All six foot plus of him with no room to manoeuvre. And I was comfortable and practically glowing.

Everything about Jesse's touch left me tingly and feverish.

I didn't want to leave the warm bubble bath, but my growling stomach had said otherwise. So we made full use of the room service. It'd felt like I hadn't eaten in days and I eagerly chewed down the food he ordered. But the strawberries we saved and took back to my room once I got dressed in another pair of his shorts and a t-shirt. The trip back wasn't as operational as the one on the way to his room, but the empty elevator was appreciated. The hotel was pretty much asleep, so it was just a case of trying not to be too loud getting there.

Not that Jesse was helping in that department.

We sat up in my bed when we got back, watching the worst foreign film we could find, finishing off the strawberries we'd brought back with us. I wasn't normally one for cuddling up and doing something so - couple-ish. But, I didn't even seem to notice the change. We slipped into it without thought. I just knew when I was lying there, listening to Jesse's heartbeat and watching a subtitled film, that I hadn't felt so . . . peaceful, in days. Because I finally started feeling like I was getting my balance back.

I'm not okay. I'm probably far from it.

But I just don't care anymore.

I just want to get out of the F.B.I.'s clutches and out into something familiar again. Jesse had had to go back to the work the next day, but I got to see more of him then I did before. Only, it was what he told me before he left for his final meeting that day that nearly made me regret everything I had every done and felt with him. No matter how great and fantastic it was. The command that would've ended up in an argument if it'd come two weeks before.

'_You're going to stay with your family until the trial starts.' _He _told_ me.

My pride instantly wanted me to tell him to go screw himself and everything between us. That I'll make my own decisions and where does he come off trying to make them for me? It was all sitting on the tip of my tongue ready in a scathing remark. But I didn't say any of it. Even though I was bristling with anger. He knew I was. But he stood stoically, not coming anywhere near me, just waiting for my reaction.

Surprising to me and probably Jesse, was that it didn't take me long to shake off that feeling. And I knew why the moment it did. Because it's hard to go back to being so defensive about myself to someone who I know, is only trying to do what's best for me. Jesse fought with that guy and gave it everything he could. He would have laid his life on the line to save mine. And not because it was his job and it's what he does, naturally or not. But simple because he _cares _about me.

And with that, I remembered all I'd put my mom through when she was only trying to do what's best for me. The things I always threw back at her. And I barely know why anymore. I knew before I'd nodded in agreement that it was what I wanted. Deep down. It just goes to show just how much I need to see my mom. And finally put a lot of things right. Jesse didn't say anything. He just kissed me and left for his meeting. It wasn't brought up again until my last night under his protection when he told me what the plan is.

And the first stop before Carmel.

But that seemed to be the beginning. The first step he was taking on giving me my space and it was making me respect and appreciate him even more. I had to keep reminding myself that he's been through so much worse. That no amount of training and hard-ass exterior stops it from being just as brutal. I reluctantly accepted whatever help he was trying to give and not letting the 'Before Suze' break through. The one that's had to grow up and see everything in Technicolor.

Ballack got on at me about seeing a psychiatrist to help me '_deal_' with what I've been through. And I _did_ tell _him _to go screw himself. I don't think he really cared whether I agreed either way. He was just un-happy I was leaving his sight again. Probably worried I'll do a runner and leave him to clean up the mess. To give that bastard a chance of freedom again. As if I'd ever do that. I didn't go through everything just to let _him_ see me give-up.

Ican't wait to see him get dragged off in chains. Why would I pass up on that opportunity? I'm too stubborn to.

The sudden sound of the bathroom door opening swiftly followed by steam rushing into the room made me squeeze my eyes shut and stay huddled beneath the covers. I didn't move and I couldn't hear Jesse walking around. I just held my breath and strained to listen to his next move. But I wasn't anticipating what he did. In a flash the warm covers I was hiding under were thrown off me and cold air rushed over me making me yelp.

My exposed legs and arms breaking out into goose bumps.

"Jesse!" I growled, rolling onto my back and staring up at him where he stood by the side of my bed grinning. Water droplets clinging to his arms and chest, my mouth watering. He looked so damn good just standing there; I really couldn't care less about the covers. I scowled, refusing to let my eyes devour him standing there in his innocent towel. The white off-setting his skin tones in a way I had to lay on the beach days to even try and imitate. "Do you mind? I was quite happy with them _on_ me. Now I'm cold."

I scrambled to my hands and knees and crawled to the end of the bed, pulling the covers up onto the mattress and making a pitiful effort to make the bed again. I gave up in the end when he didn't move or say anything. I heaved a sigh and sat back properly from where I'd been crawling around trying to straighten the bed. I was stalling and he knew it.

"Okay, you have my attention _oh mighty one_; what's the problem?" I asked, refusing to cross my arms in a petulant way.

"Just thought you were due a wake-up call, _querida_," He smoothly said, not moving from where he stood, dripping water onto the carpet. "If you haven't noticed, we should be leaving soon. It doesn't matter how much you try and hide under the covers we still have to go," He walked towards me then leaning down on the bed so our noses were practically touching, his minty breath washing over me. "How much persuasion am I going to have to use to get you off this bed?"

I narrowed my eyes and twisted my lips, thinking.

"You can come join me _in _it if you want? A little time delay won't hurt. Then I'll be good and get ready" I offered, internally grinning at the conflict battling in his eyes. I already knew what the answer was and eventually he tightened his jaw and shook his head no once. I pulled away from him and got off the bed. Grabbing a fresh towel from the chair on my way to the bathroom. "Suit yourself." I shrugged, winking at him once before walking into the bathroom and pushing the door to. I could hear his chuckles where I'd stopped on the other side of the still partially open door and I smiled genuinely just hearing it.

But the reality of what and where we're going set in straight after. The hour's drive up to my moms and the pit-stop on the way there. Knowing it's the pit-stop I'm not sure I can handle. And I won't know until I actually get there.

"_Mierda_!" Jesse suddenly shouted the sounds of shuffling feet and a heavy weight falling on the bed brought me round. I bit back on the urge to peek around the door and just listened to the smooth sounds of his liquid Spanish floating to me and calming my nerves. "_Maldición, conseguir cama en mi camino! Dios que duele."_

Then he went quiet. Realizing he probably knew I was listening out and trying not to laugh, I quickly set about turning on the shower and making use of my bathroom time. He stuck his head around the door once to ask me if I wanted breakfast before we go, but I turned him down. I lost all appetite the moment I woke and knew what the day has ahead. So the next fifteen minutes consisted of me spending as much time under the hot spray as possible. His grumbling about me leaving water for everyone else in the hotel was ignored too.

Just for his impatience, I made a point of taking more of my sweet time getting dressed and standing at the counter drying my hair.

I watched him in the mirror when he came up behind me just as I was turning the dryer off and setting it down. He wordlessly took my hair-brush out of my hand and gently started running it through my fluffy hair. He was so gentle; I closed my eyes and gripped the counter to keep me from swaying back into him. Then the brush was gone and his fingers were running through my hair instead. I sighed at the tingles rushing through me when his lips came to my neck and traced my jaw. Still not saying anything, he turned me in his hands where I opened my eyes and caught his.

But that didn't last because his lips soon came down to mine, sensual, slow and addictive. That's all Jesse ever is going to be to me. A drug I'm never going to get enough of. As if to prove that, the pace of the kiss leaped and gripped me hard. Along with his hands on my waist, lifting me so I was sitting on the counter, his body standing between my legs. I grinned against his lips murmuring, running my hand over his stubbled jaw. He growled deeply and pulled away to nip at my neck, leaving me withering on the counter.

"Aren't we - " I attempted saying breathlessly between his kisses. "Supposed to be leaving soon?"

Jesse chuckled, his mouth back to mine, taking whatever he wanted from me no matter how much I tried not to let him. Sighs, yelps and grabbing hands trying to both pull him closer and douse the quick to burn fire. Or push him away and get back to reality again. I couldn't quite make up my mind and was losing the thought more with each second he made me moan against his lips. He calls me a sin and I call him a distraction. A good, hot and damn fine one, maybe. But a distraction all the same.

"We can delay it a bit longer." He murmured against my lips and my eyes popped wide open, pulling away from the kiss to look at him with a quirked eyebrow. I pushed my hands against his chest making him look at me quizzically trying to work out what I was up to. "What?" He asked, furrowing his brow, the scar through his eyebrow turning white with his control.

'_We can delay it a bit longer_,' he says. Huh. When he went to speak I pressed a finger to his thin delicious lips and stopped him. Because I couldn't quite get my mind around that. He yanked the covers off me and made me move before I wanted to. By-passing my generous offer of some fun. But now - now he doesn't mind waiting a while longer, because he suddenly decides he wants a little intimacy time.

No deal.

"So when _I _want to delay a while, you turn me down. But when _you_ want some fun, it's not a problem? Sorry, handsome, you had your chance. I wouldn't want to mess up your perfectly planned schedule would I?" I smiled angelically, his eyes widening when I pushed at him again making him take a step away so I could jump down and stand before him. "You coming?" I asked, purposefully brushing past him before I walked out of the bathroom. I tried not to laugh when I heard him curse again.

He soon followed me out though. "Okay," He said laughter in his voice where before he sounded strained. "Point taken, _querida_." I accepted the quick kiss he gave me before he walked over to my suitcase waiting by the door. I turned and flashed him a smile just before he went out into the living room.

As hard as it was to not push him away, I wasn't going to give in just because he suddenly decided he wanted a taste. Deep down I was kicking myself for doing it. But ground rules have to be laid and we're both learning them. It's all part of the process _and_ the fun. So I turned back to finishing my packing, running a brush through my hair Jesse had combed then messed up again. I zipped up my bag and dragged it out into the main living room where Jesse was patiently waiting for me.

"Do you have everything?" He asked even though I suspected he'd already taken a look around the room anyway, just to be sure. So I just shrugged and nodded the handle of my wheeled case tight in my hand. I looked at him when he made no move to get up from leaning against the back of the couch. "Okay, let's go then." He stood and took my duffel bag into his hand. Leaving me with my suitcase I couldn't let go of.

I followed him over to the suite door and let it swing closed behind me once I stepped into the hall. Jesse reached out and took my free hand in his, giving it a small squeeze but not turning to look at me. We walked down to the elevator, but even the memory of Jesse covertly getting us from my room to his wasn't banishing the lump in my throat and rapid beating of my heart. We were silent on the ride down to the parking lot. Jesse giving me my space.

I wanted nothing more than to curl into him and ignore if for a little while longer. I'm sure he knew it, but he didn't push me.

I sucked in a deep breath of fresh air when we stepped out of the lift. The wheels on my case echoing around the huge underground parking lot filled with different cars. Most of them top of the range. Jesse let go of my hand as we rounded a bend bringing me face to face with Lance, Agent Thompson and Jesse's fatherly boss, Mr Reidman. I stopped in my tracks and looked at them all, Lance's smile stretching across his face noting my surprise.

"What, you didn't think we'd let you go without saying good-bye did you?" Lance piped up cheerfully and I glanced at Jesse who was hiding his own smile. I shook my head at the secret he kept from me and finally let go of my suitcase. "Come on then, give me a hug," He grinned, stepping towards me with open arms. I smiled and stepped into them, leaving Jesse to put my case and bag in the boot. "I'm gonna miss you, Suze!"

Lance pulled away and gave me another smile. "Don't go getting all soppy on me, Lance," I joked. But I had to swallow down the lump and sudden rise of tears at his words. "I'm not sure if it suits you," I nudged him, making them all laugh. "Besides, I'll see you again once the trial rolls around. Don't forget to say goodbye to Martyn for me. I wish I could have seen him before I left."

"Its okay, Marty understands. I'm going up to see him soon. Those nurses he's been grumbling to constantly need some Lance Andrews TLC." He smirked making me roll my eyes at his smug tone, already feeling sorry for the nurses likely to have to deal with him. It's lucky I know he's harmless at heart. And a constant if you need the tension to be broken, like he was doing for me.

"Stay out trouble, Lance." I said, narrowing my eyes playfully.

He laughed and scratched the back of his neck. "No promises, Suze." He grinned.

I was soon turning to Agent Thompson waiting for his turn. "Have a safe journey, Miss Simon," He casually held out his hand for me to take, giving me a comforting smile. "You have all the necessary paper-work including copies of your statements. If there's anything else we think you might need or should have, we'll send it on to your mothers address. Any change of plan in where you'll be staying, don't forget to let us know straight away. Otherwise, take care of yourself."

"Thanks, Will. Not just for being a buffer to your boss but for what you did for me in the beginning. I know it didn't seem it at the time, but I really appreciate it." I smiled and stepped forward to give him a light hug that lasted barely seconds. With a quick nod to me and the men surrounding me, he turned and left us alone, heading in the direction of a black car further away. I lastly turned to Mr Reidman, leaving Jesse and Lance to banter over something.

"Don't worry; I haven't forgotten you, Ed." I laughed, happily accepting the giant hug he brought me into.

I'd gotten to know him quite well in my week at the hotel. Ed was able to get away more often than Jesse and kept me company whenever he could. I'd come to realize why Jesse speaks so highly of him and soon discovered he's nothing more than a big softie underneath his hard exterior. Not to mention deeply in love with his wife and very protective of Jesse.

"I should hope not!" He boomed, giving me a tight squeeze before letting me go and walking me around to the passenger side of Jesse's Land Cruiser, his boss had specifically brought up for him. "And don't think I'm letting you off the hook either. Rose still wants to meet you, so don't be surprised if we start badgering you for a visit. And remember to give Jesse hell on the way. I expect to hear whining and grumbling when I get his call tonight," He carried on, chuckling when Jesse muttered something I couldn't hear.

He let me get comfortable before he leaned in the open door with a serious expression. Talking in a hushed voice. "And take good care of Jesse for me."

I gave a jerky nod, not bothering to answer. I didn't have anything to say to it. Jesse and I haven't exactly talked about what happens next with us. Neither making the first move. It was just one other thing I was trying not to dwell on. I just wanted to get the first pit-stop out of the way and enjoy the rest of my time with him on the way back to Carmel. I wanted to be selfish and pretend for a little while longer.

Ed gave my hand one more squeeze before pulling away and closing my door. I didn't have time to catch my breath before Jesse was jumping in his side and looking at me expectantly.

"All ready?" He asked, already turning the key and stopping me from yelling '_NO_!' out of fright. Instead I just closed my eyes and gave him a firm nod. '_Don't break. Don't break_.' I repeated to myself over and again. "Let's go." Jesse said, making me pop my eyes open at his clipped tone of voice. Not directed at me. His gaze was firmly fixed in front of him. I noticed his tense shoulders and stiff posture and relaxed slightly. He may be calm now, but underneath it all he's just as nervous, I told myself. Glad I wasn't alone.

But whether that was nerves from our first stop or from what would come at the very end of the road trip, I couldn't define. And I didn't want to.

He put the car into reverse and pulled out. Beeping at Lance and Ed who were still standing there, waving us off. I turned back between the seats to see them until we turned the corner and they were gone. When I sat back around facing the front, we were just pulling out into the bright sunlight and I donned my shades. Releasing my breath and stretching my legs out.

And the nerves _really_ set in.

xXx

I shot a surreptitious glance at Susannah and turned back to the road; ignoring her fingers tapping on the door. Because if she wasn't tapping the door then she was drumming her fingers on her knees. The worst was when she started shifting though the radio stations trying to find something she liked. But it all came down to the same obsession; she needed something to do with her hands. And she was coming up short being stuck in such a close compartment such as my car. I didn't ask her to stop, I just let her carry on and find ways to ease her agitation.

Agitation that's been building the closer we get to her apartment building where it'd all started.

For the first hour on the road she'd been talkative and almost relaxed with me. Even though I couldn't read her too much due to her hiding behind her sunglasses. But it left me to hope for a while at least, that she might be okay once we arrived at the her old apartment where she witnessed Carson shooting her friend. But that was a foolish thought and I was trying my damndest to give Susannah her time and not ask what was wrong.

Because I already know the answer and that there isn't anything I can do to relieve the strain or the pressure of something simple to anyone else, but huge for Susannah. If she could have, she would've ignored this final step and gone straight onto seeing her mother. But this particular issue I pushed her on. And the silence stretched on and started to build and become uncomfortable for the first time in a while between us both.

Considering the last few days had been anything _but_ uncomfortable, it was disconcerting. In the beginning, she left me feeling like a fumbling idiot. With just a look or a touch my perfect balance would be thrown and I didn't know how to deal with that. Turning to irritation. But since the disaster our last day in the safe-house, that didn't seem to be so much of a problem any-more. I was slowly getting it back. Until now.

In the short time it's taken for us to get to the home Susannah used to share with her friend, I've missed that feeling I've gotten used to.

I looked over at Susannah again, her face turned away to looking out of her window. I mentally barraged myself for not saying anything. For not trying to reassure her in some way. But I know that isn't going to do any good. There's only so much comfort I can give Susannah before she walks back into the scene of a heinous crime. Another fifteen minutes and we would be pulling up to the curb of her building. The same one she hasn't stepped back into for over a month. The scene had been cleaned up thoroughly and everything back in its place. To anyone else, it would look as though nothing happened.

But that's never the case for the eye-witness struck with the fear of God in them when they walk back into it.

Needing to say something, I turned away from the traffic and looked at her. "Susannah?" I said, raising my hand to reach out and rest it on her thigh. She didn't flinch at my touch much to my relief, but did turn and give me her attention. "We're going to be arriving soon." I carried on needlessly. She knows where we are, but I couldn't help the need to verbalize it. To snap her back to the present.

I know how easy it can be to talk yourself out of something.

"Are you ready?" I asked.

It was a callous and blunt thing to say, but that's what Susannah needs. Pandering and sharing sympathy with her would only make it harder. Susannah is a tough character and this has only made her harder in some ways. If I wait for her to psych herself into it, like anyone would have to do, then I know she'll never deal with what she might come across. She could potentially have another break-down she had in the safe-house after her nightmare ended.

Susannah wants normalcy and her life back. And I'm determined to give her as much of that as possible.

"I know," Susannah replied tonelessly. Her voice as hard as stone and I took my hand away from her leg. But I didn't take my gaze away from her, resisting the urge to remove her sunglasses so I could see the truth. She sighed and continued, noticing my non-wavering stare. "No; I'm not ready, Jesse. But I never will be. So let's just get it out of the way, okay?"

Satisfied with her answer, I nodded and turned back to driving forward where the traffic before us had moved. I'd ignored the annoyed beeps of the people behind me.

They can wait; Susannah can't.

For the rest of the drive to her complex, it was silent again. But not tense like it was before. I pulled up to the curb, my side giving me the view of her building, giving Susannah a chance to find her equilibrium. I turned off the engine, marking the fact I won't be driving off no matter how much Susannah wants me to. I know she does, even if she isn't saying so. A part of me wants to too. But I won't. Even if I will be saving her the added pain. This is in some ways, Susannah's chance to start the ritual of laying some ghosts to rest and moving on.

I unsnapped my seat-belt and turned my body to give Susannah my full attention.

"Do you want me to go up and get what you want?" I asked, already knowing she'll refuse. "You can just tell me what you want; you don't have to do this." I pressed. It's a cheap and underhanded tactic, but it's what I know will spur Susannah into moving and proving something to herself. It was just a different way of me saying; '_I don't think you can do this_. _I think you're too scared.'_ Reverse psychology in a way that I wouldn't use normally. I only do now because I know Susannah can handle it.

She has too. If she doesn't, then she'll never recover from Carson or more importantly, Slater.

In answer, Susannah unlocked her belt and pulled on the handle of the door. Just before she could make the move to climb out though, I reached over and seized her wrist, making her turn and look back at me. My voice as hard as hers was before. Harder even. But my eyes show what I'm really saying. Allowing a small comfort to slip through before I harden my resolve again. It's just enough for Susannah. It's all she needs to see and hear.

"I'll be with you the whole time. Remember, you're not alone up there."

Susannah leaned forward and laid a hand to my stubbled cheek. Pressing a kiss to my lips for fleeting seconds before she pulled away and climbed out of my car; closing the door. But those fleeting seconds were enough and I climbed out my side after her. I caught up to Susannah's tense strides easily, catching the door and pulling it open for her just as she was reaching for it. She gave me a small smile before stepping through and when she headed to the stairs instead of the elevator, I didn't question her.

I know what she's doing. Delay tactics again.

I stayed two steps behind her the whole way, always aware of my gun secure in its holster, hidden beneath my jacket. I doubt there's going to be anyone around, but I refuse to take any more chances. I'm happy to leave her at her family's home because she'll have security; she just won't know it's there. But the whole way up the seven flights of stairs, I keep my senses open and honed. And when she walked down the hall and stopped before a door making no move to unlock it, I keep my instincts closer still.

But they're not ringing any alarms.

Just my ones for Susannah.

I watched wordlessly as she pulled out her keys shakily, not stepping towards the door to finish the sequence. One step she can't quite bring herself to do, leaving me do it for her. Trying not to make her feel belittled, I gently took the warm keys from her trembling hand and stepped in front of her, blocking her view to what I might open up to. When I unlocked the door and pushed it open enough for me to stick my head around, I could feel Susannah stiffen behind me. Not seeing or hearing anything, I pushed the door open fully and stepped inside with a sweeping glance.

Susannah hesitated for mere seconds before she took the leap into the deep end of the pool. Sink or swim, it all counted on her being strong enough to survive. And I held my breath anxiously. Watching and waiting for her.

I kept quiet and stepped to the side allowing her room. Susannah's eyes quickly rushed around the living room. The very scene of the murder she accidentally walked in on weeks ago. Her gaze not lingering on any one thing, just seeming to be taking everything in at once with detachment, her sunglasses still perched on her nose.

Before I can stop Susannah, she moved around the couch and headed off down the hall towards one of three closed doors. She was still shaking as I followed after her, coming to stop in a room I barely gave any attention to. My eyes too riveted to Susannah's frantic and jerky movements while she moves around the room with speed and action. Her breathing heavy, but she didn't stop. And still I watch.

The prickling uncomfortable feeling crawling all over me. And the will-power I exercise by not walking in and taking her into my arms trying to calm her, makes sweat break out and run down my spine in an ice cold touch.

For a quick ten minutes I tensely stand by and watch Susannah rush around the room. Throwing open another suitcase she pulled down from her closet shelf. Tossing it on the bed and emptying her drawers and hangers of whatever she wanted; her shoes quick to follow. She didn't spare the time to go through any of it, just threw it all in. '_I'll sort it once I'm out of here_,' she said at one point when she caught my eye, not stopping from her task. Her cosmetics, perfumes and anything else she wanted to keep close to her got thrown into a large sports bag. A jewellery box and framed photos soon added to the pile along with more shoes.

And I furrow my brow wondering if that's what she's been thinking about while we drove along in silence. What she was going to pack and how to get it done quickly.

When it seemed she got everything she needed from her room, paperwork, trinkets, souvenirs; she brushed past me and down the hall to the last door. The bathroom I noticed as she threw open the door letting it swing closed by itself. My heart hammered an unsteady rhythm, picking up on her agitation at just being in her old home. It was coming off her in waves making me prickle at a situation I know I wouldn't otherwise have done.

For a couple of seconds I can hear her shuffling around the bathroom, dropping what she wanted into a wash-bag before it suddenly went quiet.

Too quiet.

Not thinking about it, I made quick work of striding down to where Susannah disappeared. Un-sure of what I was going to find, I dared not hesitate.

Gently I pushed on the door and let it swing open. My eyes instantly zoned in on Susannah sitting on the closed toilet seat, her head in her hands, her sunglasses on her head and her wash-bag at her feet. Clenching my fists I quickly threw away the theory of making her face her fears so abruptly and dropped to the tiles at her feet. Bringing me level with her eyes. The man in me who would do anything to protect the people I care about and whom feels far more than I ever expected to with the spitfire under my protection, wouldn't allow me to let Susannah go through it alone.

Whether she pushes me away or not, I can't stand back any longer. I don't give a damn about her defences and her need for independence. She doesn't _need_ them around me anymore, and I know she's realized it.

I can carry her; I can take her weaknesses and vulnerability. And I'll do it because I _want_to. Because I can't stand to see her so lost. The woman with all the answers and all the confidence. I'll do it because I don't want to treat her like one of my subordinates snapping them out of their fear. '_Stand up and take it_!' That's what I would have told them. '_There's no room for fear in life, don't let it control you_!'

But Susannah isn't one of my men and that's _not_ the truth. Because we do need fear. We just can't allow it to consume us. Susannah isn't Military trained and used to coping with situations that n-one should be prepared and ready for. And I don't want her to have to learn it either.

Reaching out, I pulled her hands away from her face and placed mine there instead. I couldn't help but take in her eyes sparkling with unshed tears, none fallen down her pale cheeks. I let my thumbs rub soothingly over her smooth skin, raising myself so I can press a kiss to her cold fore-head she shudders and sighs at. I keep my lips pressed there for seconds, inhaling the scent of her hair and willing my heart to slow down.

When I fall back to sitting on my heels, Susannah is giving me a watery smile.

"You shouldn't be doing this," I murmur to her, my voice gravelly with too much emotion I haven't felt in many years. Too much suppressed for so long, it's been making it harder to cope with. And I don't know whether to welcome the change or be annoyed by its timing. Susannah needs someone to be the strength _for_ her. And I wouldn't let anyone else carry that. It's my duty now. It was then and it is now.

"You shouldn't have to be doing _any_ of this, _querida_. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that _enfermo hijo de puta_ put you here."

Susannah lifted her hands up to rest over mine gently holding her face, slowly pulling them down to rest in her lap.

"Don't do that, Jesse," She quietly said, sounding almost . . . at peace. But I know it's not that. I know it's something else. "Don't apologize for anything _he_ did. I don't want to hear it. Not from you, not from _anyone_. I don't want to be here and I hate that I _am_. But I can't go back and I undo what's already been done. That's what everyone's been telling me. So can't I just try and forget about it? Get my stuff and go. I'm so _tired_ of going over it again and again. I'm going to drive myself _crazy_ with it. I just want to leave and get on with my life. Concentrate on getting him put away and bring Thea's killer to justice."

"He's taken too much from me already; I won't let him take anymore." She whispered, leaning in towards me imploringly.

I watched her for a long time. Searching through her eyes, finding a myriad of emotions. Her determination so very clear. Her stubbornness being a trait I've gone up against enough times in the short time I've known Susannah. That's never been taken and I'm thankful for that. Even if it has been blanketed with everything that's happened. But she's also scared. That she's going to be wrong? That Carson will win? Or that she's just clinging for something that doesn't exist? I don't know and I don't ask. Instead, I stand up and pull her to her feet, knowing one thing.

That it's time to leave. Time for Susannah to step out of the odd array of thoughts and feelings coming back to her and back into the safety of familiarity again.

"We're leaving," I said, bending down to pick up her wash-bag filled with her toiletries, retaking her hand. "Do you have anything else you want to get?" I asked, waiting for her to shake her head before I pulled her out of the bathroom and back down to her room. Stepping in I let go of her hand and drop the wash-bag into the suitcase and zipping it closed. Susannah walks over and does the same to her sports bag. "Are you sure there's nothing else you want to take?" I ask again, just to be certain.

After I'd mentioned we would be coming back here on the way to her mothers the night before, Susannah had adamantly refused and I thought for the second time in days that we would walk into an argument. But I could understand her refusal. And after I explained to her whilst I sat on the couch and watched her pace the living room in frustration that there are things she can't walk away from - Items, documents, memories she needed to claim, she calmed slightly. I told her it was only one quick stop. That we wouldn't be staying any longer than was needed.

It was two hours later that she came back out of her room and told me she would do it.

But for the last time. That she won't step foot in the building ever again after that.

"I'm sure." She confirmed.

I nodded once and took the bag from her hand. "Let's go," I instructed, almost a sense of urgency pressing me forward.

I led the way out of her room and down the hall. Susannah kept her stare straight and pointedly away from the scene of the crime as we by-passed the living room headed for the still open front door. Susannah stepped through first and I followed. Dropping the sports bag so I could close and lock the door she'll never open again. I didn't hand the keys back to Susannah. I just dropped them into my jacket pocket and followed after her as she walked off down the hall in search of the elevators.

It wasn't until I had Susannah's suitcase and bag safely in my car with her others and I was sitting back behind the wheel gripping it tightly, did I breathe a sigh of relief and look over to Susannah. She was breathing heavily, running a hand through her hair trying to still her nerves. Her sunglasses were back on as a way for her to compose herself. And the silence was almost deafening, neither making a move to break it. I want to reach out for her, but I stay in my seat, not daring to.

Eventually, just as I'm thinking about reaching for the key she turned her head and looked at me. "Let's get out of here." She said tonelessly.

I don't question her; I just happily start the car and put it into gear. Doing just as she suggested, glad to be leaving a place I didn't feel comfortable in at last.

Susannah, again, never looked back as we drove away.

xXx

The first part of the journey back on the road, Susannah didn't say much. There wasn't any knee finger drumming or tapping on the door. The radio stayed on a classic rock channel and the silence wasn't stifling. We were both lost in our own thoughts, trying to put aside what had happened back there. Myself trying to decide whether to broach the subject of what she said in the bathroom or to leave it. In the end, I knew that was one conversation neither of us was ever likely to talk about again. I'm still that recluse at heart, keeping myself to myself. Talking is something I've had to learn in the last couple of weeks with Susannah.

But there are still some things I'm not ready to say.

We pulled in at a cafe an hour and a half in. Stopping for lunch because we had both missed breakfast. Thankfully the lunch seemed to rejuvenate us both and the rest of the trip was spent with easy and flirty banter flowing between us both. I could tell she needed distracting to keep her mind off where we had been and where we were going. And I went along with it. She didn't mention her mother, but I knew she was replaying how the meeting could go in the lapses of silence we sat in, between the snarky comments and pokes at each other.

Having the chance to tease and wind Susannah up is something I don't ever want to step away from. And having her stuck with me, I used it to my advantage much to her annoyance.

"You're an ass, Jesse, you know that?" She spat back hotly after I gave a deliberately patronizing answer to something. Her arms crossed over her chest in defiance and she glared at me with that fire I love to see in her eyes. The same fiery passion that has always been there, only directed in a different way now. And when I quirk my eyebrow and give her my care-free smirk she glares just that much harder.

"I've been called many things, _querida_," I retort, shooting her a deliberately arrogant wink. "That's just one of them. But I stand by my first answer; I am not letting you drive my car. It's probably too powerful for you anyway," I carried on, pushing all the right buttons to get a reaction from her. "This is a _man's_ car. It wasn't built for delicate little woman too afraid of breaking a nail." I grin keeping my eyes to the road.

She was glaring at me so intently, she failed to notice when I pulled away from the traffic and to the side of the road, idly leaving the engine running.

"A _man's_ car? Not built for delicate woman? Since when have I ever come across as _delicate_, to you?" She started and I can sense and hear her building fury with me. She unclipped her belt and clenched her hands into fists in her lap when she finally notices where we are. "If you're going to be a patronizing asshole just like you was in the beginning; then I'll just - _Damn _you!" She growled, reaching forward to grip my shirt and roughly pull me towards her.

I gave in to the kiss suddenly being pressed on me and wrapped my arms around her waist pulling her up against me. I'd wanted to pull her into my arms for too long; I refuse to let the opportunity pass. Her hands let go of my shirt and snake around my neck, the kiss growing deeper and more competitive with each second. She tries to gain the upper hand and so did I. Only when she growls again do I chuckle and give in to her advances, letting her have the control.

When we come back up for air and I catch her flushed cheeks and heavy breathing, I grin again.

"You're right, Susannah," I picked up where she cut us off. "You're not delicate at all. And you're not going to do my hard-ass image any good either, are you?" I asked, rubbing my hand up and down her back soothingly. She smirked and shook her head. "Yeah, that's what I thought." I sighed, dipping my head to capture her lips again.

Only I let the kiss remain slow and gentle with the undercurrent of passion constantly simmering between us. Susannah melted in my arms, her fingers raking through my hair leaving it in more of disarray than she's already done. When we pull away again, awareness of where we were supposed to be going and to who takes a hold of me quickly. And with it, what it would mean at the end.

But Susannah kept her arms around my neck, smiling softly and making the thought I've managed to keep at bay until now, evaporate and disappear into the fire between us. I'm so enraptured, I don't know if I can bring myself to pull away and finish the last leg of our journey.

And then a slow smirk creeps across her face.

"You deliberately provoked me didn't you?" She asked, getting a smug head nod from me. She narrowed her eyes playfully. "I still think you're ass," She confidently said, slowly drawing away from me. "Just a very sexy and irresistible one. Which means you're no good for me, Jesse." She stated.

I barked a laugh at that, waiting for her to settle in her seat before I speak. "Since when do you ever do anything that _is_ good for you, _querida_?" I asked, her sudden burst of laughter making me grin with pride again. She looked like she was thinking about it before she shrugged helplessly, pouting. "That's what I thought." I chuckled again, indicating and pulling back out into our lane.

For the last part of the drive Susannah is quiet but much more relaxed than she had been even while we had been at the hotel and away from danger. Her face turned to watching the sights go past, mainly gazing out at the sparkling ocean with a content smile. I know in that moment that she's been looking forward to coming home to Carmel to see her family. A family that has no clue she is so close. When I pull up to a large, old renovated house that belongs to her parents, Susannah straightened in her seat.

She'd told me a little about its history and the infamous bullet hole her step-father had framed for prosperity sake. And I can't help but admire the family home as I gaze out at it. Taking in the picturesque beauty. A pang of homesick-ness for my family hit me but is gone in seconds. As it always is. And I turn away from the house to look at the amazing spitfire next to me, looking at the same sight.

"Home again," She murmured almost nervously. I gave her a reassuring smile when she glanced at me. She gave me a wavering one in return and took a deep breath. "Let's go and get the dramatic and embarrassing scene out of the way then." She grimaced, climbing down from the car and walking around to meet me as I stepped down. I didn't reach out and take her hand on the way up to the house. I just let her walk before me up the long gravelled driveway.

Before Susannah came anywhere close to the porch steps leading up to the door, it suddenly swung open and a woman quickly appeared in the doorway. She didn't move and she didn't utter a word. She just seemed to be suspended in animation. The only sign that she was alert and with us was the visibly shaking hands held at her tense sides. Susannah sucked in a quiet breath when she saw her.

"Hey, mom." Susannah finally said her voice steady and relieved. No sign of her nerves from earlier, just a deep gratefulness that she's finally here.

"Suzie?" Her mother exclaimed in disbelief. She stayed frozen for seconds before she suddenly moved, coming down the steps so fast I was surprised she didn't trip and fall. She rushed to Susannah and encompassing her in such a tight hug, I had to wonder if her daughter could breathe at all. "Oh honey!" She cried tearfully causing me to smile at the emotional reunion and take a further step back to give them their space.

Helen Ackerman stroked her hand down Susannah's hair with motherly affection. But I turned my gaze away at the sight, images of my own mother doing that to my sisters flooding my mind again. I hadn't anticipated it would have such a profound effect on me when I told Ed I would be the one to take Susannah home. He had given me a look I didn't interpret at the time. But the pure relief in her mother's eyes and guilt but overwhelming joy in Susannah's took me by surprise and told me exactly what he had been trying not to say.

Of the spurred deep memories I hadn't allowed in a long time. Other than on the rare occasions I would drink myself into a stupor, my sub-conscious tormenting me further.

"Suzie where have you _been_? I've been so worried! Oh, honey, it's so good to see you!" She carried on, her normally composed behaviour wavering dramatically and I raised my eyes again. Catching Helen pulling away to look at her daughter. Her eyes darker than Susannah's tracing all over her face with a shaking smile. Trying to memorize her again.

Susannah didn't answer any of her mother's questions, only looked back at her with a serious expression that I knew to be the reason for her nerves. But I also know enough about Susannah to know she'll admit when she's wrong. And in this case, she needed to say it without hindrance.

"You don't need to worry about that," Susannah quietly said, her eyes falling to me once before she met her mother's again.

"Look, before you say anything else, _I_ have to say something. That I should have said a long time ago," She resolutely kept her gaze on her mothers in respect for her. "I'm sorry. For everything I did and put you through. I'm really, really sorry I've made you go through so much and not been the daughter you deserve. I wish I could take it all back and do it all again. I don't have any excuse for it, mom. But I do want to try and make it up to you?"

Helen's response was tearful, but as composed as she could be, recognizing the effort Susannah put in by saying all she did. "I know you are, honey. And I appreciate you saying it to me, I really do. But, I don't want to talk about that now. What's done is done." She beamed, swallowing the rising emotion coming to her voice. "I'm just so happy to see you!"

Susannah laughed lightly, letting her mother pull her back into a tight hold she had obviously been itching to do. I took a deep breath of my own, proud of Susannah for saying something a couple of months ago, she may never have thought about doing. A lot's changed since then.

"Well I'm here now, mom," Susannah said. "And I don't suppose my old rooms available for a while is it?" She broke into an innocent smile when her mother quickly pulled away with a hopeful expression Susannah swallowed guiltily for. "Just until I can get myself back on my feet. I promise I won't get in the way." She continued, not saying of why she was suddenly on her doorstep, looking for forgiveness and a safe-haven.

"Oh, Suzie," Helen half sobbed and laughed. "Of course it's there. It's _always_been there for you! I've missed you so much, honey, I'd love for you to stay with us."

We all turned to look when a new set of footsteps came out onto the porch, catching sight of a man I knew from Susannah's files to be her step-father, Andrew Ackerman.

"Andy, look who's here! It's Suze!" Helen called out to him excitedly, releasing Susannah and allowing her to take a step back at last while she went to meet her husband. Susannah turned to look at me quickly, and I gave her a small smile and wink of encouragement. Grateful to be standing on the outside of their group I was finding increasingly difficult to watch. "Doesn't she look great? You're almost glowing, Suze!" She carried on reaching her daughter again.

I ducked my head to stifle my laugh, looking away from Susannah's embarrassment and choked breath.

"Hey, kiddo," Andy stepped forward and pulled her into a hug Susannah almost seemed to bristle at before she relaxed. "Your mom's right, you do look great. It's good to see you, it's been too long. I'm sure your mom thought something awful had happened to you. Not that she told me that." He grinned, shooting Helen a look. She didn't pay him any mind though, just kept her eye on her daughter for a reaction.

I know Helen Ackerman knows something. I was told about her confronting two of my men standing watch outside her home, now long gone. And I know Susannah has every intention on telling them. Just not until she's ready too. I didn't discourage her from doing such a thing when she said. I know she wants to build a stronger relationship with her mother and I won't stand in the way of that.

"Who's this?" Helen asked and I raised my head to see Susannah's parents eyeing me carefully. Or rather, Helen was eyeing me warily. "Aren't you going to introduce us?"

I looked at Susannah and stepped forward, sticking my hand out for Helen to take. "Good afternoon, Ma'am," I nodded. "I'm Jesse De Silva. Susannah's friend," She shook my hand and I turned to offer it to her step-father. "Sir," He gave me a warm smile with a firm handshake. I stepped back up to Susannah's side, standing close, but not too close. "It's pleasure to meet you both." I finished, putting on my best smile.

"Hmm," Helen said, looking to her daughter. "Suze has never mentioned you," She looked me over, almost assessing. But I could see in her eyes it was more in humor than suspicion and I just laughed when Susannah shook her head next to me. "Well never mind that, why are we still standing out here? Let's go in!" She smiled; looping her arm through her husband's and turned to walk back to the porch before I stopped her.

"Thank you for the offer, Ma'am, but I'm going to have to decline," I smiled apologetically before turning to Susannah. "I should make a move, I still have a couple of hours on the road, and I'd rather beat the traffic." Susannah nodded, her uncovered eyes guarded around her parents. I tried not to imagine it being because I was leaving. But I know that's was part of it. For the first time in over four weeks, I'm going to be minutes away from Susannah. A comfort and a torture to us both.

"I'll just get your suitcases for you." I walked back down to my car, her step-father falling in step with me offering his help.

We made short work of getting her two cases and bags into the foyer of the house, Susannah and her mother standing back and letting us do what we do best. As soon as my boot was empty of her bags leaving only mine behind, I walked back up to Susannah and her mother. Surprised to suddenly be embraced by her mother, my height almost towering over her. She whispered a thank you in my ear before she pulled back. Then she shot Susannah a look and followed her husband back to the house.

When the front-door closed behind them, I turned to look at Susannah. With a silent agreement, we walked down to my waiting car where I leaned on my door watching Susannah standing a few steps in front of me. My arms crossed over my chest to keep from reaching out to her.

I searched through my mind for something to say. Something to ease us both. But in the end, I just settled with watching her. Catching the small up-turning of her lips when as she looked back. A battle of wills almost.

"I always knew you'd warm up to me eventually," I smirked, breaking the silence we were just standing in. Susannah had long since placed her sunglasses back atop her head, giving me free reign to sink into her deep eyes and look. She stood facing me, her fingers hooked into the front of her jeans pockets. Her eyes brightened when I spoke, spurring me on. "I had this hunch about it. And my intuition is rarely wrong."

"Confident aren't you?" She asked, the small tilt at the corners of her lips grew, giving away her amusement.

"About some things, yes," I replied, weighing up my options on what to say next, but it ended up tumbling out anyway. "But not all the time. So, what do we do now?" I asked, catching her down-shot look before she raised her head again, shrugging lightly. "We probably should have talked about this before now, huh?" I carried on, internally chastising myself for being so foolish and putting it off.

"Well I know talking isn't really one of your strong-points, so . . ." She trailed off, giving me a smile to buffer her true statement. "But to be honest, I don't know. Maybe it's not the right time to do this between us. Maybe we should just be happy with what we had and go our separate ways," She carried on, the words rolling off her tongue. But it sounded more like she was trying to make up her mind as she spoke. Like she was waiting for me to disregard her out-loud thoughts. "Maybe - "

"We should let time and distance tell," I cut her off, much to her relief. But I carried on, re-igniting the hope she was trying to douse. Purely out of habit on her part. "Susannah, I don't want you to think I'm giving up. But - "

"'_Time and distance_' and all that," She finished for me. I nodded, noticing her less tense stance for what I said. "Right."

We fell silent again and for a couple of minutes, neither of us moved. Until I slowly stood up from my car and took the three steps towards her. Her eyes watched me intently, eagerly waiting for the contact and touch I was sorely craving too. I reached out seemingly in slow motion, my hands resting on the smooth column of her neck, drawing her into me and pressing my lips to hers. All thoughts of the drive back home, the loneliness of my house and where we stood gone from my mind. All that was important was cherishing that moment.

My hands massaged her neck making her moan and allow me to deepen the kiss. Her hands clutched at my shirt, my arms slipping around her waist to hold her up and against me. I kissed her thoroughly, cherishing and wanting her. Needing to have a kiss so full of raw emotion and power, I never wanted to let her go. I lost myself in her touch, the flick of her tongue teasing me. In the sweetness of her, every sigh, movement and emotion ticking my senses.

But the need for air was stronger and slowly we pulled away. Susannah's head came to rest on my chest; breathing heavily.

"God, you have no idea how much I'm going to miss that," She smiled against me, my head dropping to kiss her silky hair in response. Words leaving me. "Jesse, you're making it really hard to say good-bye," She murmured, her hands tightening on my shirt leaving creases in their wake. I could do nothing but sigh dejectedly and nod against her. "So why are you still here?" She asked.

"Because I can't quite find it in myself to pull away, _querida_."

In response, I felt her lips brush against my chest before her hands unclenched from my shirt and laid flat against my chest. Her fingers kneading me before she applied the pressure and pushed me away from her. Placing me at arms distance again, my hands slowly sliding off her to fall away. "I hate long good-byes." She said in answer to my look.

Sighing and knowing she was right, I didn't try to pull her back but let her run her hands through her mussed hair and gain her balance back.

"I have to go. And you need to get back to your family. Your mothers waiting for you," I said, still unable to move. Susannah nodded, glancing behind her and taking in her family's home before she looked back to me. "I'll be in touch, _querida_." I backed up my steps, turning to open my door just before I stepped back into it. I caught Susannah's last murmured word before I jumped in and started the engine.

"Sure."

I looked out my open window to her, waiting for something before I pulled away and set off on the hour's long journey back. Only when she did smile at me, a sincere, un-wavering one did I give her my lopsided grin and pull away from her parent's home. My eyes glancing to the rear-view mirror more times than I should have done as I drove down the hill until she was out of sight. When I drove through the intersection, un-phased by the lack of traffic lights and the tourists zipping past me, I finally sighed.

Because I know what's waiting for me when I get home.

An empty house and a normal lonely life again.

Neither appealing to me anymore.

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_**A/N 2:**_ Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about my anonymous reviewers! **:)** But this turned out so long; I've decided to put them on my profile page. Sorry for the inconvenience. It's just for this one time. Don't be alarmed if it's not there straight away. It takes up to an hour for the changes to take affect. **:)** *_Hugs and love_!*


	20. Into The Night

_**A/N: **_Okay, this is it. It's all done. Finished. *_Sigh_* It's really hard to let go. But I love this last chapter so I'm leaving it happy. **:) **I wish I could jump through the computer and hug every single person who read and favourited this story! One-day, I'll find a word that sums up just how grateful and how much each and every alert, fave and review meant to me! Until then, please take my love and thank-yous for enjoying this story so much. Please review and send this one off with as much love as possible! **;)**

A _huge_ hug and thank you to -

_**Hot n' Exotic, I want to be Jesse's girl, Satellite Falling, Colleen, Marial79, Alicia, Cigarettes And Moonlight, orlibluver, Kaycee, MediatorLovr, Marien Volturi, Jess - aka Anonymous, TheVelvetVoice, :), Meg, LossOfSurroundings, redglasses, La Melodrama Queen, BananasForVacas, Lotus Elixir, Renom, writingismylife1, Caisie, BrBritney, Cherrywolf713, Aparul, Marci, Eponymous ;), Amber, Shawntay A., plainlyironic, Fan_of_Fiction, butterflywings27 and to Can'tRememberName/RememberedName/Nameless/NameMe/NameAtLast/OutOfNames . . .**_

For reviewing this story! *_Huggles and loves_* ya all! **:) **Thank you! And I'll try and have the sequel up soon!

* * *

_Like a gift from the heavens, it was easy to tell; it was love from above that could save me from hell. She had fire in her soul it was easy to see, how the devil himself could be pulled out of me...And our voices rang like the Angels sing..._

* * *

_**Into The Night**_

Sitting behind the wheel of my Land Cruiser, I sat up in my seat trying not to put my foot down on the gas while I levered myself and attempted to try and get my cell phone out of my vibrating jean pocket. "Dammit," I cursed, my hands fumbling for the too small phone as I pulled it out of its tight space and keep my eyes on the road. I pulled the wheel keeping me back in the straight lane and flipped open the small silver contraption. Hitting speaker before I dropped it to my lap.

"This better be a damn emergency, Andrews," I said before Lance could speak from his end. "This is the second time you've interrupted my sabbatical. This time, I'm quite happy being on it. What's up? And it better be good or I'll spread those rumors around the office you don't want me spreading." And I laughed when I heard what sounded like him choking on a drink at my opening statement. He spluttered some more and I shook my head at him, still trying to concentrate on the traffic.

"Geez, keep your hair on, Jesse. Can't a guy just call his buddy and see how he's doing if he wants?" Lance asked, feigning hurt. It wasn't working considering I could hear his humor even through the phone line. "There's no need to bring out the big guns and make it personal. I got some gossip I could easily spread around too, you know? You're not completely innocent, bud!" He carried on smugly.

"It's okay; I'll just scowl at anyone who would ever dare bring Susannah up with me. That would shut them up quick," I replied proudly, well aware of my detached behaviour and the way it makes some people around the main office uncomfortable. Lucky for them I'm out in the field most of the time so they don't have to deal with me. That pleasure is for the men stuck on missions with me. "Now are you going to tell me what you're calling for, or are you going to continue to prevaricate?"

I heard him clear his throat before silence came through the cell. I raised my eyebrow, waiting.

"Are you there yet?"

And there it was. The question I was expecting to hear as soon as I answered the phone. I had to give him brownie points for having a strong will-power and leaving it so long before he asked. He's like a dog with a bone when he gets his teeth sunk into something. And this apparently was no different. I'd been expecting his phone call for the past couple of days actually. Surprisingly I didn't receive one. Instead, I get it while I'm trying to drive, my nerves trying not to get the better of me. Not that I would tell him his call was actually _helping_ to calm me down some. I just kept my eyes tacked on the road, leaving it a lengthy pause before I answered him.

"No," I answered at last, stalling the urge to put my foot down on the gas and make the distance shorten a little bit faster. "And I won't be there any quicker with you calling me and sounding like a five year old - _Mierda_!" I quickly swerved my car out of the way from a couple of hooligans swinging past me out of no-where. "I don't remember the drive being this hard last time," I muttered, forgetting Lance was still on speaker-phone until I heard his laugh. "Mute it, Andrews."

"Sorry, sorry!" He quickly got out. And then he went silent for a few more seconds. I counted under my breath how long it would take for him to say what I knew was coming next. It was ten seconds of blissful silence. "It's just - Jesse, its _Suze_!" He crowed and if I didn't know any better, I would have said it was in hero worship. I know he became fond of her on our mission with her. But it's more a brotherly/sister fondness; much to my relief. "Suze, the _spitfire_, bud!"

I smirked, my eyes fixed on the road but my mind wandering to other passionate memories. "I know."

Lance went silent. Until his voice that had been enthusiastic and cheerful before, had suddenly turned bland and quiet. "You're grinning, aren't you?" He asked, picking up on the satisfaction in my tone with the way I answered him before. I laughed and replied with a simple yes. "God, you're an ass." And I laughed even harder. Remembering the same conversation I'd had with Susannah on our road-trip.

"So I've been told before," I replied, all smug satisfaction gone from my voice. "Look Lance, as much fun as I'm having speaking to you, I'm also trying to drive and it's quite the distraction - " He interrupted me asking if it was thoughts of Susannah I was more distracted by, but I just talked right over him. " - so if you don't mind . . ." I trailed off, hearing his sigh that didn't sound weary but more - content? "Lance you need to put this fascination with Susannah aside. It's starting to get awkward."

"It's not Suze I'm fascinated with, Jesse!" He exclaimed happily. "It's the way she's made you more . . . softer - ?"

"Hey! Don't go calling me soft!" I grouched, taking my eyes away from the road to glare at my phone. Not that it did any good.

"Okay, okay, I'm joking!" He laughed, catching his breath before he started again. "It's just refreshing to have a more relaxed and less dark and brooding, Jesse; to hang out with is all. Not that you don't still have it. You're just not as scary. Or so the women in the office say anyway. Not that it stops them from drooling all over you," He muttered good-naturedly. "I like Suze 'cos she stands up to you. It's fun to watch!"

"Hmph, if you say so." I answered, shrugging off his words I already know to be the truth. "Now you've asked your question you were dying to know so you can win the Pool I know Ed has set up," I continued, ignoring his stuttered denial. "Can I go? I wouldn't want to hold you up from hanging around the water cooler and spreading the gossip."

"I don't gossip!" He quickly shot back, ignoring everything else. "And I don't - "

"Good-bye, Lance!" I shouted back with a grin, hearing his '_Jesse, wait_!' before I grabbed my phone and flipped it shut. Ending the call and tossing the cell onto the seat next to me. "Peace and quiet." I said to myself, rolling the window down a little to get rid of the stuffy atmosphere surrounding me. The closer I was getting, the more the heat seemed to rocket up. My sunglasses kept slipping down my nose and I'd already gone through two bottles of water.

But I shouldn't have been surprised to receive his phone call. Ever since I'd mentioned Susannah would be coming to stay with me at my beach-house, both Lance and Ed had been walking around with wide Cheshire like grins. It was enough to make me take my sabbatical three days early. Only this time, I was looking forward to it. Anticipating the house having an atmosphere and a lived in feeling for the first time. Even if it is for a couple of short weeks if that's how long Susannah chooses to stay; anything is better than going home at the end of a mission or day behind a desk, expecting Susannah to be waiting for me.

Only to find I'm still as alone now as I was four months previous.

The trip back home had been stuffed with me trying to fill the silent void. Even when we didn't speak and Susannah was lost in her thoughts, it hadn't been as silent as it was for me driving home. Alone. I'd turned the radio over to a heavier rock station and even dug through my C.D's I have stuck under my seat. But nothing seemed to help. And walking into my home I hadn't stepped in for over a month, I just felt the pang and loss even harder. The rest of the night was spent with me and a _Bud_, sitting on the decking facing the water and going over too many memories. Some good, some not quite so much.

I got up and went into work like normal the next day. Rising before the sun so I could go for my daily run before stepping back into the office with a face like thunder and an even worse temperament. No-one came close to me, except for Ed who risked it. When he asked me what the hell I was doing back at work when I was supposed t be on; I only gave him a look he instantly interpreted. If I was at home I would go crazy. So he stuck me back on the mission rotation list.

I was due an assignment not three days later. And it was the space between the night I got home and the night before I was due to leave that I finally picked up the phone and called Susannah. I'd been battling the urge the whole time I was at work and home alone. I looked at the phone and even picked it up a couple of times. Coming close to punching in her number just to fall short and put the receiver down. I wanted to give her time with her family and to settle in. Not for her to think I was harassing her. But I didn't want her to believe I wasn't going to stick to my word either.

It was a double-edged sword and was what pushed me into calling, gone midnight the night before I was leaving on a mission.

From the way she leapt at answering, not giving me time to decide what to say, she had been waiting for it.

Almost instantly my nerves settled and relief over-took me. And the short, but easy and light conversation flowed between us until I had to ring off. Short and sweet and leaving me wanting more. I told her I was going on assignment and I didn't know when I could call next. And she said she would wait, installing more hope. The job lasted just under two weeks and the first thing I did was call her when I got through the door dropping my bags. She wasn't in that time, but she did call me back. And it was like there was no time delay between our last call.

I don't know whether she was surprised to have me stay in contact so quickly, but I didn't want her to think I was giving up so soon. For her to think I had just used her to get what I wanted just to drop her the first chance I got. She means far too much to me to ever put her through that. She _deserves_ more.

The conversations lasted long into the night after that second initial call. It was almost an unspoken agreement that it was the best time. When I was out in the field for a couple of days or a couple of weeks, she never took offence to the wait. She understands the hard routine of my job and accepts that. This only made me fall for her harder. Having someone who doesn't expect more of me and is willing to let me juggle the two . . .

It was almost too much to hope for.

But the calls didn't always flow between us of course. We had our disagreements over something petty mostly. And the resulting banter was something born of an old married couple. And once that realization settled in, I was hopeless to walk away from it. I relished it. The drama, the laughter and the flirting. It was unusual and it was almost frightening. But we haven't been through so much for me to just give up now. And somewhere in those calls, Susannah figured that out too. So the calls came more regular and the light feeling I got each time she answered with a crack remark of what took so long, the tightening in my chest loosened.

To the point where I barely feel it anymore.

But now, here I am, driving back up to Carmel and Susannah; anticipation making me want to put my foot down on the gas and get there a little bit quicker. It's been nearly three months since I dropped Susannah off at her mothers and she's itching to leave. Every plan I'd made to go and see her had fallen through from either her end or mine. And a few times she had asked if we were holding on to something that wasn't going to work. But I wouldn't take that and I would reinforce it. She didn't believe what she said anymore than I did. But with the constant interruptions again, it was easy to feel that way.

Until a couple of weeks ago. Susannah had been complaining about boredom and waiting around for something to happen. Of her mother fussing around her after she'd told her the truth of where she had been and what is happening. Minus the death of Slater. And her step-brothers had been trying to find out all the details questioning and badgering; and she finally cracked. She'd had enough.

I'd taken it all in, giving the best advice I could in that situation and offering my sympathy for her plight. While an idea I had been thinking about for a while began to form and build the more I heard the light and sparkle drain out of her when she spoke about the drama. But it was a few days before I plucked up the courage to ask her what I had been thinking about. A bottle of beer helping me with my Dutch courage.

Only in the end, I hadn't needed anything to worry about.

"_If you're so desperate to get away, Susannah, you can come and stay with me for a while. Give yourself and your family some space._"

I'd proposed a heavy silence on her end making me think about quickly receding the offer. But I wouldn't know until I tried, so I stayed quiet, leaving her to make up her own mind. With the length of how long it had been since she'd seen her family, to suddenly being thrust upon them, Susannah was feeling the strain. Things don't change over-night and she's well aware of that. But it doesn't help someone as stubborn as Susannah.

"_What?_" She'd asked, finally coming back to our conversation. Her tone hard to interpret.

"_It's up to you_," I'd said, trying not to hope but trying not to let the inclining of disappointment enter my voice either. "_You can stay for as long as you need_."

Susannah had only needed a couple of seconds to think the offer over and she'd agreed. The more she talked about it, the brighter her voice became, making it hard to keep the grin away from there-after. We made better plans a couple of days later when I'd gotten the chance to call again. I was nervous at first that she'd changed her mind. But she hadn't. And the second idea that had come to me last night, while I tossed and turned in bed, only made me more nervous. It's a leap she may not be ready to take, but one I've come to realize I need. The distance only making it harder to ignore that it's what I want.

Unfortunately it's been so long since I've been in a relationship, the doubting myself and my decision has made me wonder if I'm going to screw up it up somehow! That it's all going to go wrong and we're making a mistake. Even though deep-down I know it's not the case. Just the past digging its heels in and not allowing me to move forward.

Susannah may have had the same thoughts, but I've never asked her. Male pride halts that.

But I want Susannah in my life enough to want to overcome any challenges that might impede us. After-all, we've already done the living together thing. Albeit with Lance and Marty there also. But the limitations were enough for us to butt heads more than enough times and it did nothing but fan the flames between us. And cause the passion to grow even more. That's why I enjoy teasing and winding her up. Because the undercurrent always shines through the anger.

Intensifying the moment that more often than not follows.

Before I can get my thoughts back into order and contemplate whether this is a good thing or not, I catch sight of her parent's home coming up fast before me. I climb across the gravelled driveway easily, my car used to rough terrain, barely conscious of the motions. Looking around I notice her parents cars have gone and the house is silent. Lifting my wrist to glance at my watch, I wonder if I'm too early. But as soon as I unclip my belt and open my door, Susannah is suddenly there. Standing in the same place her mother was, only casually leaning against the door frame, watching me climb down from my car and slam the door closed.

I don't say anything as I climb the porch steps and Susannah doesn't move. I just watch her, her eyes alight and dancing as she tracks my slow and deliberate steps towards her. Backing up into the house, my eyes darken at the intent in hers. She doesn't back down from my dark, possessive stare. Only relishes it and meets it with a challenge of her own.

As I step through the threshold, I grab the door and push it closed behind me. As soon as the click indicates it's closed, she jumps. Straight into my arms where I catch her effortlessly, her legs wrapping around my waist, her hair falling over her shoulders to brush against my face as she moves in and finally meets my lips with her own. The instant rush of desire that shoots through me reminds me of the first time Susannah and I kissed. Only more powerful, intense and raw than before. Now I know what's beneath it and what fuels it, it makes the instant lust I have for her shoot to life. Protesting at being separated from for so long.

"_Ha sido demasiado largo, querida_." I said before I gave in to the kiss completely.

And I don't hold back. My arms holding her tighten, a hand wandering up her back to creep into her hair and tilt her head back so I can deepen the already fiery caress. Her slim fingers skim through my hair before one hand rests at the nape of my neck, twisting and tugging at the curls resting there. I growl against her mouth, turning so I can slam her into the closed front door, where she hissed and growled; her legs still locked around my waist. I battle with her for a few seconds more before I break away from the kiss and nuzzle her neck instead. My free hand free from her hair and skimming down her bare thigh as she arches into me.

"God that feels _so_ good, _Jesse _. . ." Susannah muttered breathlessly, her words all but lost on me.

There are more muttered names passed between us, incoherent words and moans of desire. But none of them really enter my foggy mind; too filled with the scent, sounds and taste of the woman in my arms, making me burn all over with red-hot desire. The three days we had in the hotel no-where near enough to stop my often wandering mind and memories of Susannah in the too many months apart. It left me frustrated and cursing when I would wake to find it was only a dream or replayed memory. Having her in my arms again was sending my senses into frenzy all over-again.

But in the end it's the phone that rouses me and pulls me away from leaving my mark on Susannah's neck, my fingers kneading the soft smooth skin of her hip. My lust covered eyes meeting hers in confusion. Trying to work out where the incessant ringing is coming from. For a few seconds she looks as confused as I am before she shakes herself out of it and drops her head to rest on my shoulder. Groaning with frustration, muttering something I couldn't understand before raising her head again.

"How much do you want to bet that's my mother?" She asked half playfully and half serious. And the mention of her mother snaps me back around to where we are. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, highly aware of Susannah watching me, still closely trapped to my body. Just as aware of what could have happened if the phone hadn't have rung. I pressed my lips together to hold off on my own growl, telling my libido to have some patience, I let Susannah unhook her feet and slide to the floor leaning heavily against the door.

"That wasn't the hello I was expecting, but I'll take what I can get," I grinned opening my eyes and raising a hand to rest on the door beside her head. Leaning in close again, even though I know it's just adding fuel to the fire. "Have you missed me?"

"More than you know," She answered easily. Shocking me with her sincerity and the faint hint of relief underneath that. She laughed when she caught my expression and slipped out from under my braced arm. The sundress I had only just noticed she was wearing flowing around her mid-thighs as she walked across the foyer. "Can we get out of here before my mom calls again? I'm dying to put some distance between us. I love her and I'm trying. But I can only handle so much family time in one go."

Taking my gaze away from the way the pale dress clung to her in all the right places and the beautiful glowing tan she was shimmering with accentuating how healthy she looked, I finally met her eyes. Absently pleased that she had put on the weight that had seemed to drop off her when we were in the safe-house. She leaned on one hip placing her hands there catching my perusal of her tempting figure.

Ever the sinful temptress.

"You look really good, _querida_," I complimented her, smiling softly to show how much I meant it. She blushed slightly and straightened up, uncomfortable moving a lock of hair over her shoulder. I took that as my cue to move the conversation along. "Point me in the direction of your bags and I'll get them loaded." Happy with the diversion, Susannah pointed down the steps into the living room where two large cases and a smaller one stood, waiting for me. I looked back to Susannah with raised eyebrows.

"What?" She shrugged. "I have lots of shoes. Come on, you're supposed to be big and strong, I'm sure you can do it." She smiled sweetly, smacking me on my backside before she sauntered down into the living room.

Shaking off my grin I followed her, picking up the two bigger cases, noting the weight and headed off towards the door. Susannah got there before I did and opened it for me. I could feel her eyes all over me as I went down the steps and loaded the cases into my boot, making one quick trip up the stairs where Susannah had brought the last one and a vanity case before I closed the rear door and looked to her expectantly.

"Let me just grab my jacket and we can go," She shouted down to me before dashing back inside the house. I used the opportunity to climb into the car and get the engine purring nicely. I put the radio on low, just for background noise and looked up when Susannah climbed into the passenger side. "Okay, I'm all ready for you to drive me away to your castle, handsome." She grinned, settling back in her seat luxuriously.

I swallowed back the smirk fighting to surface.

"As you wish, Mi'lady." I returned, making her smile and donne her sunglasses again, relaxing and stretching into the comfortable leather of the seat, adjusting it so she was more reclined. Like she _belongs _there. Her rightful place. And I wasn't going to disagree with that. She gave a small wave to her family's home as I backed out, before I turned the car and headed back down the hill.

My heart lighter and my head clearer than the first time I took this journey. Susannah's hand reached out locked around mine between us, sealing the deal.

xXx

I looked away from the houses we were passing as we drove down the street when Jesse suddenly stopped the car and turned off the engine. I looked over at him, wondering what he was doing. But when he gave me a lop-sided grin and pointed to a house we'd stopped outside of, I soon realized we were here. At Jesse's beach house. With his neatly kept lawn and a house that looked inviting and homely on the outside. For anyone else it would probably just be used as a summer vacation home. But it isn't that case for Jesse. This is where he lives when he's not away on assignment or looking after woman that witness a murder and have to stay in a safe-house for too long.

This is his _home_! And I'm right here, with my bags in his trunk living in it with him for however long I would be here. Days, weeks, I don't know. But every time I'd thought of it leading up to this moment, I didn't have any worries about it like I thought I would. I'm all for taking leaps and chances in life.

And this is just another one. Jesse being a pretty big chance on his own.

If someone had told me four months ago that I would be living with Jesse again, alone in complete agreement, I would have laughed in their faces and told them there wasn't a chance in hell. I couldn't stand to be around him and his smug commanding attitude. The ways he rarely reacted to anything I said and made me feel like I was talking to a wall. When in the end, that was just one thing that drew me to him. Amongst others. But I never would have thought I would be sitting in his car staring out at his house for the first time.

I'd all but convinced myself he wasn't going to call in those first few days I was staying at my mom's. I hadn't heard a peek out of anyone other than Father D and a couple of old school friends. I was close to walking around in a strop, ignoring my mom's knowing looks each time she asked me what was wrong. I refused to believe I was sulking and disappointed he hadn't done what he said he would. Stay in touch. Not lose the connection. I was starting to think he'd just gotten what he wanted - what _I _wanted and that was it. Done deal.

But then the call came late. And my sulking days before were gone in an instant when I breathlessly answered his call. Recognizing his number instantly.

I felt like a teenager again, lying across my bed in the silent night of my room, talking to a guy I probably shouldn't be around, but can't get enough of. I was practically breathless when I first said hello. Just hearing his deep Spanish accent through the line was like magic. I instantly relaxed into my pillows, listening intently to everything he said. And then I realized just how much I hadn't wanted him to leave me behind. How desperate I was that he did stay in touch. I had his number, I could have called him. But he was the one who had made the first move to kiss me good-bye. The first one to say he didn't want me to think he was giving up.

So I left it to him to make the first move again. To see if he was sincere and didn't just want to get me into his bed. Not that it was a chore or anything. And by the end, I wasn't putting up much of a fight. But I didn't want my fears to come true. That the feelings hadn't developed just because we were stuck together 24/7. And I was right.

Everything seemed easier after that first call. It's was easy to talk to him and tell him what was going on between me and my mom. The tough and painful conversations we were going through. Just releasing it to someone who wasn't around witnessing it made me feel better. But I wasn't as open as I should have been. I didn't tell him I wanted him to come back. That I was fidgety and nervous without him close by. How I wanted him there when I told my mom the truth of everything. I couldn't tell her what I did. Because I didn't have Jesse there to help me and understand.

But for me and the inherent way Jesse is, it was a huge milestone of respect for each other for me to speak about what I did. There was a time or two when I put the phone down on him. His bad mood pissing me off. Or me taking something the wrong way and spiting myself for something stupid. The silence only lasted for a day or two before he would crack or I would. But it all felt so _natural_. Not that it stopped me from being surprised by his offer. So surprised, I was speechless. A feat for me. And I didn't miss the hopefulness in his voice. The thing that snapped me back and gave him an instant answer without thinking about it.

I was craving him something fierce by this point and the indulgence of him plus being away from Carmel for a while was too hard to resist. And I jumped at the chance once it sank in.

And at Jesse as he walked through my door. Just seeing him again, dressed in his dark jeans and scuffed boots. His plain white t-shirt straining at his biceps and making him look darker than normal. His black hair still wavy and still hard to resist running my hands through it. He was a dominating force striding up the steps and looming in my doorway. Like a force of nature, uncontrollable and amazing to witness. And then I saw his eyes. So dark they were almost black, burning into mine, letting the spark jump and shoot through me. I was gone then. I stood no chance and I leapt for it. Literally.

But now, sitting in front of his house and taking a deep breath to steady my racing excited heart, I smiled at the things that are waiting for me.

"You going to come in or do you want to sit in the car for the rest of the day?" He asked casually, his thumb rubbing across my cheek affectionately. I took my eyes away from his house and set them on Jesse. And what I saw surprised me. His need for me to like it. To be _happy_. Hoping it - _he_ will live up to the expectation. Just to calm his fears, because I couldn't care less what the house is like I just care about the person I'm sharing it with. I just didn't want to have weeks of Jesse, to suddenly not having him at all. So I leaned in and kissed him. Not for long, just a lingering touch that was enough to clear his eyes.

"Come on, I want to see your humble abode!" I smiled, waggling my eyebrows before I got myself free and jumped out of the car. Not bothering with my cases, I met Jesse at the foot of his short path leading up to his one level house. I took his hand he offered and let him lead me up the garden path and up the two slim steps of the low porch. He didn't bother unlocking the door, just strolled in. "Do you never lock up your house?!" I exclaimed, awed and frightened by it.

He gave me a reassuring smile when he turned back from closing the door.

"Only when I'm here alone. Now you're here, I will be locking up," He stepped towards me and tipped my chin up to look at him. "Don't worry, _querida_, you're perfectly safe here. Trust me." And he leaned down to kiss me. Just enough to distract me again like I had done before with him, until he pulled away and let me take a good look at his home.

I let go of his hand and wandered into the living room first, taking in the plain decor and minimalistic accessories he had strewn around. I went over to the photos on the mantel. Of him and a group of other men, Ed standing beside Jesse and arm wrapped around his shoulders in a fatherly gesture. When I stepped away again, I had the image of the safe-house appear before I banished it. If I look close enough, I can see his personality in the small comforts that make up the big picture. It isn't bare like that house was. Only more masculine and a little more lived in.

But I didn't comment on that. I know how little he can be here at one time and just let it go.

"How about a drink?" I asked as I passed and headed off in the direction of a few doors. By-passing the shoe closet and the spare room I stuck my head around, I was just walking into his room when he appeared and handed me a cold bottle of beer. "Thanks," I winked, trying to make him relax while I took a swig of the cold bubbly drink. Feeling it settle in my stomach with a warm buzz. "I like the look of the bed," I commented, not turning to look at him. "It looks inviting." I heard him chuckle when I walked over to the window, catching sight of the ocean view.

I didn't reach out and touch him as I walked out of his comfortable room and over to the bathroom. And when I stepped in, catching sight of the bath I knew I would be soaking in later on if I got the chance, I rolled my eyes at the even more masculine and spotless bathroom. I nearly wondered at the super cleanl and neatness of the place. Until I remembered Jesse's ex-military and order is hammered into them.

I stepped out of the bathroom and headed down to the kitchen, stepping into the light, square room. The small round table big enough for two people gave it an intimate feel, with the sunlight pouring in and lighting the beech cupboards and marble countertops running around the walls. Offering more space than it looked on first glance. I eyed the door leading out onto the wooden deck and beach, resisting the urge to run across the room and go and take in the sight.

Instead, I took a swig of my beer, setting it down on the table before I turned to lean against it, facing Jesse. His stoic and quiet behaviour something I've been used to for a while now. I watched him where he was leaning against the doorjamb with a blank expression, his eyes saying otherwise.

"It lacks - " I started.

"A woman's touch?" He asked, cutting me off from my teasing answer. He didn't seem to take offence when I shrugged in agreement though. Just nodded his head and smiled glancing around. "Yeah, I've been told that quite a few times." He smiled wanly, falling silent for a while and just looking down at his boots, studying them. I watched the way his jaw tightened, clenching and releasing, his arms tense across his chest.

Until he finally raised his eyes and pinned me with an intense look.

"How do you feel about helping me resolve that issue?" He asked, his face remaining impassive, his question hanging heavily in the air between us as he fell quiet again. Not a simple question by far. In fact, it was a serious one I was floored and surprised by and nearly felt my arms give way under me once it settled in and hit properly. And I looked away from him to collect my sudden scattered and frantic thoughts before he interpreted it wrong.

Before_ I_ interpreted it wrong.

Could I stay here, living with Jesse indefinitely? Because that was what he was saying without wording it that way. I was through his front-door less than half an hour and he was already asking me to move in with him. To stay for as long as I want, try and make it work between us, see if our relationship will grow. To share more of my life with him, then I've already done. Take another chance, with nothing really to lose.

I never have with Jesse. He's seen too much already.

It isn't a proposal, he's not asking me to marry him and tie me down, I thought before that rose. It's just an invitation to move in. And if it doesn't work out, or if we collide too much, a clash of personalities, then I can always leave again. We can still try to be together or we can give up. But when I remembered how he had tried to come up and see me and each time it never worked leading me to consider just letting him go; it squeezed my heart like a vice.

I hated being at my mom's at first, not feeling safe, protected. Nervous just to walk down the road, answer the door to a stranger. I'd gotten used to having someone watch over me, whether I agreed to it or not. Used to having his presence invading my space. But I had none of that. And I missed him so much I didn't know what to do with myself as pathetic as it seemed at the time. I couldn't overcome it.

But being faced with an invitation I'd wanted three months ago when he drove away from me, I knew instantly I didn't really need to think about it at all.

If it's one thing the whole disaster with Carson taught me, it's that thinking's over-rated. And wastes too much time. Not to mention I've come to learn it never works when it comes to Specialist Jesse De Silva. And _that_, was what made me raise my eyes back to him where he hadn't moved or said a word since he asked me. Patiently waiting for me to answer.

So I put him out of his misery, unable to resist leading him along a little. I didn't want our conversation to be serious. It didn't have to be. "I suppose I can have my stuff lying around the place. Maybe leave my toothbrush in your bathroom for a while," I said, shrugging lightly a smile breaking through anyway. "Just to see how it looks next to yours and all that. I don't want it to be a clash of colors or anything."

His grin was almost instantaneous and he dropped his eyes for a second, nodding at me before he dropped his arms hooking them in his pockets and looked back to me. "Sounds good."

"Yeah," I nodded in return, biting my lower lip, thinking of something else I had to say to lighten the moment. I still didn't move though, just watched the sunlight flash across his face through the kitchen window. "You're not the squeeze from the middle of the toothpaste and leave the toilet seat up, type of guy are you?" I asked narrowing my eyes when his eyes twinkled and the grin grew bolder.

"Guilty," He said shrugging apologetically. "Tell me you don't leave the cap off and your hair in the bath plughole?" He questioned and it was my turn to smile wanly.

"Guilty too." I smiled.

"I guess we're evenly matched then," He commented, straightening up from where he was leaning when I stood up and walked towards him, wrapping my arms around his neck holding back long enough. "I guess I can handle your bad habits if you can handle mine," His eyes softened. "I'm glad you're here, Susannah," He remarked, his hand soothingly running through my hair making my eyes grow heavy. "You're making it feel more homely already."

"That's good to hear," I smiled, standing up on tiptoes to become a little more to his level. "Now we've got that out part out of the way, mind if we go test out your bed? You know, just in case I don't like it. I've gone almost three months without you, Jesse and I'm about ready to just rip your clothes off again. So - Whoa!" I exclaimed, laughing lightly with surprise.

I didn't finish my sentence because Jesse had swept me up into his arms and carried me off from the kitchen and to his - _our _bedroom. "Whatever you say, _querida_," He smirked, kicking the door shut behind him and gently laying me on the soft sigh-worthy mattress I already knew I'd love. And for the next couple of hours, I let myself become reacquainted with Jesse's delicious, scarred body, giving into the lust I'd held at bay for _far_ too long.

xXx

Jesse was gone when I woke up.

But I didn't have a chance to panic and wonder where he disappeared to, because there was a note lying on the pillow next to me telling me he'd gone to the shop. I smiled, knowing I'm going to have to get used to the fact he can unwind himself from me and creep around the room without disturbing me. Just like I'm going to have to get used to him going off on missions for days or weeks. But when I thought about it and if I was really okay with that; pretty much being relegated to being one of those wives who constantly worries and wonders if he's okay; surprisingly I found I am. Because Jesse will come back. He'll never do anything that would leave me behind pissed at him and pissed at myself.

Considering, I'm very lucky. It's not like he's sent out to Afghanistan or Iraq. And it's what Jesse does best. It's what drew me to him. I won't stop him from doing that.

Placing the note on the bedside table, I pulled the sheet up and around me, climbing off the bed. And then I went in search of my dress and underwear. Wherever Jesse had tossed it anyway. I located my dress thrown into a corner in a crumbled heap, the memory of his quick and strong hands removing it from me followed by the slow kisses and caresses stopped me dead in the middle of his room with a flush.

Once I snapped myself out of that, I looked up and suddenly found my bra hanging off the handle of the door that I know Jesse put there before he went out. I rolled my eyes and shook my head unhooking it. But I couldn't find my underwear anywhere.

Shrugging it off I made for his drawers and hunted through the top one for a pair of his boxer shorts. But when my hand brushed over something cold, metal and solid the blood froze in my veins. And my skin broke out into a cold sweat. I tightened my hand around the sheet I was clutching and slowly moved his clothes out of the way. Coming face to face with a solid silver gun harmlessly sitting in the drawer. Where I'd disturbed it as if it's a lurking monster woken from a deep sleep. And it sure as hell felt like one. When it's sitting in your hand, hard and heavy, it's like its taint brushes off onto you too.

And there's no getting rid of that feeling once you do.

Sucking in a breath I hadn't realized I was holding, I grabbed the nearest pair of dark blue shorts and slammed the door closed on the gun. Releasing a heavy sigh when it was out of sight again. I quickly pulled on Jesse's boxer shorts and picked up the t-shirt he'd been wearing for the morning. As I slipped it over my messy hair I inhaled the pure scent of soap, aftershave and just plain Jesse. A heady mix that helped me walk away from what I found in the drawer. I threw the sheet back on the bed, leaving it unmade with a simple shrug and walked out into the hall and the kitchen.

I was just grabbing a bottle of beer from the fridge and knocking off the cap when I heard the front door open and close. "Hey," Jesse said, eyeing me in his shorts and shirt again. "Am I going to have any clothes left for me anymore?" He asked playfully, dropping the brown paper back of groceries onto the table, pulling out a pallet of strawberries and waggling his eyes at me. I laughed, shaking my head.

"They're comfortable!" I pouted, taking a swig of my beer before continuing. "Besides, they're easier and quicker to remove," I grinned, leaning against the counter. He laughed, a sound I rarely hear from him. But it sends shivers through me when he does. And nearly made me drop my beer to the kitchen floor too. "Thanks for the note by the way, I just loved waking up to a piece of paper," I remarked. But he just raised an eyebrow. "I don't suppose you know where you threw my underwear do you? I couldn't find them."

He leaned against a chair and shrugged nonchalantly.

"I have no idea, _querida_," He said, nothing hinting in his voice or his expression.

"Sure you don't," I muttered, taking a mouthful of beer to stop the smile from coming out. The game of guess the truth with Jesse was more fun than I was going to admit to him. Instead I stood up and looked longingly towards the beach and the sun low on the horizon. I guess time flies when you're having fun, I smirked internally. "I'll leave you to put the groceries away. I'm going to sit on the beach for a while. Soak up the last rays of the sun." I quipped headed for the back door.

I was just stepping through the threshold when Jesse's voice came to me.

"Susannah!" He called, something in his voice making me turn and stare at him. His hands were tense on the chair he was gripping, his jaw clenching like he wanted to say something but didn't know how. I didn't move, I just waited for his next move. A move that would determine how our relationship was going to progress. Whether he'll constantly be on vigil for me, on edge about letting me wander off alone. If it was that case, I wasn't sure what I would have done.

"Nothing," He said eventually, giving me a smile allowing me to release a quiet breath. Instantly relaxing and grateful he didn't say what I knew he was so desperate to; '_Be careful_,'. And I knew how much restraint it took for him to let me start taking care of myself. And I resisted my desire to run into his arms and kiss him for it. "I'll be out in a minute." He finished, letting go of the chair and standing up straighter.

"Okay," I nodded, giving him a small smile. "Thank you, Jesse."

He inclined his head the slightest bit and I escaped through the back door, closing it behind me. One major obstacle that could have promised disaster, thankfully averted.

I walked across the wooden decking in my bare feet and down the steps. Not looking around me and the long stretch of beach either side, I just walked straight down to the water, not stopping until my feet were being splashed with the cool clear liquid. It was almost like it was grounding me. Washing away any lingering feelings I had about the gun in the drawer. I'd come to expect everything else, but I hadn't about that. And I knew I would have to tell Jesse about it. I don't expect him to move it. I just want him to know I know it's there. I don't doubt he has other weapons around the house in places I couldn't begin to imagine.

I just hope I never find any of them either.

I lifted a foot and tickled the top of the water with a toe. A content smile dancing across my sun-kissed face, my arms out either side of me keeping my balance. When I put my cold foot back down into the water, washing the sand off that was clinging to my skin, I looked up at the sun. The sky was a blaze with oranges and reds. A touch of purple far off into the distance, giving me a sense of being home in Carmel. And I just felt even more relaxed than I already was.

A perfect and amazing round of love-making with Jesse. A cold beer in my hand, warming my belly and my veins that would otherwise be cold standing on the beach close to twilight. I couldn't have asked for more. And when I turned around to find Jesse had snuck up on me again, I knew that was the icing on the delicious and irresistible cake. I walked up to where he'd laid a blanket out, a pack of beer sitting next to him where he was stretched out, sitting up on an elbow with a bottle in his hands. I languidly sat next to him, planting my bottle in the sand and turning to look at him.

"How long have you been out here?" I quietly asked, soothed by the feel of his hands raking through my hair splashed out around me.

He gave a small shrug and moved his hand to push his shirt up and trace his fingers across my stomach. "Not long," He said, his dark eyes sparkling from the sun burning brighter as it descended lower. "You looked too inviting standing out here, so I thought we could watch the sunset together. Not that it's what I really have in mind of course." He gave me that lopsided grin, his handsome face lightening with the expression.

"That's fine by me." I said, reaching out to pull him down to me, his weight half lying across me comfortable.

I just had time to catch his wide white smile before my eyes fluttered closed and his hand crept around my side, his thumb stroking my skin his lips softly taking what he wanted. Slow, deliberate strokes of his tongue made a deep, soul wrenching sigh tug free from me my heavy arms sliding around his back holding him to me. And I lost myself to the feel of his warm hard body. The gentle kisses and caresses he was pouring on me. And the lulling sounds of the water lapping at the shore making it the most perfect moment I could have imagined. And I didn't even care how soppy it sounded or felt.

Because it was all amazing.

When we slowly came up for air, I just collapsed back, laying my head on his outstretched arm. My arms felt too lethargic to lift them, so I settled with holding onto his muscled, tan forearm where he was bracing himself above me. I looked up at him beneath my lashes, letting his eyes roam over my face, entranced by the look in his deep dark eyes. It would have had to have taken a pretty large bomb to have gone off next to us to have made me look away from him then. He had me hook, line and sinker.

I never back down from his stare. Whether it's filled with anger, lust or just pure admiration. I always meet it.

"Thank you for taking me up on my offer, _querida._" Jesse softly said, breaking the daze I was in with his gravelly voice.

I sighed lightly, almost overwhelmed at the look in his eyes. "You didn't think I'd have said no, do you?" I asked, his stoic response confirming to me that he did think that. Not that I was really surprised. "It was pretty much a given, handsome. Why would I pass up on the opportunity of waking up wrapped up in your arms every day and living right on the beach? You've got me now."

I smiled when his eyes darkened and a corner of his mouth twitched. It didn't take me long to realize it's his eyes that give him away to the strong emotions. His smirks and smiles were all knee-jerking. But when his eyes darken the way his do, then I know I'm in trouble. _Big_ trouble.

I laughed when he suddenly rolled over onto his back and draped me across him; my loose hair falling around him. I let his hand that crept up my back and under my hair guide me down to him, kissing him again. His other warm, rough hand slipping beneath his t-shirt, his touch so light it was causing shivers to race through me that wasn't due to the dropping temperature. My hands went anywhere they could get purchase, loving the feel of his thick wavy hair sliding through my fingers in tufts. At the way he would groan with how good it felt just like his hands sliding along my skin.

The kiss didn't last long and I laid my head on his shoulder enjoying his hand running down my hair and tickling me. I closed my eyes and gave in to it.

"The sun's gone for another day," Jesse's deep baritone filtered through the haze to me. The sound rumbling through his chest and into me. I opened my eyes a little and looked out at the horizon and the star-like sparkles on the water. But I soon closed my eyes again and surrendered to moulding to his body. I don't how long I lay on Jesse, just listening to the water and the sounds of his close even breathing. But when I opened my eyes again, the moon was low in the sky promising to be bright and luminous.

Not wanting to move but knowing I needed to, I slowly rolled off him and fell to his side, curling back into his warmth an arm across his chest, using his as a pillow again.

I didn't close my eyes again, I just looked up at the blue hue of the sky and the bright stars that were coming through. Before long Jesse broke the silence, easing us back to the land of reality. "How did your mother take you leaving again?" He asked, turning his head to stare down at me softly. The years of hard-work and battle had made their mark on Jesse's features. But looking up at his completely relaxed expression then, I only thought he looked even more handsome and unbelievable sexy.

And all mine for the taking.

"She was okay. The real inquisition started when I said I was coming here with you," I said ruefully, remembering her 'knowing' look. "I had to fight off her then. But she's fine. She knows I'll make visits more often now. We've done all the talking we can, the airs clear now for the first time in too long. It was hard and I definitely don't want to be doing it again anytime soon. She wants to be there when the trial starts though. For moral support."

Jesse nodded and leaned over to kiss me on the head, offering his silent support too. When he settled back I turned my eyes to him and away from the night sky.

He pretended he didn't know I was watching him. So I sat up on my elbow and stared down at him. "What about you?" I asked, watching him while I smoothed a hand over his chest. He raised his eyebrows, his scar turning bluey white in the moonlight strengthening and shining down like a beacon over the water and on us. "Right, pretend you don't know what I mean. Very clever. But I'm not letting you off the hook that easily. When are you going to get in contact with your family?"

"Susannah - " Jesse started with a sigh, but I carried on ignoring him.

"Remember, we talked about this a couple of weeks ago," I confidently reminded him. "I'm building bridges with my family, Jesse. After everything how couldn't I do it? But it's more important with you. It's your sisters and your parents. Don't you think they want to find out you're okay? That they might actually want their son back? What happened in the past can stay there. Don't rob yourself of something like this, Jesse. It's not worth it."

He gently removed my hand from his chest and levered himself up keeping his stiff back to me. His arms dangling between his up-raised knees.

"Not everything is that simple, Susannah." He quietly said, not bothering to turn and look at me as he spoke. Though his voice sounded strained and regretful.

"True," I conceded, sitting up to drape an arm over his shoulder, resting my chin there. "It'd be nice if it was though, right? Look, I'm not saying you have to do this tonight or even tomorrow. But, soon. The longer you put it off the harder it'll be. I'll go with you if you want? You don't have to face them alone. You've been there for me, Jesse. Now let me be there for you. I want to be." I ran a hand down his arm, entwining my fingers with his.

He turned to look at me then, searching my eyes for my sincerity. I just let him until he found what he was looking for. "I'll think about it." He said eventually.

I narrowed my eyes and sighed. Knowing I couldn't push him into doing something he's not ready for. That he has to make the decision himself. Because I'm the same when it come to that. So I nodded and turned so my head was resting on my hand, looking out towards the water. I felt him relax again after that. His defences shaking under the pressure. But in one of his patented lightning moves, he suddenly had me pinned to the blanket again, his nose brushing against mine and a smile across his face.

"Is this what we're going to be doing with your time-off?" I asked, cheekily, glad he was out of his quick defensive mode and back to the Jesse that has me breathless without trying. But I didn't like the intent look in his eye that told me he was up to something. So I attempted to distract him, all the while knowing it would never work. "Frolicking in the sand, skipping dinner and sunsets?"

"Maybe. But I have a better idea right now. How about a swim under the stars?" He joked, waggling his eyebrows. I laughed, rolling my eyes.

"Nah, I'm o-kay - _Jesse_!" I cried, suddenly being pulled to my feet and whipped over his strong shoulder within seconds. Getting past the shock of such a quick move I soon noticed just where he was heading. Away from the blanket and not in the direction of the house either. "_Jesse_! Put me down! Don't you _dare_ throw me in there you bastard! You aren't getting any sex for a week if you do!" I shouted, slapping him on the back. "I'll scream for help!"

"Scream all you want, _querida._ This is a private beach and most of the other beach-houses are empty. Which means no-one is going to hear you. Maybe except for the man on the moon," He laughed jostling me a bit. "Besides, you and I both know you wouldn't last a week without sex. You can't resist me and you know it!"

"Yes I can! You're making it very easy to right now," I retorted, making him laugh harder. But I couldn't keep the act up and ended up laughing too. It's hard not to when you're suddenly thrown over a man's shoulder and threatened with a late night dip in cold water. Especially if that mans Jesse. I couldn't step back from how good it felt just to laugh for the sake of it. "Okay, okay, I give in. Just don't drop me in the water, its fricking cold!"

"Whatever you say," He smugly replied. The next thing I knew, I was thrown from his shoulder and caught in his arms before I could hit the sand and the water he was paddling in. I didn't even have time to yelp he pulled it off so fast. I clung to his neck, my eyes wide and a laugh sitting on the tip of my tongue. "Caught you."

I pressed my lips together to hold back the nervous and excited bubble of laughter and let him carry me for the second time that day. When we reached the blanket he set me down on my feet before wrapping an arm around my waist, one of his feet hooking around my ankle and taking me off my feet, dropping us. It was so perfectly synchronized the way bent his knees and took the force of the impact on them and his arm; I just let my trust in him take over.

When he landed on me, his weight pressing me down, I grinned wickedly, running a finger through his scarred eyebrow.

"You look a little cold, Susannah. Maybe I should help warm you up a bit" He commented lazily, nudging my hair aside with his nose before he started kissing my neck. Small feather-light presses of his lips and I shivered with anticipation. The beer I'd had earlier was starting to ebb off, so the delightful temptation of Jesse using another way to keep me warm was a great idea. I was powerless to stop him anyway as his hand threaded through my hair tilted my head back so he could attack my jaw and throat with more nips, licks and scrapes of his teeth.

I sighed with a pleasant hum, hooking a leg over him and relaxing beneath him again.

"Sure," I got out between breaths, swallowing down the mind-numbing hypnosis he was weaving around me. "I'm at your - _mercy_!" I whimpered when he bit on my neck's pulse point, brushing his tongue over the flaming skin. I gave up trying to say anything else at that point. I just basked in the touch of him letting my mind wire out of control and lay down to his advances. I was so completely lost before he'd even begun.

When I suddenly couldn't feel his lips or hands on me, I opened my eyes and caught him staring down at me. Much like he did the first time we made love. I raised a hand in almost slow motion and rested it against his cheek, my breathing a little heavy. He raised his hand and held it against my much smaller one, keeping it in place and leaning into the touch. The intensity of his eyes caused my heart beat to leap again. I kept quiet, waiting for him to speak. But his lips came down and lingered across mine once, twice, three times before he finally did. Brushing against mine as he spoke and whipped the air from my lungs.

"You know," He commented casually and I held my breath as a miasma of emotions coursed through my mind. "I think I'm in love with you, _querida_."

But before I could process that or say anything, he kissed me properly sweeping away any thought or answer I might have had. His hands crept down my sides and edged under my shirt again. Caressing and possessing wherever they touched with his rough calloused palms. Skilled, strong and protective hands holding me close. His kiss filled with so much affectionate, I could feel my chest tighten. He continued to erase my suddenly alert mind slowly and tantalizingly. Snagging the emotion I kept deep down and pulling it up further and further to the surface.

I couldn't do anything but wrap my arms around his back, my fingers clinging to him for dear life as he wrenched every drop of feeling from me. I whimpered again purely because I felt so powerless and at his mercy. And I didn't care. I _couldn't_ care, because everything about the way he treated and grazed me screamed of what he just said. His words, actions and looks all mixing together to leave me wondering how long I had been seeing it, but not understanding.

Jesse was drawing me out and I was completely helpless to stop him. And it had never felt so good. I didn't ever want it to end.

I _want _Jesse. His hard-ass exterior, but soft, affectionate and playful nature when we're alone. The way he closes off when he gets too overwhelmed and can't control his reaction quick enough. Like he might let something slip and be caught in a weak state. My _desire_ for the lover that makes me burn with pleasure and passion, drawing every ounce of strength and lust from me until I'm exhausted, sated and prickling with tendrils of fire. I _ache_ for the dangerous, protective and _safe_ man I hated in the beginning, but love now.

_Love_.

The realization hit me so hard I pulled away from the kiss and stared at Jesse in astonishment. "What is it?" He asked roughly, concern flooding his eyes when I just lay beneath him and stared at him in wide-eyed wonder. I wanted to say something profound but I couldn't move my lips yet. I wanted to laugh nervously but the sound wouldn't appear from my dry, raspy throat. Because the more it settled in, and I let it unravel in my mind, the stronger it grew. Until I discovered it wasn't with nerves. But more, disbelief and shock.

But most of all, I was _awed_ by him.

"At what point did I fall in love with you, too?" I asked, genuinely curious, ignoring the flashes of memories trying to enter my mind, but it was too vacant on anything but _him_. Jesse's eyes widened and he leaned back a little, a slow smile stretching across his handsome features as my words settled in. I shook off the curiosity and smiled back; biting at my lower lip. "Wow. . . I thought that would be harder to say. It feels good though," I said, raising a hand to slowly run it through his hair. Jesse closed his eyes and bowed his head slightly.

"Jesse - " I tried saying soon after, needing a way to relieve the pressure building up in my chest. Trying to convey just what I thought and felt.

I've loved before. I said it the first time when I thought I would love my high-school boyfriend forever. And I've said it to one or two guys in the past that burned me and left me wary and conscious of men. Hard, detached and with promises that I will never let a man hear me say that again. And all those times I'd _thought_ I was in love, I never felt the pressure making my heart physically hurt. My breathing hitch and burn at me. And I flicked my eyes down to Jesse's chest, wondering if he felt that too.

"I know." He murmured, opening his eyes and looking at me with complete understanding. Even though he never saw where my eyes had gone, he still knew. How could I ever have accused him of not having a soul when I was staring right into it at that very moment? Seeing _everything _for myself.

But I didn't have the chance to dwell on that. Because he came down to me and got back to finishing what he started. With the whispered word spoken in English and Spanish slithering from one pair of lips to another before, during and after the after-math of making _love_ right there on the beach. Under the eyes of the man on the moon. Staying right there, lying on the blanket by the water, and having finally said what I suspect I'd been feeling for a while.

I was light, happy, powerless . . .

But completely and irrevocable _free._

* * *

_Like a piece to the puzzle that falls into place, you could tell how we felt from the look on our faces. We was spinning in circles with the moon in our eyes, no room left to move between you and I. We forgot where we were and we lost track of time, and we sang to the wind as we danced through the night..._

* * *

**_A/N 2: _**I know I said the anonymous reviews on my profile page would only be one time, but this again turned out longer than expected. So once again they're on my profile page. Any anonymous reviews submitted for this chapter will be placed there too so you don't miss out on a reply. **:) Thank you for reading! **


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